Feel Too Fat To Date

Reaverie

I understand the feeling of wanting to hide because of weight. I put off walking and going to the beach or out anywhere because of my size. I still feel uncomfortable with it unless my daughter, who thinks I'm perfect the way I am and isn't embarrassed by me (bless her), goes with me. She goes EVERYWHERE with me. I still won't go certain places still even with her..like to the gym.

As for dating, I like being single. Every time I have dated it ended up with me just getting pissed at the guy for thinking he can waltz in and "parent" my kids. Especially my son. Every one felt my son should be more masculine and man up. My son is a physics nerd, not a mechanic or into NASCAR and football. When it comes to my children, I'm selfish and don't share well. They are exactly how I like them.

spicyginger2006

Beautiful means something different to everyone! There are TONS of guys out there that would see full photos of you and still message you. Try it, I dare you. But first, you will have to get over it. Confidence is key and even though it's not where you eventually where you want to be, you have to OWN the fact that this is who you are now. I have been 300lbs and had a boyfriend. I have been 250lbs and had a boyfriend. I am 227 lbs currently and have the love of my absolute life- who yes, I met online. He makes me feel beautiful everyday and loves my body just as it is. I wish you luck, I know it's scary

Xvapor

Men have it easier. Women are attracted to overweight guys more than men are attracted to overweight women.

JeromeBarry1

Men are visual creatures, yes. But men are ugly too and they know that they can't be choosers. Get back out there if you want to.

federicafezza4271

1) the most important opinion about your body is your opinion: if someone makes you feel unconfortable with your body, it's them who are wrong, not you!

2) I have the impression that men have a different view of women bodies that women do, especially if it's a (potential) partner that they are looking at. I think that where we see rolls of fat and unattractive shapes they see cute soft things that are very nice to touch... so don't deprive yourself of experiences you enjoy only because you feel "too fat" because probably they don't see you that way!

Laurie6578

Reaverie wrote: »

I understand the feeling of wanting to hide because of weight. I put off walking and going to the beach or out anywhere because of my size. I still feel uncomfortable with it unless my daughter, who thinks I'm perfect the way I am and isn't embarrassed by me (bless her), goes with me. She goes EVERYWHERE with me. I still won't go certain places still even with her..like to the gym.

As for dating, I like being single. Every time I have dated it ended up with me just getting pissed at the guy for thinking he can waltz in and "parent" my kids. Especially my son. Every one felt my son should be more masculine and man up. My son is a physics nerd, not a mechanic or into NASCAR and football. When it comes to my children, I'm selfish and don't share well. They are exactly how I like them.

@reaverie ~ Good for you for loving your kids the way they are!! I have a son who was different when he was young. He grew up to be the most amazing person, caring person who makes this a better world to live in for everyone.

Laurie6578

0831227 wrote: »

As everyone says, people have different tastes and you know, there are a lot of bigger women getting dates and even modelling nowadays.

I suggest that you put your most confident headshot pictures on your profile, then add a full-body pic at last. You may feel intimidated to do so, but at least you will know that 1. what they see is what they get; you won't feel like you have a 'secret' for them and 2. it will act as a filter; men who don't like it will just not message you, men who do will do so knowing exactly how you look like and thinking 'hey she's pretty!'.

As for the dates, I am a really shy person and only did 2-3 dates like those in my life, because I was always too shy to meet the guys! What made me build the courage to meet the 2-3 dates was that we talked for some weeks online and on the phone before I met them, and it was always in a public place to do fun activities (no intimate 1-on-1 at a dinner where you can be anxious about having nothing to say!).

Out of those 3 dates, I never saw two of them again because I felt it didn't click, stayed with the third one 3 years. So who knows op, maybe you will get to find it easier with time, new things are always scary to do!

I agree...add a full body pic for full disclosure ~ you wont have to waste your time on those shallow ones. You don't want a man like that anyway...love yourself enough to enjoy yourself now while you are on your journey and others will too

estherdragonbat

I'm 5'3". 14 years ago, I met and married my husband. I was about 185 lbs at my wedding. It wasn't a factor for me. My husband fell in love with me heavy. We are still together despite my getting up to 254 lbs prior to my starting MFP (my heaviest weight ever). If he's the right person, your weight won't matter.

abrubru

Unlike the OP, I don't think that my extra weight will keep me from dating, but I know I have dysmorphia (and think a fair number of people do), and am trying to work through my personal issues with how I view my body. In the meanwhile I am moving as much as I can and making better choices about what I eat.

I will say that it IS scary to be "back in the game" after being out of it for so long. I never thought that I would be dating again in my 40s--it's almost unfair--but I guess we all know life isn't fair. I work hard and play hard and I want my attitude to reflect that instead of being fearful that when other people look at me they see the me that I see when I look in the mirror. We are certainly our own worse critics.

Reaverie

Look_Its_Kriss wrote: »

I lost 117 pounds and the person mentally i thought i was going to be when i finished turned out to not be anymore confident, confidence is a skill learned and applied, Ive been at goal weight for a long time now but i know if i had to put myself out there to find a man again like years ago when i was bigger, my issues would still be the same.. i still look at myself negatively, so it wasnt that i was fat before, it was because i didnt value myself enough as a person or think i was worthy as a human and thats from years or letting people around me who treated me horrible for their own personal gain, convince me of that, im still working on that aspect, but as a skinny person now.. i know i would still feel unworthy, i have loose skin, i have belly fat still, i dont look anything like i thought i would look like when i lost the weight, these would all be reasons i would think i would be unworthy of going out on dates, but im the one telling myself these things, if i had the confidence in myself to know that i am an amazing person on the inside, i would know that a man getting to know me for me wouldn't have the problems with the things i think are my problems.

^^^ When I first lost weight and had guys whistling up a storm and flirting like crazy in college, I still felt "fat". I have always had self-confidence in my intelligence, ingenuity, and talents but confidence in my looks never surfaced. Arrogant? Yes.. very. When guys asked me if I knew I was hot, I would roll my eyes and respond with a bitchy "DUH." But I never "felt" hot. I think my rudeness was my attempt to keep them at bay so I wouldnt get hurt. I only dated guys that were bigger and less attractive than me. Partially because I just didnt care what others looked like, only what I looked like. But mostly because it made me feel pretty. I look back at my old pics and think, "Why the hell did I ever think I was ugly!!!" But I know that when I lose this weight, I will be right back where I was before.. But this time, Im ok with this cause I dont feel the need to impress others. For once this is all for me.

Reaverie

Laurie6578 wrote: »

Reaverie wrote: »

I understand the feeling of wanting to hide because of weight. I put off walking and going to the beach or out anywhere because of my size. I still feel uncomfortable with it unless my daughter, who thinks I'm perfect the way I am and isn't embarrassed by me (bless her), goes with me. She goes EVERYWHERE with me. I still won't go certain places still even with her..like to the gym.

As for dating, I like being single. Every time I have dated it ended up with me just getting pissed at the guy for thinking he can waltz in and "parent" my kids. Especially my son. Every one felt my son should be more masculine and man up. My son is a physics nerd, not a mechanic or into NASCAR and football. When it comes to my children, I'm selfish and don't share well. They are exactly how I like them.

@reaverie ~ Good for you for loving your kids the way they are!! I have a son who was different when he was young. He grew up to be the most amazing person, caring person who makes this a better world to live in for everyone.

Thank you. I encouraged them early on to be confident in themselves. I didnt have that growing up. Teachers, grandparents, aunts and uncles.. preachers wife.. All had to ask me why I couldnt be as pretty or as skinny or as talented as my sister. When my kids were born, I saw perfection in them both. I tease and call them my Yin and Yang. My son's more laid back, calm and helpful nature and my daughters fiery temper. I tell them that both personalities are required to accomplish anything in life and together they will be unstoppable. He is the voice of reason and she is the force when all reason fails.

Shull_rachael

Yep I'm in the same boat. Now I refuse to date until I lose more weight and I'm happy with myself. It's sad really…

djeffreys10

Everyone has their own preferences of what they will date and won't date when it comes to what the body of the opposite sex looks like. I had a woman tell me I was small (we had never seen each other naked, so don't go there pervs), and I have had a couple tell me I was borderline too big (when I was a tad smaller than I am now). Whatever your body size, there will be some that find it attractive and some that don't. But don't go into it trying to hide your body until you meet in person, that's just manipulative. Own it and find someone that is attracted to it.

frannieshack

One thing is for sure, there are many, many profiles pictures that were taken 10 years and 30 pounds ago. It is expected really, in my age group anyway. Most of the guys I met were older and heavier than their pictures indicated. As long as your photos are not too misleading, I would not worry about it. Have confidence in yourself at any weight!

YogAlison

Maybe try more chatty sites at first. Having plans set is good way to stay on diet too. Also, you can get the date and then cancel if you are not comfortable.

djeffreys10

frannieshack wrote: »

One thing is for sure, there are many, many profiles pictures that were taken 10 years and 30 pounds ago. It is expected really, in my age group anyway. Most of the guys I met were older and heavier than their pictures indicated. As long as your photos are not too misleading, I would not worry about it. Have confidence in yourself at any weight!

I once talked to a woman who looked pretty fit and had pics of her in the gym. When we met...

"Those were before I had to have shoulder surgery about 6 months ago and gained 20 lbs. But I will get back to that."

That was about two years ago. Needless to say, we never dated. You prove yourself to be manipulative right off the bat, and it isn't going to happen. But I do have her on fb, and she recently got into bikes with her bf of a year. We will chat occasionally. Her goal is not to get back down to where she was when we met. Rather than "getting back to that" she instead put on 20 more lbs.