Off Topic...Thoughts on Marriage, I do or I don't???

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  • WaCowboy
    WaCowboy Posts: 42 Member
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    kschwab0203 wrote: »
    What do you do if you are in a relationship, but not on the same page with marriage?

    Suppose you are living like a married couple already. Yall are living under the same roof, paying bills together, raising kids together, celebrating holidays and birthdays together, but one of you doesn't ever want to get married and one of you does.

    Is that a deal breaker? Do you end the relationship?

    Thoughts???

    I can tell you this from my experience. Years ago I got divorced, married almost 13 years. From that point I swear I wouldn't get married again. Currently I am in a relationship that is going great. We live together, split the bills, and have talked about marriage. Personally I am not ready for it, and don't plan on doing it anytime soon. The pain of what I lost and had to endure through the divorce was enough to scare me away from it (I am referring to my kids moving 1500 miles away not material items). So my GF and I have agreed to take things slow when it comes to marriage and to continue living together like we are.


    Marriage is a total commitment physically, emotionally, and financially. If something happens it can destroy a marriage instantly. From that point of view I can see why he is hesitance to getting married. If things fail it is a cleaner break sort of (Check Common law marriages for your state).


    My advice is to talk to him and make the decision. Is marriage important enough that your willing to walk away from this relationship if he says no?
  • kschwab0203
    kschwab0203 Posts: 610 Member
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    WaCowboy wrote: »
    kschwab0203 wrote: »
    What do you do if you are in a relationship, but not on the same page with marriage?

    Suppose you are living like a married couple already. Yall are living under the same roof, paying bills together, raising kids together, celebrating holidays and birthdays together, but one of you doesn't ever want to get married and one of you does.

    Is that a deal breaker? Do you end the relationship?

    Thoughts???

    I can tell you this from my experience. Years ago I got divorced, married almost 13 years. From that point I swear I wouldn't get married again. Currently I am in a relationship that is going great. We live together, split the bills, and have talked about marriage. Personally I am not ready for it, and don't plan on doing it anytime soon. The pain of what I lost and had to endure through the divorce was enough to scare me away from it (I am referring to my kids moving 1500 miles away not material items). So my GF and I have agreed to take things slow when it comes to marriage and to continue living together like we are.


    Marriage is a total commitment physically, emotionally, and financially. If something happens it can destroy a marriage instantly. From that point of view I can see why he is hesitance to getting married. If things fail it is a cleaner break sort of (Check Common law marriages for your state).


    My advice is to talk to him and make the decision. Is marriage important enough that your willing to walk away from this relationship if he says no?


    This is why I ultimately think he is hesitant....and to me, I feel that's a commitment issue, which bothers me.
  • born_of_fire74
    born_of_fire74 Posts: 776 Member
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    Sorry if someone else already said this because I haven't read all the responses yet. A lot of people say they don't want to get married because it doesn't mean anything and it won't change anything. If that is the case, they should have no trouble getting married; nothing will change and it doesn't mean anything so why the hell not get married?
  • lisciousg24
    lisciousg24 Posts: 189 Member
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    If you're in a great relationship why change it?
    I've seen many go down hill after the dumb paper is signed.
    However, marriage brings healthcare benefits and insurance...
    Oh, such a hard choice!
  • stephi9
    stephi9 Posts: 417 Member
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    These days marriage isn't like it used to be back in the day marriage was a vow to spend the rest of your life with each other but today people seem to be just throwing marriage around like nothing people who don't even know each other well hell there is even thst married at first sight show!!!! I mean don't get me wrong I would absolutely love to get married have thst day I can walk down the Isle in that beautiful white gown and make a vow to the person I love who has been there for me the father of my children but if it doesn't happen that doesn't change the way I feel about him will still love him and tho we don't have a wedding certificate I still have my own vow to him it's been almost 7 years and I plan on it being forever with or without a wedding ring
  • ericatoday
    ericatoday Posts: 454 Member
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    This is a discussion people should have before entering a long term relationship. But it depends. If youre willing to look past it and compromise maybe. But if marriage is that important to ome of you then obviously you arent meant to be. But you can also have a wedding without getting legally married. If its the proposal and the wedding someone wants. Its something like this needs to be a llng upseting discussion 1 on 1.
  • Sinistrous
    Sinistrous Posts: 5,589 Member
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    Villae81 wrote: »
    Its a trap don't do it

    Exactly. Then gl digging yourself outta the hole.
  • RJ0274
    RJ0274 Posts: 4,174 Member
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    The institution of marriage is great if you want to live in an institution....... :/
  • canadianlbs
    canadianlbs Posts: 5,199 Member
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    kschwab0203 wrote: »
    This is why I ultimately think he is hesitant....and to me, I feel that's a commitment issue, which bothers me.

    i don't have much of a stake in this conversation, or any very clear idea of where i'll be going with it since i've never been married myself and would feel like i was losing something kind of neat if i were to spoil that track record now.

    hindsight on all my own relationships always makes me go 'thank god i didn't waste something like marriage on something that didn't work.' so i think i relate most to people who have been and say 'never again'. but i think for the next person along in a was-married person's life, there's something about that that's just hard to get past in a logical way. half your head understands how much sense their pov makes, but i think there's always some other little corner of your mind that goes: 'you married this previous person [who sucked], but somehow, in some way, you're not prepared to go that far for me [who doesn't].'

    not that that helps you to figure things out, or anything. i'm inconsistent on the topic myself, in some ways.

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