Husband advice, please...

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  • ThatUserNameIsAllReadyTaken
    ThatUserNameIsAllReadyTaken Posts: 1,530 Member
    edited March 2017
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    _MistahJ_ wrote: »
    ThatUserNameIsAllReadyTaken wrote: »
    _MistahJ_ wrote: »
    ThatUserNameIsAllReadyTaken wrote: »
    _MistahJ_ wrote: »
    I use that extreme to make a point. What is a marriage without physical attraction? People need to quit vilifying others for saying that they have a "type" or look for certain features in their partner. It does not make them a horrible person. It makes them human.

    There should be room in any healthy relationship to have discussions about things like this without the other party feeling like they are being attacked or told what they can or cannot do with their body.

    The only "point" you made here is that a married person should definitely not feel free to improve their fitness or health. At this stage in a relationship physical appearance should not be so important that either person should fear driving their spouse away because their "assets" have been reduced. My husband is a fat slob. He looks like he is about 15 months pregnant with a baby elephant. But That would never be a reason end the marriage or go outside the marriage. Physical appearance is not the most important part of a marriage. If it is then there is something wrong.

    To answer your above comment, it has never been stated that she was losing weight in an unhealthy manner. He simply misses certain features she used to have.

    I think it is great that you are still attracted to him, despite you seeing him as a "fat slob".

    ... I did not marry his shape.

    But you did not look at him and say to yourself, "I really like the way his sense of humor looks in that shirt." Or, "I love the way his intelligence fills out those jeans." You were attracted to a physical attribute. You then fell in love with the qualities that make him who he is. That is what you married.

    The OP said that there are certain "features" that are disappearing that he's missing and asked how to approach her about it. You do not have to be John Nash to figure out that if those features are removed, he WILL be less attracted to his wife. It does not mean he will stop loving her.

    Wow! You were THERE? SMH.... Actually looks are what bring initial attraction, but that is not what holds interest. A man needs more than a handsome face or attractive body to win my heart. Speaking of all that other BS you mention, when we met over 25 years ago he was so skinny he had to run around in the shower to get wet. He was SO skinny he definitely didn't fill out any pants. Sex was actually really bad too. It was like crawling in bed with a bag of sticks. And I am not attracted to skinny guys. I think a man looks best with a little meat on his bones but not so much that he is over weight. Healthy in other words. His physical appearance was really not that much to look at. Do with that what you will.

    And no, this OP may not necessarily be "less attracted to his wife". But that's not something you will understand. You are a lot like this other fella who used to come around preaching and arguing about physical appearance A LOT. One may wonder if you are that very one. I wouldn't be surprised to find out you were.
  • MarineArmyVeteran1978
    MarineArmyVeteran1978 Posts: 69 Member
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    Wow! So many well thought out responses. I have definitely learned a lot. Thanks so much. Again, my wife is awesome and super-hot. I am proud of her. I don't post much on here, but I do appreciate all the great feedback.
  • MarineArmyVeteran1978
    MarineArmyVeteran1978 Posts: 69 Member
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    cfritchley26 wrote: »
    My husband has loved and adored me through a lot of different sized and weights, and I have loved and adored him through a lot of different weights he has had....and one of his favorite "feature" is something that I hope does get smaller as I continue to lose weight- they cause me pain and back problems - and I know he won't be overly thrilled about it, but I know he will love that "feature" no matter what.

    More importantly - I would hope that my partner would choose to focus on the "features" I am gaining: more years together, self confidence, me feeling strong and empowered, and setting a good example for our future children. I am not saying that you aren't looking at these things, but they should be more of a focus than the "feature" you are fond of disappearing.

    Great point and thank you. Everything you mentioned gaining is what makes me so proud of my wife. Thanks again.

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