Eating When Hungry vs. Sticking to a Calorie Plan

joans1976

Please look into other types of therapy besides what you found didn't work for you in the past. There are many, many types and I know you know you need some outside guidance.
I am very sorry you are so miserable. Please get help. You seem to have a lot to offer but only after you take care of you.
Best of luck.

stylzemail

Yes -that ok idea. But calories too high for fat loss, unless you workout a lot or be a runner to burn up, the excess up.

Christine_72

If you were really short and scrawny, you'd do just about anything to be big and tall. I'm 5"8 and have always felt like a big ol heifer next to short petite women, I've always wanted to be short and slight. But obviously this isn't in the cards for me, so I've learnt to accept the things i can not change and try and focus on the positive things instead of dwelling on the negative.

amyepdx

Two pieces of advice - do with them what you will:
Start living in the moment. Figure out your calories for 2 lbs a week and each week you'll see your loses and gain more confidence in the process. I don't understand not wanting to work out to preserve muscle mass, but think about reconsidering it. Keeping to a routine - food shopping, preparing meals, exercising - will also get you out of your own head and help to stop the negative thoughts.
And - stop fantasizing about movie stars

nowine4me

OP 1) I'm female, 5-7" and 51 years old, I lose at 2000 calories a day 2) I've lost 75#, twice and wouldn't recommend that. Don't just white knuckle and speed through this -- take some time to learn great habits along the way 3) photoshop. Just kidding.

HippySkoppy

Your head space makes you incredibly judgemental not only of yourself but others as well. You depise the genetic hand you have been dealt and as you have said in your other post you are resentful and resistent of these differences and they are percieved to be flaws.

Fair enough you have physical preferences for women but you also seek to avoid/control their thoughts about you ie: You would cringe/be triggered if they mention that your height appeals to them and God forbid they tell you that they feel safe with you because of your height or that they love your face including your baldness.

Your toxic relationship with yourself has no doubt poisoned every human interaction you have ever had and I'm not surprised you are alone nor been willing to acknowledge that you alone have made not progress with this disorded thinking. No wonder too that you have not continued seeking treatment for these thought patterns, anyone disagreeing with you is summarily wrong/doesn't understand you and that opinion is therefore discarded. Right now you can blame all your isolation and focus all your rage and despair on these percieved physical imperfections.

You are free to judge yourself harshly and in any manner that you choose but I find it offensive that you categorize ALL tall, balding men so harshly simply because you are wrong. How do I know this. I am married to one of those men and my Son is another and they are kind, honourable, appealing and successful people, so how about you lay off generalizing, YOU think this way and as you have already said your thinking is disordered.

goldthistime

In fairness to the OP, I was watching A Series of Unfortunate Events on Netflix tonight and in it there was a minor character who was tall and bald, who was referred to by another character as an oaf. So the stereotype exists to a certain extent.

OP also admits to having BDD.

Can't leave it though without saying that, were I a man, I'd want to be tall and broad shouldered.

rankinsect

RickyCoogin wrote: »

Why?

Why not? A lot of people find tall men very attractive. Personally, at 5'7" I kind of wish I had the height of my dad or my uncles - none of whom are under 6 feet - but that wasn't in the cards for me. I definitely do like being on the bigger side, though I didn't like being morbidly obese, so for now I'm "just overweight" and feeling fine about it.

At the end of the day, all you can really do is work on the things you can change, accept the things you can't, and be confident in yourself. Even if we accepted as fact that being tall and broad-shouldered was less attractive - although I think, if anything, modern western society actually considers it more attractive - it's not like being tall somehow equates to being Quazimodo or something. Some people are tall, others are short, some are rail-thin, others are brawny, all of them can be beautiful.

Beauty isn't absolute or universal, it's aesthetics, different societies and different people have different opinions, and that's part of what makes humanity interesting. It would be a really boring world if everyone shared your opinions on everything.

MelanieCN77

I feel like we shouldn't continue to discuss this with the OP in this thread, as if truly diagnosed with BDD we could actually be doing more harm than good in engaging at length on what is a really big deal in his life when none of us are professionals.

rankinsect

RickyCoogin wrote: »

rankin - I'm aware that some women are really into tall men. Usually they are taller women. I think most women want a guy of average height and build.

I don't think I'm ugly, nor freakishly tall. The problem I have is that I don't like the image women have of a big bald guy: tough, strong, not caring how he looks, etc. I know some women think big bald guys are hot, but that doesn't mean I love being that way just because it might get me laid.

Well, remember that while first impressions matter, it's someone's CURRENT impression that matters more. Once people get to know you, their experiences make up the bulk of their perception of you.

And if you don't like aspects of how you think you're perceived, there are other things you could do to give a different impression. For example, if you think you come across as not caring how you look, buy and wear very nice clothing that fits you well. Experiment with different types of cologne. There are definitely things you can do to change the first impression others have of you, even without changing anything about your body.

red99ryder

RickyCoogin wrote: »

Physical attraction comes first. If they're not attracted to me, they won't want to bother finding out what kind of person I am.

I want to date someone attractive. Attractive people have the privilege of being picky in who they date. It doesn't make them vain, it means they have a wider selection. A great deal of people settle for less and pretend the one they're with is the one they want, when they know it's simply all they can get.

I don't want to date someone who thinks I look attractive as I am right now. I'm going to have a hard enough time accepting that they're going to notice the stuff I hate about how I look that I can't change.

I'm sorry this is NOT a dating site .
.

Good luck

Nony_Mouse

RickyCoogin wrote: »

rankin - I'm aware that some women are really into tall men. Usually they are taller women. I think most women want a guy of average height and build.

I don't think I'm ugly, nor freakishly tall. The problem I have is that I don't like the image women have of a big bald guy: tough, strong, not caring how he looks, etc. I know some women think big bald guys are hot, but that doesn't mean I love being that way just because it might get me laid.

How about you stop thinking you know a damn thing about what women think or want, because clearly you don't have a clue.

Now I can't speak for my entire gender of course, but what I'm reasonably sure of is that most women tend to find judgemental prats pretty unattractive, even if they are drop dead gorgeous. You may want to think about that.

sarko15

RickyCoogin wrote: »

Hey, thanks. It's really confidence-inspiring when someone comes on here to take a cheap shot. You could have offered me help, but you gave me so much more.

We tried? And you shut everyone down?

SeptemberFeyre

OP, I hope this sounds as kind as it is meant to be... You really need to do a google search on symptoms of low self esteem and really research it. Find out what you can do to get better and make your self happy with who you are. Really think about why you dislike yourself this much, and I'm not talking about weight--that's understandable, but your height, you don't want muscle tone, ect, ect. You seem to think any masculine trait is unattractive. Why is that?

Nony_Mouse

Stop projecting what you think onto everybody else. And what do you think calling the people who are trying to help you 'condescending' is, if not an insult? Glass houses...

sarko15

RickyCoogin wrote: »

So you approve of me being insulted as punishment for not subscribing to the idea that looks don't matter and that only shallow, worthless people would ever consider physical attractiveness as criteria for a romantic and sexual partner?

That's all anyone told me. A condescending "the right girl won't care what you look like...only totally shallow people actually care about looks." Give me a break. Whether you think me attractive or not, I'm going to be judged partially by my looks...and I don't begrudge anyone who does it. We all do it. I make assumptions based on looks all the time, and you do, too.

Weight loss sites live off the dramatic transformations people make. It hurts me a lot that while I can lose weight, I'm always going to be seen as big. Others can lose enough to avoid that, and yet I'm supposed to take pride in being big like it's some good thing.

Okay, let's try again...

Please tell me in what way you want us to help you? And we will do our best to oblige because we do care. One thing though, is we won't promote unhealthy ideals.

MelanieCN77

You made it the business of thousands of people by posting here, and I was actually addressing everyone but you.

sarko15

RickyCoogin wrote: »

Masculinity is embarrassing and unnecessary. I'm not saying I have trouble being a guy, but this is ridiculous. I'm half a foot taller than the average guy. I have hair on my stomach, chest, shoulders and back (and don't think for a minute I would ever date without getting rid of at least the hair on the latter two regions). I think I'm average build despite being fat and that means that even if I have no belly, I'll still have broad shoulders and when I sit down on the train, I'll have to hunch and nobody will want to sit by me (not that I'm really desiring company) because I'm the big wide guy taking up all the space.

I don't want to date a girl who wants a really masculine guy. I don't want a girl who loves a big or tall guy. Definitely not a girl who actually - ugh - prefers a bald guy. I would rather a girl who said, "I've never been into big bald guys, but after talking to you..." Most of the girls I've found into big bald guys want someone blue-collar and tough. I'm not interested in that.

So the vibe I'm getting is you don't want someone who would want you? You prefer the chase?

Not trying to be rude, I'm just trying to understand. As a woman, who knows other women well, I am pretty sure that there are girls out there who would be attracted to you, as you are. But if a girl is attracted to you, what then? Would you give her a chance?

rankinsect

RickyCoogin wrote: »

That's all anyone told me. A condescending "the right girl won't care what you look like...only totally shallow people actually care about looks." Give me a break. Whether you think me attractive or not, I'm going to be judged partially by my looks...and I don't begrudge anyone who does it. We all do it. I make assumptions based on looks all the time, and you do, too.

First, there is a difference between having "assumptions" made because of your looks and being "judged" based on looks.

Second, yes, people will make assumptions based on looks (and age, race, gender, dress, grooming habits, and all sorts of other things). And then, as they get to know you, they replace those assumptions with actual knowledge about you. A first impression is not a last impression unless you have no interaction. If someone's first impression is "tough", but you're actually shy and sensitive, once people get to know you they'll shift their perception accordingly.

Christine_72

I think it's time to join the priesthood