Do you really only have one "soulmate"?

ninerbuff

Lots of my friends and even some family have gone through divorce. Many times people will claim that a person is their "soulmate" for life, yet somehow it doesn't work out. Then down the line they meet someone else and have a relationship again.
I don't believe that anyone has a "soulmate". I believe that two people can have a great connection and common goals and aspirations that they want to share together for as long as they can, but IMO if one or either want to move on, they will ALWAYS find someone else they can build with.

BTW, I'm very happy in my marriage if anyone is thinking that I'm trying to get out of it.

Thoughts?

A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
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WickedPineapple

I don't believe in soulmates. The older I get, the more I find the idea manipulative. One person trying to get the other not to leave them because "we belong together" rather than "we can work through this". I think it also gives people who believe it unrealistic expectations of how much work they may have to put into their relationship (i.e., soulmates = easy). Personally, I'd rather be chosen than fated.

BTW I'm also happily married.

Alienique

The idealist in me likes to think there's one person out there who complements your existence, brightens your life, and with whom you'd get along with better than anyone else in the world, but the chances of coming across that perfect-for-you individual are kind of like discovering aliens - statistically, they're out there somewhere, but the odds of running into them are very, very slim. That's why we make do with fantasy and settle for what we get, so we don't spend our lives feeling truly alone.

Timshel_

Simple, no. There are many people you come across that could be your 'one love'. What makes them the one though is timing.

tapwaters

I don't think there is "one" or that they have to be romantic partners. My father and I were exceptionally close my entire life, we talked all day long every day, and we shared everything with each other. We were soul mates. We understood each other in a way no one else can or will, and we believed in each other and supported each other no matter what was going on. My current partner, I have known for 10 years and we often drifted apart as friends, though we were always each other's first call when something would happen. After 10 years of loving him intensely as a friend, we were finally able to have a relationship built on 10 years of friendship and constant support. I would do nearly anything for him, and he has proven that he would do nearly anything for me. We have always recognized something in the other that was a beacon of perpetual comfort and safeness -- home.

Perhaps soul mates are those people who love us and understand us as we would like to loved and understood, those we call home. It needn't be romantic, just a recognition of togetherness.

Shells918

I used to think so, but not anymore.

cowgoo

I think, yes. 100%. A soulmate is a real thing and if you have ever had one, that's how you know. I think people too quickly think they've found their soulmate when they haven't. I had one and she died, nobody has ever taken her place. Best of luck to anybody struggling!

sfcrocker

One at a time, yes . Seriously, though, I'm a tech geek so am going to take a shot at figuring this out

I think that there is more than one person out there who can make each of us happy. Let's say it's 1 in 1,000.

However, for that person, there's also someone to make them happy and the odds are also 1 in 1,000 that it's you! The odds that both of you are that person for each other increases the chances to 1 in 1,000,000. Assuming you're in the U.S. and want to stay here, there are 242 million adults. Let's say half of them are the sex you're attracted to (if you're bisexual you get to double this number), that means roughly 121 people could be your soulmate. Half of these people are already married so, unless you're willing to break up a marriage, that lowers the number of potential soul mates to 60. Now, let's be generous and say that your soul mate should be at least 18, but no more than 10 years older or younger than you. This lowers the numbers even more.

In short, each person has about 40 potential soul mates! If you're willing to go world-wide, however, then you could have several hundred.

Francl27

If we have a soulmate, I haven't met mine yet.

GreenGoddess22

I completely agree with you!

Vickilick

Soul mates are subjective. If you believe you've met one or then you would say yes, otherwise, you'll probably sit in the no camp.
I mean, I'm engaged and I'd never refer to my other half as my soul mate...

BinaryPulsar

I agree with you. I don't believe in a literal soul mate. Just that it's a term used to describe an experience. Like sometimes my husband and I will be having an amazing conversation and we connect and understand each other so much, and getting so happy and excited. And my husband will say something like, "We are such soul mates. Whatever that means." And the thought/feeling is mutual.

Heartisalonelyhunter

I think you can feel a very deep connection with more than one person. I don't believe in the 'there is only one person out there for you/one soulmate' thing.

sunnybeaches105

I think you grow into being soul mates. My wife and I have been together since we were young, and we were instantly attracted to each other, but it took me a while to get up the courage to say something. Oh, to be a teenager again! It's gotten to the point where we can predict each other's reactions to pretty much everything. She knows everything about me, good and bad. There is simply no way I could find someone else who understands me to the degree she does. I know at some point we will grow old and one of us will go, but I know if there's anyone I want to travel through life with it's her. I'm starting to understand my grandfather's belief that he didnt deserve my grandmother, but he was damned happy she loved him anyway.

wolverine66

newmeadow wrote: »

Use of the term soulmate = histrionic. I would love to know who invented this romance novelesque term and what agency, think tank or marketing outfit promulgated it into the culturally embedded embarrassment it's become.

It's something that dates back to Ancient Greece. A story presented that humans used to have 4 legs and 4 arms and both sets of genetalia. Zeus split them with lightening. And then individuals were in search of their "other half."

Of course this is hundreds of years B.C. So they had no idea how large the world actually was, so they probably thought that finding one's "soulmate" was something somewhat plausible.

AmandaHugginkiss

wolverine66 wrote: »

newmeadow wrote: »

Use of the term soulmate = histrionic. I would love to know who invented this romance novelesque term and what agency, think tank or marketing outfit promulgated it into the culturally embedded embarrassment it's become.

It's something that dates back to Ancient Greece. A story presented that humans used to have 4 legs and 4 arms and both sets of genetalia. Zeus split them with lightening. And then individuals were in search of their "other half."

Of course this is hundreds of years B.C. So they had no idea how large the world actually was, so they probably thought that finding one's "soulmate" was something somewhat plausible.

Correct. It is Greek. It comes from Plato's Symposium. Socrates is telling the allegory of the whole person who was split in half. And it was almost more a punishment of the gods for being too happy.

finny11122

Yes it is possible to have a soulmate .
But you got to put the effort in to keep the romance alive .
When one person stops putting their best foot forward , things fall apart .
When one person , does not want to go for walks together , go on vacation together , go to the movies together , go to the pub together , etc etc etc it will fall apart .
If you like lying under the stars at night , walking the beach , going away on a camping weekend , having a bbq , do not enter a relationship or get married to someone that wants to sit around all day watching Dr Phil .
Like attracts like .
Makes no difference if they are the best piece of *kitten* you ever tapped , ye have nothing in common to begin with .
Marry like minded people . It will be alot easier and alot more fun .

BinaryPulsar

finny11122 wrote: »

Yes it is possible to have a soulmate .
But you got to put the effort in to keep the romance alive .
When one person stops putting their best foot forward , things fall apart .
When one person , does not want to go for walks together , go on vacation together , go to the movies together , go to the pub together , etc etc etc it will fall apart .
If you like lying under the stars at night , walking the beach , going away on a camping weekend , having a bbq , do not enter a relationship or get married to someone that wants to sit around all day watching Dr Phil .
Like attracts like .
Makes no difference if they are the best piece of *kitten* you ever tapped , ye have nothing in common to begin with .
Marry like minded people . It will be alot easier and alot more fun .

Yes, I 100% agree with this.

Francl27

finny11122 wrote: »

Yes it is possible to have a soulmate .
But you got to put the effort in to keep the romance alive .
When one person stops putting their best foot forward , things fall apart .
When one person , does not want to go for walks together , go on vacation together , go to the movies together , go to the pub together , etc etc etc it will fall apart .
If you like lying under the stars at night , walking the beach , going away on a camping weekend , having a bbq , do not enter a relationship or get married to someone that wants to sit around all day watching Dr Phil .
Like attracts like .
Makes no difference if they are the best piece of *kitten* you ever tapped , ye have nothing in common to begin with .
Marry like minded people . It will be alot easier and alot more fun .

So true... until your life changes and your interests change and you end up having nothing in common anymore

Motorsheen

No.


..... but I did once have a girl mail a pair of her underwear to me; does that count?

Unknown

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bemyyfriend0918

I don't necessarily agree with the concept of a "soulmate". I do believe there are multiple people out there someone can connect with on a deep and spiritual level though

ninerbuff

finny11122 wrote: »

Yes it is possible to have a soulmate .
But you got to put the effort in to keep the romance alive .
When one person stops putting their best foot forward , things fall apart .
When one person , does not want to go for walks together , go on vacation together , go to the movies together , go to the pub together , etc etc etc it will fall apart .
If you like lying under the stars at night , walking the beach , going away on a camping weekend , having a bbq , do not enter a relationship or get married to someone that wants to sit around all day watching Dr Phil .
Like attracts like .
Makes no difference if they are the best piece of *kitten* you ever tapped , ye have nothing in common to begin with .
Marry like minded people . It will be alot easier and alot more fun .

You can find someone like that, but what if you're not attracted to them? How then could they be your "soulmate"? And having to put in effort, would that mean changing some of who you really are? In other words conforming. If one has to conform to fit another's idea of acceptance, then are they really "soulmates"?

A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

ninerbuff

GypsyFire65 wrote: »

We are bound to others, past and present for a reason.

If just one person on this thread, who hasn't seen this movie, watches it. I promise you, it will effect your thoughts on this subject. You might not think the same afterwards. Not just your spouses soul being a soulmate, but many people in your current life are soulmates of yours, for longer than you think.
Heres the trailer.
https://youtu.be/hWnAqFyaQ5s

Not a movie for me. I'm not big into "souls" (Atheist) and believe that once you're dead, you're dead. Emotions and feelings are dictated by experiences and chemical reactions, and don't believe they can be replicated over and over again.

A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

BinaryPulsar

ninerbuff wrote: »

finny11122 wrote: »

Yes it is possible to have a soulmate .
But you got to put the effort in to keep the romance alive .
When one person stops putting their best foot forward , things fall apart .
When one person , does not want to go for walks together , go on vacation together , go to the movies together , go to the pub together , etc etc etc it will fall apart .
If you like lying under the stars at night , walking the beach , going away on a camping weekend , having a bbq , do not enter a relationship or get married to someone that wants to sit around all day watching Dr Phil .
Like attracts like .
Makes no difference if they are the best piece of *kitten* you ever tapped , ye have nothing in common to begin with .
Marry like minded people . It will be alot easier and alot more fun .

You can find someone like that, but what if you're not attracted to them? How then could they be your "soulmate"? And having to put in effort, would that mean changing some of who you really are? In other words conforming. If one has to conform to fit another's idea of acceptance, then are they really "soulmates"?

A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

Yeah, I think you need both. Attraction and similar interests and continuing to keep up with it (not just give up on life and work and watch tv or something).

BinaryPulsar

ninerbuff wrote: »

GypsyFire65 wrote: »

We are bound to others, past and present for a reason.

If just one person on this thread, who hasn't seen this movie, watches it. I promise you, it will effect your thoughts on this subject. You might not think the same afterwards. Not just your spouses soul being a soulmate, but many people in your current life are soulmates of yours, for longer than you think.
Heres the trailer.
https://youtu.be/hWnAqFyaQ5s

Not a movie for me. I'm not big into "souls" (Atheist) and believe that once you're dead, you're dead. Emotions and feelings are dictated by experiences and chemical reactions, and don't believe they can be replicated over and over again.

A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

I understand. I'm an atheist also. But, I do think we have connections with people that lead to these wonderful feelings that people label as spiritual.

finny11122

.

Unknown

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Shana67

It's a stupid term. I call my husband my twin, because we are so eerily similar snd often say/think the same thing at the same time. And he is my Anam Cara - but should he pass before me, as long as I'm young enough, I believe I could find this intense live again.

Muppyooh

I used to believe in soul mates. I don't anymore.

Unknown

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