Eating When Hungry vs. Sticking to a Calorie Plan
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The time will pass wether or not you're trying to lose weight. In a years time you can either be still overweight potentially even more so; or you will have lost weight and be healthier.
Only you can choose which road you're gonna go down.1 -
snickerscharlie wrote: »And since it's getting a dating bod that seems to be your priority, too rapid of a weight loss can also result in more dramatic loose, flabby skin folds which might raise a new concern for you.
You didn't get overweight overnight. Please don't try to lose it overnight, either. I honestly don't think you'll be happy with the results.
Seeing as you're focused on the aesthetic, I encourage you to read this and take it in if you didn't already.
As for the other stuff I wonder if you have some way to talk to a professional along the way? What you're embarking on isn't a task that has a start and an end, and looking at it like something you can dash off quick as poss and then be rid of is setting yourself up for failure. This is just my opinion based on the tone and nature of your comments in this thread. You gotta look at it like a lifestyle you're adopting for now until maybe forever with some adjustments along the way, and find a way to settle in and get comfy with how it is.3 -
RickyCoogin wrote: »So it's not right to have preferences? Why is it wrong for someone to say, "I don't want to date a fat person because I simply don't find them attractive."
I want someone attractive myself. I'm not about to put pictures of me online not looking my best because the woman who might not find me attractive at 260-plus may find me attractive when I'm under 200 lbs. Besides, I don't want to date a woman who finds me attractive looking as I do now.
I never said it's not right to have preferences. The point I'm trying to make is that physical appearance is only one aspect of dating. The other, and more lasting aspect is how you connect with someone on a personal, emotional and intimate level. Making your weight loss journey part of your bio sends the message to others that you know you're overweight and you're changing that. If someone is attracted to fit people, seeing that you're overweight but that you don't plan on being overweight forever will likely help them see past your weight. And if they still can't see past your weight, then they're probably too vain to date anyway.2 -
RickyCoogin wrote: »So it's not right to have preferences? Why is it wrong for someone to say, "I don't want to date a fat person because I simply don't find them attractive."
I want someone attractive myself. I'm not about to put pictures of me online not looking my best because the woman who might not find me attractive at 260-plus may find me attractive when I'm under 200 lbs. Besides, I don't want to date a woman who finds me attractive looking as I do now.
Someone who truly wants to be with you will not give a fig about how you look. She will want to be with you at 262 or at 185 and everywhere in between. She'll be supportive of your choice to get healthier.
My boyfriend was a bit heavier than you are now when I met him. I wanted to be with him then, and I still want to be with him 3+ years later. It took him over a year to lose 80+ pounds. I never said anything to him about his weight.
Physical attraction is just one component of a relationship. It's not the be-all and end-all.
Take this slow. Spend time developing new, healthy habits.
Love yourself.
~Lyssa11 -
RickyCoogin wrote: »So it's not right to have preferences? Why is it wrong for someone to say, "I don't want to date a fat person because I simply don't find them attractive."
I want someone attractive myself. I'm not about to put pictures of me online not looking my best because the woman who might not find me attractive at 260-plus may find me attractive when I'm under 200 lbs. Besides, I don't want to date a woman who finds me attractive looking as I do now.
You can of course have preferences, but you have to admit they're shallow. And, it's not particularly common for someone to prefer someone who is unhealthy, thin or not. I think people typically prefer partners that take care of themselves. You deserve someone who likes you no matter what you weigh. If you don't do date looking like you do now, that's okay. But remember that healthy weight loss is a marathon, not a sprint. Health is the ultimate goal, and is in my opinion far more attractive than general size.2 -
RickyCoogin wrote: »This is good advice...it's just so frustrating to me that it's going to take such a long time. I really do feel like my life is on hold and I'm nearing 40, so I'm worried what my prospects will be like even if I'm in shape.
I'm already struggling a great deal with what I can't change about how I look that it's really tempting for me to say "I give up. I'm always going to be a big guy anyway since I'm stuck with this height and build..."
Why does your life need to be on hold until you loose weight?1 -
RickyCoogin wrote: »So it's not right to have preferences? Why is it wrong for someone to say, "I don't want to date a fat person because I simply don't find them attractive."
I want someone attractive myself. I'm not about to put pictures of me online not looking my best because the woman who might not find me attractive at 260-plus may find me attractive when I'm under 200 lbs. Besides, I don't want to date a woman who finds me attractive looking as I do now.
That sounds shallow.
Do you really want to date a woman who loves you for only your looks?
What happens when you get old and wrinkly? Do you want her to leave you for a younger model?
I mean, I guess that's your prerogative, but it doesn't sound like you're ready for a lasting relationship. And if you only want to play the field, you might have better luck than you think, even at the weight you are, right now.
I'm just suggesting you cut yourself a little slack in the self-loathing department. You aren't solely defined by the extra weight you're carrying.12 -
RickyCoogin wrote: »I'm 6'3", 262 and it's telling me I should expect it to take at least a year to lose the 75 lbs I want to lose. It says I should be eating OVER 2000 calories a day, and that's assuming I do no exercise whatsoever (for example, I jogged 2.5 miles the other day and it told me to eat like 2800 calories that day). That seems like way too much for someone who has as much weight as I do to lose and I don't want to wait an entire year to look decent.
What Riley said is totally true with me. My hunger signals are all screwed up...I can't remember the last time I actually felt hungry. I might get some stomach growling, but hunger pangs don't follow them. I've often thought maybe for my first day, I should just not eat if I'm not hungry (figuring my stomach is probably full from the day before), but it also sets a bad precedent, especially if I eat when hungry and then think "Is that all I get for another five hours or so?"
My opinion: don't believe the exercise-calorie-stuff for this site. A rule of thumb is that you burn 100 calories per mile. But to really know, you'd need a heart rate monitor and a GPS watch.
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RickyCoogin wrote: »That seems like way too much for someone who has as much weight as I do to lose and I don't want to wait an entire year to look decent.
It's not way too much. The more you weigh the more you can eat and still lose weight, so at the weight you are now, it's a perfectly reasonable calorie goal for someone with your stats,
Also, did it take you less than a year to put on that extra 75 pounds? I'm betting money that that's a 'no'. Why put the pressure on yourself to lose it aster than you gained it? That's extremely unfair. Be kind to yourself, and give your body the time it needs to lose weight slowly and steadily. Several studies point to higher chances of keeping weight off if it is lost at a reasonable clip, so it's really in your long-term best interest to stay patient.
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RickyCoogin wrote: »Physical attraction comes first. If they're not attracted to me, they won't want to bother finding out what kind of person I am.
I want to date someone attractive. Attractive people have the privilege of being picky in who they date. It doesn't make them vain, it means they have a wider selection. A great deal of people settle for less and pretend the one they're with is the one they want, when they know it's simply all they can get.
I don't want to date someone who thinks I look attractive as I am right now. I'm going to have a hard enough time accepting that they're going to notice the stuff I hate about how I look that I can't change.
Prioritizing physical appearance above personality, values, sense of humor, and the like is pretty much the textbook definition of vanity. I don't know how much dating you've done in your life but speaking from personal experience, physical attraction alone does not a successful relationship make. I don't know what else to say here other than: best of luck to you.12 -
RickyCoogin wrote: »Physical attraction comes first. If they're not attracted to me, they won't want to bother finding out what kind of person I am.
I want to date someone attractive. Attractive people have the privilege of being picky in who they date. It doesn't make them vain, it means they have a wider selection. A great deal of people settle for less and pretend the one they're with is the one they want, when they know it's simply all they can get.
I don't want to date someone who thinks I look attractive as I am right now. I'm going to have a hard enough time accepting that they're going to notice the stuff I hate about how I look that I can't change.
I think you'll find as your dating age range ages with you, people choose to care about a wider range of things than looks. But that's a whole other question and a massive topic that nobody here is going to change your mind on. Good luck with your weight loss and I hope your relationship with food and eating gets better.2 -
RickyCoogin wrote: »I don't think it's shallow to care about looks. Maybe in a perfect world, someone would see all our good internal qualities on the outside, but that's not the case. I'm not about to dismiss a woman as shallow and not worth my time just because she wants an attractive partner!
My dating life is what's mainly on hold until I lose weight. I'm going to have enough trouble dealing with the stuff I can't change about my appearance even if (I'm supposed to say "when," right?) I lose the 75 lbs.
I get it. I have lost 100 lbs (about 10 more to go). I'm 46, F and did not want to start dating until I got to this point. It took a year. Only a year. My life now and my life then are totally different. I am totally different.
Now I'm ready and, well -- look out, fellas! If someone only wanted to be with me because of my weight or appearance then, yeah, we wouldn't be a match. Appearance is one thing to care about, not the only thing.
But, I will tell you this: I was 100 lbs overweight for 15 years and this amazing person who didn't care about my size never materialized. Not in person, and not online. As you lose weight, you will notice that people make eye contact with you more, smile more, are generally more kind. Is this fair? Shallow? I guess ... but when you're out next (train station, mall, supermarket) watch people. At any rate, I just wanted to say I understand your thinking. Good luck!8 -
RickyCoogin wrote: »So it's not right to have preferences? Why is it wrong for someone to say, "I don't want to date a fat person because I simply don't find them attractive."
I want someone attractive myself. I'm not about to put pictures of me online not looking my best because the woman who might not find me attractive at 260-plus may find me attractive when I'm under 200 lbs. Besides, I don't want to date a woman who finds me attractive looking as I do now.
So what happens if you find this attractive woman and then a few years down the road you discover that she is 100 pounds heavier than she was when you met her and her skin has wrinkles in it? While physical attraction plays a part, if that's your main focus then you're setting yourself up for trouble. You should look instead for someone who enjoys doing some of the things you enjoy doing. If some of those things happen to be some of the things that made you fat, then you might discover that she is facing the same weight loss struggle that you are.5 -
The cruel truth of life is that no one is (naturally) "attractive" forever. Even thin, people get old(er). If you plan on starving yourself thin in 6 months, you can probably kiss your hair goodbye. If you have any existing muscle, that can also be cannibalized to keep more important parts of your body running. Building the muscle back up gets tougher as you age and testosterone levels drop.2
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RickyCoogin wrote: »The reason older people stop caring about looks so much is that they're less attractive and can't afford to be as picky. By that time, they also often have developed a more realistic view of what league they're in and who they'll have a chance with.
Sorry you see it that way, that's pretty bleak.
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