He called me fat..

Laac68

I can relate to how you feel/felt. It does hurt and if being overweight or my case obese, didn't have such a negative outlook in most societies/cultures, I believe I wouldn't get my feelings hurt as much. I have not had friends or acquaintances to say such things but have had family members point it out. Mostly, extended family members when we would gather at reunions. I use to be reed thin and when I started to put on the pounds, someone would point out how fat I got and I need to watch it, that I am too young to be so fat. I would laugh it off and then go off to myself and cry. Now 20 something years later I am not where I would like to be as far as my weight goals but I am learning to not allow what others opinions or words said about my weight issues effect in a way to where I become withdrawn from society. You never know, some people say thing inadvertantly, or just because they don't feel that confident with themselves so they have to choose someone else who appears to be not so perfect to point out that person's flaws. I wish you well. :happy:

LorinaLynn

Truthfully, I don't think his comment was so much a "I'm going to make fun of you and call you a fatty" thing as a "let's shock and surprise the girl who's distracted, ignoring us and texting her boyfriend."

I understand feeling hurt by the comment, but if the guy teases you like brother and sister, I think he would expect something along the lines of "Why don't we ask yo mama?" instead of putting you in tears. I don't think he meant to hurt you.

BrendaLee

He sounds like a complete waste of space. It's interesting how we let the words/actions of scumbags like this guy affect us when they're the ones with the obvious problem. These people will always find something to make a smart comment about, because they have nothing else to offer other than a few cheap laughs. It's his damage, not yours. Some people never leave junior high mentally. Poor guy. We should pity him, really.

You're super cute, by the way.

TheBitSlinger

Every person will have to give an account for each and every careless word that ever fell from their lips. Not going to be a "fun day out" for anyone, but especially for guys like "Dave".

QueenWino

This woman is not your best friend. No best friend would allow someone she loves to be ridiculed, not by her partner nor by her other obnoxious insensitive friends. She is a toxic friend surrounded by toxic people. Hardest thing in the world is to rid oneself of toxic relationships, but it is empowering. No one allows someone they love to be hurt in their presence unless they are so messed up they truly can't contribute to any relationship until they find ways to raise their own self esteem. No friend is better than one who damages.

SugarBaby71

Well I haven't been in exactly that situation, but I know how you feel. A family member said something in a different language about me and everyone chuckled. Not knowing what had been said, I asked a cousin, "What'd he say?" I was completely unprepared for the answer... my cousin said, "Oh, he just said you're fatter than ever." I always try to be strong and consider the source. (cousin is a first class a-hole -always has been) I usually get through okay... but that one stuck, and even though it was 10 ish years ago, it still hurts.

I'm sorry that 'Dave" did that to you. Nobody needs to be like that. You certainly don't need that in your life. Chin-up and learn from it Sweetie... It's hard for other people to be as great as you are, that's why they have to act like that. <hug>

donsun51

I was at my wife's church last Sunday. I was in line for coffee and snacks (donuts, fruit, etc) and I actually had a guy look at me and say "You should go on a diet!" in front of everyone enjoying coffee hour. I was SHOCKED! I have dropped almost 60 pounds since January and this guy had the balls to tell me that! He then went on to tell me how much better I'll feel and I won't have diabetes anymore (which I have never had an issue with even at my heaviest!). I went on to explain that I have already been working on it and could out run him any day. He felt it would be great to ask me why I was so fat and what I couldn't stop eating to lead to my obesity. Needless to say, I don't think I'll be returning to her church anytime soon.

JUDDDing

Truthfully, I don't think his comment was so much a "I'm going to make fun of you and call you a fatty" thing as a "let's shock and surprise the girl who's distracted, ignoring us and texting her boyfriend."

I understand feeling hurt by the comment, but if the guy teases you like brother and sister, I think he would expect something along the lines of "Why don't we ask yo mama?" instead of putting you in tears. I don't think he meant to hurt you.

That's a good point.

LaurenAOK

Truthfully, I don't think his comment was so much a "I'm going to make fun of you and call you a fatty" thing as a "let's shock and surprise the girl who's distracted, ignoring us and texting her boyfriend."

I understand feeling hurt by the comment, but if the guy teases you like brother and sister, I think he would expect something along the lines of "Why don't we ask yo mama?" instead of putting you in tears. I don't think he meant to hurt you.

Voice of reason. I agree with this!

Personally I don't think "fat" is an insult and I don't know why we give so much power to that one word. It's just a descriptor like any other. Tall, short, blonde, brunette, fast, slow, fat, skinny, athletic, etc. If I was overweight and someone called me fat I probably would just be like, "yes, I am. Good job on your observation."

I'm not saying it wasn't hurtful and I'm really sorry that you felt so sad, OP But just try not to let it get to you, I really don't think he meant it as an insult, and you're beautiful no matter what size you are. Also, you're on MFP, so if you don't like your size you can change it! And that's awesome! :drinker:

scarrletti_girl

First I know you are not looking for compliments but here is some anyways. You are very beautiful and young and you have been doing a great job at losing the weight. They aren't true friends, and he is a big jerk. I am sorry that happened to you. I can't recall anything like that happening from a friend( because they all know if they said something I would kick their butt. lol) but occassionally I have strangers ask me or come up to me and ask when the baby is due. Or what gender my baby is. I am not pregnant. And sometimes I don't correct them because they are old and I just wanna leave but sometimes I say NO I am NOT pregnant and walk away and at first it really makes me mad, because they assume since I am bigger I MUST be pregnant, but later when I get home I get sad/ depressed and cry. Oh and I forgot to mention the people that ask when im pregnant...ect.. are bigger then I am, so it is like seriously? your judging me? sorry I ranted a little but what i was getting at was that It is very frustrating but you handled it pretty well and I think you stood strong. And you made your self clear to her about how you feel about him. And if she still doesn't feel the need to protect her friends or herself I think that it is time to kick those "friends" to the curb.

IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym

Truthfully, I don't think his comment was so much a "I'm going to make fun of you and call you a fatty" thing as a "let's shock and surprise the girl who's distracted, ignoring us and texting her boyfriend."

I understand feeling hurt by the comment, but if the guy teases you like brother and sister, I think he would expect something along the lines of "Why don't we ask yo mama?" instead of putting you in tears. I don't think he meant to hurt you.

pretty much what I was thinking, though I'm way too sensitive and also would have felt like I had been punched in the gut if someone said that to me and then my best friend didn't knock him out for having said it. Hugs, OP. You're a cutie.

LizaDK914

I can't even imagine. That is AWFUL. What a jack***. Wow! I can't believe your best friend put up with that either.

But, I also think, since you guys do joke alot that he might not have realized it would hurt you.

I've always had the self-defense mechanism of so-called "owning" my situation, and that might be what he expected you to do.

People see me as strong and comfortable with the way I am - which I am to a large degree.

But, I do understand wanting to cry over it. I mean, despite everything I do get really touchy when people say things like "She was like 200 pounds" in that voice that makes it sound like "OMG how could anyone ever be that big?" I quietly stew and think ... I'd love to be 200 pounds at this point.

Hopefully it was just a big misunderstanding, but I know that doesn't make it hurt any less.

LizaDK914

Yeah that's a little tacky but maybe he didn't mean it. Sometimes I call my sister fatty and she's about 8stone ( 112lbs) Or be honest with yourself, are you overweight? Fat is just another word for it. It's just a word after all and maybe it was just banter. Maybe he shouldn't have said it but maybe it hurt you because it's true? If that's the case use it to fuel you and help you get to your goal. Don't let a word get in your way or stop you or allow you to wallow! It won't hurt you when it's no longer true x Best of luck!

I don't think that's the point. Because we're overweight, people are allowed to make fun of us??

Sure it's just a word, but so is B****, and lots of other nasty words. It's a word that isn't used politely, it's a word that is derogatory.

KatLifter

Truthfully, I don't think his comment was so much a "I'm going to make fun of you and call you a fatty" thing as a "let's shock and surprise the girl who's distracted, ignoring us and texting her boyfriend."

I understand feeling hurt by the comment, but if the guy teases you like brother and sister, I think he would expect something along the lines of "Why don't we ask yo mama?" instead of putting you in tears. I don't think he meant to hurt you.

pretty much what I was thinking, though I'm way too sensitive and also would have felt like I had been punched in the gut if someone said that to me and then my best friend didn't knock him out for having said it. Hugs, OP. You're a cutie.

I agree. Also (not to be mean) your ticker says you have a bit of weight to lose, so you know it's at least partly true, and you are working to change that. Don't let it get to you, use it as motivation.

Koldnomore

Truthfully, I don't think his comment was so much a "I'm going to make fun of you and call you a fatty" thing as a "let's shock and surprise the girl who's distracted, ignoring us and texting her boyfriend."

I understand feeling hurt by the comment, but if the guy teases you like brother and sister, I think he would expect something along the lines of "Why don't we ask yo mama?" instead of putting you in tears. I don't think he meant to hurt you.

/nod nod

He's probably an *kitten* and likely was just doing the same stuff he always does (by your admission..you guys bicker..) Sucks that this particular comment bothered you - maybe because you have taken steps to correct a situation you are not happy with and now it has become a 'sensitive' topic.

Just ignore it or get him back..Or if you feel that it was a deliberate insult then ditch him... But if you have always talked smack with each other I'm guessing he just wanted to bug you and looks like he did it too. Your weight will change but your inner strength will see you through the tough times. Don't let other people define you, or even when you are down to your goal weight someone will still be able to 'bug' you about something else you aren't happy with. Maybe it's an age thing..Stuff just doesn't seem to bug me as it used to when I was in my 20's and thank the gods for that!

onedayatatime12

I'm so sorry to hear what he said to you. I've been in a similar type of situation multiple times (I've been made fun of and I've been the one to stick up for my close friend), and I realized what my problem was, well problems. 1) The girls weren't my true friends. And 2) I didn't stand up for myself.

I know this: NO ONE will stand up for you, and you have to do it yourself. Even if it's your best friend, they don't want to jeopardize their friendship with the other person. It's shallow and horrible, but that's the ugly truth of it. If you're a good person, which I know you are, I just meant in general, you will NOT take anyone's sh** and you will stand up for others who are being victimized as such. Stay strong and I hope you feel better.

megan1869

Believe in the beauty of Karma and wait patiently... he will get his... Although if it were me he might have got his right there on the spot.... *backhand*

ldrosophila

Oh of course it always hurts. Too bad you didnt think up a good zinger at that moment like oh yeah we fatties love getting our brains f'ed out, but sadly Dave and look at his crotch from what I've heard there isnt enough there to satisfy an anorexic. Then turn to your friend and wink.

If you dont feel like associating with that idiot I dont blame you. Dont think about it too much because you can believe that big bully Dave doesnt give it the time of day. Remember success and happiness is the best revenge.

Oh and once again it proves my theory the ones who bully the fat women are the ones who really want to have sex with them.

Melissa22G

First, hugs & :flowerforyou:

Second, perhaps you should talk to the friend. He probably didn't realize it hurt your feelings as you mentioned you had a history of brother/sister like bickering. Plus, drinks were involved.

It may be a good idea to clear the air so there isn't any negativity between the two of you.

belinus

My *****y side's response would be: I don't know, you tell me.

SteveJWatson

Truthfully, I don't think his comment was so much a "I'm going to make fun of you and call you a fatty" thing as a "let's shock and surprise the girl who's distracted, ignoring us and texting her boyfriend."

I understand feeling hurt by the comment, but if the guy teases you like brother and sister, I think he would expect something along the lines of "Why don't we ask yo mama?" instead of putting you in tears. I don't think he meant to hurt you.

I agree - I think it was just banter that went too far - you have to put this into a cultural context, being Brits and all. Your response should have been also banter that pushed it a bit something like:

"Yeah, us fatties love a bit of sex, Dave but I'd never *kitten* you cos you're an ugly c*nt"

kie_kie

I have had many situations like that. I just normally make a snide comment to hide how much it hurts inside.

I remember once I had my friend's boyfriend on bbm and I updated a status saying I must have gained 5lbs after that meal. Well he took it upon himself to tell me that I should be losing weight not gaining it. I thought to myself this dude and I aren't even friends. The only reason why he's on my bbm in the first place is because my friend wanted to talk to me and it was easier to do it over bbm. Who is he to make such a comment and I never liked him in the first place so this just escalated that feeling of disgust I had for him.
What made it worst was that when he started to sell products for one of those online things like avon he told her to tell me that he is now selling weight loss pills. Now this company sells a wide range of products and from makeup to vitamins and thats what he told her to tell me he has.

You have many people in the world like these people but we musnt give them the power to make us feel bad about our selves.

ShreddedTweet

Truthfully, I don't think his comment was so much a "I'm going to make fun of you and call you a fatty" thing as a "let's shock and surprise the girl who's distracted, ignoring us and texting her boyfriend."

I understand feeling hurt by the comment, but if the guy teases you like brother and sister, I think he would expect something along the lines of "Why don't we ask yo mama?" instead of putting you in tears. I don't think he meant to hurt you.

I agree - I think it was just banter that went too far - you have to put this into a cultural context, being Brits and all. Your response should have been also banter that pushed it a bit something like:

"Yeah, us fatties love a bit of sex, Dave but I'd never *kitten* you cos you're an ugly c*nt"

This!!! Chill out. My brother/ friends who are boys and I banter with each other all the time...He probably didn't mean it but it hurt you because you feel it about yourself because you're overweight. You're projecting.

Jerrypeoples

you also mentioned beer was flowing. perhaps he just thought you could take joking around.


obviously if your best friend just sat there as you told her you were hurt and didnt offer any support then you may want to rethink having her as a friend.

im willing to bet that he didnt think youd be hurt by it but would laugh it off.


i think im a bit special as i dont let anyones words towards me, good or bad, define me. i know what i am capable of, what i do and how i do it, to let an outside observer bring down cause they say something

ms_leanne

Hey hun,

Does sound like he went too far and its a thing of being young my dear. It might be worth giving them a wide berth just so they know they have hurt you. See if they apologise. I'm sure your girl friend is just sucked in with this chap and should if she is your true friend call you and check you are okay at the very least.

EatClean_WashUrNuts

Have pride in yourself.

iamkass

Is it sad that my first thought was "well, are you?"? My boyfriend calls me skinny all the time and I always correct him. Nope, I'm not skinny, I'm still fat. I don't say that because I have bad self esteem. I say it because it's true, I am still overweight. Being told that I'm skinny when I'm overweight is probably how I bordered the obese range in the first place.

ETA: To begin to have a good body image about yourself, you need to start by knowing what kind of body you have.

ViktoryaC

I so so know how you feel. Try not to let it get to you, and know you have loads of support here, but it is rough. I used to be very very thin, almost underweight, and then the last year I've gained 50 pounds. Believe me, people comment. I get treated totally different. You hear the whispers "What happened to Vickie?" She was thin!" Sometimes I just go by myself and cry, but we have to hold our heads high in public. Dave does not affect your self-worth!"

singermai

I am so sorry that it happened to you, but I have an answer for you, if ever you see him again, It goes something like this:
"Well, I happen to be lucky, I can loose this fat, but you were born ugly and that can never be fixed. So I guess, I win"
It is just an idea, Anyway, do not let some stupid man bring you to tears, his opinion is not worth it. Best wishes

Coyoteldy

I simply do NOT understand nasty, rude behavior... especially from "friends" or people that say the "love" you. I give you credit, I would never have stayed there after that comment and I probably would have replied in a not so nice way...If you love your best friend...then see her at other times away from him...but HIM I would dump in a heartbeat. Never let anyone treat you badly, even if it is only to walk away to show your displeasure, don't let them get away with that. I am considerably older than you.. and I have learned that people treat me badly when I allow it and I simply don't anymore...gads what a rude thing!!