So you got called fat.

LaurenAOK

Love this and wish I wrote it.

I react the same way. Someone says something I don't like, and it's one of two things: True, or they're just being mean old doodieheads.

If it's true, then is it something I want to and/or can change about myself? If so, make the change. If not, stop being sensitive about it.

THANK YOU. This was the whole point of my post. I only wish everyone had understood that.

AnnaYESiCANdoIT

I see your point OP. It's kinda like when someone calls me a b!tch. I already know it, I accept it as fact. I just move right along like nothing happened and it affects my day precisely zero. Like that right?

this is totally me too!! love it!

goblindab

I do see what the original OP is getting at but it does depend of context

But i also think that the use of other language such a curvier, bigger etc is a denial that doesn't do people favours. I am fat, its my own doing, I want to change this.

But I hate esp in the media this use of words like curvy to describe someone who is fat and her curves when its just fat. How about not commenting on the persons figure at all! Whether is to promote an unhealthy example or knock them down.

This frustrating real women campaign. All women are real! Its the airbrushing that makes them not real in magazines etc. So why do we suddenly promote fat as real!

Fat is a fact yes but if someone is trying to be funny at your expense it can be hurtful regardless of whether its true, the fact the someone feels the need to pick on a likely insecurity is the issue. calling somone tall is a fact yes but the likelihood that someone is sensitve about height is less likely to be as great as their weight!

yes it is your own doing.... and only you can change it... people insulting you won't make it better or change things.... when people I love have asked for my opinion on their weight I have said 'yes, you are bigger than you should be.... you're beautiful but you're too big.... this is what you could do....' I haven't sat there laughing at them saying ' you're fat!'

Come on

Christ I'd hope you'd never laugh at a friend and i wasn't making a dig at you sorry if it came across that way. I was more trying to point out on a personal opinion when people skate round referring to me as fat I almost find it insulting.

LaurenAOK

Is calling someone ugly an insult? I'm sure you meant well posting this but you're not fat, never have been so I dont think you're qualified to say the word fat is not an insult.

I knew people would throw this one at me. "You're not fat so you don't understand." You're right, I'm not fat. Doesn't change the fact that this is how I feel about the matter and I wanted to share it. Some people have reacted quite positively, so obviously it wasn't a huge waste.

Also, even though my profile pic is me in a bikini, I was borderline overweight before. That's why I joined MFP. I wasn't *quite* overweight, but I wasn't skinny and I did have people tell me that it looked like I had put on weight. So it's not like I've never been told to lose weight in my life, because I have.

I don't think it's fair to tell me my opinion isn't valid just because I'm not fat.

My0WNinspiration

Is calling someone ugly an insult? I'm sure you meant well posting this but you're not fat, never have been so I dont think you're qualified to say the word fat is not an insult.

I knew people would throw this one at me. "You're not fat so you don't understand." You're right, I'm not fat. Doesn't change the fact that this is how I feel about the matter and I wanted to share it. Some people have reacted quite positively, so obviously it wasn't a huge waste.

Also, even though my profile pic is me in a bikini, I was borderline overweight before. That's why I joined MFP. I wasn't *quite* overweight, but I wasn't skinny and I did have people tell me that it looked like I had put on weight. So it's not like I've never been told to lose weight in my life, because I have.

I don't think it's fair to tell me my opinion isn't valid just because I'm not fat.

How would you feel if an obese person gave you diet and fitness advice? Would you laugh and think their opinion was invalid because they're fat?

LaurenAOK

Is calling someone ugly an insult? I'm sure you meant well posting this but you're not fat, never have been so I dont think you're qualified to say the word fat is not an insult.

I knew people would throw this one at me. "You're not fat so you don't understand." You're right, I'm not fat. Doesn't change the fact that this is how I feel about the matter and I wanted to share it. Some people have reacted quite positively, so obviously it wasn't a huge waste.

Also, even though my profile pic is me in a bikini, I was borderline overweight before. That's why I joined MFP. I wasn't *quite* overweight, but I wasn't skinny and I did have people tell me that it looked like I had put on weight. So it's not like I've never been told to lose weight in my life, because I have.

I don't think it's fair to tell me my opinion isn't valid just because I'm not fat.

How would you feel if an obese person gave you diet and fitness advice? Would you laugh and think their opinion was invalid because they're fat?

No, absolutely not. Actually, I've been given some great advice from overweight people here on MFP. Just because they're overweight doesn't mean they can't do research and learn about fitness :P

crystalflame

I want to say that I've seen a lot of your posts and generally I agree with your perspective/spirit of things. You're pretty awesome. But this one's a bit personal for me...

It's so much more than a loved one calling you fat. Sometimes it is just a statement of fact - a friend observing you've put on a few pounds, children not having a filter, the answer to the question you asked. But I imagine a lot of these posts are from women with my experience: their partner informs them they're fat, which actually means "I don't find you attractive. You're not sexy to me anymore. I don't want you the way you are." That's not something you can just let slide off your back. Does he have a right to say it, especially if it's true and he's trying to improve a relationship? Yes, but tact is appreciated. Is the woman allowed to be hurt? Very much yes. Are there better ways of handling the situation than calling her fat? Hell yes.

I was 145lbs and a size 8 at 5'5" - not my best, but still healthy. I had been trying to lose weight through exercise (but not diet) for almost a year. Instead of actively making changes so we ate healthier and took better care of ourselves (he wasn't so hot himself), my boyfriend called me fat and told me he hated my stomach. I started purging out of desperation. Lost a few pounds though, so I guess he got what he wanted. My point is that maybe some of these women who start threads like that are overreacting, but a lot of them probably do feel deeply unloved/unattractive/bullied. When you're already really unhappy with yourself, the last thing you need is to hear from someone who's supposed to love you that yes, you should be unhappy with yourself because you suck.

toaster6

I agree. If someone wants to insult me, fine. I don't care. Why should I?

lisamarie1780

But don't worry

I got shot down in flames yesterday for suggesting that strong women were sexy as long as they retained their femininity.... that caused a whole lot of uproar...

You live and learn

See, that's the kind of post I would have flamed. I guess we're just very different people :flowerforyou:

really? Now isn't that interesting?

I think women are inherently strong and historically they have always carried heavy loads... I advocate strength in women.... I don't advocate excessive weight training or bulk... I don't 'advocate' excessive anything...

So you think it's unacceptable for me to say that ..... but it's OK for you to label people as FAT and it's ok for people to say to them.... 'You're fat'.... because it's a fact?

And bearing in mind.... I would NEVER approach a big muscular woman and say... 'you're too big' ... or 'you're ugly' ... that's horrible.... so why do you think it's OK to say to someone who is overweight that they are fat?

I'm sure they already know... they don't need some skinny chick telling them. Where is your compassion? People have always laughed and poked fun at the overweight.... and made them feel 'less than' .... why are you starting a thread that encourages this? whether indirectly or directly... that's what you're doing?

I can think of a thousand other things best addressed... like the women over exercising and under eating, the people selling diet pills and shakes.... the people shouting about juice cleanses.... why pick on those with low self esteem.... those who are already struggling to feel worthy.... you've just basically told them that whatever people tell them they are that they should deal with it.... coz they are. They're fat. So who gives a ****... right?

lithezebra

I still think it's a bad idea to call anyone fat.

diodelcibo

Choose not to be offended and ignore it.

LaurenAOK

I want to say that I've seen a lot of your posts and generally I agree with your perspective/spirit of things. You're pretty awesome. But this one's a bit personal for me...

It's so much more than a loved one calling you fat. Sometimes it is just a statement of fact - a friend observing you've put on a few pounds, children not having a filter, the answer to the question you asked. But I imagine a lot of these posts are from women with my experience: their partner informs them they're fat, which actually means "I don't find you attractive. You're not sexy to me anymore. I don't want you the way you are." That's not something you can just let slide off your back. Does he have a right to say it, especially if it's true and he's trying to improve a relationship? Yes, but tact is appreciated. Is the woman allowed to be hurt? Very much yes. Are there better ways of handling the situation than calling her fat? Hell yes.

I was 145lbs and a size 8 at 5'5" - not my best, but still healthy. I had been trying to lose weight through exercise (but not diet) for almost a year. Instead of actively making changes so we ate healthier and took better care of ourselves (he wasn't so hot himself), my boyfriend called me fat and told me he hated my stomach. I started purging out of desperation. Lost a few pounds though, so I guess he got what he wanted. My point is that maybe some of these women who start threads like that are overreacting, but a lot of them probably do feel deeply unloved/unattractive/bullied. When you're already really unhappy with yourself, the last thing you need is to hear from someone who's supposed to love you that yes, you should be unhappy with yourself because you suck.

Thank you for sharing your story. I definitely see where you're coming from, and I'm sorry you went through that I do want to say that your boyfriend/spouse saying he hates your stomach, or calling you bad names, or other stuff I've seen on the boards, is not what I'm talking about here. That's completely uncalled for and rude. I agree that they should have tact.

I know a lot of women who post are genuinely hurting - and that makes me sad. I don't WANT people to have to hurt just because someone said they were fat - that was kind of why I made this post. I want people to realize that words like "fat" don't define them, and no one has the right to make them feel bad about themselves by using that word. It's just a word.

I do see where you and others are coming from. I still stand by my original post, but as a couple people have said, I think it can be an "easier said than done" thing for some.

Mario_Az

what about PHAT but you will always have people like that just correct there rudeness

lisamarie1780

I do see what the original OP is getting at but it does depend of context

But i also think that the use of other language such a curvier, bigger etc is a denial that doesn't do people favours. I am fat, its my own doing, I want to change this.

But I hate esp in the media this use of words like curvy to describe someone who is fat and her curves when its just fat. How about not commenting on the persons figure at all! Whether is to promote an unhealthy example or knock them down.

This frustrating real women campaign. All women are real! Its the airbrushing that makes them not real in magazines etc. So why do we suddenly promote fat as real!

Fat is a fact yes but if someone is trying to be funny at your expense it can be hurtful regardless of whether its true, the fact the someone feels the need to pick on a likely insecurity is the issue. calling somone tall is a fact yes but the likelihood that someone is sensitve about height is less likely to be as great as their weight!

yes it is your own doing.... and only you can change it... people insulting you won't make it better or change things.... when people I love have asked for my opinion on their weight I have said 'yes, you are bigger than you should be.... you're beautiful but you're too big.... this is what you could do....' I haven't sat there laughing at them saying ' you're fat!'

Come on

Christ I'd hope you'd never laugh at a friend and i wasn't making a dig at you sorry if it came across that way. I was more trying to point out on a personal opinion when people skate round referring to me as fat I almost find it insulting.

lol I wasn't talking to you sweetheart... I'm addressing the chick who started the post stating it was OK to call people 'fat' because it's a 'fact'

LaurenAOK

I still think it's a bad idea to call anyone fat.

Oh, I completely agree! As I stated before, I've never called anyone fat and I never will. Too risky. Some people DO get upset by it, and I would never want to upset someone or hurt their feelings.

I'm just saying if you DO get called fat, try not to let it hurt you so bad. If you're fat, you're fat, and that's actually fine. If you want to change it, you can change it. If you don't want to change it, you don't have to!

LaurenAOK

lol I wasn't talking to you sweetheart... I'm addressing the chick who started the post stating it was OK to call people 'fat' because it's a 'fact'

Hi,

If you could politely point out the part of my post where I said it's okay to call people fat, I'd really appreciate it. Thanks :flowerforyou:

lisamarie1780

I want to say that I've seen a lot of your posts and generally I agree with your perspective/spirit of things. You're pretty awesome. But this one's a bit personal for me...

It's so much more than a loved one calling you fat. Sometimes it is just a statement of fact - a friend observing you've put on a few pounds, children not having a filter, the answer to the question you asked. But I imagine a lot of these posts are from women with my experience: their partner informs them they're fat, which actually means "I don't find you attractive. You're not sexy to me anymore. I don't want you the way you are." That's not something you can just let slide off your back. Does he have a right to say it, especially if it's true and he's trying to improve a relationship? Yes, but tact is appreciated. Is the woman allowed to be hurt? Very much yes. Are there better ways of handling the situation than calling her fat? Hell yes.

I was 145lbs and a size 8 at 5'5" - not my best, but still healthy. I had been trying to lose weight through exercise (but not diet) for almost a year. Instead of actively making changes so we ate healthier and took better care of ourselves (he wasn't so hot himself), my boyfriend called me fat and told me he hated my stomach. I started purging out of desperation. Lost a few pounds though, so I guess he got what he wanted. My point is that maybe some of these women who start threads like that are overreacting, but a lot of them probably do feel deeply unloved/unattractive/bullied. When you're already really unhappy with yourself, the last thing you need is to hear from someone who's supposed to love you that yes, you should be unhappy with yourself because you suck.

Thank you for sharing your story. I definitely see where you're coming from, and I'm sorry you went through that I do want to say that your boyfriend/spouse saying he hates your stomach, or calling you bad names, or other stuff I've seen on the boards, is not what I'm talking about here. That's completely uncalled for and rude. I agree that they should have tact.

I know a lot of women who post are genuinely hurting - and that makes me sad. I don't WANT people to have to hurt just because someone said they were fat - that was kind of why I made this post. I want people to realize that words like "fat" don't define them, and no one has the right to make them feel bad about themselves by using that word. It's just a word.

I do see where you and others are coming from. I still stand by my original post, but as a couple people have said, I think it can be an "easier said than done" thing for some.

I think that maybe what you 'felt' didn't come across in what you 'said'

jetlag

Just to clarify, this post was NOT INTENDED TO JUSTIFY CALLING PEOPLE FAT. I have never called anyone fat and I never will. Even though I, personally, don't see it as an insult, I know that there are people who do and I would never risk hurting someone's feelings that way.

Also, this post was not so much talking about strangers calling you things on the street, at the gym, etc... that's totally different. I was talking (as I clearly stated in my post) about the kinds of posts I see here every day, about friends/spouses/family using the word "fat" and people getting very upset about it.

I know what you meant and I agree. Why do we willingly give people that kind of power over us?

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent" - Eleanor Roosevelt

Calliope610

"Sticks and stones may break my bones,
but your words will never hurt me".

I learned that rhyme in grade school and it has served me well.

Calliope610

Just to clarify, this post was NOT INTENDED TO JUSTIFY CALLING PEOPLE FAT. I have never called anyone fat and I never will. Even though I, personally, don't see it as an insult, I know that there are people who do and I would never risk hurting someone's feelings that way.

Also, this post was not so much talking about strangers calling you things on the street, at the gym, etc... that's totally different. I was talking (as I clearly stated in my post) about the kinds of posts I see here every day, about friends/spouses/family using the word "fat" and people getting very upset about it.

I know what you meant and I agree. Why do we willingly give people that kind of power over us?

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent" - Eleanor Roosevelt

^So much this^ - One of my fave quotes.