Eating When Hungry vs. Sticking to a Calorie Plan

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  • sarko15
    sarko15 Posts: 330 Member
    RickyCoogin wrote: »
    So it's not right to have preferences? Why is it wrong for someone to say, "I don't want to date a fat person because I simply don't find them attractive."

    I want someone attractive myself. I'm not about to put pictures of me online not looking my best because the woman who might not find me attractive at 260-plus may find me attractive when I'm under 200 lbs. Besides, I don't want to date a woman who finds me attractive looking as I do now.

    You can of course have preferences, but you have to admit they're shallow. And, it's not particularly common for someone to prefer someone who is unhealthy, thin or not. I think people typically prefer partners that take care of themselves. You deserve someone who likes you no matter what you weigh. If you don't do date looking like you do now, that's okay. But remember that healthy weight loss is a marathon, not a sprint. Health is the ultimate goal, and is in my opinion far more attractive than general size.
  • cmtigger
    cmtigger Posts: 1,450 Member
    RickyCoogin wrote: »
    This is good advice...it's just so frustrating to me that it's going to take such a long time. I really do feel like my life is on hold and I'm nearing 40, so I'm worried what my prospects will be like even if I'm in shape.

    I'm already struggling a great deal with what I can't change about how I look that it's really tempting for me to say "I give up. I'm always going to be a big guy anyway since I'm stuck with this height and build..."

    Why does your life need to be on hold until you loose weight?
  • youdoyou2016
    youdoyou2016 Posts: 393 Member
    edited January 2017
    RickyCoogin wrote: »
    I'm 6'3", 262 and it's telling me I should expect it to take at least a year to lose the 75 lbs I want to lose. It says I should be eating OVER 2000 calories a day, and that's assuming I do no exercise whatsoever (for example, I jogged 2.5 miles the other day and it told me to eat like 2800 calories that day). That seems like way too much for someone who has as much weight as I do to lose and I don't want to wait an entire year to look decent.

    What Riley said is totally true with me. My hunger signals are all screwed up...I can't remember the last time I actually felt hungry. I might get some stomach growling, but hunger pangs don't follow them. I've often thought maybe for my first day, I should just not eat if I'm not hungry (figuring my stomach is probably full from the day before), but it also sets a bad precedent, especially if I eat when hungry and then think "Is that all I get for another five hours or so?"

    My opinion: don't believe the exercise-calorie-stuff for this site. A rule of thumb is that you burn 100 calories per mile. But to really know, you'd need a heart rate monitor and a GPS watch.

  • AllOutof_Bubblegum
    AllOutof_Bubblegum Posts: 3,646 Member
    RickyCoogin wrote: »
    That seems like way too much for someone who has as much weight as I do to lose and I don't want to wait an entire year to look decent.

    It's not way too much. The more you weigh the more you can eat and still lose weight, so at the weight you are now, it's a perfectly reasonable calorie goal for someone with your stats,

    Also, did it take you less than a year to put on that extra 75 pounds? I'm betting money that that's a 'no'. Why put the pressure on yourself to lose it aster than you gained it? That's extremely unfair. Be kind to yourself, and give your body the time it needs to lose weight slowly and steadily. Several studies point to higher chances of keeping weight off if it is lost at a reasonable clip, so it's really in your long-term best interest to stay patient.

  • MelanieCN77
    MelanieCN77 Posts: 4,047 Member
    RickyCoogin wrote: »
    Physical attraction comes first. If they're not attracted to me, they won't want to bother finding out what kind of person I am.

    I want to date someone attractive. Attractive people have the privilege of being picky in who they date. It doesn't make them vain, it means they have a wider selection. A great deal of people settle for less and pretend the one they're with is the one they want, when they know it's simply all they can get.

    I don't want to date someone who thinks I look attractive as I am right now. I'm going to have a hard enough time accepting that they're going to notice the stuff I hate about how I look that I can't change.

    I think you'll find as your dating age range ages with you, people choose to care about a wider range of things than looks. But that's a whole other question and a massive topic that nobody here is going to change your mind on. Good luck with your weight loss and I hope your relationship with food and eating gets better.
  • FreyasRebirth
    FreyasRebirth Posts: 514 Member
    The cruel truth of life is that no one is (naturally) "attractive" forever. Even thin, people get old(er). If you plan on starving yourself thin in 6 months, you can probably kiss your hair goodbye. If you have any existing muscle, that can also be cannibalized to keep more important parts of your body running. Building the muscle back up gets tougher as you age and testosterone levels drop.
  • goldthistime
    goldthistime Posts: 3,214 Member
    Sexy septuagenarian Susan Sarandon
    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=tkaEpUBUQDw
  • amyr271
    amyr271 Posts: 343 Member
    RickyCoogin wrote: »
    I started losing my hair when I was a teen so that's no issue...that's the other big reason I think I'm unattractive (I presume you were talking about malnutrition). I don't have that much existing muscle as far as I know (maybe in my legs). While I know trying to look like a stick is a bad idea, especially at my height, I don't want to look muscular. Bad enough I'm always going to be tall and broad shouldered no matter how much weight I lose.

    Last time I checked hair isn't what makes someone attractive! Plenty of women find bald guys attractive, Bruce Willis, Dwayne Johnson, Jason Statham!
    And having hair doesn't mean attractive think Steve Bucimi, Marilyn Manson.....
  • lynn_glenmont
    lynn_glenmont Posts: 10,072 Member
    RickyCoogin wrote: »
    Physical attraction comes first. If they're not attracted to me, they won't want to bother finding out what kind of person I am.

    I want to date someone attractive. Attractive people have the privilege of being picky in who they date. It doesn't make them vain, it means they have a wider selection. A great deal of people settle for less and pretend the one they're with is the one they want, when they know it's simply all they can get.

    I don't want to date someone who thinks I look attractive as I am right now. I'm going to have a hard enough time accepting that they're going to notice the stuff I hate about how I look that I can't change.

    Most people aren't attracted to people who hate things about themselves, even if their weight is appropriate for their height. Lack of confidence is not attractive. Self-hate tends to repel people. It gets tiresome having to try to prop up their egos, and eventually you start wondering, "if he's that judgmental about himself, when he's perfectly fine, what does he think about other people who are similar or even lacking compared to him? what does he think about me?"

    I can honestly say that, except for one guy, everyone I ever dated and then broke it off with, it was because they seemed to have low opinions of themselves in one way or another, whether it was about their looks or their social skills or their financial success or their past dating success. There was nothing fun about being around people who didn't think they were worthy to be dated. (The other guy? I liked him a lot, and enjoyed spending time with him, but he seemed to be on a fast track toward life-long commitment from the get-go, despite the fact that I didn't get the feeling he was really attracted to me, physically or emotionally -- more like maybe he was settling for like instead of love, or just wanted to believe he was in love. He married someone else within the year. She was really nice, and they seemed good together -- similar values and goals, similar ideas of fun, liked each other's friends -- so I hope it was right-time, right-girl, not just a continued determination on his part to find somebody/anybody to settle down with right then.)
  • amyr271
    amyr271 Posts: 343 Member
    RickyCoogin wrote: »
    I don't think any of those guys are attractive, they look like big meatheads. I'm embarrassed of my size and I'm hoping that losing weight will help me avoid looking like a stereotypical "big bald guy." It's bad enough people keep saying I look like a cop or a soldier. Worse, I've had people compare me to Brian Urlacher and Steve Wilkos, which, to me, is about the same as telling me I'm ugly.

    Funny you mentioned Buscemi...I commented on an article about him last week: "Say what you want about Steve Buscemi's looks...the guy has always had great hair."

    I get that you wanna look good to yourself as well but isn't it more important to be attractive to your partner? I don't find myself particularly attractive but suprisingly the things that I don't like are some of the things my boyfriend likes the most (and he told me before I voiced my opinions so I no he wasn't trying to make me feel better). Attraction is a weird thing and I personally haven't met anyone ever who is with someone because they can't do any better, which seems to be your fear.
    So you might think they look like meatheads but that woman you're looking for might think they're a piece of meat they wanna sink their teeth into
  • jenilla1
    jenilla1 Posts: 11,118 Member
    sarko15 wrote: »
    RickyCoogin wrote: »
    So it's not right to have preferences? Why is it wrong for someone to say, "I don't want to date a fat person because I simply don't find them attractive."

    I want someone attractive myself. I'm not about to put pictures of me online not looking my best because the woman who might not find me attractive at 260-plus may find me attractive when I'm under 200 lbs. Besides, I don't want to date a woman who finds me attractive looking as I do now.

    You can of course have preferences, but you have to admit they're shallow. And, it's not particularly common for someone to prefer someone who is unhealthy, thin or not. I think people typically prefer partners that take care of themselves. You deserve someone who likes you no matter what you weigh. If you don't do date looking like you do now, that's okay. But remember that healthy weight loss is a marathon, not a sprint. Health is the ultimate goal, and is in my opinion far more attractive than general size.

    I don't necessarily think that many fit people reject heavier people simply because they're shallow or only care about looks. I think many fit people look at someone who is not so fit and come to the conclusion (often correctly, sometimes not) that the two of them don't share the same goals, values and interests. It may simply be a compatibility thing. The fit person may be looking for an active partner who is interested in doing the same things. I think that even if you are heavier, if you are actively in the process of becoming more fit, that will appeal to many because it shows you share their interests and values, even if you aren't quite there yet. So slow down and don't rush. Don't burn out trying to do too much too fast. :)
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