So you got called fat.
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The fatties just need to get over it. <sarcasm>0
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I think you hit the nail on the head yourself, though. It has had and always will have negative connotations. And when someone repeatedly says something to you, such like 'you're so fat', it's hard not to see it as a negative thing even if you DO know it or you are working on changing it/accepting it.
It really is harder than it seems. It's a hit to the ego, which for some of us, is already deflated beyond belief due to our past.
I definitely see where you're coming from. Again, I've never been fat, but I was teased CONSTANTLY growing up because I wasn't the most attractive kid/teen, and I was also into theater and other "uncool" hobbies. It can be hard not to let the insults sting. I guess my point was to try to stop seeing them as insults. "Fat" isn't an insult just like "skinny" isn't a compliment. Now can the word fat be USED as an insult? Sure, just like "skinny" can be used in a complimentary way. But it's only truly insulting if you let it be that way.
I think if someone is calling you fat they mean to insult you. I would never dream of calling anyone fat whether it was a 'fact' or not...
I'm sorry.... what is this thread about exactly? I think I know but I can't quite believe it.... are you saying it's OK to call obese people 'fat' and that they should just 'suck it up' ... coz they are?
Also can your theory of what's acceptable be applied to all labels? I'm just curious because my mother was a black girl in a white town..... people called her a 'n*gger' in the street.... should she have accepted this graciously as 'fact'? Oh and while I'm here.. one of my close friends lost his legs fighting for his country in Afghanistan.... when someone shouts ;cripple' at him in the street should he see it as a term of endearment?
I wouldn't. I would see it the way it was meant. As an insult. As verbally abusive and demeaning.
Yes you can choose how you deal with it... but the intent, the nastiness is still there. Don't dress it up
I knew there would be replies like this. This was not at ALL the point of my post. Believe it or not, it was supposed to be empowering. I knew people would misunderstand, but I'm not sure how else to explain it.0 -
I remind myself that I'm probably stronger in better shape than most of my stick skinny friends0
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I've been called Satan before...
Me too :drinker:0 -
I see your point OP. It's kinda like when someone calls me a b!tch. I already know it, I accept it as fact. I just move right along like nothing happened and it affects my day precisely zero. Like that right?
I got called a fat ***** at the gym the other day. Since both of those are true, it made me lol.0 -
Meh I agree and disagree with your post. Yes fat is just an adjective to describe someone.
Children will say I'm fat and usually to them it's just a statement. I'm tall, I'm white. I'm fat. I'm female. I'm a sex goddess. It is all a fact.
To call me a dumb sh-t though is a statement of opinion or to call me a disgusting pig is a statement of opinion. To say I'm a slut is a statement of opinion.0 -
I feel like that is easier said than done. But it could be worth the effort.0
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I think you hit the nail on the head yourself, though. It has had and always will have negative connotations. And when someone repeatedly says something to you, such like 'you're so fat', it's hard not to see it as a negative thing even if you DO know it or you are working on changing it/accepting it.
It really is harder than it seems. It's a hit to the ego, which for some of us, is already deflated beyond belief due to our past.
I definitely see where you're coming from. Again, I've never been fat, but I was teased CONSTANTLY growing up because I wasn't the most attractive kid/teen, and I was also into theater and other "uncool" hobbies. It can be hard not to let the insults sting. I guess my point was to try to stop seeing them as insults. "Fat" isn't an insult just like "skinny" isn't a compliment. Now can the word fat be USED as an insult? Sure, just like "skinny" can be used in a complimentary way. But it's only truly insulting if you let it be that way.
I think if someone is calling you fat they mean to insult you. I would never dream of calling anyone fat whether it was a 'fact' or not...
I'm sorry.... what is this thread about exactly? I think I know but I can't quite believe it.... are you saying it's OK to call obese people 'fat' and that they should just 'suck it up' ... coz they are?
Also can your theory of what's acceptable be applied to all labels? I'm just curious because my mother was a black girl in a white town..... people called her a 'n*gger' in the street.... should she have accepted this graciously as 'fact'? Oh and while I'm here.. one of my close friends lost his legs fighting for his country in Afghanistan.... when someone shouts ;cripple' at him in the street should he see it as a term of endearment?
I wouldn't. I would see it the way it was meant. As an insult. As verbally abusive and demeaning.
Yes you can choose how you deal with it... but the intent, the nastiness is still there. Don't dress it up
I knew there would be replies like this. This was not at ALL the point of my post. Believe it or not, it was supposed to be empowering. I knew people would misunderstand, but I'm not sure how else to explain it.
I don't think there is anything empowering about your post
You are justifying the use of derogatory terms and bullying and saying ' well, yes.... it's accurate, so... it's OK'
I have larger friends... the words I have used to describe them include.... beautiful.... voluptuous.... bigger..... curvier'..... Have I encouraged them to eat better... exercise more for the sake of their health? Yes, absolutely. Have I called them 'FAT' and justified that by saying 'well, it's a fact?' No. Never
And I would not expect them to accept that kind of bullsh*t from me either
Edited for clarity0 -
I think you hit the nail on the head yourself, though. It has had and always will have negative connotations. And when someone repeatedly says something to you, such like 'you're so fat', it's hard not to see it as a negative thing even if you DO know it or you are working on changing it/accepting it.
It really is harder than it seems. It's a hit to the ego, which for some of us, is already deflated beyond belief due to our past.
I definitely see where you're coming from. Again, I've never been fat, but I was teased CONSTANTLY growing up because I wasn't the most attractive kid/teen, and I was also into theater and other "uncool" hobbies. It can be hard not to let the insults sting. I guess my point was to try to stop seeing them as insults. "Fat" isn't an insult just like "skinny" isn't a compliment. Now can the word fat be USED as an insult? Sure, just like "skinny" can be used in a complimentary way. But it's only truly insulting if you let it be that way.
I think if someone is calling you fat they mean to insult you. I would never dream of calling anyone fat whether it was a 'fact' or not...
I'm sorry.... what is this thread about exactly? I think I know but I can't quite believe it.... are you saying it's OK to call obese people 'fat' and that they should just 'suck it up' ... coz they are?
Also can your theory of what's acceptable be applied to all labels? I'm just curious because my mother was a black girl in a white town..... people called her a 'n*gger' in the street.... should she have accepted this graciously as 'fact'? Oh and while I'm here.. one of my close friends lost his legs fighting for his country in Afghanistan.... when someone shouts ;cripple' at him in the street should he see it as a term of endearment?
I wouldn't. I would see it the way it was meant. As an insult. As verbally abusive and demeaning.
Yes you can choose how you deal with it... but the intent, the nastiness is still there. Don't dress it up
I knew there would be replies like this. This was not at ALL the point of my post. Believe it or not, it was supposed to be empowering. I knew people would misunderstand, but I'm not sure how else to explain it.
I don't think there is anything empowering about your post
You are justifying the use of derogatory terms and bullying and saying ' well, yes.... it's accurate, so... it's OK'
I have larger friends... the words I have used to describe them include.... beautiful.... voluptuous.... bigger..... curvier'..... Have I encouraged them to eat better... exercise more for the sake of their health? Yes, absolutely. Have I called them 'FAT' and justified that by saying 'well, it's a fact?' No. Never
And I would not expect them to accept that kind of bullsh*t from me either
Edited for clarity
thank you0 -
I think you hit the nail on the head yourself, though. It has had and always will have negative connotations. And when someone repeatedly says something to you, such like 'you're so fat', it's hard not to see it as a negative thing even if you DO know it or you are working on changing it/accepting it.
It really is harder than it seems. It's a hit to the ego, which for some of us, is already deflated beyond belief due to our past.
I definitely see where you're coming from. Again, I've never been fat, but I was teased CONSTANTLY growing up because I wasn't the most attractive kid/teen, and I was also into theater and other "uncool" hobbies. It can be hard not to let the insults sting. I guess my point was to try to stop seeing them as insults. "Fat" isn't an insult just like "skinny" isn't a compliment. Now can the word fat be USED as an insult? Sure, just like "skinny" can be used in a complimentary way. But it's only truly insulting if you let it be that way.
I almost hate to say it, but if you were teased for being fat, it might give you a different outlook.
My own mother repeatedly poked fun of my being fat. From name-calling to poking my fat and laughing, you name it. It became a part of me I hated, but didn't have the knowledge or understanding (or support) to change. This coupled with the fact we were a low-income family and I regularly wore my Father's hand-me-downs, it's hard not to latch onto the notion that being 'fat' was probably the main reason I was teased relentlessly and so miserable growing up.
If fat isn't an insult, why do people take such pride in using it as such? In a book I was reading to my son the other day, the older brother in the story was teasing his younger sister and one of the insults used was 'I'll tell everyone you're secretly fat' (paraphrasing, I don't recall the line exactly). No matter where you look in society, being fat is considered a terrible thing. Tell someone they're fat enough times, they'll believe it, even if they're super-skinny. This is one of the ways eating disorders come to be.
Telling someone to 'not let it get to them' isn't going to help. If they lived by that mindset, many of them wouldn't be here or many of them wouldn't be voicing their opinion (much like I am) that ignoring it just isn't enough.0 -
Just to clarify, this post was NOT INTENDED TO JUSTIFY CALLING PEOPLE FAT. I have never called anyone fat and I never will. Even though I, personally, don't see it as an insult, I know that there are people who do and I would never risk hurting someone's feelings that way.
Also, this post was not so much talking about strangers calling you things on the street, at the gym, etc... that's totally different. I was talking (as I clearly stated in my post) about the kinds of posts I see here every day, about friends/spouses/family using the word "fat" and people getting very upset about it.0 -
I almost hate to say it, but if you were teased for being fat, it might give you a different outlook.
My own mother repeatedly poked fun of my being fat. From name-calling to poking my fat and laughing, you name it. It became a part of me I hated, but didn't have the knowledge or understanding (or support) to change. This coupled with the fact we were a low-income family and I regularly wore my Father's hand-me-downs, it's hard not to latch onto the notion that being 'fat' was probably the main reason I was teased relentlessly and so miserable growing up.
If fat isn't an insult, why do people take such pride in using it as such? In a book I was reading to my son the other day, the older brother in the story was teasing his younger sister and one of the insults used was 'I'll tell everyone you're secretly fat' (paraphrasing, I don't recall the line exactly). No matter where you look in society, being fat is considered a terrible thing. Tell someone they're fat enough times, they'll believe it, even if they're super-skinny. This is one of the ways eating disorders come to be.
Telling someone to 'not let it get to them' isn't going to help. If they lived by that mindset, many of them wouldn't be here or many of them wouldn't be voicing their opinion (much like I am) that ignoring it just isn't enough.
You once again make good points and I do see where you (and others) are coming from. I'm sorry your mom teased you - that's just plain mean. And clearly she was doing it in a mean and derogatory way. That's never okay.
I'm more talking about the thousand posts on here a day of "I asked my husband if I had gotten fat, and he said yes! I'm heartbroken" and then the hundreds of replies of "OMG WHAT A JERK" and similar posts. In that instance, fat is not an insult and shouldn't be taken as such. At least in my personal opinion. This was an opinion post, after all.0 -
You once again make good points and I do see where you (and others) are coming from. I'm sorry your mom teased you - that's just plain mean. And clearly she was doing it in a mean and derogatory way. That's never okay.
I'm more talking about the thousand posts on here a day of "I asked my husband if I had gotten fat, and he said yes! I'm heartbroken" and then the hundreds of replies of "OMG WHAT A JERK" and similar posts. In that instance, fat is not an insult and shouldn't be taken as such. At least in my personal opinion. This was an opinion post, after all.
I never understood the asking of a spouse if they look fat thing. I do agree we shouldn't be SEEKING people telling us if we're fat or not. If we feel fat wearing something or don't like the way we look in something, it shouldn't be left to someone else's opinion; you already knew you didn't like the way you looked in it, don't drag someone else into your wardrobe maladies. XD
And you're very much entitled to your opinion too. I just wanted to offer some insight into why it's just not as easy to just 'let it go' as it may seem. Some of it is buried so deep that it's going to take years of self love and acceptance to undo the damage.0 -
I do see what the original OP is getting at but it does depend of context
But i also think that the use of other language such a curvier, bigger etc is a denial that doesn't do people favours. I am fat, its my own doing, I want to change this.
But I hate esp in the media this use of words like curvy to describe someone who is fat and her curves when its just fat. How about not commenting on the persons figure at all! Whether is to promote an unhealthy example or knock them down.
This frustrating real women campaign. All women are real! Its the airbrushing that makes them not real in magazines etc. So why do we suddenly promote fat as real!
Fat is a fact yes but if someone is trying to be funny at your expense it can be hurtful regardless of whether its true, the fact the someone feels the need to pick on a likely insecurity is the issue. calling somone tall is a fact yes but the likelihood that someone is sensitve about height is less likely to be as great as their weight!0 -
I almost hate to say it, but if you were teased for being fat, it might give you a different outlook.
My own mother repeatedly poked fun of my being fat. From name-calling to poking my fat and laughing, you name it. It became a part of me I hated, but didn't have the knowledge or understanding (or support) to change. This coupled with the fact we were a low-income family and I regularly wore my Father's hand-me-downs, it's hard not to latch onto the notion that being 'fat' was probably the main reason I was teased relentlessly and so miserable growing up.
If fat isn't an insult, why do people take such pride in using it as such? In a book I was reading to my son the other day, the older brother in the story was teasing his younger sister and one of the insults used was 'I'll tell everyone you're secretly fat' (paraphrasing, I don't recall the line exactly). No matter where you look in society, being fat is considered a terrible thing. Tell someone they're fat enough times, they'll believe it, even if they're super-skinny. This is one of the ways eating disorders come to be.
Telling someone to 'not let it get to them' isn't going to help. If they lived by that mindset, many of them wouldn't be here or many of them wouldn't be voicing their opinion (much like I am) that ignoring it just isn't enough.
You once again make good points and I do see where you (and others) are coming from. I'm sorry your mom teased you - that's just plain mean. And clearly she was doing it in a mean and derogatory way. That's never okay.
I'm more talking about the thousand posts on here a day of "I asked my husband if I had gotten fat, and he said yes! I'm heartbroken" and then the hundreds of replies of "OMG WHAT A JERK" and similar posts. In that instance, fat is not an insult and shouldn't be taken as such. At least in my personal opinion. This was an opinion post, after all.
I would refrain from starting threads on things you know nothing about.
And I'm not saying that to be hurtful but seriously.... I thought I was hideous after gaining 20lbs in pregnancy.... if I was 300lbs and people were calling me fat I would not appreciate some chick in a bikini basically telling me I should 'get over it'
Not cool. Ever
But don't worry
I got shot down in flames yesterday for suggesting that strong women were sexy as long as they retained their femininity.... that caused a whole lot of uproar...
You live and learn0 -
WHOOOSHH right over your head even though you get the main point - choosing how you deal with it. You can't control what other people say but you can control how you react and sometimes how it makes you feel - there are a lot of people that honestly don't know this!I think you hit the nail on the head yourself, though. It has had and always will have negative connotations. And when someone repeatedly says something to you, such like 'you're so fat', it's hard not to see it as a negative thing even if you DO know it or you are working on changing it/accepting it.
It really is harder than it seems. It's a hit to the ego, which for some of us, is already deflated beyond belief due to our past.
I definitely see where you're coming from. Again, I've never been fat, but I was teased CONSTANTLY growing up because I wasn't the most attractive kid/teen, and I was also into theater and other "uncool" hobbies. It can be hard not to let the insults sting. I guess my point was to try to stop seeing them as insults. "Fat" isn't an insult just like "skinny" isn't a compliment. Now can the word fat be USED as an insult? Sure, just like "skinny" can be used in a complimentary way. But it's only truly insulting if you let it be that way.
I think if someone is calling you fat they mean to insult you. I would never dream of calling anyone fat whether it was a 'fact' or not...
I'm sorry.... what is this thread about exactly? I think I know but I can't quite believe it.... are you saying it's OK to call obese people 'fat' and that they should just 'suck it up' ... coz they are?
Also can your theory of what's acceptable be applied to all labels? I'm just curious because my mother was a black girl in a white town..... people called her a 'n*gger' in the street.... should she have accepted this graciously as 'fact'? Oh and while I'm here.. one of my close friends lost his legs fighting for his country in Afghanistan.... when someone shouts ;cripple' at him in the street should he see it as a term of endearment?
I wouldn't. I would see it the way it was meant. As an insult. As verbally abusive and demeaning.
Yes you can choose how you deal with it... but the intent, the nastiness is still there. Don't dress it up
It is so liberating when you finally don't care what people say or think about you (or most people, or to a point at least). You take away their power. So your neighbor might always be a nasty person but they don't always have to ruin your day. Many people are nasty JUST for the reaction they get and the pain they cause. Maybe if more people didn't give them what they wanted they would stop.0 -
Is calling someone ugly an insult? I'm sure you meant well posting this but you're not fat, never have been so I dont think you're qualified to say the word fat is not an insult.
Any word used in a derogatory manner is an insult. Period.0 -
Love this and wish I wrote it.
I react the same way. Someone says something I don't like, and it's one of two things: True, or they're just being mean old doodieheads.
If it's true, then is it something I want to and/or can change about myself? If so, make the change. If not, stop being sensitive about it.
If it's not true, then they're being doodieheads and who cares what doodieheads think? I can't be insulted by someone desperately trying to insult me. I don't care what someone like that thinks.
I've been picked on for having small boobs since I was way too young to even HAVE boobs. I could change that, but I don't see it as a flaw, so I won't. I got picked on for having thick glasses. I hated wearing glasses anyway, so I got contacts. I got picked on for being smart. It would be stupid to change. I got picked on for having crooked teeth. I hated them, so I got braces. I got picked on for being skinny... and time took care of that. :laugh:
But sometimes, people are just doodieheads. A few years ago, I had a website about internet dating that got mildly popular. As such, I got a lot of hate mail. It was hilarious to see just how many new and different ways people would find to insult me. In one message, I was pretty, so I never had to develop a personality. In the next, I was ugly, bitter and desperate. In another, I was a skinny b-word, in the next, I was fat. In one, a smart nerd, in another a dumb bimbo. Hard to take any of them seriously when they all contradicted each other.0 -
But don't worry
I got shot down in flames yesterday for suggesting that strong women were sexy as long as they retained their femininity.... that caused a whole lot of uproar...
You live and learn
See, that's the kind of post I would have flamed. I guess we're just very different people :flowerforyou:0 -
I do see what the original OP is getting at but it does depend of context
But i also think that the use of other language such a curvier, bigger etc is a denial that doesn't do people favours. I am fat, its my own doing, I want to change this.
But I hate esp in the media this use of words like curvy to describe someone who is fat and her curves when its just fat. How about not commenting on the persons figure at all! Whether is to promote an unhealthy example or knock them down.
This frustrating real women campaign. All women are real! Its the airbrushing that makes them not real in magazines etc. So why do we suddenly promote fat as real!
Fat is a fact yes but if someone is trying to be funny at your expense it can be hurtful regardless of whether its true, the fact the someone feels the need to pick on a likely insecurity is the issue. calling somone tall is a fact yes but the likelihood that someone is sensitve about height is less likely to be as great as their weight!
yes it is your own doing.... and only you can change it... people insulting you won't make it better or change things.... when people I love have asked for my opinion on their weight I have said 'yes, you are bigger than you should be.... you're beautiful but you're too big.... this is what you could do....' I haven't sat there laughing at them saying ' you're fat!'
Come on0
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