Gym Instructor won't leave me alone.
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OK... I haven't read all of this thread, but most of it.
Is it me or is everyone else afraid to call this HARASSMENT??? Go STRAIGHT to management and tell them in no uncertain terms that if they don't reprimand this guy and make him stay away from you, you will take your business elsewhere, and be prepared to actually do that.
Stop making excuses and get real with this issue.
Just my two cents...4 -
OP you aren't overreacting for wanting to be left alone. He's being overly pushy which is defeating his purpose of trying to get you to sign up for PT lessons. By constantly badgering you, he's alienating you and making you not want to work with him. By asking you to do moves that you told him would aggravate a previous injury he's showing you that he's not worth hiring.
Tell him point blank, "I am not hiring you to be my PT. I'm not paying for anything besides my membership." Once he sees he can't get any money from you, he'll leave you alone; unless, he is trying to sleep with you like others have mentioned (it's possible that he is. Idk).
Also, go to a manager and tell them that they need to have more training on how to solicit potential clients. Let them know that constantly interrupting clients workouts and bothering them will have the opposite affect that they want.0 -
I know this is hard to do because we're strongly socialized against it, but don't apologize for saying no and don't thank him for unsolicited advice. It weakens your "no" and gives a false impression that you wanted or gained anything from his intrusion. It's hard to be blunt sometimes, I totally get it, but I think you'd get farther with this dipstick by being more forceful in your no. Instead of saying "thanks so much" and "I'm sorry but I don't want your advice," just say "I am not interested in training with you." If he gets offended, that's on him. Butting in without invitation is extremely rude, and you have every right to tell him to back off without apologizing for hurting his feelings. You are under no obligation to do exercises you don't want or physically can't do, and it's not worth potentially injuring yourself to avoid confrontation or protect someone else's fragile ego. If he's new, he needs to learn how to sell his services without being intrusive, and it helps neither of you to give in to pressure and intrusion.
(I'd say the same if it was a female trainer, for the record)4 -
Lol I obviously didn't mean those responses. I more meant the ones that go something like, "I"m sorry but I'm not interested in your services" or "I'm not paying for a PT so please leave me alone."
Yeah, I figured. I was just having some fun with the fact that you said, "everyone" is being polite.0 -
Lol I obviously didn't mean those responses. I more meant the ones that go something like, "I"m sorry but I'm not interested in your services" or "I'm not paying for a PT so please leave me alone."
I think it's because people are trying to give the OP something that she would say. From her posts it seems like it's hard for her to be assertive, so OP is not going to tell him to "back the f**k off!" I know what I would personally say. I would personally make him cry or make him afraid to ever speak to me again b/c he intruded on my me time, interrupted my session, didn't even give advice that was worth interrupting my workout for, and he told me to do exercises that I already told you caused me pain due to a previous injury.2 -
Just tell him, "Look, I appreciate the advice, but I am happy with what I am doing and I don't like to be bothered while here. Thanks." If he approaches you again, then give him the, "Not to be rude, but as I said I don't like to be bothered. If this is an issue I can take it up with your manager." After that. Just get a manager.
Rather see it dealt with directly than indirectly. And he may truly be trying to be helpful and just sucks at it, so give him a second warning and be firm.0 -
VioletRojo wrote: »Zero percent of anyone who is not my husband gets to comment about my crotch. It would be considered harassment for *anyone* else to comment about it without consent.
He didn't comment on her crotch, OP felt he was too close to it.He was telling me to do a glute bridge with a heavier bar bell. I meant he knelt next to me so his head was far too near my crotch. Yes the crotch doesn't get exercised but it is heavily involved in that one!
Yeah. That's a little different. Weird, but I must have misread or interpreted from other comments.0 -
fitoverfortymom wrote: »
Not disagreeing with your comment about her being kind, but making excuses for a harasser shouldn't be considered "kind," I'm sorry. It might not look like he's doing it to anyone else, but he probably is. All these creeps do. By reporting him, you might also be helping another woman at the gym who also feels mortified by this man. Don't be kind or make excuses for this man, because regardless of his reasons, they're inappropriate. If I were a member of your gym and saw that, I'd go right up to him and yell in his face to leave you alone, honestly.Cutaway_Collar wrote: »You are a kind person. I would raise a sheetstorm that some people would almost get fired. My experience with this was in an Equinox where a trainer was getting to sign me up for Equifit and personal training. Second time I was a little buggered with the unsolicited advice. Third time, I went an a tirade, his manager came to me and apologized. He disappeared for a week. He came back and would never be in the same area as I was.
You are not being helped. You are being harassed. Stand up for yourself and talk to the management.
Wow! So you assume he only talks to women and not guys?!
Here is bombshell he works in a gym as a gym instructor it's his job to instruct/help the gym members and sell pt he needs to talk to "people" to do that.
If you made it very clear your not interested then I agree with everything above if you haven't then you should make it crystal clear once and then if he does it again then complain.
I mean, I (and you) only have the information OP gave, and she said she told him no, twice. So if you want to defend someone who, gym instructor or not, was out of bounds (seriously, unsolicited advice I understand, but no trainer should ever mention my crotch. Ever.) that's your decision. But I firmly believe that if someone feels uncomfortable, they should speak up. And telling management won't necessarily get the guy fired, it'll cause them to look into it farther. And if this guy has a clean record, he's perfectly safe. But she's a paying member of the gym, she has a right not to be made feel uncomfortable.
Zero percent of anyone who is not my husband gets to comment about my crotch. It would be considered harassment for *anyone* else to comment about it without consent.
For me it depends on the workout. From the PT helping me with lifting right now, it would be weird b/c we don't do exercises that involve that area. But my PT for pole will frequently give me heads up when learning new moves about watching out for my crotch. Just on Wednesday her exact words were, "don't move your leg like this b/c if you do you'll lose your balance and you'll slam your crotch into the pole." I appreciate warnings like that, lol. But pole is a lot more loose in things like this b/c eventually everyone's crotch or butt or boobs or foot are going to be in everyone's face due to spotting for moves; especially, if you're short and spotting someone tall. It's just the nature of the beast that is pole.0 -
I've only been to the gym once since I posted and he wasn't there. If he makes me feel uncomfortable in any way I will speak to management tomorrow. I don't want to get anyone fired, but I don't want a man making me feel inferior and intimidated in a gym I've been at for nearly two years.
Thanks all.
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I've only been to the gym once since I posted and he wasn't there. If he makes me feel uncomfortable in any way I will speak to management tomorrow. I don't want to get anyone fired, but I don't want a man making me feel inferior and intimidated in a gym I've been at for nearly two years.
Thanks all.
You won't get him fired. You wouldn't be making a complaint about a frivolous thing. If he were to get fired, and that's a big maybe, it would be because he was already warned about this behavior/already on probabtion and he continued to do it anyway. He would be the one getting himself fired. Not you.6 -
I assume he is on probation period (unless that's only a uk thing) he has been there less than 3 weeks so they can prob just say it's not working out.
One alternative would be to maybe voice your concerns to a female trainer there if they have them and u would feel more comfortable doing that. Say you think he is being to pushy and it makes u uncomfortable but ur not the sort of person that's really assertive say you thought about going to management but you don't want to be seen overacting or get him in trouble if he is just being a pushy salesperson.
If the female trainer is a half decent person they would say something to him for you and if he is just a pushy pt will leave you alone (and feel embarished). If he isn't and he keeps it up go to management as he clearly has a problem0 -
Hon, if you complain and he gets fired, you can be assured you were not the only complaint.4
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I appreciate all comments from both sides. I am concerned I am over reacting but I didn't feel in a position not to do the exercises he asked me to. As I said I felt like I was being told off at school. When he asked me to do an exercise for him I said 'No, I can't do that I have *insert injury*' (even told him it ruined my dance career). He still pushed me to do it for him. I again, said 'really? I don't want to.' He then said, yea 'you look like you are scared you are going to fall over.'
He then tried to show me a wall stretching exercise which I knew would hurt. I said, no I physically can't do that, he insisted. Maybe I'm a wimp, but I felt pressured.
The second time I was lying on the floor just finished and he offered to help me with something. I said no, and that I didn't really want to try. He still insisted I tried. I did one rep, and said 'sorry, I'm pretty knackered'. And he backed off a bit but he still kept going on. I also wasn't comfortable doing an exercise that mostly involved my crotch!
The other twice I have seen him watching me (through the mirror I'm not looking for him) and my friend said, don't worry there is no WAY he will approach you twice.
You have to pay for personal training services at my gym, the only time the staff are milling about is when they are cleaning. I've never had anyone chat to me before.
I agree that he was being unprofessional by not picking up on your reluctance. However, some guys do not understand No unless it is clear and unambiguous. Going along with his suggestions sends mixed messages.
I recommend you watch Terminator 2 and the next time you are in a situation like this channel up some Linda Hamilton as she's breaking out of the hospital attitude
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Wear Earphones!!!1
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If you have been clear and said "no thank you I am fine", and he continued to push it then yes absolutely mention it to the management. Unfortunately as women we tend to get men that want to help us, without considering it might make us uncomfortable and without asking us if we even want it! Many times they don't realize they are making us feel weird but if it IS making you uncomfortable then it needs to be mentioned you deserve to feel comfortable at the gym.0
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Couple of thoughtsI've only been to the gym once since I posted and he wasn't there. If he makes me feel uncomfortable in any way I will speak to management tomorrow. I don't want to get anyone fired, but I don't want a man making me feel inferior and intimidated in a gym I've been at for nearly two years.
Thanks all.
- you said you know your stuff, so don't be self conscious and let his actions bother you (hard to do maybe but try it on)
- remember he's a wolf hunting for clients, so he can get paid. Such trainers are not on salary.
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He should have picked up on your hints but, at the same time, you shouldn't have gone through with routines you know would be painful because it sends a signal to him that you really can do the things he's asking..because you did do them. IMO it's unfair to go to management about his behaviour until you've told him in no uncertain terms that you don't want his help and you also don't cave and do the exercises anyway.3
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I don't wear earphones during my weights routine because I have nowhere to put my phone, although it would be funny to ignore him when they are clearly not plugged in to anything!
I'm not a weak or shy person, he made me feel intimidated! I'd much prefer a women's only workout area, men in general looking at us is bad enough, without the instructors joining in.1
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