Have you ever been "fit shamed"?
Replies
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why cant the term "fit shame" be used? If people make you feel bad about what you look like it is not shaming you?
How, if you are happy with yourself, or your efforts, can ANYONE ELSE, much less a stranger, make you feel bad about yourself? Are we really that dependent on what others think over what/how we feel about ourselves? WTF has happened to our self esteem?
Yes. I'm old, bald and "slightly" overweight. What else you got 'cause I really don't care. I'm doing good (and getting better) and like me. If you don't (like me) just go away, 'cause I really don't care.
I fully agree with you. However, how does me having good self-esteem make it ok for someone else to try and put me down?
It doesn't, why it bothers you (or some/most posting here) is the question.trigden1991 wrote: »why cant the term "fit shame" be used? If people make you feel bad about what you look like it is not shaming you?
How, if you are happy with yourself, or your efforts, can ANYONE ELSE, much less a stranger, make you feel bad about yourself? Are we really that dependent on what others think over what/how we feel about ourselves? WTF has happened to our self esteem?
Yes. I'm old, bald and "slightly" overweight. What else you got 'cause I really don't care. I'm doing good (and getting better) and like me. If you don't (like me) just go away, 'cause I really don't care.
Fat shaming is a thing.
The only person who can "shame" you is you. If you're happy with yourself, or your efforts at getting better, there can be no shame. If you are not happy with yourself or your efforts, you know what to do.
I think that last part is a really nice idea- but the reality is people absolutely side eye/petty people. You taking it to heart is different than someone throwing actual snark/shade.
People absolutely do that. And you can absolutely shame someone. If they accept it and are hurt by it? that's a whole different conversation- but I think it's effing *kitten* to try to say "no one can hurt you but you"
that's rubbish- people are really effing mean sometimes. No matter how tough you are- they can be really bloody mean.21 -
I don't think I've been "fit shamed" - I would classify my experience as more of "skinny shamed". While I do have a lot of great support in my life in family, coworkers and friends (my husband and sister are my biggest supporters), I have received comments about needing to eat more and the oh so lovely - "You're skinny enough! You're not trying to lose any more weight, right?" I've actually blown a few minds by saying that I weigh MORE now than I did a couple months ago thanks to strength training.
My favorite past time is to invite the skinny shamers to lunch so they can see how much food I eat - I often have more packed in my lunch box than them and I eat it all, then show them that I also have an afternoon snack in my bag... and I always make sure to slide into the conversation that I had a big stack of oatmeal pancakes for breakfast (oh the joy of marathon training lol).1 -
why cant the term "fit shame" be used? If people make you feel bad about what you look like it is not shaming you?
How, if you are happy with yourself, or your efforts, can ANYONE ELSE, much less a stranger, make you feel bad about yourself? Are we really that dependent on what others think over what/how we feel about ourselves? WTF has happened to our self esteem?
Yes. I'm old, bald and "slightly" overweight. What else you got 'cause I really don't care. I'm doing good (and getting better) and like me. If you don't (like me) just go away, 'cause I really don't care.
I fully agree with you. However, how does me having good self-esteem make it ok for someone else to try and put me down?
It doesn't, why it bothers you (or some/most posting here) is the question.trigden1991 wrote: »why cant the term "fit shame" be used? If people make you feel bad about what you look like it is not shaming you?
How, if you are happy with yourself, or your efforts, can ANYONE ELSE, much less a stranger, make you feel bad about yourself? Are we really that dependent on what others think over what/how we feel about ourselves? WTF has happened to our self esteem?
Yes. I'm old, bald and "slightly" overweight. What else you got 'cause I really don't care. I'm doing good (and getting better) and like me. If you don't (like me) just go away, 'cause I really don't care.
Fat shaming is a thing.
The only person who can "shame" you is you. If you're happy with yourself, or your efforts at getting better, there can be no shame. If you are not happy with yourself or your efforts, you know what to do.
I think that last part is a really nice idea- but the reality is people absolutely side eye/petty people. You taking it to heart is different than someone throwing actual snark/shade.
People absolutely do that. And you can absolutely shame someone. If they accept it and are hurt by it? that's a whole different conversation- but I think it's effing *kitten* to try to say "no one can hurt you but you"
that's rubbish- people are really effing mean sometimes. No matter how tough you are- they can be really bloody mean.
Yeah I think it must be noted that on one hand, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent" (Eleanor Roosevelt), but on the other, if a person is constantly exposed to criticism, it does mold a person's attitude. And that's not always a bad thing--sometimes a person needs to hear criticism. But it can cross the line to shaming, or bullying, and so on and kill a person's positive change.5 -
kenyonhaff wrote: »why cant the term "fit shame" be used? If people make you feel bad about what you look like it is not shaming you?
How, if you are happy with yourself, or your efforts, can ANYONE ELSE, much less a stranger, make you feel bad about yourself? Are we really that dependent on what others think over what/how we feel about ourselves? WTF has happened to our self esteem?
Yes. I'm old, bald and "slightly" overweight. What else you got 'cause I really don't care. I'm doing good (and getting better) and like me. If you don't (like me) just go away, 'cause I really don't care.
I fully agree with you. However, how does me having good self-esteem make it ok for someone else to try and put me down?
It doesn't, why it bothers you (or some/most posting here) is the question.trigden1991 wrote: »why cant the term "fit shame" be used? If people make you feel bad about what you look like it is not shaming you?
How, if you are happy with yourself, or your efforts, can ANYONE ELSE, much less a stranger, make you feel bad about yourself? Are we really that dependent on what others think over what/how we feel about ourselves? WTF has happened to our self esteem?
Yes. I'm old, bald and "slightly" overweight. What else you got 'cause I really don't care. I'm doing good (and getting better) and like me. If you don't (like me) just go away, 'cause I really don't care.
Fat shaming is a thing.
The only person who can "shame" you is you. If you're happy with yourself, or your efforts at getting better, there can be no shame. If you are not happy with yourself or your efforts, you know what to do.
I think that last part is a really nice idea- but the reality is people absolutely side eye/petty people. You taking it to heart is different than someone throwing actual snark/shade.
People absolutely do that. And you can absolutely shame someone. If they accept it and are hurt by it? that's a whole different conversation- but I think it's effing *kitten* to try to say "no one can hurt you but you"
that's rubbish- people are really effing mean sometimes. No matter how tough you are- they can be really bloody mean.
Yeah I think it must be noted that on one hand, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent" (Eleanor Roosevelt), but on the other, if a person is constantly exposed to criticism, it does mold a person's attitude. And that's not always a bad thing--sometimes a person needs to hear criticism. But it can cross the line to shaming, or bullying, and so on and kill a person's positive change.
exactly.
I think it's one thing to be confident- and be comfortable with yourself- but I think saying "no one can shame you but you" is taking away from the real daily struggles people face- over weight people- POC- women- whatever. The reality is discrimination and petty happens every day. You can absolutely control your reaction- but I think it's disingenuous to just say it doesn't' happen b/c it's your own personal mindset.7 -
Yep, I've been fit shamed. An old buddy of mine from the punk scene made comments about my pecs that "oh look how round and firm they are blah blah blah" or something to that effect.
I pulled out the banhammer on him immediately. I will suffer not a troll among myself.
Also -- and I'm not making this up -- because my nipples are placed lower on afformentied chest I have received negative comments in the past. On the few rare times I have posted frontal pictures because of how self conscious I am, I usually begin with an apology of "there's not much I can do about it."0 -
It's a vocabulary shift from previous years. Personally, I wish we'd stayed with 'mocking' or 'making fun of' or 'putting down' rather than 'shaming' because it doesn't imply the recipient has done anything wrong, but whatever.
I've not really been mocked for being fit. I get more incredulity when someone asks me things like 'what's the farthest you've run?' which I find funny since physically I'm nothing special. Yet everyone seems convinced that they could never do the same even though they're perfectly healthy and capable.
I've gotten some backtalk once or twice when I was at my lightest, but it was said in a self-deprecating way, so not sincerely meant. I figure that's because I've already had pointed words with the one or two people in my life that have a hard time with others' successes. I find people like that extremely annoying because I prefer NOT to be involuntarily shoved in the spotlight, thank you.0 -
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The "It should be us losing the weight" comment blows me away, lol.
I just want to throw out there: I admire people who don't give an f. what other people think, but . . . it's natural and okay to be hurt when someone makes an insensitive, rude, or just plain mean comment to you. Not everyone can let that kind of comment roll off like water off a duck's back. Myself, if someone is rude to me then I do get upset, and need some time to brood over it and process my feelings before I can let it go.6 -
nakedraygun wrote: »Yep, I've been fit shamed. An old buddy of mine from the punk scene made comments about my pecs that "oh look how round and firm they are blah blah blah" or something to that effect.
I pulled out the banhammer on him immediately. I will suffer not a troll among myself.
Also -- and I'm not making this up -- because my nipples are placed lower on afformentied chest I have received negative comments in the past. On the few rare times I have posted frontal pictures because of how self conscious I am, I usually begin with an apology of "there's not much I can do about it."
I didn't know guys worried about stuff like that. (Shame on me.)0 -
why cant the term "fit shame" be used? If people make you feel bad about what you look like it is not shaming you?
How, if you are happy with yourself, or your efforts, can ANYONE ELSE, much less a stranger, make you feel bad about yourself? Are we really that dependent on what others think over what/how we feel about ourselves? WTF has happened to our self esteem?
Yes. I'm old, bald and "slightly" overweight. What else you got 'cause I really don't care. I'm doing good (and getting better) and like me. If you don't (like me) just go away, 'cause I really don't care.
I fully agree with you. However, how does me having good self-esteem make it ok for someone else to try and put me down?
It doesn't, why it bothers you (or some/most posting here) is the question.trigden1991 wrote: »why cant the term "fit shame" be used? If people make you feel bad about what you look like it is not shaming you?
How, if you are happy with yourself, or your efforts, can ANYONE ELSE, much less a stranger, make you feel bad about yourself? Are we really that dependent on what others think over what/how we feel about ourselves? WTF has happened to our self esteem?
Yes. I'm old, bald and "slightly" overweight. What else you got 'cause I really don't care. I'm doing good (and getting better) and like me. If you don't (like me) just go away, 'cause I really don't care.
Fat shaming is a thing.
The only person who can "shame" you is you. If you're happy with yourself, or your efforts at getting better, there can be no shame. If you are not happy with yourself or your efforts, you know what to do.
YES!
People can tease. People can make snide comments. But they can't shame.
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If anyone has criticised me for exercising a lot, I certainly haven't noticed and must have totally ignored their pettiness and carried on being happy, awesome, and optimistic as usual.
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The only person who can "shame" you is you. If you're happy with yourself, or your efforts at getting better, there can be no shame. If you are not happy with yourself or your efforts, you know what to do.
you're assuming that everyone who notices a phenomenon and reports on it has internalized it. that's simplistic enough to be condescending, though.1 -
Hi0
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The coworkers saw me 100+ lbs ago so the change now, even though it happened slowly, bothers them. I get the blatant comments as well as the "nice" ones with a bit of an edge. Whatever. Now their comments on the size of my "small butt" are weird ...0
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I am sick of the word "shamed". Criticism doesn't necessarily mean they are "shaming". But I digress,.... this word will continue to be overused and misused until something else catches on.
All that aside you can't escape judgement and criticism or whatever it may be. You can be obese, skinny as a rail, you can be just a tad overweight or you can be in the middle of your healthy range and there will always be people who will have something to say. Some people will always have a reason to criticize others no matter how they look. They will point fingers at their obese co-worker then turn around and do the same to the most healthy and in shape person on the other side of the room. Some people who love the over weight physique while they shun the fit physique, others love a skinny person while they loathe the fat person. Some people hate to see someone make a change and have a lot of success. They don't want to see the fat person get fit and look smokin' hot. Crabs in a bucket keep each other down. You have crawled out of the bucket and back onto the beach basking in the glow of your success. They don't like it.
We cannot change this about society. Everyone has their own hangups, likes, dislikes, issues, insecurities etc... The best way we can combat this is to change how we see these critical people and maybe find a way to respond that helps them think a little deeper or at least think before they inflict their unsolicited opinion on people around them. I always say, "Invite them to the gym" anytime and every time they do this. Better yet say, "Hey what are you doing tomorrow at such-and-such time?" When they say nothing say, "OH GOOD! You can come to the gym (or for a run or walk or hike or whatever) with me! This will be SO much fun!" They will decide to join you or shut up.5 -
I can see how tough this is when u r stuck in an office with multiple people like this. Definitely not ok.
Maybe it's a good opportunity to determine who u will try to become closer to, and who u just need to keep a professional relationship with.
For those where it's strictly business, I would keep all private info about myself to myself. They don't deserve to be let in...2 -
ThatUserNameIsAllReadyTaken wrote: »I am sick of the word "shamed". Criticism doesn't necessarily mean they are "shaming". But I digress,.... this word will continue to be overused and misused until something else catches on.
Shame
verb
1.
(of a person, action, or situation) make (someone) feel ashamed.
"I tried to shame him into giving some away"
synonyms: humiliate, mortify, chagrin, embarrass, abash, chasten, humble, take down a peg or two, cut down to size; informal show up, make someone eat crow
"he was shamed in public"
Sooo you're sick of the word shame being used properly as a verb? The word as it's being used just means that someone is purposely trying to knock you down a peg or humble you. It doesn't have to work, but it isn't a misuse of the dictionary definition.12 -
All the time. I'm shamed for working out, shamed for eating the foods I do and for not eating the foods I don't..family, friends, coworkers...you name it. It's a thing. Just gotta learn to stick your chin in the air, and remember that you are better off for your choices than they are for theirs.3
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yellingkimber wrote: »ThatUserNameIsAllReadyTaken wrote: »I am sick of the word "shamed". Criticism doesn't necessarily mean they are "shaming". But I digress,.... this word will continue to be overused and misused until something else catches on.
Shame
verb
1.
(of a person, action, or situation) make (someone) feel ashamed.
"I tried to shame him into giving some away"
synonyms: humiliate, mortify, chagrin, embarrass, abash, chasten, humble, take down a peg or two, cut down to size; informal show up, make someone eat crow
"he was shamed in public"
Sooo you're sick of the word shame being used properly as a verb? The word as it's being used just means that someone is purposely trying to knock you down a peg or humble you. It doesn't have to work, but it isn't a misuse of the dictionary definition.
You assume they are trying make a person feel shame. That is an assumption. Criticism and shaming are not the same thing. Also, part of speech and context are not the same either. There are a great many words in the English language that have the same part of speech function yet different meanings. Take the word "can" for example. You may "can" vegetables in order to preserve them, or "can" a lazy employee. "Can" in the latter meaning to fire them of course. Both forms of "can" being used as a verb with entirely different meanings.
I stand by my comment. Criticism does not automatically equate to shaming.3 -
ThatUserNameIsAllReadyTaken wrote: »You assume they are trying make a person feel shame.
wordnerd derail.not that i know the answer, but the point about intention snagged at me too. i think 'criticism' inherently implies a preference for the behaviour not to exist, doesn't it? whether the critic is intentionally trying to push the shame button to make it happen . . . idk, that seems sort of hyperspecific to me.
most people i've come across aren't even critical in any straightforward way. i'm lucky not to have run into much outright meanness where the intention blatantly is to upset. with me, they just can't stop passive-aggressively harping on an irrelevant subject because to them it isn't irrelevant. they're just compulsively expressing their own hyperconsciousness of a difference between us that is real.
that's what this kind of thing communicates, imo. 'here's my definition of normal and here's where you sit relative to that definition. you're noteworthy because you're not normal . . . according to me.' so if i'm being super word-picky, the word that i'd pick for my own encounters would be 'marginalized' more than shamed.
did it work, in my case? sure. they were communicating something and i'm not a social idiot. they're broadcasting a message and i pick it up. did/does it bother me? sure. passive-aggression pisses most people off; combine that with boringness and it just gets worse. and i'm not a sociopath afaik so i take an interest in where i stand relative to my own species.
is it the worst thing ever done to one person by another person? of course not. but it's at least as good a conversational topic as anything else.3 -
The only time I was sort of fit-shamed was when my sister invited me and my other sister to go kayaking for her "bachelorette party" last summer. She's outdoorsy so she felt like she would enjoy that more than the typical party. I was super excited for it and was like awesome I don't even have to work-out beforehand, that'll be more work out. So I went, and apparently my sisters were more excited about sitting out in the water drinking and taking shots than actually doing any kayaking.
I'm just not a big drinker in general because it makes me sick (in a bad way) so I kept trying to urge them on and I was often way far ahead of them, and I got teased the entire trip because I "actually wanted to kayak". They still will bring it up to make fun of me!
I don't know why drinking is considered more socially acceptable than actually wanting to be active!3 -
I usually train 5-6 times a week too, i consider myself fit, i follow iifym so even tho i eat a lot, still for me to want to eat something, it must be worth my macros. Anyway my colleague, she's much older than me and big, any piece of junk she puts in her mouth she feels like she needs to tell me she doesn't care and you gotta live sometimes
She over did it, when i got rear ended, and hurt as a result, and when a friend asked how i was that colleague said: "she's working and energetic and healthy don't feel bad for her!
" wow! That really made everyone look at her with jaws dropped! 2 -
Yes...this year I joined a women's "mom" organization and was put on the leadership committee for fundraising. One of my ideas that I had was to hold a 5k fun run and one mile walk. I got turned down immediately from some of the other moms, making comments like "nobody wants to go out and run/walk for fun." I felt like such an idiot for bringing it up.
When I was working, I would get comments all the time on my choice of food for lunches. "You get so healthy," or "Don't you ever just eat junk." Then when they would actually see me eating pizza or something not considered in there minds healthy they made such a big deal about it. "Oh my gosh she is eating pizza!" It always made me feel like I was abnormal because I chose to eat green beans with chicken for lunch and snacked on protein bars. I really try for balance in my diet, I eat my treats when I want but I have learned to love my healthy foods as well. I never once ridiculed them for their choice of food. Now that I am getting older I am learning not to let peoples opinions bother me.
#1 - So true about the coworkers seeing you eat healthy meals most of the time and then absolutely freaking out when you eat something like pizza or cake once in awhile. It just doesn't compute for these all-or-nothing type mentalities. Maybe that's why so many people fail at diets/weight loss. They have an all-or-nothing mindset that they have to be totally miserable and restrictive in order to be fit and healthy. My SIL has that mindset - even though she sees me enjoying all kinds of stuff, she can't visualize herself enjoying a fit lifestyle - like it would only work for some "lucky" people like me, but not for her - so she doesn't even bother with even small, easy changes. Sad.
#2 - @ChelzFit I would have been totally excited about your fun run idea vs. the usual boring fundraising ideas. (I confess I might have been slightly disappointed in the one mile walk, though. Too easy. A 5k is short enough as it is. A one miler would be over before you even got started.
) Who are these lazy moms who won't even walk a mile to raise some cash?!? They could gossip and play with their phones the whole time to pass the time...Ooh...what if you had a combination fun run/walk/bake sale? Upon completion of your 5k, you've earned a cupcake! I would sign up for that sooo fast! Two ways to win! 
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No one I know cares if I exercise or not, they are too busy doing their own thing
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I get the "you're already skinny you don't need to go to the gym" frequently. And when I turn down eating out because I track macros I get *kitten* from people sometimes. Yup I'm a party pooper lol0
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I workout 7 days a week....ppl tell me it's too much. I am nowhere thin. I am pretty fit (I think)...ppl are gonna hate.....you have 2 do u.....eff the haters0
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I always get the "you workout too much" comments and they nag on me for bringing my own lunch when lunch is catered everyday at work, sometimes breakfast, snack, and lunch. I think my acceptance of the comments just came with time. I now just brush the comments off and don't take them to heart. I know it's my own way to burn off excess energy every day. I've inspired a couple at work to start working out, some of which made the comments, so I guess there's some victories in the long term.0
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why cant the term "fit shame" be used? If people make you feel bad about what you look like it is not shaming you?
How, if you are happy with yourself, or your efforts, can ANYONE ELSE, much less a stranger, make you feel bad about yourself? Are we really that dependent on what others think over what/how we feel about ourselves? WTF has happened to our self esteem?
Yes. I'm old, bald and "slightly" overweight. What else you got 'cause I really don't care. I'm doing good (and getting better) and like me. If you don't (like me) just go away, 'cause I really don't care.
I fully agree with you. However, how does me having good self-esteem make it ok for someone else to try and put me down?
It doesn't, why it bothers you (or some/most posting here) is the question.trigden1991 wrote: »why cant the term "fit shame" be used? If people make you feel bad about what you look like it is not shaming you?
How, if you are happy with yourself, or your efforts, can ANYONE ELSE, much less a stranger, make you feel bad about yourself? Are we really that dependent on what others think over what/how we feel about ourselves? WTF has happened to our self esteem?
Yes. I'm old, bald and "slightly" overweight. What else you got 'cause I really don't care. I'm doing good (and getting better) and like me. If you don't (like me) just go away, 'cause I really don't care.
Fat shaming is a thing.
The only person who can "shame" you is you. If you're happy with yourself, or your efforts at getting better, there can be no shame. If you are not happy with yourself or your efforts, you know what to do.
Because I'm human and being criticized for trying to look better be more healthy by people who are not, does eventually get to me. Also the absolute hypocrisy \of overweight people shouting about fat shaming while at the same time seeing nothing wrong with criticizing "fit" people bugs the hell out of me. Again, I'm human.5 -
why cant the term "fit shame" be used? If people make you feel bad about what you look like it is not shaming you?
How, if you are happy with yourself, or your efforts, can ANYONE ELSE, much less a stranger, make you feel bad about yourself? Are we really that dependent on what others think over what/how we feel about ourselves? WTF has happened to our self esteem?
Yes. I'm old, bald and "slightly" overweight. What else you got 'cause I really don't care. I'm doing good (and getting better) and like me. If you don't (like me) just go away, 'cause I really don't care.
I fully agree with you. However, how does me having good self-esteem make it ok for someone else to try and put me down?
It doesn't, why it bothers you (or some/most posting here) is the question.trigden1991 wrote: »why cant the term "fit shame" be used? If people make you feel bad about what you look like it is not shaming you?
How, if you are happy with yourself, or your efforts, can ANYONE ELSE, much less a stranger, make you feel bad about yourself? Are we really that dependent on what others think over what/how we feel about ourselves? WTF has happened to our self esteem?
Yes. I'm old, bald and "slightly" overweight. What else you got 'cause I really don't care. I'm doing good (and getting better) and like me. If you don't (like me) just go away, 'cause I really don't care.
Fat shaming is a thing.
The only person who can "shame" you is you. If you're happy with yourself, or your efforts at getting better, there can be no shame. If you are not happy with yourself or your efforts, you know what to do.
Because I'm human and being criticized for trying to look better be more healthy by people who are not, does eventually get to me. Also the absolute hypocrisy \of overweight people shouting about fat shaming while at the same time seeing nothing wrong with criticizing "fit" people bugs the hell out of me. Again, I'm human.
I get that it bothers you. Just how are you "shamed"?0
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