Eating When Hungry vs. Sticking to a Calorie Plan

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  • Unknown
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  • rankinsect
    rankinsect Posts: 2,238 Member
    RickyCoogin wrote: »
    Why?

    Why not? A lot of people find tall men very attractive. Personally, at 5'7" I kind of wish I had the height of my dad or my uncles - none of whom are under 6 feet - but that wasn't in the cards for me. I definitely do like being on the bigger side, though I didn't like being morbidly obese, so for now I'm "just overweight" and feeling fine about it.

    At the end of the day, all you can really do is work on the things you can change, accept the things you can't, and be confident in yourself. Even if we accepted as fact that being tall and broad-shouldered was less attractive - although I think, if anything, modern western society actually considers it more attractive - it's not like being tall somehow equates to being Quazimodo or something. Some people are tall, others are short, some are rail-thin, others are brawny, all of them can be beautiful.

    Beauty isn't absolute or universal, it's aesthetics, different societies and different people have different opinions, and that's part of what makes humanity interesting. It would be a really boring world if everyone shared your opinions on everything.
  • MelanieCN77
    MelanieCN77 Posts: 4,047 Member
    I feel like we shouldn't continue to discuss this with the OP in this thread, as if truly diagnosed with BDD we could actually be doing more harm than good in engaging at length on what is a really big deal in his life when none of us are professionals.
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  • rankinsect
    rankinsect Posts: 2,238 Member
    RickyCoogin wrote: »
    rankin - I'm aware that some women are really into tall men. Usually they are taller women. I think most women want a guy of average height and build.

    I don't think I'm ugly, nor freakishly tall. The problem I have is that I don't like the image women have of a big bald guy: tough, strong, not caring how he looks, etc. I know some women think big bald guys are hot, but that doesn't mean I love being that way just because it might get me laid.

    Well, remember that while first impressions matter, it's someone's CURRENT impression that matters more. Once people get to know you, their experiences make up the bulk of their perception of you.

    And if you don't like aspects of how you think you're perceived, there are other things you could do to give a different impression. For example, if you think you come across as not caring how you look, buy and wear very nice clothing that fits you well. Experiment with different types of cologne. There are definitely things you can do to change the first impression others have of you, even without changing anything about your body.
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  • red99ryder
    red99ryder Posts: 399 Member
    RickyCoogin wrote: »
    Physical attraction comes first. If they're not attracted to me, they won't want to bother finding out what kind of person I am.

    I want to date someone attractive. Attractive people have the privilege of being picky in who they date. It doesn't make them vain, it means they have a wider selection. A great deal of people settle for less and pretend the one they're with is the one they want, when they know it's simply all they can get.

    I don't want to date someone who thinks I look attractive as I am right now. I'm going to have a hard enough time accepting that they're going to notice the stuff I hate about how I look that I can't change.

    I'm sorry this is NOT a dating site .
    .

    Good luck
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  • sarko15
    sarko15 Posts: 330 Member
    RickyCoogin wrote: »
    So you approve of me being insulted as punishment for not subscribing to the idea that looks don't matter and that only shallow, worthless people would ever consider physical attractiveness as criteria for a romantic and sexual partner?

    That's all anyone told me. A condescending "the right girl won't care what you look like...only totally shallow people actually care about looks." Give me a break. Whether you think me attractive or not, I'm going to be judged partially by my looks...and I don't begrudge anyone who does it. We all do it. I make assumptions based on looks all the time, and you do, too.

    Weight loss sites live off the dramatic transformations people make. It hurts me a lot that while I can lose weight, I'm always going to be seen as big. Others can lose enough to avoid that, and yet I'm supposed to take pride in being big like it's some good thing.

    Okay, let's try again...

    Please tell me in what way you want us to help you? And we will do our best to oblige because we do care. One thing though, is we won't promote unhealthy ideals.
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  • MelanieCN77
    MelanieCN77 Posts: 4,047 Member
    You made it the business of thousands of people by posting here, and I was actually addressing everyone but you.
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  • sarko15
    sarko15 Posts: 330 Member
    RickyCoogin wrote: »
    Masculinity is embarrassing and unnecessary. I'm not saying I have trouble being a guy, but this is ridiculous. I'm half a foot taller than the average guy. I have hair on my stomach, chest, shoulders and back (and don't think for a minute I would ever date without getting rid of at least the hair on the latter two regions). I think I'm average build despite being fat and that means that even if I have no belly, I'll still have broad shoulders and when I sit down on the train, I'll have to hunch and nobody will want to sit by me (not that I'm really desiring company) because I'm the big wide guy taking up all the space.

    I don't want to date a girl who wants a really masculine guy. I don't want a girl who loves a big or tall guy. Definitely not a girl who actually - ugh - prefers a bald guy. I would rather a girl who said, "I've never been into big bald guys, but after talking to you..." Most of the girls I've found into big bald guys want someone blue-collar and tough. I'm not interested in that.


    So the vibe I'm getting is you don't want someone who would want you? You prefer the chase?

    Not trying to be rude, I'm just trying to understand. As a woman, who knows other women well, I am pretty sure that there are girls out there who would be attracted to you, as you are. But if a girl is attracted to you, what then? Would you give her a chance?
  • rankinsect
    rankinsect Posts: 2,238 Member
    RickyCoogin wrote: »
    That's all anyone told me. A condescending "the right girl won't care what you look like...only totally shallow people actually care about looks." Give me a break. Whether you think me attractive or not, I'm going to be judged partially by my looks...and I don't begrudge anyone who does it. We all do it. I make assumptions based on looks all the time, and you do, too.

    First, there is a difference between having "assumptions" made because of your looks and being "judged" based on looks.

    Second, yes, people will make assumptions based on looks (and age, race, gender, dress, grooming habits, and all sorts of other things). And then, as they get to know you, they replace those assumptions with actual knowledge about you. A first impression is not a last impression unless you have no interaction. If someone's first impression is "tough", but you're actually shy and sensitive, once people get to know you they'll shift their perception accordingly.
  • nutmegoreo
    nutmegoreo Posts: 15,532 Member
    sarko15 wrote: »
    RickyCoogin wrote: »
    Masculinity is embarrassing and unnecessary. I'm not saying I have trouble being a guy, but this is ridiculous. I'm half a foot taller than the average guy. I have hair on my stomach, chest, shoulders and back (and don't think for a minute I would ever date without getting rid of at least the hair on the latter two regions). I think I'm average build despite being fat and that means that even if I have no belly, I'll still have broad shoulders and when I sit down on the train, I'll have to hunch and nobody will want to sit by me (not that I'm really desiring company) because I'm the big wide guy taking up all the space.

    I don't want to date a girl who wants a really masculine guy. I don't want a girl who loves a big or tall guy. Definitely not a girl who actually - ugh - prefers a bald guy. I would rather a girl who said, "I've never been into big bald guys, but after talking to you..." Most of the girls I've found into big bald guys want someone blue-collar and tough. I'm not interested in that.


    So the vibe I'm getting is you don't want someone who would want you? You prefer the chase?

    Not trying to be rude, I'm just trying to understand. As a woman, who knows other women well, I am pretty sure that there are girls out there who would be attracted to you, as you are. But if a girl is attracted to you, what then? Would you give her a chance?

    Of course she wouldn't get a chance because clearly she is worthless:
    Having someone find me attractive is usually not good news, both because of what they find attractive and who they turn to be (e.g., desperate, not well-educated, no career, etc.).
  • SeptemberFeyre
    SeptemberFeyre Posts: 178 Member
    Like I said in my earlier post, you really need to do your own research and find out why you have such low self esteem. Just by reading what you wrote, I see you re-laying one sign of low self esteem after another. If I was a betting woman, and I'm not, I would bet you never had much much of a positive male role model growing up. It's really none of my business and I don't mean to get all psychological on you, just something to think about. What in your life has made you think being masculine is embarrassing? You have no reason to be embarrassed about all of these body traits you have described, they are perfectly normal for MANY men.
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  • Unknown
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    edited January 2017
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  • sarko15
    sarko15 Posts: 330 Member
    Hey, here are some people trying to be nice to you and now you're calling them dicks. You're probably going to get blocked. Enjoy.
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