Have you ever been "fit shamed"?

FatPorkyChop
FatPorkyChop Posts: 83 Member
edited November 17 in Fitness and Exercise
I'm petite and usually train 5 times a week (for 40 minutes / 1h), I do cardio, strenght, pilates, classes that I like. So I look fit but not bulky at all.
When I lost weight and started exercise, Some colleagues labbelled me as "gym rat" or "gym junky". One day, a colleague sent me a picture of Ronnie Coleman and told me that I was trying to look like that..... I was a bit shocked and it got me thinking.... I started to pay attention to all the comments and a lot are negative, it seems to bother people that I train regularly. Some tell me that I train too much and that is silly to train like that, or that I am not an athlete and don't understand my purpose. It doesn't bother me really as I always loved sports and I feel great training. I also know that my training regime is far from being extreme... but why does it bother them?

Did you have any similar experience?
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Replies

  • fuzzypinktroll1
    fuzzypinktroll1 Posts: 19 Member
    I have thick skin luckily so i would follow their remarks with a snarky response. Maybe they dont realize their remarks are hurtful? Irregardlessly you should try not to let it bother you. Its a reflection of themselves feeling poorly of their own self. Maybe backfire with humor? Tell them you do it to look good naked
  • Gallowmere1984
    Gallowmere1984 Posts: 6,626 Member
    RuNaRoUnDaFiEld wrote: »
    Opinions are like *kitten* holes, every body has one.

    Bah, this saying...at least the *kitten* serves a purpose.
  • kenyonhaff
    kenyonhaff Posts: 1,377 Member
    FatPorkyChop wrote: »
    I'm petite and usually train 5 times a week (for 40 minutes / 1h), I do cardio, strenght, pilates, classes that I like. So I look fit but not bulky at all.
    When I lost weight and started exercise, Some colleagues labbelled me as "gym rat" or "gym junky". One day, a colleague sent me a picture of Ronnie Coleman and told me that I was trying to look like that..... I was a bit shocked and it got me thinking.... I started to pay attention to all the comments and a lot are negative, it seems to bother people that I train regularly. Some tell me that I train too much and that is silly to train like that, or that I am not an athlete and don't understand my purpose. It doesn't bother me really as I always loved sports and I feel great training. I also know that my training regime is far from being extreme... but why does it bother them?

    Did you have any similar experience?

    First: sorry, I've never had this happen to me but WOW how hurtful.

    Second: Why do they get to decide or have any say on who is an athlete and what "your purpose" is? That seems very strange to me. I mean, what's wrong with being an athlete? And also why do they think that somehow can't be in addition to whatever else you do?

    I think you need to arm yourself with two things: Surround yourself with people with a healthier attitude, (such as people at the gym, your roller derby crew, and MFP friends and so on) and a few handy phrases such as:
    * "Yes, I love sports and going to the gym."
    * "My physician fully supports my fitness regime."
    * "Why don't we talk about [the other person's interest]..."

    I really highlight the last phrase. We all tend to talk about our personal interests, but not everyone will be fully receptive, care, or appreciate. You might just be in an environment that for whatever reason does not support fitness. That's unfortunate. But obviously that hasn't stopped you, either!

    So go forth to work today and find some other topics of discussion, be happy to be called a "gym rat", and don't let these people make you think "athlete" is some sort of bad thing. Geez!
  • amusedmonkey
    amusedmonkey Posts: 10,330 Member
    edited March 2017
    I wouldn't be too concerned by these comments. Change is hard to accept for people, so they express that in some odd ways sometimes. They're not used to seeing you go to gym that often and it makes them feel weird that you are now. Somehow it's like you're a "different person" all of a sudden and they need time to process that. They are also misinformed about what constitutes as overtraining, so they just compare it to their own level of activity and it looks extreme in comparison. For them it might as well be overtraining if they attempted to do what you are doing.

    Personally, I rarely get any comments regarding my activity (a funny one I got was that my womb will fall out if I continued running). My sister is very much into crossfit and gym in general lately and mom does give her a few concerned comments because she goes 5 times a week and is having achy knees and shoulders from all the box jumps and military presses.

    People are misinformed, comparing to their own experience, concerned, just want something to pick on for fun and feel your current activity would be a relatable topic, or simply want something random to say. I wouldn't be bothered by it and wouldn't think of them as explicitly shaming.
  • SweetPeasMom55
    SweetPeasMom55 Posts: 3,506 Member
    6 months ago I took the plunge and went after a better job after working at my job for 24 years. Old job no one took an interest in anyone's business. New job is very social every one is into everything lots of meals together. I have noticed especially with the meals as I am very careful I am told you have nothing to worry about. Lol That's because I am careful.
  • Steff46
    Steff46 Posts: 516 Member
    Do like me and ignore it :) After years of snide remarks about my love for cycling, I've learned to keep it to myself. After work I surround myself with "like minded friends". I've even had bosses that once they found out about my cycling they've constantly commented on hating cyclists and sharing the road with them.........grrrr. I just ignore them and go on.
    There was one coworker I didn't ignore, he told me that the cycling club (not me) was having races near his community and he planned to string wire across the road to teach them a lesson.......Oh My Gosh! I did tell the club about it just in case. But otherwise I ignore crazies.
  • deputy_randolph
    deputy_randolph Posts: 940 Member
    I haven't had this problem; most of my new friends are actually from the gym. The majority of my old friends were overweight, and I think there was a little resentment (I was also overweight and then fit). Notice...I used the term "old friends."

    As far as the co-workers go, I'd just send the guy a picture of Arnold and say I'd rather look like him. If you act like it doesn't bother you, it will stop...if it doesn't, save the emails and report it to HR.
  • MeanderingMammal
    MeanderingMammal Posts: 7,866 Member
    FatPorkyChop wrote: »
    ... but why does it bother them?

    Maybe you're boring about it?
  • jemhh
    jemhh Posts: 14,261 Member
    Have never had this happen. I get good natured joshing sometimes. That's typically when I bruise or bang myself up and it's just a laughing "that's why I don't exercise. Don't want to get hurt!"
  • pondee629
    pondee629 Posts: 2,469 Member
    FatPorkyChop wrote: »
    I'm petite and usually train 5 times a week (for 40 minutes / 1h), I do cardio, strenght, pilates, classes that I like. So I look fit but not bulky at all.
    When I lost weight and started exercise, Some colleagues labbelled me as "gym rat" or "gym junky". One day, a colleague sent me a picture of Ronnie Coleman and told me that I was trying to look like that..... I was a bit shocked and it got me thinking.... I started to pay attention to all the comments and a lot are negative, it seems to bother people that I train regularly. Some tell me that I train too much and that is silly to train like that, or that I am not an athlete and don't understand my purpose. It doesn't bother me really as I always loved sports and I feel great training. I also know that my training regime is far from being extreme... but why does it bother them?

    Did you have any similar experience?

    The answer is bolded. It doesn't bother you, so it shouldn't bother you, so it makes no difference why they say those things other than all folks are different. Why is it bothering you? (You posted it). Would it bother you as much if, if you liked Chardonnay, someone suggested you try Chablis? When did we start caring so much about what OTHER people thought? What happened to "do your own thing", "If you like it and it's not hurting anyone, do it" and "I'm my own person and will treat me, and my body, the way I want"?

    How, if you are happy with yourself, or your efforts to improve, can ANYONE "shame" us over anything? Shame is only within, no one can force it on us.
  • trigden1991
    trigden1991 Posts: 4,658 Member
    A vast majority of the population are obese, un-fit, unhealthy, don't eat well or exercise. Ignore these people and do what you enjoy!
  • psuLemon
    psuLemon Posts: 38,427 MFP Moderator
    edited March 2017
    sijomial wrote: »
    "You spend too much time exercising."

    Gets the response....

    "You spend too much time sitting on your fat *kitten*."

    I generally respond with...


    Thanks, I really don't want to look as bad as you, so I work hard.



    Ironically, I have been asked if I have had a taper worm before. I laugh and say nope and then ask them if they need one?
  • Morgaen73
    Morgaen73 Posts: 2,817 Member
    edited March 2017
    I haven't had to go through that. Most of our friends are supportive but what I have noticed is that some people avoid us. They are never available anymore.

    As for my co-workers, they are actually pretty cool. There is woman here that is a runner so she tends to look after weight as well. If there are stuff functions then they will get healthier food for the two of us and if either of us chooses to eat our own food instead, no-one takes offense.
  • Jayco141
    Jayco141 Posts: 221 Member
    People who don't have the will power or the actual "want it bad enough" philosophy will tend to throw remarks at those who are doing well in order to make themselves feel better and justify what they cannot do.
  • JoRocka
    JoRocka Posts: 17,525 Member
    It's pure projection. They feel bad that they do nothing and you're doing so much- so they have to try to make you feel bad about it too.

    But I agree it's annoying.

    I don't bother playing into it. either shrug and agree and keep walking- or just ignore it. Or use the line @sijomial gave you- which is also quite useful.

    Don't try to understand it- it'll never make sense.
  • Jayco141
    Jayco141 Posts: 221 Member
    1. I am still overweight. I am just under 6'3" and weigh 215
    2. People heavier than me keep asking why am I still trying to lose weight as I "look good"
    3. Just trying to be healthy is never a good enough answer for them.
  • StaciMarie1974
    StaciMarie1974 Posts: 4,138 Member
    edited March 2017
    I have a small work/family/friend environment so I don't get any of that. Most are supportive or at worst, neutral. The only time I get negative feedback is generally a wake up call that perhaps I'm ignoring family too much. It is important to work on ME but I also need to make spending time with family a priority. (Ideally, combining ME and Family is the best of both worlds.)
    FatPorkyChop wrote: »

    Did you have any similar experience?

  • RachelElser
    RachelElser Posts: 1,049 Member
    I am pretty oblivious so if I have been fit shamed, then I never noticed....depending on your co-worker you have a few options.

    Close co-worker "Thanks for your concern, but I am at a perfectly healthy exercise rate according to my doctor", General co-worker "Please do not comment on my body. It's not appropriate at work." And *kitten* co-workers "Please do not comment on my body. It's not appropriate at work. If this continues I'll be taking these emails to HR to file a complaint"
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