Feel Too Fat To Date

Soon2BeSkinny321
Soon2BeSkinny321 Posts: 13 Member
edited November 15 in Chit-Chat
Are any of you in the same boat as me where you won't even consider dating until you lose more weight because you just don't feel confident about dating at your current size? I put a dating profile up & was blown away by my how many guys messaged me. But...I didn't feel comfortable putting full body pics up so they were just seeing headshots of me & Im guessing they probably assume Im much thinner then I really am. Only had profile up for a few days & then took it down cuz what's the point when I know men are visual creatures and my body does not look good right now.
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Replies

  • Soon2BeSkinny321
    Soon2BeSkinny321 Posts: 13 Member
    Thanks JTE. I just personally won't feel comfortable dating until I've lost more weight first. Doesn't help that lady time I decided to give dating a go my boyfriend broke up with me & pretty much said it was because I was too heavy. I lost like 30 lbs while I was dating him but guess that wasn't good enough since I still had a long ways to go to get to my goal weight, etc. So that definitely didn't help my confidence about dating. That pretty much sealed the deal that I don't want to date until I'm no longer overweight.
  • Lounmoun
    Lounmoun Posts: 8,423 Member
    You feel how you feel. When you feel happy with you it is easier to be out there but that doesn't mean people would not be attracted, love and accept you at your current size. Your feelings are not their feelings.
    Don't tell yourself no one will like you because of your previous boyfriend. He is not every guy out there.

    I had given up on dating and wasn't looking when I met my dh through work. Married less than a year after meeting. Married 17 happy years. You never know what might happen in life.
  • Momtafo
    Momtafo Posts: 48 Member
    Your ex didn't deserve you. I understand it hurt when he left. I can assure you he was just a dbag. That's a *kitten* reason to break up with someone. You do what you want. If you want to wait until you are comfortable with your body you can. Or if you want to flaunt what cha got and get a date then you go girl! Either way, good luck sugar! And keep up the hard work! 30 pounds down is AWESOME!!!! ❤
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  • ZodFit
    ZodFit Posts: 394 Member
    Soon2BeSkinny321 wrote: »
    Are any of you in the same boat as me where you won't even consider dating until you lose more weight because you just don't feel confident about dating at your current size? I put a dating profile up & was blown away by my how many guys messaged me. But...I didn't feel comfortable putting full body pics up so they were just seeing headshots of me & Im guessing they probably assume Im much thinner then I really am. Only had profile up for a few days & then took it down cuz what's the point when I know men are visual creatures and my body does not look good right now.

    I accidently made a dating profile under women interested in male and I got 2 messages before I could delete my profile. The thirst is real on dating sites. You can date at any size
  • abrubru
    abrubru Posts: 137 Member
    Meg_Megz wrote: »
    Soon2BeSkinny321 wrote: »
    Are any of you in the same boat as me where you won't even consider dating until you lose more weight because you just don't feel confident about dating at your current size?

    Yes - all the time. No one will understand what it's like unless they were in your shoes once. I don't know what to tell you, if I knew, I probably wouldn't feel the same :wink:

    And I'm quoting Meg here because I am newly single and in the same boat. I put up a profile and took it down when I got to the point where I had to post pictures. I have gained 20 pounds over the course of my divorce, and I just do not feel confident. However, I also think I deserve to be happy and have regular sex, and don't WANT to wait to date, but like you recognize that most men are more visual than most women and usually less forgiving about flaws.
  • Jimb376mfp
    Jimb376mfp Posts: 6,236 Member
    Ditto to what @TheHawk007 said:
    "I'm pretty sure most of the guys responding are not the stunt double for Brad Pitt........"

    All guys are not shallow.
    Some guys prefer plus size women.
    Some guys are also looking for someone who will accept them "as they are"

    I say put your profile back up, just be honest.
  • dragon_girl26
    dragon_girl26 Posts: 2,187 Member
    melmelw03 wrote: »
    Here's the deal with dating....some will like you and some won't. No matter your size. Personalities might not always mesh. Rock what you've got. Confidence always attracts others. When I was doing online dating, I got a lot of dates and offers even posting full body pics. Don't always assume what men are attracted to.

    I agree with this. I got plenty of messages posting full body shots when I was heavier, too. One guy actually had in his profile that he liked bigger women. Some do, just as there are women who like bigger men. That's the funny thing about attractions...each one is different. Body type is only one factor in the equation. One man's rejection is another man''s treasure...
  • bbell1985
    bbell1985 Posts: 4,571 Member
    I felt that way after I gained weight back. I just tried to wear things that were flattering...
  • Angela937
    Angela937 Posts: 514 Member
    There are many guys out there who actually prefer BBW's. (Big Beautiful Women)
  • seepersaud
    seepersaud Posts: 5,759 Member
    It's just as Angela and others have said. You may be pleasantly surprised at how many guys find you attractive. You won't know how many until you put yourself out there. If you don't, the number of guys you'll attract will certainly be zero.

    I used to be 50 lbs heavier. Did it impact my ability to date women? To some extent, but I got my share of dates. Having lost the weight, I feel much better about my body but I know some women will find me attractive and others won't. Same as when I was in the old body.
  • AJbandit88
    AJbandit88 Posts: 31 Member
    I always figure for either men or women, if they like you they should like you because of who you are not just your body. If they don't like you then move on. They probably weren't worth your time anyway. By the way, great work for losing 30lbs and still going. That's awesome!
  • 0831227
    0831227 Posts: 84 Member
    edited February 2017
    As everyone says, people have different tastes and you know, there are a lot of bigger women getting dates and even modelling nowadays.

    I suggest that you put your most confident headshot pictures on your profile, then add a full-body pic at last. You may feel intimidated to do so, but at least you will know that 1. what they see is what they get; you won't feel like you have a 'secret' for them and 2. it will act as a filter; men who don't like it will just not message you, men who do will do so knowing exactly how you look like and thinking 'hey she's pretty!'.

    As for the dates, I am a really shy person and only did 2-3 dates like those in my life, because I was always too shy to meet the guys! What made me build the courage to meet the 2-3 dates was that we talked for some weeks online and on the phone before I met them, and it was always in a public place to do fun activities (no intimate 1-on-1 at a dinner where you can be anxious about having nothing to say!).

    Out of those 3 dates, I never saw two of them again because I felt it didn't click, stayed with the third one 3 years. So who knows op, maybe you will get to find it easier with time, new things are always scary to do! :smile:

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  • DeficitDuchess
    DeficitDuchess Posts: 3,099 Member
    edited February 2017
    No but I am, too disabled to. I was approximately 147 pounds when, I began trying; to date & gained, 20 pounds more because I was so engrossed with, trying/failing to find someone that I; neglected my weight riddance!
  • Reaverie
    Reaverie Posts: 405 Member
    I understand the feeling of wanting to hide because of weight. I put off walking and going to the beach or out anywhere because of my size. I still feel uncomfortable with it unless my daughter, who thinks I'm perfect the way I am and isn't embarrassed by me (bless her), goes with me. She goes EVERYWHERE with me. I still won't go certain places still even with her..like to the gym.

    As for dating, I like being single. Every time I have dated it ended up with me just getting pissed at the guy for thinking he can waltz in and "parent" my kids. Especially my son. Every one felt my son should be more masculine and man up. My son is a physics nerd, not a mechanic or into NASCAR and football. When it comes to my children, I'm selfish and don't share well. They are exactly how I like them.
  • spicyginger2006
    spicyginger2006 Posts: 70 Member
    Beautiful means something different to everyone! There are TONS of guys out there that would see full photos of you and still message you. Try it, I dare you. But first, you will have to get over it. Confidence is key and even though it's not where you eventually where you want to be, you have to OWN the fact that this is who you are now. I have been 300lbs and had a boyfriend. I have been 250lbs and had a boyfriend. I am 227 lbs currently and have the love of my absolute life- who yes, I met online. He makes me feel beautiful everyday and loves my body just as it is. I wish you luck, I know it's scary <3
  • Xvapor
    Xvapor Posts: 1,643 Member
    Men have it easier. Women are attracted to overweight guys more than men are attracted to overweight women.
  • JeromeBarry1
    JeromeBarry1 Posts: 10,179 Member
    Men are visual creatures, yes. But men are ugly too and they know that they can't be choosers. Get back out there if you want to.
  • federicafezza4271
    federicafezza4271 Posts: 69 Member
    1) the most important opinion about your body is your opinion: if someone makes you feel unconfortable with your body, it's them who are wrong, not you!

    2) I have the impression that men have a different view of women bodies that women do, especially if it's a (potential) partner that they are looking at. I think that where we see rolls of fat and unattractive shapes they see cute soft things that are very nice to touch... so don't deprive yourself of experiences you enjoy only because you feel "too fat" because probably they don't see you that way!
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  • Laurie6578
    Laurie6578 Posts: 154 Member
    Reaverie wrote: »
    I understand the feeling of wanting to hide because of weight. I put off walking and going to the beach or out anywhere because of my size. I still feel uncomfortable with it unless my daughter, who thinks I'm perfect the way I am and isn't embarrassed by me (bless her), goes with me. She goes EVERYWHERE with me. I still won't go certain places still even with her..like to the gym.

    As for dating, I like being single. Every time I have dated it ended up with me just getting pissed at the guy for thinking he can waltz in and "parent" my kids. Especially my son. Every one felt my son should be more masculine and man up. My son is a physics nerd, not a mechanic or into NASCAR and football. When it comes to my children, I'm selfish and don't share well. They are exactly how I like them.

    @reaverie ~ Good for you for loving your kids the way they are!! I have a son who was different when he was young. He grew up to be the most amazing person, caring person who makes this a better world to live in for everyone.
  • Laurie6578
    Laurie6578 Posts: 154 Member
    0831227 wrote: »
    As everyone says, people have different tastes and you know, there are a lot of bigger women getting dates and even modelling nowadays.

    I suggest that you put your most confident headshot pictures on your profile, then add a full-body pic at last. You may feel intimidated to do so, but at least you will know that 1. what they see is what they get; you won't feel like you have a 'secret' for them and 2. it will act as a filter; men who don't like it will just not message you, men who do will do so knowing exactly how you look like and thinking 'hey she's pretty!'.

    As for the dates, I am a really shy person and only did 2-3 dates like those in my life, because I was always too shy to meet the guys! What made me build the courage to meet the 2-3 dates was that we talked for some weeks online and on the phone before I met them, and it was always in a public place to do fun activities (no intimate 1-on-1 at a dinner where you can be anxious about having nothing to say!).

    Out of those 3 dates, I never saw two of them again because I felt it didn't click, stayed with the third one 3 years. So who knows op, maybe you will get to find it easier with time, new things are always scary to do! :smile:

    I agree...add a full body pic for full disclosure ~ you wont have to waste your time on those shallow ones. You don't want a man like that anyway...love yourself enough to enjoy yourself now while you are on your journey and others will too
  • estherdragonbat
    estherdragonbat Posts: 5,283 Member
    edited February 2017
    I'm 5'3". 14 years ago, I met and married my husband. I was about 185 lbs at my wedding. It wasn't a factor for me. My husband fell in love with me heavy. We are still together despite my getting up to 254 lbs prior to my starting MFP (my heaviest weight ever). If he's the right person, your weight won't matter.
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