Support from significant other...
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Chef_Barbell wrote: »khanchett08 wrote: »Late to this. No, my hubby isn't supportive. I let him know Monday that o was doing this and so far he's tried to. Buy me McDonald, a bunch of soda, ETC. He doesn't understand because he's really skinny.
That has nothing to do with support.
Why not?
Sabotage is not supportive.0 -
Chef_Barbell wrote: »khanchett08 wrote: »Late to this. No, my hubby isn't supportive. I let him know Monday that o was doing this and so far he's tried to. Buy me McDonald, a bunch of soda, ETC. He doesn't understand because he's really skinny.
That has nothing to do with support.
Why not?
Sabotage is not supportive.
Offering food is not sabotage.2 -
Chef_Barbell wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »khanchett08 wrote: »Late to this. No, my hubby isn't supportive. I let him know Monday that o was doing this and so far he's tried to. Buy me McDonald, a bunch of soda, ETC. He doesn't understand because he's really skinny.
That has nothing to do with support.
Why not?
Sabotage is not supportive.
Offering food is not sabotage.
I see this a lot on here and think maybe it would be helpful to clarify what sabotage is... If someone wants to "sabotage" your weight loss or health efforts, they would do things "stealthily" - i.e. like telling you something is sugar free when it is not, telling you something has less calories than it really does, changing your scale to make it look like you lost more than you did, etc. It would not be obvious.
Offering someone food they do not want is never sabotage because you are aware of it and have the choice to decline it. If they are doing it to purposely derail you because they dont want you to succeed it is not sabotage, it is just being a jerk. Offering someone food because they are eating some and want to be polite, or they show love by feeding people (many people do) is not sabotage, it is just that - politeness/caring. Either way you still have the choice to decline it.
Being unsupportive of someone's goals is very different from actively and purposely derailing someone without their knowledge or allowing them a choice.4 -
My boyfriend is fairly encouraging. We both have different goals, I want to lose and he wants to gain, so I often feel like we but head when it comes to meals when we eat out. It was his birthday the other day, and we went out for food, food that I should not have been eating but was great for him and his gaining mission. I caved and instead of normal portions I ate everything on my plate. It was a real eye opener. We had a talk last night, I didn't mean to put blame on him or make him feel bad because it was my decision to eat all the food. He felt guilty for throwing temptations in my face and yeah. We're working on it, we just need to find a healthy balance for the both of us that works ?
My boyfriend and I have worked this out somewhat. He is trying to lose, not gain, but his calorie goal to do that is still double mine. So when we go out to eat, we share a plate of whatever - I eat 1/4 to 1/3 of it, he eats the rest (saves money too). Most restaurant portions are huge anyway so usually its more than enough for both of us, but if not we just order an appetizer or side dish and do the same with that. Even if we stay home, I will buy a premade big salad, take a small portion for myself and let him eat the rest. Or buy a small frozen pizza and split 1 to 3 or whatever. Its worked out pretty well - we are never stuffed or anything, but by the time we finish eating we rarely need anything else - especially if you eat slower and sit and talk during it to stretch it out - your stomach registers the food after about 20 minutes and you realize you dont really need more.1 -
Chef_Barbell wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »khanchett08 wrote: »Late to this. No, my hubby isn't supportive. I let him know Monday that o was doing this and so far he's tried to. Buy me McDonald, a bunch of soda, ETC. He doesn't understand because he's really skinny.
That has nothing to do with support.
Why not?
Sabotage is not supportive.
Offering food is not sabotage.
It is indeed sabotage when you're trying to retrain your habits and take charge of your overall diet, particularly when you've not yet established the new status quo. It takes a while to get to the point where you can confidently go for a burger or have cheesecake and fit it into your day without ending up either going over and becoming demoralised or hungry later on and demoralised! It can also take some people a while to master their once you start you can't stop foods. It might be that the pp ends up craving a big 1000 calorie meal from McDonald's and doesn't want that temptation at this point. If her partner ignores that and persists in trying to persuade her to have some then that is sabotage and is far from supportive.2 -
Chef_Barbell wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »khanchett08 wrote: »Late to this. No, my hubby isn't supportive. I let him know Monday that o was doing this and so far he's tried to. Buy me McDonald, a bunch of soda, ETC. He doesn't understand because he's really skinny.
That has nothing to do with support.
Why not?
Sabotage is not supportive.
Offering food is not sabotage.
I see this a lot on here and think maybe it would be helpful to clarify what sabotage is... If someone wants to "sabotage" your weight loss or health efforts, they would do things "stealthily" - i.e. like telling you something is sugar free when it is not, telling you something has less calories than it really does, changing your scale to make it look like you lost more than you did, etc. It would not be obvious.
Offering someone food they do not want is never sabotage because you are aware of it and have the choice to decline it. If they are doing it to purposely derail you because they dont want you to succeed it is not sabotage, it is just being a jerk. Offering someone food because they are eating some and want to be polite, or they show love by feeding people (many people do) is not sabotage, it is just that - politeness/caring. Either way you still have the choice to decline it.
Being unsupportive of someone's goals is very different from actively and purposely derailing someone without their knowledge or allowing them a choice.
So much this!!!1 -
Chef_Barbell wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »khanchett08 wrote: »Late to this. No, my hubby isn't supportive. I let him know Monday that o was doing this and so far he's tried to. Buy me McDonald, a bunch of soda, ETC. He doesn't understand because he's really skinny.
That has nothing to do with support.
Why not?
Sabotage is not supportive.
Offering food is not sabotage.
It is indeed sabotage when you're trying to retrain your habits and take charge of your overall diet, particularly when you've not yet established the new status quo. It takes a while to get to the point where you can confidently go for a burger or have cheesecake and fit it into your day without ending up either going over and becoming demoralised or hungry later on and demoralised! It can also take some people a while to master their once you start you can't stop foods. It might be that the pp ends up craving a big 1000 calorie meal from McDonald's and doesn't want that temptation at this point. If her partner ignores that and persists in trying to persuade her to have some then that is sabotage and is far from supportive.
*shrug* People are adults and can say "no". I believe in personal accountability and choice. We will have to agree to disagree.1 -
teenlee1710 wrote: »Incredibly blessed. My husband has been very encouraging! He has supported every single part of my new journey and I'm down 41lbs. He's a cook so when he's at work he looks at the calories on everything and will bring me healthy snacks! My 7 year old has lost 14lbs and IT'S NOT THAT WE PUT HIM ON A DIET but our snacking habits have changed in our household. . . . . Love MFP
That is absolutely fantastic!0 -
Mine doesn't get it. He runs marathons and eats one meal a day and then has junk food for snacks during the evening. Passes me the fries off his plate at the restaurant, offers me half the cookie. But he accepts me taking responsibility for myself and my choices. I can't expect him to do it for me. I gained 60 pounds after we got married ten years ago and he just doesn't see it on me. He accepts me as I am but doesn't understand. Then again, I would go nuts if he monitored my eating or exercise. That has always been my job. We eat out a lot and I choose where we go instead of asking him. He's always agreeable to that. And he likes it when I ask him to go for a walk....0
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Would love to hear from the men
My wife was skeptical when I started. "Noncommittal," would probably be the best way to describe it. I was 5'10 and 231, she was 5'6 and north of 300, so I assume her seeing me relatively closer to goal played into it. After seeing me embrace small changes that consistently yielded positive results, she too got on the MFP train and we both now fully support one another in our losses.
At first, it took some doing. When she would stop for drinks with our son, she would get me a sweet tea. A 300 calorie, sugar-laden sweet tea. "I really appreciate the thought, but I simply don't have the calories for this," turned it into the current iced tea with three packets of Splenda she will get me. My 125g per day protein goal and 2000-odd daily calorie budget is somewhat incongruous with her 1250 per day calorie goal, but I make it work by supplementing. Even to this day, over a year later, she still buys me "treats" like a "sharing size" bag of an m&m's limited flavor I would like. Some would see it and scream, "listen all of y'all it's a sabotage!" Instead, I either eat a calorically appropriate portion, or I hold onto it until I can eat all 450 calories of m&m's.3 -
My boyfriend is AMAZINGLY supportive! He knows the struggle, he's been overweight or obese most of his life, and he's been trying to work on it too. He's managed to lose 60 pounds since moving in with me 9 months ago, and he looks so good! As for me, i've managed to lose 25 pounds. He willingly goes for walks and runs with me, even when he's exhausted from his physically demanding job. He went with me to my first dietitian appointment, and asked lots of questions to help understand how he could help support me better. He cooks dinner on occasion and helps brainstorm reasonably healthy options. He is REALLY good about the temptation thing; he never goes out of his way to offer me foods that are less than optimal, but he also doesn't raise an eyebrow or criticize on the occasions that I end up eating a big greasy cheeseburger or diving head first into a half gallon of ice cream lol. He understands the concept of "everything in moderation" and that one day in the grand scheme of things won't make a big difference.
I really appreciate all he does. I've had some exes that were very unsupportive of me, who would purposely buy and offer me things like candy, calorie laden fast food, etc. that they knew full well I was struggling to not eat. Also, if they caught me eating something they didn't think was "healthy", would say stuff like "Aren't you on a diet??" or "Should you be eating that?" which would infuriate and shame me, and make me feel like I had to sneak around to eat less optimal choices, thereby exacerbating the unhealthy relationship with food I was struggling with. I honestly credit a great deal of my success this time around to the support I have at home. 2 -
Beware of spousal and significant other sabotage once you start really losing and looking different. It is a real thing.. my loving husband does it each and every time. AT first, he is supportive as we both try to lose weight.. as I lose and stick with exercise and nutrition better than he does.. He all of a sudden starts with taking me to restaurants more often.. putting champagne in the fridge for us to drink together (without asking it I want to)...and starts wanting to order yummy food to be delivered.
I have to admit, I fall for most of it each time.
I find this time, I'm not talking about how much I'm losing or if I work out.. seems the temptations come after I get excited and share my progress.
I know his behavior is wrong...but other than this..he is amazing. I think it is a subconscious on his part.
I also realize I need to fix it on my end.0 -
Love the stories. Keep them coming0
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