He called me fat..
Replies
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First of all I'd like to say that this isn't a call out for attention, nor am I fishing for compliments. I thought I was a strong girl who could deal with negative comments until two nights ago when I went out to meet some friends, and well, I was wrong.
I'd just finished a ten hour shift at work and I was really tired and a little cranky however that evening I had promised to see some friends our local Wetherspoons as it was one of my friend's birthdays. There was my best friend, her partner, let's call him Dave (not his real name, I don't think I can even bring myself to say his real name) Somebody who Dave used to work with and his girlfriend, both of whom are overweight. Dave and I have a history of bickering, like brother and sister, but never ever anything personal. My boyfriend was working away that night and so couldnt make it, so it ended up two couples and me. I kind of felt like the spare part at first because my boyfriend is almost always there but after a couple of drinks I began to feel better about the situation. There were also lots of people in the beer garden.
Anyway let's get to the point.. as the drinks went down the conversation got loud and turned to sex. I was tuning in and out of the conversation at that point as I was texting my boyfriend. Something along the lines of "you should get a fatty, they love a bit of sex" was said to Dave to which he turned to me and said the exact words infront of about ten people "Yeah, fatty's love it, don't they (my name)?" ..everybody started laughing, including the overweight people.. hysterically actually. I just sat there holding the tears back for ten minutes wondering whether to just get up and walk away or.. well I don't know what else I would have done. After about 20 minutes Dave went up to get a drink. I turned to his girlfriend, my best friend and asked her how she could put up with him doing that sort of thing to her friends, told her that I wouldnt be coming to her flat ever again and that I just can't believe what just happened. Meanwhile overweight couple are still sat right next to me laughing their heads off. I still feel like crying. There's no way he would have spoken to me in that way if my boyfriend was there.
I was wondering if anyone else has been in a similar situation where you are with a large group of people you see as friends, and then being humiliated and just wanting the ground to swallow you up there and then?
Not sure if anyone will actually read all of this. Just needed to get it off my chest.
number 1) people use the term friend too loosely nowadays .... a friend is a rare thing and by the time you draw your pension you can probably count your REAL friends on one hand. People who you drink with are not necessarily friends
2) This boy (and I do say 'boy' because real men don't talk that way to women) obviously is very insecure and unsure of himself. He counteracts this by belittling people for laughs.... makes him feel good. Don't confuse that with the truth.... what he says has nothing to do with truth, he's looking for laughs and admiration
3) You know and I know that you're cute and hot... your boyfriend knows too.... and like you said, if your boyfriend would have been there then fun boy would have had nothing to say.
He's a coward and a loser and he gains his ups by putting other people down. Brush it off. It's meaningless crap.0 -
Aww well done for being so strong! I think wouldn't have had the confidence to even stand up to my friend so good on you for being so strong! He sounds like a very stupid little angry man! If you watch South Park there is a episode that basically comes to the conclusion that little angry men seem to have small d**ks, hence why they are angry all the time. When I meet guys like this, I like to think they have a lot of spare space in their boxer shorts lol
You are not alone, don't worry! I know I've had experiences where even my family has felt it ok to say things in front of everyone to put me down and I have got rid of them out of my life and, if I were you, I would do the same with them both. Clearly they are not worth your time or effort. They sound like they drain you, including your friend, and what is the point in being friends with them when they make you feel this way.
I hope you feel better and I just wish I could give you a big hug!0 -
!!!! I would love love love to reply to you all but there are just so many lovely and supportive comments that have been made in response to my post. Thank you to everyone who took time to comment, it's made me feel a bit better
!!!!!
and to the couple of people who have said "but did he really mean it?" and "fat isn't an insult" yes he did, and no, fat is just a word really, a describing word.. and it does describe me, but when it's said in a way that is intending to insult someone, yes it is an insult! and even if he didnt think it would offend me, he was playing with fire because the majority of girls and guys I know that are overweight would not react well to being called fat. In any situation.0 -
First of all I'd like to say that this isn't a call out for attention, nor am I fishing for compliments. I thought I was a strong girl who could deal with negative comments until two nights ago when I went out to meet some friends, and well, I was wrong.
I'd just finished a ten hour shift at work and I was really tired and a little cranky however that evening I had promised to see some friends our local Wetherspoons as it was one of my friend's birthdays. There was my best friend, her partner, let's call him Dave (not his real name, I don't think I can even bring myself to say his real name) Somebody who Dave used to work with and his girlfriend, both of whom are overweight. Dave and I have a history of bickering, like brother and sister, but never ever anything personal. My boyfriend was working away that night and so couldnt make it, so it ended up two couples and me. I kind of felt like the spare part at first because my boyfriend is almost always there but after a couple of drinks I began to feel better about the situation. There were also lots of people in the beer garden.
Anyway let's get to the point.. as the drinks went down the conversation got loud and turned to sex. I was tuning in and out of the conversation at that point as I was texting my boyfriend. Something along the lines of "you should get a fatty, they love a bit of sex" was said to Dave to which he turned to me and said the exact words infront of about ten people "Yeah, fatty's love it, don't they (my name)?" ..everybody started laughing, including the overweight people.. hysterically actually. I just sat there holding the tears back for ten minutes wondering whether to just get up and walk away or.. well I don't know what else I would have done. After about 20 minutes Dave went up to get a drink. I turned to his girlfriend, my best friend and asked her how she could put up with him doing that sort of thing to her friends, told her that I wouldnt be coming to her flat ever again and that I just can't believe what just happened. Meanwhile overweight couple are still sat right next to me laughing their heads off. I still feel like crying. There's no way he would have spoken to me in that way if my boyfriend was there.
I was wondering if anyone else has been in a similar situation where you are with a large group of people you see as friends, and then being humiliated and just wanting the ground to swallow you up there and then?
Not sure if anyone will actually read all of this. Just needed to get it off my chest.
number 1) people use the term friend too loosely nowadays .... a friend is a rare thing and by the time you draw your pension you can probably count your REAL friends on one hand. People who you drink with are not necessarily friends
2) This boy (and I do say 'boy' because real men don't talk that way to women) obviously is very insecure and unsure of himself. He counteracts this by belittling people for laughs.... makes him feel good. Don't confuse that with the truth.... what he says has nothing to do with truth, he's looking for laughs and admiration
3) You know and I know that you're cute and hot... your boyfriend knows too.... and like you said, if your boyfriend would have been there then fun boy would have had nothing to say.
He's a coward and a loser and he gains his ups by putting other people down. Brush it off. It's meaningless crap.
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k, it doesn't sound like he actually called you fat. Is your boyfriend overweight? He could been talking about your boyfriend, when couples are together a lot of people just assume they're sexually active, I don't know if you are or not. Also, there was a lot of alcohol so I wouldn't be too upset.
If this happens again, you should say (even if he isn't that heavy) "what are you asking me for? You should know!"
Usually the shock and awe from that ends the conversation. LOL0 -
The only thing I have to compare this to in my life is an incident that happened 15 years ago when I was pregnant with my eldest son. I was about 7 months pregnant and at a friend's house with a bunch of other people. One girl there said to me in front of everyone "you know I don't know how you do it. I could never ruin my body that way" . To say I was insulted would be an understatement. A lot of people heard it - not a single person said anything about it. A few people came to me privately and said how they couldn't believe she had said something so callous and thoughtless but again no one ever said boo to her. I should have, but honestly, I was too shocked to say much of anything at all at the time. It was all I could do not to cry.
Most of those people are no longer in my life and really, Im fine with that. Friends support you and stand beside you to face challenges - they don't sit idle and watch you flail around on your own. 0 -
:flowerforyou: i think everyone who has ever been overweight has been faced with something similar to what happened to you! it is not a good feeling but just see it for what it is! a stupid man that has no caring ability whatsoever! i'm glad you feel better since you wrote about it! sometimes we just have to express ourselves!0
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You might need new friends! But sometimes when people can openenly tease you about things like that they think the exact opposite is true or that you are a confident secure person who wouldnt take offense bcause you are so far from being fat.0
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I'm sorry that happened, however, don't take it at face value. Being that you all had a few drinks and your history of bickering like brother & sister, it's no surprise that this eventually happened. Often when people joke it's at another persons expense, whether it is weight, sense of time, style, a personality trait, and though it is meant as a joke it can hit a little too close to home. Don't throw away your friendship over this incident. Talk to your friend about it and talk to the boyfriend about it as say that jokes are fine, but nothing that is meant to be quite so mean spirited. I wish you the best.0
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I'm all for punching people straight in the face in these sort of situations. But seriously, your "best friend" is an *kitten* hole as well. She should of immediately put him in his place.0
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next time you need to do is make a come back on him turn it around and be like lets call your mom and find out LOL see and then the other people will laugh at him and then he will get the point that you don't like to be messed with or insulted0
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Awe, I feel the pain. A few years ago I was at my sister-in-laws house during a party. She bluntly said out loud "You look like you gained a ton of weight". I was horrified she would make such a remark with all my family and friends around. I run out of the house cry, so hubby and I took off home. Fast forward to today, we don't speak, but come to find out she has gained more weight than I currently weigh. What comes around goes around. He'll get his soon enough.0
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Too bad you couldn't have found something he's equally sensitive about to retort back about. I suggest trying baldness, penis size, chicken legs, poor fashion, IQ, disability to drink w/o getting n00b wasted, or manliness in general.
Might as well think of something in case you see them again. I knew a guy who liked to make fun of all his fat friends yo their face but it was a different story if someone called him bald.
This reminds me of when I was in 9th grade, and everyday when I was taking the bus, this older guy would make fun of my body in very personal ways non-stop. And he was overweight and his face was covered in acne and he was ugly. And everyday he made fun of me nonstop the whole way to school. I knew that I could have said so many things to insult him. But, I couldn't bring myself to be mean and hurtful to someone like that about their appearance. I just couldn't.0 -
Guys like that are hiding their own insecurities. He is a coward and it truley shows his character. My opinion, move on! Do not let him, or negative posting stuff on here bother you!! Not worth the breath:)\
Btw, true believer in Karma, he will get his;)0 -
Sounds like your friends are a bunch of penises.0
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Totally rude comment! Not necessary.. No need to respond for that! There more than likely is a reason this person has a cat for a profile pic....just sayn!well, this should make you want to get thin then.
I have already lost 25lbs in total, do you not think I am trying?0 -
I'm sorry that happened, however, don't take it at face value. Being that you all had a few drinks and your history of bickering like brother & sister, it's no surprise that this eventually happened.
I tend to think this way. People often joke about things that really aren't funny after a few drinks. Or laugh along with jokes they usually wouldn't. It might be worth talking to these people to see if that was the case here.
And I have been called a fatty by close guy friends before-and I've never been close to overweight! I think it's something dudes joke about with each other and forget that women can be more sensitive to that kind of thing.0 -
“We make men without chests and expect from them virtue and enterprise. We laugh at honor and are shocked to find traitors in our midst.”
― C.S. Lewis, The Abolition of Man
get some new friends.0 -
I was out drinking one night with friends and one of the guys that I didn't know very well told me I was fat. It wasn't my best moment but my instinct kicked in and I punched the guy square in the face. The next morning I was horrified that I did that but at the time it felt pretty good.0
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I'm all for punching people straight in the face in these sort of situations. But seriously, your "best friend" is an *kitten* hole as well. She should of immediately put him in his place.
Ha! Jinx!0 -
Honestly, after a few drinks, I probably would have either slapped him or punched him. Probably harder than intended. No lie.0
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Sometimes fighting fire with fire works, like hitting them below the belt after they've done it to you, and sometimes it just escalates things. It sounds like he has trouble interacting with people in a positive manner, resorting to criticism of others just to get attention and make everyone laugh. This is his personailty flaw, not yours. If you are not comfortable giving it back to him, then you probably need to strike them from your "friends list". Find others who are able to communicate and have fun in a positive manner.
It will be difficult to let these people go if you've been friends a long time, but stick to your guns. You don't need their crap.0 -
I don't even like being called skinny. I just don't think its appropriate to comment on someone's weight. And sometimes it really is better to just cut people out of our life. Who needs enemies with friends like that?
You did the right thing though. That guy sounds like he's an idiot. He certainly isn't as funny as he thinks he is. He's lucky you are such a lady....I'm not sure I'm that much of a lady!!
By the way, I hope you know how beautiful you are! I checked out your profile (stalker!) and you have no worries girl.0 -
I don't even like being called skinny. I just don't think its appropriate to comment on someone's weight. And sometimes it really is better to just cut people out of our life. Who needs enemies with friends like that?
You did the right thing though. That guy sounds like he's an idiot. He certainly isn't as funny as he thinks he is. He's lucky you are such a lady....I'm not sure I'm that much of a lady!!
By the way, I hope you know how beautiful you are! I checked out your profile (stalker!) and you have no worries girl.
This is why the Internet isn't such a terrible place.0 -
I doubt that the intent was to be hurtful (as you said many of them were overweight and still laughing). My response would be, "Umm yeah, why choose a twig when you can climb the whole tree?"0
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don't let it get to you. i know that is easier said than done.. i have been laughed at and called fat my whole life. i've lost 30 lbs now and people still call me the "chunky girl". people are a-holes... props to you for not stooping to his level or hitting him.0
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Honestly you are a better person than me because I would have thrown my drink in his face. Get a better crowd of friends.0
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You're beautiful as you are. You deserve kind people in your life. Someone who would say something like that is ugly on the inside & not worth your time... Who needs enemies when you have friends like that?0
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I know how you feel doll, and it is terrible. I am sorry that happened to you. Sending big hugs your way!
p.s.
You are very beautiful don't let *kitten*****s like that, get you down!0 -
I haven't read all the replies.
Tequila - I have one important thing to say to you: Consider the source.
He's a *kitten*. I bet he's been critical of you before this instance. This time he found the button that hurts. And I also bet that he'll keep pushing it as he knows it gets a reaction out of you. I wouldn't respect a jerk like this; and anything he had to say to or about me would have absolutely zero currency. Don't let him get to you; he's no better than dog poo on the bottom of your shoe.0
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