He called me fat..

tequilasunris3

First of all I'd like to say that this isn't a call out for attention, nor am I fishing for compliments. I thought I was a strong girl who could deal with negative comments until two nights ago when I went out to meet some friends, and well, I was wrong.

I'd just finished a ten hour shift at work and I was really tired and a little cranky however that evening I had promised to see some friends our local Wetherspoons as it was one of my friend's birthdays. There was my best friend, her partner, let's call him Dave (not his real name, I don't think I can even bring myself to say his real name) Somebody who Dave used to work with and his girlfriend, both of whom are overweight. Dave and I have a history of bickering, like brother and sister, but never ever anything personal. My boyfriend was working away that night and so couldnt make it, so it ended up two couples and me. I kind of felt like the spare part at first because my boyfriend is almost always there but after a couple of drinks I began to feel better about the situation. There were also lots of people in the beer garden.

Anyway let's get to the point.. as the drinks went down the conversation got loud and turned to sex. I was tuning in and out of the conversation at that point as I was texting my boyfriend. Something along the lines of "you should get a fatty, they love a bit of sex" was said to Dave to which he turned to me and said the exact words infront of about ten people "Yeah, fatty's love it, don't they (my name)?" ..everybody started laughing, including the overweight people.. hysterically actually. I just sat there holding the tears back for ten minutes wondering whether to just get up and walk away or.. well I don't know what else I would have done. After about 20 minutes Dave went up to get a drink. I turned to his girlfriend, my best friend and asked her how she could put up with him doing that sort of thing to her friends, told her that I wouldnt be coming to her flat ever again and that I just can't believe what just happened. Meanwhile overweight couple are still sat right next to me laughing their heads off. I still feel like crying. There's no way he would have spoken to me in that way if my boyfriend was there.

I was wondering if anyone else has been in a similar situation where you are with a large group of people you see as friends, and then being humiliated and just wanting the ground to swallow you up there and then?

Not sure if anyone will actually read all of this. Just needed to get it off my chest.

JenumsC1979

Big hugs missus, i know the feeling, but hey you're doing something to change it by being on here! he on the other hand will always be ugly on the inside with thoughts likes that!!

ced1389

I haven't experienced that exact scenario but I DID have a best friend who's boyfriend was a royal a**hole and would constantly belittle her AND all of her friends. He would call HER fat and even cheated on her! I had a miscarriage around age 20 (which is a lot more common than I thought) and he called me out in front of all of our friends saying I had an abortion. Which I didn't, and I was already going through enough at that point. My BEST FRIEND didn't say a single word to stand up for me... nothing. I just sat there and bit my tongue, like the bigger person. It took me 3 years to finally kick em both to the curb cause her self esteem was too low to stick up for herself, leave him, or care enough to let him not treat her friends that way. I hate to say it -- but that might be the case here. I'm sorry you had to go through that, but sometimes you just have to cut your losses...

verdemujer

I think you handled it well. I would have just gotten up and walked away, probably in tears. At least your 'friend' now knows why she's an ex-friend. Stand strong - you don't need those type of friends.

adenium11

I don't even know how you continued to sit there...I can completely understand how you feel, all of us here likely have gone through some stupid situation like this.. which is sickening. I am really sorry you had to go through that!

tequilasunris3

Thanks for your replies Ladies

And yes, my best friend and her boyfriend are exactly the same. He is an absolout a-hole to her aswell and has been for ages. She wont leave him though. Nor will she do much about him calling me fat either. He also told me to "go have a shave" once, because I have quite obvious blonde facial hair. I think you might be right about kicking them both to the curb..

marciebrian

Oh honey, he is not worth your sadness. I will tell you that when I was a young woman, someone saw my face and asked a friend to fix us up. we were to meet at this hotel bar and when he saw me (fully body) he snuck away.

Sometimes people are just cruel but it is up to you to not let them define you... HUGE HUGS

statickey

Sorry you had to go through that. People are ****s.

And I would have told those other over weight girls to shut the hell up.

SpleenThief

Ouch.

Wasn't a public thing, but I was in a sexless marriage and my wife told me it was because of my weight. Imagine my surprise when I lost 100 pounds and nothing changed.

People can be mean, sometimes on purpose, other times without intent. I really wish I had some magic words for you but I don't. You've got some insight into what sort of character this person is and you can now make an informed decision about whether this is the type of person you want to surround yourself with.

lcvaughn520

Ugh that's just so awful!! And it's worse your friend didn't stand up for you. I hope you know that this is more a commentary on those people than it is on you.

lynn1982

People just don't get it...Commenting on someone's weight is not okay, even if it's in a joking manner! I went on a couple dates about 6 months ago with a guy who was a good 100+ pounds heavier than me. However, that was a none-issue. At that time, I weighed about 130 pounds. I was on the heavier side for my height, but I felt fantastic. After the second date, he called me to tell me that he wasn't interested since I was "too fat" for him.

I have a few friends who are heavier and "proud' that they are that size. They don't try to be healthy and they're always making "fat" jokes. It drives me insane that they think it's okay - one has no idea what someone else is going through and how they feel about their weight. Ughh. (Sorry, I definitely empathize with you.)

melindasuefritz

get rid of these people

BluejayNY

Ouch. I would absolutely not stand for that.

Some times people say really mean things. Invest in friends who think you are beautiful on the outside and inside. You do not need people like that in your life.

bcattoes

Ugh that's just so awful!! And it's worse your friend didn't stand up for you. I hope you know that this is more a commentary on those people than it is on you.

This. ^^ People can be such a**wipes sometimes. It horrible that in this case one of the a-wipes was supposed to be friend. But you can't control others. There's not much to do except shake it off.

strongmindstrongbody

You likely couldn't have said anything anyway to make him feel sorry for his rude comment. Stay away from that jerk. You don't need his ignorance bringing you down. I grew up with relatives like him, always poking fun at other people (including me). If I said anything back, I was made to be the one at fault. Like if I told a joke at their expense, I was just being mean (but somehow their joke wasn't?). And if I straight up told them their joke hurt my feelings, I was being too sensitive (whatever that's supposed to mean).

I'm surprised your friend didn't stick up for you. Is she afraid of her boyfriend? Or does she usually not care?

par57

"Dave" is not worth thinking about. He is an insecure idiot who has to put others down to elevate himself. I guarantee you that he has nothing to satisfy his girlfriend with! When this occurs to me, I just fake a small smile, gently say thank you, calmly get up, and leave. The Daves of the world will look like complete idiots with that response. Then I try everything that I can to leave the ignorant things said behind also. I have learned that I am worth more than to put myself in the company of hurtful people. Life is too short, and we deserve better. It is their loss.

AnninStPaul

She is not a friend. Move along, nothing to do here.

JessieNeutronGirlGenius

That is so terrible I am SO sorry! People stink and their attitudes just show what type of people they are. All you can do is rise above it and be the better person. But, what also is crappy is that your friend didn't do anything about it. If you ever need any support please feel free to add me!

sudmom

People just never realize how much a few words can mean-either good or Bad-keep your head high!

WannabeStressFree

It's hard, but good to get rid of people like this. I've cleaned my life of a few. It all boils down to themselves being unhappy with who they are, and unleashing negativity towards the world around them.
Cut them off, in my opinion. You need support not a-holes.
Hugs, I know how crappy it can feel.

Maddalen101

Dave is a jerk. Maybe you could tell him to find his magnifying glass, as he seems to need it ...

afreelandgti

Ouch.

Wasn't a public thing, but I was in a sexless marriage and my wife told me it was because of my weight. Imagine my surprise when I lost 100 pounds and nothing changed.

People can be mean, sometimes on purpose, other times without intent. I really wish I had some magic words for you but I don't. You've got some insight into what sort of character this person is and you can now make an informed decision about whether this is the type of person you want to surround yourself with.

Oh wow...what's the point of being married if you can't have sex and both ppl are physically able? Man oh man I feel for you. Glad you got out of that mess.

To the OP I agree with AnninStPaul. The focus should be on your friend and not him. A true friend would have handled that situation in a flash. She is not your friend. Cut all ties.

jzammetti

First of all I'd like to say that this isn't a call out for attention, nor am I fishing for compliments. I thought I was a strong girl who could deal with negative comments until two nights ago when I went out to meet some friends, and well, I was wrong.

I'd just finished a ten hour shift at work and I was really tired and a little cranky however that evening I had promised to see some friends our local Wetherspoons as it was one of my friend's birthdays. There was my best friend, her partner, let's call him Dave (not his real name, I don't think I can even bring myself to say his real name) Somebody who Dave used to work with and his girlfriend, both of whom are overweight. Dave and I have a history of bickering, like brother and sister, but never ever anything personal. My boyfriend was working away that night and so couldnt make it, so it ended up two couples and me. I kind of felt like the spare part at first because my boyfriend is almost always there but after a couple of drinks I began to feel better about the situation. There were also lots of people in the beer garden.

Anyway let's get to the point.. as the drinks went down the conversation got loud and turned to sex. I was tuning in and out of the conversation at that point as I was texting my boyfriend. Something along the lines of "you should get a fatty, they love a bit of sex" was said to Dave to which he turned to me and said the exact words infront of about ten people "Yeah, fatty's love it, don't they (my name)?" ..everybody started laughing, including the overweight people.. hysterically actually. I just sat there holding the tears back for ten minutes wondering whether to just get up and walk away or.. well I don't know what else I would have done. After about 20 minutes Dave went up to get a drink. I turned to his girlfriend, my best friend and asked her how she could put up with him doing that sort of thing to her friends, told her that I wouldnt be coming to her flat ever again and that I just can't believe what just happened. Meanwhile overweight couple are still sat right next to me laughing their heads off. I still feel like crying. There's no way he would have spoken to me in that way if my boyfriend was there.

I was wondering if anyone else has been in a similar situation where you are with a large group of people you see as friends, and then being humiliated and just wanting the ground to swallow you up there and then?

Not sure if anyone will actually read all of this. Just needed to get it off my chest.

Dave a *kitten*. I am sorry you had to put up with that. I would have put him in his place without a doubt. ("yup! We fatties love to get us some sex - too bad none of us would want to screw you, Dave!)

DeeBrownBaker

never had to deal with that because I was always the butt of my own self depreciating fat jokes... I figured I would beat them to the punch... how stupid of me! I've since stopped and I would have told him exactly how I felt and left had I been in your situation. some people are just crass... him drinking had nothing to do with it... sorry you had to deal with someone like that...:flowerforyou:

angieochoa1201

Yes! I have been in that situation! A few weeks ago My colleagues and I went out to lunch. A new guy in the office asked if I was pregnant....OUCH I have a ten month old and am struggling with the post baby weight. I told him right back he had man boobs.... And the problem was solved. Its how men relate to one another they talk crap. I found it kind of fun. We all laughed, but Im still a little hurt about looking pregnant, but I have to be honest it's kind of true... So im changing it at the gym and with MFP

ShreddedTweet

Yeah that's a little tacky but maybe he didn't mean it. Sometimes I call my sister fatty and she's about 8stone ( 112lbs) Or be honest with yourself, are you overweight? Fat is just another word for it. It's just a word after all and maybe it was just banter. Maybe he shouldn't have said it but maybe it hurt you because it's true? If that's the case use it to fuel you and help you get to your goal. Don't let a word get in your way or stop you or allow you to wallow! It won't hurt you when it's no longer true x Best of luck!

LassoOfTruth

"Dave" would have gotten a quick kick to the nads, had he said that about me.

AlsDonkBoxSquat

First of all I'd like to say that this isn't a call out for attention, nor am I fishing for compliments. I thought I was a strong girl who could deal with negative comments until two nights ago when I went out to meet some friends, and well, I was wrong.

I'd just finished a ten hour shift at work and I was really tired and a little cranky however that evening I had promised to see some friends our local Wetherspoons as it was one of my friend's birthdays. There was my best friend, her partner, let's call him Dave (not his real name, I don't think I can even bring myself to say his real name) Somebody who Dave used to work with and his girlfriend, both of whom are overweight. Dave and I have a history of bickering, like brother and sister, but never ever anything personal. My boyfriend was working away that night and so couldnt make it, so it ended up two couples and me. I kind of felt like the spare part at first because my boyfriend is almost always there but after a couple of drinks I began to feel better about the situation. There were also lots of people in the beer garden.

Anyway let's get to the point.. as the drinks went down the conversation got loud and turned to sex. I was tuning in and out of the conversation at that point as I was texting my boyfriend. Something along the lines of "you should get a fatty, they love a bit of sex" was said to Dave to which he turned to me and said the exact words infront of about ten people "Yeah, fatty's love it, don't they (my name)?" ..everybody started laughing, including the overweight people.. hysterically actually. I just sat there holding the tears back for ten minutes wondering whether to just get up and walk away or.. well I don't know what else I would have done. After about 20 minutes Dave went up to get a drink. I turned to his girlfriend, my best friend and asked her how she could put up with him doing that sort of thing to her friends, told her that I wouldnt be coming to her flat ever again and that I just can't believe what just happened. Meanwhile overweight couple are still sat right next to me laughing their heads off. I still feel like crying. There's no way he would have spoken to me in that way if my boyfriend was there.

I was wondering if anyone else has been in a similar situation where you are with a large group of people you see as friends, and then being humiliated and just wanting the ground to swallow you up there and then?

Not sure if anyone will actually read all of this. Just needed to get it off my chest.

You should have just kicked him in the taint and insulted his manhood. As it stands, spend time with your friend, but keep him at arm's length.

Montarosa456

Thanks for your replies Ladies

And yes, my best friend and her boyfriend are exactly the same. He is an absolout a-hole to her aswell and has been for ages. She wont leave him though. Nor will she do much about him calling me fat either. He also told me to "go have a shave" once, because I have quite obvious blonde facial hair. I think you might be right about kicking them both to the curb..

Sadly...You realise when you get older who matters, who will always matter and who should not matter.
This couple should not matter.
How dare he insult your shape? or blonde facial hair? you/him/us we are all human and everyone has hair and most of us will struggle with our weight at some point in our life..
Once I was dating a guy..This was back in say 2003 (I was around 12stone back then - I'm 5'7 so did not look 'huge') and he said 'Look..your really, really pretty...but I just can't get over your size' and I've never ever forgotten it...even when weighing in the late 9's it still sticks with me..
Please don't waste a single moment of your precious life on people like this!

ced1389

Thanks for your replies Ladies

And yes, my best friend and her boyfriend are exactly the same. He is an absolout a-hole to her aswell and has been for ages. She wont leave him though. Nor will she do much about him calling me fat either. He also told me to "go have a shave" once, because I have quite obvious blonde facial hair. I think you might be right about kicking them both to the curb..

Well Dave sounds like an absolute tool and if your friend wants to put up with that, let her. But you sound like you have a good head on your shoulders, a great outlook on life, and your own boyfriend that loves you for exactly who you are. Ditch the dead weight (your best friend and her joke of a man) and move on. Just wait for the day when she comes crying to you that he did something terribly mean and she's crushed -- cause that will happen. That's my little friend Karma.

pinkledoodledoo

Don't discount your friend just because her guy is a tool. She probably has become so accustomed to his rude remarks that she no longer recognizes them as possibly being inappropriate when said to other people/friends. Skip any future couples events and keep your friendship intact by telling her you don't need to be friends with him to be friends with her. It may even give her a boost of confidence that she obviously needs.