How to talk to those who think I have lost enough and am getting too thin

tinamarie6624

I just tell people that I know what weight I should be and where I look good. I also try to let them know that I am doing this the healthy way and I appreciate their concern.

not_my_first_rodeo

FWIW, I just got the first instance of this unsolicited the other day. "Oh, you look fantastic. You're going to stop now, right?" (I am over 5'6" and still over 200 lbs).

I have not been discussing my weight loss journey with this particular person as she's kind of big on subconscious sabotage. Her opinion was unsolicited.

I think you just say, "I'm fine thanks!" If pressed, or if this is someone who it's hard to just ignore, like say, your mother or something, I think you say, "The doctor is happy with what I'm doing."

buffalogal42

Depends on how it comes across. A woman I work with said to me in the break room today "Hey skinny, you plan on disappearing over there?" (I am 5'9" and 190 lbs down from 284) and I breezily replied, "I hope so - then I can spy on you!" I knew she only meant it as a compliment.

Another woman, who has been struggling with weight loss and talks non-stop about her food, said to me, "I'm hoping you know what you are doing and when to stop with the weight loss" to which I replied - YEP, Thanks!

icemom011

Sabine_Stroehm wrote: »

When I lost weight, and folks thought it was too much and I should stop (It wasn't ever too much, I landed at 130Lbs at 5'6") I'd say: I see me naked. I see the number on the scale. I got it. Thanks.

I like that, good way to put it, not rude but on the mark. Many of my clients suggest same thing, stop, you're loosing too much, or "you're not done? You're trying to lose more? " and certain look afterwards. Can't be rude to them, but it could be annoying. Also, some of them just size me up and estimate how many pounds I'm down since they saw me last. Hehe. Surprisingly, they are pretty close. Not sure how.

icemom011

I usually just dismiss the comments like that, tell them that I'll stop when I'm happy and promise that i won't end up with ED.

jarablue

I do whatever my Doctor, who went to Medical school, for God knows how many years, that is well trained in medicine and actual science of the body, tells me to do. Not someone who is like "ya know just stop losing weight" yeah right.

GeertH

If you log all your food intake in MFP, maybe you can show them the log. Bonus points if it's almost all healthy foods. Then ask 'm what they ate the past days.

In the end it's a tricky subject. If it were friends or acquaintances I'd tell them to mind their own business. But in my case it's usually my mom that starts saying I'm too thin or looking unhealthy. Since I drive my weight for the purpose of strength training I gain and lose quite a bit over the course of a year and know what I'm doing and exactly what my goals are. Although I'm a grown man I guess I'll always just be her kid and she wants to feed me well when I visit. When I'm gaining weight that's great and she enjoys seeing me scarf down the food. But when I'm cutting fat I have to refuse a lot of things. What's more is, she's been overweight as long as I've known her, so I feel her view of what constitutes a healthy weight is skewed. Occasionally it feels like emotional manipulation when I'm coming over and she got a lot of food for me, that I can't eat, even though I told her I'd take care of my own diet.
I can't really get angry about it because of course it's all with the best of intentions. With some folks there's jealousy at play, or a (perhaps subconscious) desire not to see you outperform them. But my mom just wants me to be healthy. That just makes it all the more painful when I'm busting my *kitten* weighing all my food, taking care of my diet and aiming for a low body fat percentage only to hear that I'm looking "emaciated". I guess I could try telling her that it's insulting, but in my experience there's little you can do but tell folks you're fine, you don't have an eating disorder and then go about your business knowing at least for yourself that you're doing well.

In the end what matters is what you know is right. You're doing this for yourself. No matter what you'll try in life, someone will be there to bring you down. The winners are the ones that don't let them.

SusanMFindlay

"Thanks for your concern, but I'm fine."

If they insist on a follow up: "I'm eating plenty; I've just been getting a bit more exercise. I'm hoping to... <insert fitness goal here>" or something of that nature.

elka67

TavistockToad wrote: »

Stop talking about your weight loss.

If someone asks if you've list weight just say no and change the subject

I like this one, just say "Nope" . If they persist look them in the eye and ask how much they weigh ;-)
I think if you reply with detail you've allowed them to think they can keep on butting in with unwanted critiques.

My dad told my mum my weight loss had made me look like a man. My husband and I disagree so who cares.
I was 5'4 and 132 lbs (9 stone 6lb)
Well done on the weight loss :-)

frannyupnorth

I think it's just unnerving for people to see change. I think it takes around a year for people to see the new you as normal. Since dedicated weight loss is probably slightly faster than weight gain, unless you're only doing a 200cal deficit or something the change is more noticeable. Although it seems to be about 10kg before anyone notices a change.

Queenmunchy

"I appreciate your concern, but my body is not up for discussion" and change the subject.

crzycatlady1

Berkgal33 wrote: »

First let me start by saying I am not TOO thin. I am 5'6.5" tall and weigh 170. My goal is 150. I am a size 12, almost in a 10. I am a BIG girl with big bones(really) and very broad shoulders. My problem is so many people have told me I need to stop losing now, it's enough. I am getting too thin. They refuse to believe me until I disclose how much I weigh and I HATE to do that. I understand I started at 250 and a size 20, and it's a big change; but they refuse to believe I am still in the overweight category. Any advice on how to deal and what to say to people would be welcome.

I'm 5ft, 6in as well and in maintenance I'm around 130 lbs. You're dealing with a very common issue that happens when someone loses weight and it's not about you, it's about the other people. Distorted perspectives, insecurity, jealousy and misguided concern from loved ones are just part of the package and eventually the comments will slow down and then stop. Just smile politely when it happens and then change the topic or walk away. You're doing great and have made fantastic progress!

dragon_girl26

Your stats are almost the same as mine, including your starting weight (mine was 241, am currently 160 lbs). I get that crap from a couple of friends who tell me I am 'so tiny' now and I need to stop. When I tell them I'm still in the overweight category for my height (5'6"), they tell me that BMI is wrong and I shouldn't go by that. I'm wearing a size 8-10, though...more 10 than 8, so I know what you mean. I am not going to let them make my decision for me, though, so I just ignore it. People mean well, but they don't always get it, especially if they are heavier. It's why I try not to tell people I am still losing - I just do it.

trigden1991

I never talk about diet/fitness/weight unless someone asks me a specific question and even then I try to move on quickly. Most people don't truly understand the reasonings, methods or techniques.

krissy5686

Do what you need to do! I'm in roughly the same boat as you - my loss has gotten to the point where people have really noticing. And now I get "OMG - you're just wasting away now! Too much!" And no, I'm really not.

I smile and change the subject usually. Then later roll my eyes to myself about it. Silly how people feel the need to comment about other people's bodies.

DebSozo

Berkgal33 wrote: »

The post was not compete, I didn't know why. I went back and edited it. Started at 250, and size 20.

Well no wonder people think your weight loss is amazing! Size 20 down to a size 12 is terrific. The average female in USA is a size 16. So you are much smaller than "average". Plus you have a broad frame and can easily hide pounds. That can be an asset.

kgirlhart

cwolfman13 wrote: »

Are you talking about your weight loss, etc to other people? I ask because I've rarely if ever seen this happen unsolicited...the only time I've ever had anyone make a comment like that was when I was like, "I'd really like to drop another 5-10 Lbs" and then I'd get the whole, "you don't need to lose anymore weight" or "from where" thing...otherwise, nobody ever said anything really except the occasional, "you're looking fit."

I never talk about my weight loss unless I am specifically asked about it, and I get the "you don't need to lose any more weight" comments all the time. I find it very annoying. I usually just tell them that I have reached my goal and I am not trying to lose any more weight. When I was still losing I just told them that my goal was the middle of the healthy weight range for my height and when I got there I would stop. I also think it is amusing that so many people will warn me against losing too much weight, but when I was creeping up to 200 pounds no one ever suggested that I didn't need to gain any more weight.

Traveler120

If at 170 they think you're too thin, then tell them the truth - THEY are too fat.

EricaH7

I get this a lot too. I carry my weight well, I am very curvy, and look a lot lighter than other people of my same weight and height. I just don't tell people how much I want to lose anymore. When people ask if I am still trying to lose I always just respond yup! just a few more pounds to go! by making it sound like I am close to my goal they seem to shut up about it.

ntnunk

I've been at my current weight (still about 15 lbs heavy) for about a year now so I'm not getting this too much anymore, but during the time I was actually losing most of my weight I got this kind of thing frequently. I never had too much problem telling casual questioners that I knew what I was doing, had a plan, and I'd stop when I got to a good weight for me.

The one that really bothers me, and the one that I still hear this from time to time from, is my wife. It's really, really frustrating to have the person who's supposed to be my biggest supporter, and who knows where I'm coming from because she battles weight herself and has lost substantial amounts (and gained it back again) several times tell me I need to stop losing weight because she "doesn't like skinny guys" or something similar.