Friends suddenly unsupportive after losing a lot of weight?

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  • susanp57
    susanp57 Posts: 409 Member
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    Rawr619 wrote: »
    YvetteK2015 wrote: »
    Also, everyone has their own idea of what healthy looks like, even if it really isn't healthy. I'm 5'5, and used to be 125. At that weight, I was at the upper end of a healthy BMI. But some people told me I looked like a skeleton (I really didn't). Then I got to an unhealthy 180 lbs, and those same people told me I looked really good. Well, at that weight I was in the obese category.

    So really, I just take what other people say with a grain of salt. It's only their opinion they are stating, and they don't know where you are in terms of a healthy weight. Only you know that, so just take it for what it is. Just someone stating an uneducated opinion. It really means nothing.

    At 5'5 a healthy weight according to BMI is 111-149. So 125 is on the low end not high end, 130 lbs is right in the middle. I just wanted to point this out (I'm 5'5 and on the higher end of a healthy BMI).

    That bothered me when I saw it as well. I'm 5'5" and at 125 I'm pretty thin.
  • SusanMFindlay
    SusanMFindlay Posts: 1,804 Member
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    hookandy wrote: »
    Interesting thread, I have not suffered the issues here and have just received the first comment from a co-worker that noticed I had lost weight. (Only 20lb down)

    Wonder if when I lose the next twenty these comments will turn from a good thing and a boost to motivation to a negative comment that is demotivating.....?

    So much depends on the type of people you associate with, the rate at which you lose, and a million other factors. I wouldn't be at all surprised to find out that women are on the receiving end of "stop losing weight" more often than men - just because women tend to be judged on their appearance more than men.

    My husband is down 30 pounds and has received very few comments about it. The only "negative" one was from his doctor - along the lines of "that's a lot of weight loss quite fast; we'll need to keep an eye on you to make sure there's no medical reason for it", so not really negative - just genuine concern. I've lost a bit more than him (a lot more if you count my maximum pregnancy weight as my start weight), and have only had a few comments too though (all positive).

    So, basically, I wouldn't expect negative comments. Particularly since expecting negativity can make you read otherwise neutral (or even positive) comments as negative.
  • lthames0810
    lthames0810 Posts: 722 Member
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    I just got my first ever comment at work! Thankfully it was positive but it was also very public, so I was uncomfortable.

    She just asked, blurted out, really, "What are you doing?". I was startled and I didn't even know what she was talking about so I replied, "I'm filing these papers." She said, "No, I mean what are you doing to lose weight. You have lost weight, haven't you?" I felt like everyone must be checking out my butt to see if it looked slimmer. I answered that I just kept to a calorie limit, but she seemed skeptical.
  • newheavensearth
    newheavensearth Posts: 870 Member
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    xxbrimstonexx wrote: »
    Adventuretown wrote: »
    ANYWAYS, I had a friend message me the other day after I posted a photo of myself and he went on and on, saying I "looked like a f*ing skeleton" and he's "worried I might be anorexic" and that I'm "skin and bones". Trust me, at 173lbs with a 39% skeletal muscle mass, I'm the furthest thing from skin and bones. I'm built sturdy and muscularly and built for power in all my sports I do.

    I am 5'7" and when I went from 214 to 168 pounds, I thought I looked awesome!... I was told that I still needed to lose about "20-30 pounds"... My point? Critics are everywhere and "well-meaning" people have their own agenda when crap like that comes out of their mouths...

    I was told at a party recently about some miracle oil that will make the rest of my weight melt off. And just that morning I started seeing more of my wannabe 6 pack. Yes I want to lose some more vanity lbs, but he said it like I have a serious problem. I just started fitting size 2s for corn's sake! Must be the loose skin.
  • musick79
    musick79 Posts: 13 Member
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    I had people ask me if I was sick after losing 60+lbs. Sometimes they ask out of real concern, other times it is jealousy. I will say that my close friends and family were very supportive. I say ignore the stuff that makes you feel bad and enjoy the compliments!
  • dudebro200
    dudebro200 Posts: 97 Member
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    I know quite a few people that lost substantial amounts of weight.

    It's quite shocking if you haven't seen a person for a few months. They always look like they have cancer or AIDS.

    They same thing happened to me when I dropped down to 155lbs at 5'9. I was proud that my abs were showing nicely, but everyone else said I looked sick. I think it's something you have to except.

    People that weightlift and lose weight don't look as bad though.
  • BlueSkyShoal
    BlueSkyShoal Posts: 325 Member
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    Part of it also depends on the relationship you have with your friends. Like, their personalities, your personality, and typical interactions. For a lot of people a statement that contains "f'ing" anything would be sooo rude and crass, while others drop the F-bomb with their buddies all the time. Some people are tactful with their friends and expect the same, others are blunt with their friends and expect the same. I'd consider "you look like a f'ing skeleton" to be super rude, but I know friends-of-friends who would laugh it off, fling an insult back, and consider it all good.
  • SadDolt
    SadDolt Posts: 173 Member
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    bienemajamfp wrote: »
    Fat people tell me all the time that I am getting to skinny (BMI 22, yeah right!) and look sick. I usually tell them: And you are fat and look sick!
    Funny, skinny people never say that, must be that fat people are jealous!

    uhh actually skinny people do
  • inertiastrength
    inertiastrength Posts: 2,343 Member
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    I'm pretty lucky in that save for some coworkers I've had amazing support and even a few friends and family that followed in my footsteps. I can't really complain but there are miserable people and as they say; misery loves company.
  • JeromeBarry1
    JeromeBarry1 Posts: 10,182 Member
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    So I was reading the OP when my office partner walked in. First, a back story on her. I first met and had a professional working relationship with her in 1983. It was, for each of us, our first job in this industry. She was Vietnamese and had escaped as a refugee on an overcrowded boat, an experience so terrible she said that she'd kill herself rather than go through again. After spending a year in a Thai refugee camp she was sponsored to immigrate to the U.S., went to Michigan State, became an engineer, got a job, and met me. We had a close working relationship. She married her office partner. A few weeks later I was the first colleague she informed of her pregnancy. She was shocked. "We only did it one time!" We're close. So, anyway, she walked in and said, "Jerome, are you still losing weight?" I replied, "I'm still trying." She said, "Why! You're so skinny you don't need to lose more. If you lose more you'll be sick!"

    Back to the OP, Our size relative to our friends affects their regard for us. I'm too bony for my wife now. She wants me to gain. I'm still overweight. I'm slim enough now that always slim acquaintances now treat me as a confidant.

    Even my office mate saw the first months of my weight loss journey and decided to CICO away a few extra pounds of her own. I had farther to go to get to my goal and it has taken longer. My progress is slower now and I guess she just thinks I'm already maintaining. Anyway, it happens as you observe to all of us.
  • Adventuretown
    Adventuretown Posts: 120 Member
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    hookandy wrote: »
    Interesting thread, I have not suffered the issues here and have just received the first comment from a co-worker that noticed I had lost weight. (Only 20lb down)

    Wonder if when I lose the next twenty these comments will turn from a good thing and a boost to motivation to a negative comment that is demotivating.....?

    I found that once I got to about 30lbs lost, people started noticing. They didn't start really speaking up until I had lost 50lbs (and at that point saying things like "I hope you're done! You don't need to lose any more!"... Sigh. Can't win.
  • fitforeternity493
    fitforeternity493 Posts: 37 Member
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    I've only lost 36 lbs now and my godmother makes comments about "You look good now, dont lose anymore weight, otherwise you'll look to sick and
    skinny"

    I have to laugh somedays other days I have to wonder about society..

    I say your friend may be shocked and worried.. But I also think that your friend calling you a Skelton is out of place. Maybe just tell him you're healthy and have it under control and that your working with a doctor. That's all you need to say.

    As far as your coworkers go that is a totally different story.. They don't have a right to make comments on your weight. But you could say " Please don't comment on my weight I'm healthy" and walk awaay if you choose. It's none of their business regardless. It's not about being rude it's just setting the tone that comments about people's weight is inappropriate for the office.

    Everybody will react differently to the weight loss. Some people get jealous, others are shocked, and others are worried.. As long as you're doing it healthily and you are happy with your results then other people's opinions don't really matter much.

    I also might add there's the people that remain neutral to other people's weight loss and that's okay as well, as long as they are treating you different or acting any different than they normally would.. They notice but may feel unable to say anything.
  • jwilk241
    jwilk241 Posts: 43 Member
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    My husband deals with this on a pretty regular basis. In college he put on about 20-30lbs extra pounds. Well, he had some stomach issues and had no choice but to change his diet, which resulted in weight loss. He's now back to his ideal weight (according to medical standards) and looks amazing and his lab work only emphasizes how healthy he is now. His mom has made comments about his weight several times (she's not the only one though). Typically things like "don't lose anymore weight, you were looking too skinny last time I saw you", etc. It's so unbelievably rude when he's not anywhere near "too skinny" and is all muscle.

    I honestly think that people are so used to seeing overweight or obese people everywhere that it has become the new "normal". We've gotten used to a fat society. The one person who says he looks great is my mother....a healthcare professional haha
  • gamerbabe14
    gamerbabe14 Posts: 876 Member
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    I thankfully haven't run into this. I am still pretty overweight though. My boyfriend is now all of a sudden counting calories and watching his food intake. Found that ironic.
  • Verity1111
    Verity1111 Posts: 3,309 Member
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    Adventuretown wrote: »
    I am at a loss and figured I'd turn to you guys to see if you've dealt with anything similar..

    I started trying to lose weight in February 2016, where my starting weight was 234lbs (on a 5'3" frame..I was pretty big). In seven months, I lost 60lbs through cleaning up my diet and exercising regularly. Nothing drastic, nothing "fad-like".. Literally just hard work. I maintained my weight for 5ish months, giving my mind/body a break from such hard work, and I'm now back on track and losing weight again to lean out a bit more. I want to see the muscle definition in the muscles I've worked so hard build.

    Admittedly, how I look has changed A LOT. I went from a size 20 jeans to a size 8. My face is a heck of a lot slimmer now, too. But I've worked with a dietitian and my family doctor this whole time, and I'm healthy. I am the fittest I've been in my entire 32 years of life. I climb mountains, do every single sport I ever wanted to try / participate in (easily!), and I seriously love my life. Yes, I like being smaller and like how I look more now, but it's become soooo much more than the scale.


    ANYWAYS, I had a friend message me the other day after I posted a photo of myself and he went on and on, saying I "looked like a f*ing skeleton" and he's "worried I might be anorexic" and that I'm "skin and bones". Trust me, at 173lbs with a 39% skeletal muscle mass, I'm the furthest thing from skin and bones. I'm built sturdy and muscularly and built for power in all my sports I do.

    How the heck do I even begin to deal with this type of criticism? Or the day-to-day coworker comments about "Oh, careful, you're getting too skinny".. I feel like telling everyone in my life that if they didn't intervene when I was obese and veryyyy unhealthy before I started weight loss, they have no right to say anything about my size now.. But there's got to be a better, less confrontational way.

    I never thought I'd be on the receiving end of "thin shaming".. that's for sure!

    I just made a post about exactly this!!! Although I was very angry and it came out wrong so people thought I was blaming others for my weight gain. But no basically what you said - you didn't step in when I was over 200lbs but yet you step in when Im healthy??? Wtheck?? I have no understanding and I can only assume jealousy or insecurities of their own cause it. Otherwise, I don't get it! You look healthy based on your photos btw although you obviously know this. :smile:
  • Noreenmarie1234
    Noreenmarie1234 Posts: 7,493 Member
    edited May 2017
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    Most people have no idea what a healthy weight looks like anymore because obese is the "norm". And now they are even using more overweight people in clothing ads etc which just makes it worse. Kids growing up now will think that overweight is the norm because that's all they see. I just ignore everyone because my doctor and I know I am at a healthy weight and my vitals and bloods are the healthiest they've ever been.

    I mean what can you expect when 70% of the population are obese or overweight. Healthy is the minority so it seems "wrong".

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