Losing Vanity Weight... HELP
Replies
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sfaust2196 wrote: »I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting to look your best if you work hard for it
And they tried the pill but it did not work. I am aware of the cancer risks but unfortunately nothing is working so I do not have many options or control over the situation. What I do have control over is my body and eating healthy.
Honey, take a minute.
One problem I am seeing is that you are defining "Look your best" by some external definition of what "best" looks like. The problem is that bodies are very different things, and they're shaped in very different ways, and I'm not just talking about weight.
It took me a long time to realize that whatever weight I was, I was never going to have the hip curve of the women in the magazines, because my hips are not and never will be shaped like that. My hipbones are where they are, my thighbones are where they are, and it would take major bone surgery to move them.
My waist and belly button are never going to look like the pictures, because I'm very short waisted. I remember thinking "Wow, I just don't look like that in a swimsuit' and its because the space between the bottom of my ribs and my belly button is just not the same. I'm not shaped like that.
My shoulders are sloped and rounded. My collarbone juts out and starts to look bony while I still have a potbelly. My breasts point in opposite directions. I'm so short waisted that I have a hip shelf because there's no room for a taper. None of those are "ideal" and I've seen young women talking about all those things in despair. But they aren't character flaws, they're just how your body is put together. Not all bodies can EVER look like the image of "perfection" that we're given, or that we select out of the mass of images we're exposed to.
"Looking your best" means looking YOUR best, not looking your grandma's best or some magazine's best or your roommate's best or your sister's best. And it might not be just like you imagined when you started this journey, but you've got to let your body be itself, and you have to learn to be yourself IN your body.14 -
It took me a long time to realize that whatever weight I was, I was never going to have the hip curve of the women in the magazines, because my hips are not and never will be shaped like that.
This cannot be emphasized enough. It's not just you or OP whose hips are not shaped like that, no one's hips are shaped like that. Not even those of the models. Magazine covers and ads and fashion spreads have the kitten Photoshopped out of them. They do this to both men and women, creating body image problems everywhere by setting up an artificial, unrealistic, and downright fake standard. People only ever hurt themselves trying to conform to it.
If the model is short-wasted, they'll lengthen the waist. If there's a bit of pudge showing, they'll smooth it out. If there's no thigh gap, they'll add one. If the breasts aren't perky enough, they'll lift them. If the collarbone juts, they'll soften it -- and if the collarbone doesn't jut enough, they'll sharpen it. Cellulite is simply erased. And on and on and on. You might as well try to look exactly like a comic book character as a magazine cover model.7 -
It took me a long time to realize that whatever weight I was, I was never going to have the hip curve of the women in the magazines, because my hips are not and never will be shaped like that.
This cannot be emphasized enough. It's not just you or OP whose hips are not shaped like that, no one's hips are shaped like that. Not even those of the models. Magazine covers and ads and fashion spreads have the kitten Photoshopped out of them. They do this to both men and women, creating body image problems everywhere by setting up an artificial, unrealistic, and downright fake standard. People only ever hurt themselves trying to conform to it.
Absolutely! But even beyond Photoshop, I know women compare themselves to other women in real life and build an idea of what about *real* women they want to look like -- and even within the un-Photoshopped real world? Not every body can attain every shape.
Everyone says my daughter looks JUST like me. But while she's almost my height, I wear tall jeans and she doesn't, because she inherited her father's proportions. I have ridiculously long legs and I'm very short waisted, she's much more evenly balanced between leg and torso.1 -
sfaust2196 wrote: »Thanks for the answer! I definitely just want to look smaller and thought being in the 130s would achieve that but if I could look skinnier in the 140s I would take it! What is a recomp? My maintenance is 2491 calories which I CANNOT eat, I would gain five pounds in a day and 10 pounds by the end of the week. I ate 1700 by accident last week because I forgot to add a snack and gained .8 pounds. What do you suggest as a calorie intake? If I cut back on cardio can I just keep doing 1500?
Thanks!!
You did not gain .8 in a day by eating 1700 cals, our weight fluctuates naturally, most of us see daily fluctuations of several pounds - completely normal.
Stop stressing, you are at a good weight, those vanity pounds will go, they'll just take a while longer - also perfectly normal when we get down to last few pounds.
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Your post reminds me of me - a younger version mind you. I'm 49 and 5'10. At my lowest I was about 126 lbs (when much younger) and I looked like a skeleton. Today I am 160 and trying to lose 10-15. My happy weight is at about 146 but my focus is on eating healthy and doing exercises that I enjoy - running and lifting. You sound obsessed. You understand that your exterior does not define you, right? A self confident woman is a sexy woman.
As I enter menopause I have to shed some of my old ideas about beauty and sexuality. It's not easy, especially with stubborn abdominal weight gain. But I continue to make healthy choices and to enjoy exercise. And I've talked to a counsellor about body image because it really was hard for me to accept that I was getting older.
My advice? Put some time and effort into who you are, not what you look like. Find some meaning and purpose besides this torture you are putting yourself through.
You are beautiful just as you are, no matter what the scale says.2 -
sfaust2196 wrote: »I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting to look your best if you work hard for it
And they tried the pill but it did not work. I am aware of the cancer risks but unfortunately nothing is working so I do not have many options or control over the situation. What I do have control over is my body and eating healthy.
Honey, take a minute.
One problem I am seeing is that you are defining "Look your best" by some external definition of what "best" looks like. The problem is that bodies are very different things, and they're shaped in very different ways, and I'm not just talking about weight.
It took me a long time to realize that whatever weight I was, I was never going to have the hip curve of the women in the magazines, because my hips are not and never will be shaped like that. My hipbones are where they are, my thighbones are where they are, and it would take major bone surgery to move them.
My waist and belly button are never going to look like the pictures, because I'm very short waisted. I remember thinking "Wow, I just don't look like that in a swimsuit' and its because the space between the bottom of my ribs and my belly button is just not the same. I'm not shaped like that.
My shoulders are sloped and rounded. My collarbone juts out and starts to look bony while I still have a potbelly. My breasts point in opposite directions. I'm so short waisted that I have a hip shelf because there's no room for a taper. None of those are "ideal" and I've seen young women talking about all those things in despair. But they aren't character flaws, they're just how your body is put together. Not all bodies can EVER look like the image of "perfection" that we're given, or that we select out of the mass of images we're exposed to.
"Looking your best" means looking YOUR best, not looking your grandma's best or some magazine's best or your roommate's best or your sister's best. And it might not be just like you imagined when you started this journey, but you've got to let your body be itself, and you have to learn to be yourself IN your body.
This was inspiring and something everyone needs to remember. It took me nearly 48 years to finally accept that I am the way I am, that my body is unique (as is everyone's) and that it's the only body I'll ever have. It was so freeing when the epiphany came and allowed me to finally stop obsessing about everything.
I hope the OP can eventually come to that realization too.3 -
sfaust2196 wrote: »I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting to look your best if you work hard for it
And they tried the pill but it did not work. I am aware of the cancer risks but unfortunately nothing is working so I do not have many options or control over the situation. What I do have control over is my body and eating healthy.
Honey, take a minute.
One problem I am seeing is that you are defining "Look your best" by some external definition of what "best" looks like. The problem is that bodies are very different things, and they're shaped in very different ways, and I'm not just talking about weight.
It took me a long time to realize that whatever weight I was, I was never going to have the hip curve of the women in the magazines, because my hips are not and never will be shaped like that. My hipbones are where they are, my thighbones are where they are, and it would take major bone surgery to move them.
My waist and belly button are never going to look like the pictures, because I'm very short waisted. I remember thinking "Wow, I just don't look like that in a swimsuit' and its because the space between the bottom of my ribs and my belly button is just not the same. I'm not shaped like that.
My shoulders are sloped and rounded. My collarbone juts out and starts to look bony while I still have a potbelly. My breasts point in opposite directions. I'm so short waisted that I have a hip shelf because there's no room for a taper. None of those are "ideal" and I've seen young women talking about all those things in despair. But they aren't character flaws, they're just how your body is put together. Not all bodies can EVER look like the image of "perfection" that we're given, or that we select out of the mass of images we're exposed to.
"Looking your best" means looking YOUR best, not looking your grandma's best or some magazine's best or your roommate's best or your sister's best. And it might not be just like you imagined when you started this journey, but you've got to let your body be itself, and you have to learn to be yourself IN your body.
100%! I too had fallen to where op is at. I wanted to look like Ariana Grande.... except even at my lowest weight I still felt so fat.
Well at 5'1 and 98 pounds.... I WAS skinny, but I still didnt look like her. Why? Because I have a straight/althetic build with a medium-large bone structure. My abdomen is short and straight, my hips narrow and my boobies too far apart lol.
It took a paychologist and a nutritionist to tell me I was anorexic and had body dismorphia.
Eventually I started reading self help books such as self esteem books, eating books(intuitive eating, brain over binge) and also biology books!
After putting on 20 pounds and seeig a therapist for 6+ months Ive realized my body will never look like skinny models bodies.
Op you need to understand that being skinny is not the only socially acceptable/desirable way to be. Stop putting so much emphasis and VALUE on your weight. Stop doing it for society.5 -
sfaust2196 wrote: »crzycatlady1 wrote: »sfaust2196 wrote: »Thanks for the help! My metabolism is messed up because I lost weight quickly at 1200 cals a day with exercise. I also have hormonal imbalances, insulin resistance, possible PCOS, reasons for not getting my period.
I would LOVE a food scale but my roommates would freak out. They already reported me to the campus nutritionist and now I have to go to therapy every week. A food scale is just not possible in my situation:( I wish it was.
I guess recomp seems to be the way to go I'm just so clueless. Thanks..
OP do you have a history with EDs by chance? Somethings 'off' here.....
NO! My friends and family and nutritionist just think I'm getting one. My best friend was anorexic in high school and trust me, I'm NOT! Yes, I obsess about it but they just don't understand! I put so much work into this and it's frustrating to not see results! I feel like I worked so hard I should look how I want to look and I just don't. They think I look "great" but they don't see the cellulite and rolls that I do. I just want to be happy about my body and it isn't cooperating. I'm terrified of increasing anything because I don't want to gain weight and have all my hard work be for nothing:(
Red flag, trust me! My own history shows this as a red flag. Don't obsess, it's step one down a LOOOOOOOONNGGG and dark road!! Appreciate they care, and think about it, if you saw your room mate obsess like this, wouldn't you worry too?2 -
OP, have a {{{{{hug}}}}}. This is obviously causing you a lot of distress, in fact it sounds like it's beginning to take over your life. Do you think that if you achieve your goal of weight in the 130s, that you will be free of the worry and able to fully invest your energy in other areas of life? I think you'd find, if you talked to others who have battled to get to a low weight, that you'll find that getting there is not the end of it. The goal posts will keep moving. The worry of regaining the weight will be constantly with you. You will almost certainly be no happier.
I'm speaking from experience, and out of real compassion for your situation. Our stats are eerily similar. I'm 5'10. I weigh 149lbs. My measurements are 34/26.5/38.5". I've lost 60lbs in 2 years. I fought for every lb. I work out for an hour a day. At first my goal was to get to a healthy BMI (170lb). Then my goal was to get to 150lb (my lowest adult weight). Then my goal was to get to 135lb (my skinny - and I mean skinny - teenage weight). It's madness, it never ends. Everyone says I look tiny, but I genuinely feel fatter at this weight than I did 30lbs ago. And like you, it feels incredibly unjust that I work so damn hard and don't have a supermodel body to show for it.
Have you heard of Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified (EDNOS) DSM-IV? It's real and I believe it is more prevalent than any of us admit. It's defined as
a feeding or eating disorder that causes significant distress or impairment, but does not meet the criteria for another feeding or eating disorder. One example is Atypical anorexia nervosa (weight is not below normal). Sadly, our culture is the perfect breeding ground for this kind of obsession. Everywhere we look we are told that thinness=attractiveness and attractiveness=love. And love=everything: safety, acceptance, everything a human needs & wants. It is not surprising that we become obsessed with attaining a perfect body.
There has been some good advice so far, that actually address your original question, but I question whether you are in a safe place right now to follow that advice. I think you are at a tipping point (I teeter there myself). Do you want to be happy? If you think that losing 10lbs is the only way to secure that, you really need to seek help (and be determined to work as hard in therapy as you work in the gym, because you'll only get out what you put in). I strongly recommend that you put your weight loss on hold (that doesn't mean you will regain the weight, that you need to lose your fitness, or that you stop eating healthily) until you find some peace on the whole subject of your body. You are 20, your whole life is ahead of you. Do you want to live it like this? Or do you want to be at peace, to feel good about yourself, to know that you can trust yourself to take good care of your amazing body & mind? I think the choices you make now may well answer that question for your future.7 -
I do about the same amount of excercise & probably about the same amount of walking & my maintence is 2500 too. I find that I lost the vanity weight when I eat a little more & try to move a little slower. Vanity weight doesn't like to come off so easily (: You can "fool" your body by eating at maintenence a few days & below a few days & going slow. I'm 5'6" 118 lbs now. I never shoot for 1700 calories, the lowest I go is 2000 & try to end the week at 1750 below (about 1/2 lb). Typical days would be 2000 for 4 days, 2500 for 2 days, & 2750 for one day. I also found that when I included calcium from dairy at 120% I had much better results. It was crazy how much better my results were actually!! Good luck, but go slow. This isn't a great time of year to be trying to lose and if you try too hard it really can lead to binging when you can't live up to your own expectations.1
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One last thing is that I really do feel like having a day where you go slightly over keeps my metabolism revved up & I see better results!!0
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At your height 140 is perfect weight. Sometimes weight goes up and down. You could be missing ur periods from the weight loss and intense workouts loosing ur period is not healthy it leads to having brittle bones and hormonal problems s see a naturopath in at what helped me get my periods back0
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Fellow Stephanie, I just want to give you a hug. I'm also 5'11" and was around 145 when I was that age. It's a good, healthy weight girl. What's not so good and healthy is your mindset, as everyone here has already pointed out. Taking care of your health includes more than just your body, you need to take care of yourself mentally and emotionally too. You're your own worst enemy there, and you need to find professionals who can help you and who you feel comfortable with. Your therapist you have now? Don't like him? Change. Want to change your body but also make sure you're doing it healthy? Why not look into a personal trainer to show you how to do weights?
I understand where you're coming from and how you've gotten here, I truly do. Being 5'11" you're always going to be the "big friend" because guess what, you're tall! Embrace it. Put the scale away. Work on managing your stress, because it's killing you girl. Screw what grandma thinks, a woman who gets her rocks off being mean to little kids will not suddenly go "wow you look amazing!" at Christmas dinner, so let go of that pipe dream.
Be kind to yourself.6 -
stephmph16 wrote: »Screw what grandma thinks, a woman who gets her rocks off being mean to little kids will not suddenly go "wow you look amazing!" at Christmas dinner, so let go of that pipe dream.
Be kind to yourself.
Awesomed
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stephmph16 wrote: »Screw what grandma thinks, a woman who gets her rocks off being mean to little kids will not suddenly go "wow you look amazing!" at Christmas dinner, so let go of that pipe dream.
Be kind to yourself.
OMG, this is so, so true. If she gives up on talking about your weight, she will switch to something else, and probably keep comparing you to other people. If she couldn't be loving and supportive before, it wasn't about you, it was about her.3
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