So you got called fat.

LaurenAOK

*Before I start, I want to address that I know there is a specific post right now that is showing up on the front page that it might seem like this post is directed towards. This is not directed specifically at that post in any way. It is directed towards ALL the posts I see constantly about being hurt because someone called you fat. It is directed towards anyone who has ever felt that way, and I hope it will be helpful!*

I see tons of posts every day, from people who got called "fat" by someone - a relative, spouse, friend, etc. and it ruined their entire day/week/life. And I can understand why being called fat could be hurtful. But you know what? I'm tired of that stupid word having so much power. I'm tired of "fat" being considered an insult - because it's not! "Fat" is simply a noun (when talking about physical fat) or an adjective (when used to describe someone or something).

There are so many words that we use to describe someone: Tall, short, skinny, fat, athletic, blonde, brunette, white, black, etc. As you can see, "fat" is only one of those words. So why does it get so many connotations with it? Why can't it just be treated as a fact, like any of those other words would be? If someone calls you fat, why not just say "yes, I am" and then move on with your day? If you don't want to be fat any more, you can change it - that's why we have great resources like MFP. But stop letting the word have so much power over you.

Now you might say, "well, you can't understand. You're not fat. You don't know how much it hurts." True, I might not be fat. But I've been called some names in my time. And you know what I do when I get called names? I ask myself if it's accurate. And if it is, I don't get upset about it. Even if it was intended to be hurtful, I don't let it hurt me. Why should I? It's just a fact. Facts are not insults. Facts are just... facts.

Examples of conversations I've had in the past in which someone completely failed to insult me:

"Lauren, you acted like a total slut last night."
"Well, though I'm a feminist and hate that word, I suppose by the standard definition of the word 'slut', you're correct. Sure was a fun evening!"

"Whatever, you're such a nerd."
"Yes, I guess I am. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go play video games for the rest of the day."

"You're so weird!"
"Yes... and?"

"You look like *kitten* today."
"Yeah, I didn't feel like putting any effort into my appearance today. I've got bedhead and these clothes make me look homeless. But I wasn't aware this was a beauty pageant."

Words don't have to hurt you unless you LET THEM. Stop letting the word "fat" hurt you. Yes, you are fat. Okay. Big whoop. You're also smart, or pretty, or fast, or artistic, or a million other awesome things. If you ask your husband and if you're fat and he says yes, let's not start a thread on the internet and have page after page of women bashing him for being such a scumbag. You asked a question, you got an answer. If a friend jokingly calls you fat, say "yeah, I am, but I'm working on changing that." Be proud of the fact that you're taking control of your body!

I'm sure most people won't actually stop getting offended over the word "fat" but these are my thoughts and I wanted to put them out there. Let the trolling commence.

AnnaYESiCANdoIT

well put! Even made me look at things in a different way as well thanks for the words of wisdom! :glasses:

SarahRose35

"You look like *kitten* today."
"Yeah, I didn't feel like putting any effort into my appearance today. I've got bedhead and these clothes make me look homeless. But I wasn't aware this was a beauty pageant."

Basically me every weekend

I love this topic, I really wish people would stop letting people control how they feel.

chatogal

I like this post, very well put and I like how you remind peopke not only to accept the nit so nice adjectives but to also focus on the nice adjectives (smart, pretty, clever, kind , hardworking etc)

ViktoryaC

I have to agree with what you say, but its harder than it first seems not to let it get to you. I was always one of those super-skinny people with a high metabolism who never had to worry, and then, suddenly, I'm wearing a size 16. When you go from skinny to fat quickly it changes how people respond to you and treat you, and even how you see yourself. I'm constantly having to explain to people I see after an absence that yes, I did gain an awful lot of weight, no, I don't know why, and yes, I'd like to lose it. Having to go through it all the time drills it into your self concept. I know it's awful and un-feminist and politically incorrect, but I want to lose not so much for health, but that so I can regain my identity as thin. But I hope we can all reach that self-acceptance.

MyChocolateDiet

I see your point OP. It's kinda like when someone calls me a b!tch. I already know it, I accept it as fact. I just move right along like nothing happened and it affects my day precisely zero. Like that right?

slim4health56

Name calling, labeling, profiling, and other pettiness can be hurtful. If it wasn't hurtful, most of it wouldn't exist. The other 20% that does exist is, in my not so humble opinion, a simple matter of ignorance. On a separate note, congrats to you on your efforts to lose weight and be healthy. Impressive!

AmandaAnne307

SO, SO TRUE!!! My daughter called me fat the other day (she's 6 and it's a long story, but the comment was penitent to the conversation), actually her exact words were, "Mom, you're fat. And I love you just the way you are." It stung at first, but you know what you're right - I'm fat. I'm hoping that won't always be the case, but right now it's true.

Get over letting people have so much control over you! And don't use it as an excuse to continue to be fat.

TeachTheGirl

I think you hit the nail on the head yourself, though. It has had and always will have negative connotations. And when someone repeatedly says something to you, such like 'you're so fat', it's hard not to see it as a negative thing even if you DO know it or you are working on changing it/accepting it.

It really is harder than it seems. It's a hit to the ego, which for some of us, is already deflated beyond belief due to our past.

alisonlynn1976

I say, "I know, but I'm working hard to change that." Works for me!

CapnGordo

My dog LOVES to eat ice cubes!

stephaniemejia1671

I've also been called other things, I'm not letting that get in the way of my happy times.

LaurenAOK

I think you hit the nail on the head yourself, though. It has had and always will have negative connotations. And when someone repeatedly says something to you, such like 'you're so fat', it's hard not to see it as a negative thing even if you DO know it or you are working on changing it/accepting it.

It really is harder than it seems. It's a hit to the ego, which for some of us, is already deflated beyond belief due to our past.

I definitely see where you're coming from. Again, I've never been fat, but I was teased CONSTANTLY growing up because I wasn't the most attractive kid/teen, and I was also into theater and other "uncool" hobbies. It can be hard not to let the insults sting. I guess my point was to try to stop seeing them as insults. "Fat" isn't an insult just like "skinny" isn't a compliment. Now can the word fat be USED as an insult? Sure, just like "skinny" can be used in a complimentary way. But it's only truly insulting if you let it be that way.

LaurenAOK

I say, "I know, but I'm working hard to change that." Works for me!

Perfect!!

saxmaniac

Here's something I've observed... the people who mostly loudly insist on not being judged for something are often the quickest to judge others... just on a different attribute that's more socially-approved to publicly beat up on.

runfatmanrun

Thank you for this...especially after finding the other post.

My0WNinspiration

I think you hit the nail on the head yourself, though. It has had and always will have negative connotations. And when someone repeatedly says something to you, such like 'you're so fat', it's hard not to see it as a negative thing even if you DO know it or you are working on changing it/accepting it.

It really is harder than it seems. It's a hit to the ego, which for some of us, is already deflated beyond belief due to our past.

Yep! Easier said than done.

Redheadllena

:drinker: Hear hear!

lisamarie1780

I think you hit the nail on the head yourself, though. It has had and always will have negative connotations. And when someone repeatedly says something to you, such like 'you're so fat', it's hard not to see it as a negative thing even if you DO know it or you are working on changing it/accepting it.

It really is harder than it seems. It's a hit to the ego, which for some of us, is already deflated beyond belief due to our past.

I definitely see where you're coming from. Again, I've never been fat, but I was teased CONSTANTLY growing up because I wasn't the most attractive kid/teen, and I was also into theater and other "uncool" hobbies. It can be hard not to let the insults sting. I guess my point was to try to stop seeing them as insults. "Fat" isn't an insult just like "skinny" isn't a compliment. Now can the word fat be USED as an insult? Sure, just like "skinny" can be used in a complimentary way. But it's only truly insulting if you let it be that way.

I think if someone is calling you fat they mean to insult you. I would never dream of calling anyone fat whether it was a 'fact' or not...

I'm sorry.... what is this thread about exactly? I think I know but I can't quite believe it.... are you saying it's OK to call obese people 'fat' and that they should just 'suck it up' ... coz they are?

Also can your theory of what's acceptable be applied to all labels? I'm just curious because my mother was a black girl in a white town..... people called her a 'n*gger' in the street.... should she have accepted this graciously as 'fact'? Oh and while I'm here.. one of my close friends lost his legs fighting for his country in Afghanistan.... when someone shouts ;cripple' at him in the street should he see it as a term of endearment?

I wouldn't. I would see it the way it was meant. As an insult. As verbally abusive and demeaning.

Yes you can choose how you deal with it... but the intent, the nastiness is still there. Don't dress it up

AllanMisner

I've been called Satan before...

BranMuffin86

Thank you for your truth and honesty. I love your confidence! You're a rockstar!!