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Should your S.O./Spouse have a say so if they feel you are too thin or too large?

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Replies

  • STLBADGIRL
    STLBADGIRL Posts: 1,693 Member
    lemurcat12 wrote: »
    So in ads determined by current discussions on MFP, I looked some at t-shirts (completely unrelated) I might add to my sister's birthday present next week, and came back to MFP with the following as the main ad on my page:

    zds24nvessey.jpg

    Nice to know BigTshirt is watching.

    HAHAHAA....LOL @ BigTshirt is watching.
  • STLBADGIRL
    STLBADGIRL Posts: 1,693 Member
    I watch my 600lbs life all the time....and I am astounded at how many of them are married and/or have a S.O.

    I have plenty of friends that are a little overweight and can't find a decent guy, but the 600 lbs men and women can pull them a husband and S.O. and they seem to be supportive for the most part.
  • STLBADGIRL
    STLBADGIRL Posts: 1,693 Member
    STLBADGIRL wrote: »
    I watch my 600lbs life all the time....and I am astounded at how many of them are married and/or have a S.O.

    I have plenty of friends that are a little overweight and can't find a decent guy, but the 600 lbs men and women can pull them a husband and S.O. and they seem to be supportive for the most part.

    There's a difference between being supportive and being an enabler, though. ;)

    Very good point....
  • heiliskrimsli
    heiliskrimsli Posts: 735 Member
    CSARdiver wrote: »
    STLBADGIRL wrote: »
    I watch my 600lbs life all the time....and I am astounded at how many of them are married and/or have a S.O.

    I have plenty of friends that are a little overweight and can't find a decent guy, but the 600 lbs men and women can pull them a husband and S.O. and they seem to be supportive for the most part.

    Logistically speaking I'm not sure if it's possible to reach 600 lbs without someone enabling this.

    In at least one case the enabler was a feeder and left because the feedee started losing weight.
  • pinuplove
    pinuplove Posts: 12,871 Member
    STLBADGIRL wrote: »
    I watch my 600lbs life all the time....and I am astounded at how many of them are married and/or have a S.O.

    I have plenty of friends that are a little overweight and can't find a decent guy, but the 600 lbs men and women can pull them a husband and S.O. and they seem to be supportive for the most part.

    Yeah, I realllly wouldn't hold those relationships up as a shining example, if the bits and pieces I've seen of the show are any indication!
  • stealthq
    stealthq Posts: 4,298 Member
    CSARdiver wrote: »
    STLBADGIRL wrote: »
    I watch my 600lbs life all the time....and I am astounded at how many of them are married and/or have a S.O.

    I have plenty of friends that are a little overweight and can't find a decent guy, but the 600 lbs men and women can pull them a husband and S.O. and they seem to be supportive for the most part.

    Logistically speaking I'm not sure if it's possible to reach 600 lbs without someone enabling this.

    In at least one case the enabler was a feeder and left because the feedee started losing weight.

    And another where the enabler was afraid his wife would realize he was worthless and leave him if she lost weight. I think he did eventually decide that risking divorce was better than helping her eat herself to death.
  • STLBADGIRL
    STLBADGIRL Posts: 1,693 Member
    edited April 2017
    CSARdiver wrote: »
    STLBADGIRL wrote: »
    I watch my 600lbs life all the time....and I am astounded at how many of them are married and/or have a S.O.

    I have plenty of friends that are a little overweight and can't find a decent guy, but the 600 lbs men and women can pull them a husband and S.O. and they seem to be supportive for the most part.

    Logistically speaking I'm not sure if it's possible to reach 600 lbs without someone enabling this.

    I didn't think about it like that... That is so true...big time enabler. But they still have a S.O/husband which is somewhat shocking to me at that level of obesity...
  • CSARdiver
    CSARdiver Posts: 6,252 Member
    STLBADGIRL wrote: »
    CSARdiver wrote: »
    STLBADGIRL wrote: »
    I watch my 600lbs life all the time....and I am astounded at how many of them are married and/or have a S.O.

    I have plenty of friends that are a little overweight and can't find a decent guy, but the 600 lbs men and women can pull them a husband and S.O. and they seem to be supportive for the most part.

    Logistically speaking I'm not sure if it's possible to reach 600 lbs without someone enabling this.

    I didn't think about it like that... That is so true...big time enabler. But they still have a S.O/husband :/

    LOL - an insight into how my mind works.
  • STLBADGIRL
    STLBADGIRL Posts: 1,693 Member
    CSARdiver wrote: »
    STLBADGIRL wrote: »
    I watch my 600lbs life all the time....and I am astounded at how many of them are married and/or have a S.O.

    I have plenty of friends that are a little overweight and can't find a decent guy, but the 600 lbs men and women can pull them a husband and S.O. and they seem to be supportive for the most part.

    Logistically speaking I'm not sure if it's possible to reach 600 lbs without someone enabling this.

    In at least one case the enabler was a feeder and left because the feedee started losing weight.

    I think I know the epi you are speaking of. I couldn't comprehend it.

    But I don't understand how the 600lb person MAKES them cook food that they shouldn't have - when they can't even get up and walk/cook for themselves. They would get what I cooked and the portion that I provided IF I had to cook for them.
  • STLBADGIRL
    STLBADGIRL Posts: 1,693 Member
    pinuplove wrote: »
    STLBADGIRL wrote: »
    I watch my 600lbs life all the time....and I am astounded at how many of them are married and/or have a S.O.

    I have plenty of friends that are a little overweight and can't find a decent guy, but the 600 lbs men and women can pull them a husband and S.O. and they seem to be supportive for the most part.

    Yeah, I realllly wouldn't hold those relationships up as a shining example, if the bits and pieces I've seen of the show are any indication!

    Ha, so you think they might be doing it for the cameras?
  • STLBADGIRL
    STLBADGIRL Posts: 1,693 Member
    pinuplove wrote: »
    STLBADGIRL wrote: »
    CSARdiver wrote: »
    STLBADGIRL wrote: »
    I watch my 600lbs life all the time....and I am astounded at how many of them are married and/or have a S.O.

    I have plenty of friends that are a little overweight and can't find a decent guy, but the 600 lbs men and women can pull them a husband and S.O. and they seem to be supportive for the most part.

    Logistically speaking I'm not sure if it's possible to reach 600 lbs without someone enabling this.

    I didn't think about it like that... That is so true...big time enabler. But they still have a S.O/husband which is somewhat shocking to me at that level of obesity...

    You'll find all kinds of dysfunctional people hanging on to one another for dear life. It's really not a plus, in many cases :confused:

    Ok, you are right and this makes sense. Whew
  • jenilla1
    jenilla1 Posts: 11,118 Member
    pinuplove wrote: »
    STLBADGIRL wrote: »
    CSARdiver wrote: »
    STLBADGIRL wrote: »
    I watch my 600lbs life all the time....and I am astounded at how many of them are married and/or have a S.O.

    I have plenty of friends that are a little overweight and can't find a decent guy, but the 600 lbs men and women can pull them a husband and S.O. and they seem to be supportive for the most part.

    Logistically speaking I'm not sure if it's possible to reach 600 lbs without someone enabling this.

    I didn't think about it like that... That is so true...big time enabler. But they still have a S.O/husband which is somewhat shocking to me at that level of obesity...

    You'll find all kinds of dysfunctional people hanging on to one another for dear life. It's really not a plus, in many cases :confused:

    Yes, and this is precisely why some of us here would not tolerate/enable a spouse who began to let him/herself go. It doesn't need to get to the level of super morbid obesity for you to recognize a demoralizing, toxic dynamic forming.
  • jenilla1
    jenilla1 Posts: 11,118 Member
    STLBADGIRL wrote: »
    pinuplove wrote: »
    STLBADGIRL wrote: »
    I watch my 600lbs life all the time....and I am astounded at how many of them are married and/or have a S.O.

    I have plenty of friends that are a little overweight and can't find a decent guy, but the 600 lbs men and women can pull them a husband and S.O. and they seem to be supportive for the most part.

    Yeah, I realllly wouldn't hold those relationships up as a shining example, if the bits and pieces I've seen of the show are any indication!

    Ha, so you think they might be doing it for the cameras?

    No, I think they are just dysfunctional people in dysfunctional relationships. Some of them are trying to get better, and some of them aren't...
  • lemurcat12
    lemurcat12 Posts: 30,886 Member
    edited April 2017
    an ultimatum implies I had no choice, and I most certainly did.

    I'm not the poster you were responding to, but I don't understand an ultimatum to mean you had no choice at all. An ultimatum is simply a statement of consequence -- if you do/don't do this, this is the consequence. Here, the consequence seems like it would have been no relationship.

    And for the record, I didn't see the original thread, but it makes sense to me, and I can quite easily see it as coming from a place of concern, as well as a legitimate feeling that your commitment to taking positive steps would be necessary for a relationship.
  • SiegfriedXXL
    SiegfriedXXL Posts: 219 Member
    lemurcat12 wrote: »
    an ultimatum implies I had no choice, and I most certainly did.

    I'm not the poster you were responding to, but I don't understand an ultimatum to mean you had no choice at all. An ultimatum is simply a statement of consequence -- if you do/don't do this, this is the consequence. Here, the consequence seems like it would have been no relationship.

    And for the record, I didn't see the original thread, but it makes sense to me, and I can quite easily see it as coming from a place of concern, as well as a legitimate feeling that your commitment to taking positive steps would be necessary for a relationship.

    I agree with you to a certain extent, @lemurcat12. I guess that, at the point we had the discussion, we were both still in a place where it wouldn't have been a consequence to have the relationship not start. Of course now, it would be sad if we broke up because of some failure on his or my part, but back then it would have been a matter of not being willing to do the work and each of us moving on to our separate journeys.

    To your second point, that is exactly it. He was concerned for my health and for my future and made me realize that I needed to be as well. I come from a family that is entirely overweight/obese. There is no "normal" bodied person in my family, immediate or extended. I just assumed that's what I would be as well. The relationship is an added bonus to me making a change that I finally figured out was necessary if I was going to continue on this blue ball of crazy.
  • jenilla1
    jenilla1 Posts: 11,118 Member
    lemurcat12 wrote: »
    an ultimatum implies I had no choice, and I most certainly did.

    I'm not the poster you were responding to, but I don't understand an ultimatum to mean you had no choice at all. An ultimatum is simply a statement of consequence -- if you do/don't do this, this is the consequence. Here, the consequence seems like it would have been no relationship.

    And for the record, I didn't see the original thread, but it makes sense to me, and I can quite easily see it as coming from a place of concern, as well as a legitimate feeling that your commitment to taking positive steps would be necessary for a relationship.

    ...He was concerned for my health and for my future and made me realize that I needed to be as well...The relationship is an added bonus to me making a change that I finally figured out was necessary...

    <3
  • heiliskrimsli
    heiliskrimsli Posts: 735 Member
    jenilla1 wrote: »
    pinuplove wrote: »
    STLBADGIRL wrote: »
    CSARdiver wrote: »
    STLBADGIRL wrote: »
    I watch my 600lbs life all the time....and I am astounded at how many of them are married and/or have a S.O.

    I have plenty of friends that are a little overweight and can't find a decent guy, but the 600 lbs men and women can pull them a husband and S.O. and they seem to be supportive for the most part.

    Logistically speaking I'm not sure if it's possible to reach 600 lbs without someone enabling this.

    I didn't think about it like that... That is so true...big time enabler. But they still have a S.O/husband which is somewhat shocking to me at that level of obesity...

    You'll find all kinds of dysfunctional people hanging on to one another for dear life. It's really not a plus, in many cases :confused:

    Yes, and this is precisely why some of us here would not tolerate/enable a spouse who began to let him/herself go. It doesn't need to get to the level of super morbid obesity for you to recognize a demoralizing, toxic dynamic forming.

    It may seem harsh, but that's the truth. Because someone always asks how it got to that point, that 600 LB Life point, and in a lot of cases it's just giving it another month, another year, sticking in that codependent situation all the while saying it must get better at some point, surely it can't get worse. Sometimes you must get off the ship before you are dragged down with it.
  • jenilla1
    jenilla1 Posts: 11,118 Member
    jenilla1 wrote: »
    pinuplove wrote: »
    STLBADGIRL wrote: »
    CSARdiver wrote: »
    STLBADGIRL wrote: »
    I watch my 600lbs life all the time....and I am astounded at how many of them are married and/or have a S.O.

    I have plenty of friends that are a little overweight and can't find a decent guy, but the 600 lbs men and women can pull them a husband and S.O. and they seem to be supportive for the most part.

    Logistically speaking I'm not sure if it's possible to reach 600 lbs without someone enabling this.

    I didn't think about it like that... That is so true...big time enabler. But they still have a S.O/husband which is somewhat shocking to me at that level of obesity...

    You'll find all kinds of dysfunctional people hanging on to one another for dear life. It's really not a plus, in many cases :confused:

    Yes, and this is precisely why some of us here would not tolerate/enable a spouse who began to let him/herself go. It doesn't need to get to the level of super morbid obesity for you to recognize a demoralizing, toxic dynamic forming.

    It may seem harsh, but that's the truth. Because someone always asks how it got to that point, that 600 LB Life point, and in a lot of cases it's just giving it another month, another year, sticking in that codependent situation all the while saying it must get better at some point, surely it can't get worse. Sometimes you must get off the ship before you are dragged down with it.

    Truth.
  • bizgirl26
    bizgirl26 Posts: 1,795 Member
    bizgirl26 wrote: »
    Hmmm, I'm not even sure I want to weigh in on this but here goes. When I met my current partner a couple of years ago, he told me, point blank that he wasn't in to "larger" people. So we became friends. Keep in mind, at that time I was well north of 400 and slightly shy of 500. Yikes! Well, things progressed and we grew closer and eventually started a relationship. With a caveat. I needed to lose weight for it to last. Now, before the indignation starts, this had already been on my mind. He has been nothing but supportive of me and I have lost a substantial amount of weight already. My BMI is still nowhere near normal but I have continued to lose weight consistently and that is what he wanted. We both want there to be a day where my weight loss goals are met and we can do EVERYTHING we want to do together, from hang gliding to bungee jumping to cliff diving. It's going to happen and we're in it together. Now, I know that were I to give up my part of this bargain and stop losing weight and stop taking care of myself, our relationship would suffer and he would eventually leave. Honestly, I wouldn't blame him. Partnerships are exactly that. Everyone has to pull their share of the plow.

    Everyone has their preferences. I've never dated an older person. I've never dated a larger person. I'm not attracted to either. Call it ironic regarding larger people, but for me, it's true. I wouldn't date a woman either because I'm not attracted to them. We are who we are and we want who we want. I'm not going to disparage anyone just because I am not attracted them and I'm certainly not going to expect someone to be attracted to me just because I'm attracted to them.

    So yes, my ex military, very fit, attractive partner sticks by me while I'm losing the weight, despite his preference. That's his choice. Not many people would make that choice and no should be expected to. He's happy, I'm happy, and that's what matters. If one or the other of us were not happy, I wouldn't expect either of us to stay even though we're two years in.

    Anyway, that's my two cents.

    I think there's a difference when one changes from fit to fat after in a relationship though than someone who basically gives you an ultimatum to start a relationship. Good for you for deciding to make a change though

    I'm sorry but I don't see it as an ultimatum. Neither one of us were invested at that point and it would have been just as easy for me to flip him the bird and say "let me live my life, you shallow piece of trash." He was coming at me from an area of total concern. Why would he want to be with someone who's life expectancy would be severely shortened should they maintain their current weight? Yes, he prefers fit people but that was only one of the factors for him to talk to me about weight loss. In fact, during the short time we were "just friends" he talked about me losing weight. Honestly, before my health crisis, I had felt that being fat was my fate and unchangeable.

    Now I know differently.

    Anyway, thanks for your comment, but again, an ultimatum implies I had no choice, and I most certainly did.

    Maybe ultimatum was the wrong word. If it motivated you I am all for it . What I meant is that if we meet someone and they are physically fit it might be more of a shock and a game changer when they start gaining weight and become less active. If we meet someone and we know they have weight issues going in it may change how we see them and how we react .
  • SpotLighttt
    SpotLighttt Posts: 174 Member
    jjpptt2 wrote: »
    STLBADGIRL wrote: »
    CSARdiver wrote: »
    STLBADGIRL wrote: »
    I watch my 600lbs life all the time....and I am astounded at how many of them are married and/or have a S.O.

    I have plenty of friends that are a little overweight and can't find a decent guy, but the 600 lbs men and women can pull them a husband and S.O. and they seem to be supportive for the most part.

    Logistically speaking I'm not sure if it's possible to reach 600 lbs without someone enabling this.

    I didn't think about it like that... That is so true...big time enabler. But they still have a S.O/husband which is somewhat shocking to me at that level of obesity...

    Talk about fat shaming...

    good catch
  • drawaimfire
    drawaimfire Posts: 83 Member
    MrStabbems wrote: »
    Yes. Be honest with your partners peeps.

    Also fat people are bouncy, makes for good bam bam.

    I'm still laughing about this comment and it's now Friday :D

    Come back MrStabbems!
This discussion has been closed.