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Should your S.O./Spouse have a say so if they feel you are too thin or too large?
Replies
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STLBADGIRL wrote: »tbright1965 wrote: »STLBADGIRL wrote: »Opinions are one's belief whether it is supported by facts or not. Judgement comes into place when your opinion can be backed by fact.
So people who are judgmental are backed up by fact? Is that what you are saying?
I'm saying it could be someone's opinion that they are being judged. They indeed might not be judged, it could be someone's else's opinion or it could be the truth that the injured party have deemed as judgement.
I see.
If one is judged, does that mean they are injured?0 -
tbright1965 wrote: »STLBADGIRL wrote: »tbright1965 wrote: »STLBADGIRL wrote: »Opinions are one's belief whether it is supported by facts or not. Judgement comes into place when your opinion can be backed by fact.
So people who are judgmental are backed up by fact? Is that what you are saying?
I'm saying it could be someone's opinion that they are being judged. They indeed might not be judged, it could be someone's else's opinion or it could be the truth that the injured party have deemed as judgement.
I see.
If one is judged, does that mean they are injured?
See you are taking this somewhere else-LOL. I believe it's about perception. Some people don't mind judgement, some do. I have a friend that do not give a *kitten* about one thinks, feels, or judge about her (literally), another person would have a breakdown in that same scenario. So I can't determine when a person should or shouldn't be injured or what ailments if any causes them to feel or respond the way that they do. I just deal with it from a point that everyone is entitled to their own feelings and everyone is different.1 -
Per Oxford:
Judgement - The ability to make considered decisions or come to sensible conclusions.
Opinion - A view or judgement formed about something, not necessarily based on fact or knowledge.
This has more to do with the act of judgement. There is nothing wrong with stating an opinion. There is nothing wrong with making a judgement.
The potential offense is being hypocritical in either action.3 -
Per Oxford:
Judgement - The ability to make considered decisions or come to sensible conclusions.
Opinion - A view or judgement formed about something, not necessarily based on fact or knowledge.
This has more to do with the act of judgement. There is nothing wrong with stating an opinion. There is nothing wrong with making a judgement.
The potential offense is being hypocritical in either action.
@csardiver - I agree, but to add to that, it's the way it is said/communicated. And my personal pet peeve are targeted to the meanies that were once in that situation, being mean to others that are in the same situation they were in.1 -
I'd expand on that as well.
It's not just those who send the message who can be mean. Recipients can be mean as well.
As I think I said before, the message can be as non-emotional as getting an overdraft notice from the bank.
It's just news.
How you respond to the news is just as important as it being delivered in a non-mean fashion.
If someone makes the news teller pay for being open and honest, you can bet they will be less likely to be open an honest in the future.
An intimate relationship is one where you are safe from emotional payback for being open and honest.
I'm not saying being mean. I'm saying if you tell your spouse, I love you, but I don't like the extra 100 pounds you have put on since we married, they receive the message and while it may not be the best news they hear, they are happy you shared your heart with them. But if the recipient takes offense and wants the person sharing to pay a price for that honesty, perhaps the one seeking some sort of payback here is the one with the problem.
Therefore, good behavior is key on BOTH sides of the exchange, not just on the part of the one delivering the not-so-good news.STLBADGIRL wrote: »Per Oxford:
Judgement - The ability to make considered decisions or come to sensible conclusions.
Opinion - A view or judgement formed about something, not necessarily based on fact or knowledge.
This has more to do with the act of judgement. There is nothing wrong with stating an opinion. There is nothing wrong with making a judgement.
The potential offense is being hypocritical in either action.
@csardiver - I agree, but to add to that, it's the way it is said/communicated. And my personal pet peeve are targeted to the meanies that were once in that situation, being mean to others that are in the same situation they were in.
3 -
tbright1965 wrote: »I'd expand on that as well.
It's not just those who send the message who can be mean. Recipients can be mean as well.
As I think I said before, the message can be as non-emotional as getting an overdraft notice from the bank.
It's just news.
How you respond to the news is just as important as it being delivered in a non-mean fashion.
If someone makes the news teller pay for being open and honest, you can bet they will be less likely to be open an honest in the future.
An intimate relationship is one where you are safe from emotional payback for being open and honest.
I'm not saying being mean. I'm saying if you tell your spouse, I love you, but I don't like the extra 100 pounds you have put on since we married, they receive the message and while it may not be the best news they hear, they are happy you shared your heart with them. But if the recipient takes offense and wants the person sharing to pay a price for that honesty, perhaps the one seeking some sort of payback here is the one with the problem.
Therefore, good behavior is key on BOTH sides of the exchange, not just on the part of the one delivering the not-so-good news.STLBADGIRL wrote: »Per Oxford:
Judgement - The ability to make considered decisions or come to sensible conclusions.
Opinion - A view or judgement formed about something, not necessarily based on fact or knowledge.
This has more to do with the act of judgement. There is nothing wrong with stating an opinion. There is nothing wrong with making a judgement.
The potential offense is being hypocritical in either action.
@csardiver - I agree, but to add to that, it's the way it is said/communicated. And my personal pet peeve are targeted to the meanies that were once in that situation, being mean to others that are in the same situation they were in.
@tbright1965 - this was beautifully stated. and I don't want to take away from your response, because sometimes I think we ignore how responses can be taken out of wack. It's a lot of pages here, so you probably didn't read what I wrote on this here subject. My guy said to me that I needed to "step my game up in the gym and tighten up my diet".....this hurt my feelings because what I heard was, "You are lazy and fat and I'm not attracted to you anymore! You've been stuck in this state for forever and you are a fat *kitten*!" This led to huge argument. I told him that he wasn't supportive along with a host of other things.
Later that week I had to check myself and ask what made me respond that way. And it was because it was an insecurity of mine and I needed to deal with the way I viewed myself and the emotional part of it. That's when I had to start loving myself at every stage of my fitness and weight. I had to stop mirroring views/judgement/opinions of other people and applying it to myself. Now, after saying all that, part of loving me is choosing healthier options and acting like (through my habits) I appreciate my body and health!
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STLBADGIRL wrote: »tbright1965 wrote: »I'd expand on that as well.
It's not just those who send the message who can be mean. Recipients can be mean as well.
As I think I said before, the message can be as non-emotional as getting an overdraft notice from the bank.
It's just news.
How you respond to the news is just as important as it being delivered in a non-mean fashion.
If someone makes the news teller pay for being open and honest, you can bet they will be less likely to be open an honest in the future.
An intimate relationship is one where you are safe from emotional payback for being open and honest.
I'm not saying being mean. I'm saying if you tell your spouse, I love you, but I don't like the extra 100 pounds you have put on since we married, they receive the message and while it may not be the best news they hear, they are happy you shared your heart with them. But if the recipient takes offense and wants the person sharing to pay a price for that honesty, perhaps the one seeking some sort of payback here is the one with the problem.
Therefore, good behavior is key on BOTH sides of the exchange, not just on the part of the one delivering the not-so-good news.STLBADGIRL wrote: »Per Oxford:
Judgement - The ability to make considered decisions or come to sensible conclusions.
Opinion - A view or judgement formed about something, not necessarily based on fact or knowledge.
This has more to do with the act of judgement. There is nothing wrong with stating an opinion. There is nothing wrong with making a judgement.
The potential offense is being hypocritical in either action.
@csardiver - I agree, but to add to that, it's the way it is said/communicated. And my personal pet peeve are targeted to the meanies that were once in that situation, being mean to others that are in the same situation they were in.
@tbright1965 - this was beautifully stated. and I don't want to take away from your response, because sometimes I think we ignore how responses can be taken out of wack. It's a lot of pages here, so you probably didn't read what I wrote on this here subject. My guy said to me that I needed to "step my game up in the gym and tighten up my diet".....this hurt my feelings because what I heard was, "You are lazy and fat and I'm not attracted to you anymore! You've been stuck in this state for forever and you are a fat *kitten*!" This led to huge argument. I told him that he wasn't supportive along with a host of other things.
Later that week I had to check myself and ask what made me respond that way. And it was because it was an insecurity of mine and I needed to deal with the way I viewed myself and the emotional part of it. That's when I had to start loving myself at every stage of my fitness and weight. I had to stop mirroring views/judgement/opinions of other people and applying it to myself. Now, after saying all that, part of loving me is choosing healthier options and acting like (through my habits) I appreciate my body and health!
One thing to remember, the opposite of love is not hate, it's apathy. It's not always the person who tells you bad news who hates you. They may love you enough to tell you the bad news.
But what of the one who is apathetic enough to keep quiet? Do they really love you?
Depends. If they've been punished for being honest before, perhaps the only way they can preserve their love for you is to be quiet. However, if they have never said anything, ever, do they really care?
It's hard to say.2 -
Most people are simply horrible at communication. It's an art/science in dramatic decline. We only get better at this by doing.
Ideas need to be spoken to be refined. Offense is often required in this process. This is where intent comes into play. If the notion is to be offensive and destructive, then this should not be tolerated.
I've been in audit for the past few weeks and was challenged by a line of questioning along these lines regarding my team. I need my friends, family, associates, colleagues to speak truth at all times, even when it may be painful. If they are simply attempting to appease for sake of feelings these are not friends. These are cowards.
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