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Should your S.O./Spouse have a say so if they feel you are too thin or too large?

STLBADGIRL
STLBADGIRL Posts: 1,693 Member
edited November 17 in Debate Club
Can we have a candid and respectful conversation about this subject? I read on here frequently that a S.O/spouse should love your regardless of your weight....but isn't a part of love being open and honest with a person?

I want to be clear....I don't think anyone should demand a person to gain or lose weight.
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Replies

  • Chef_Barbell
    Chef_Barbell Posts: 6,644 Member
    STLBADGIRL wrote: »
    rodwen89 wrote: »
    in a decent, polite way, yes.
    My ex would just blantly tell me I'm getting fat and force me to do excercise.

    that's why he's the ex.

    @rodwen89 High Five to you for leaving a situation like that. But, what is a decent polite way? I'm asking because no matter how nice and sensitive someone was to me (and my other friends in this situation) it came off as brash. It wasn't until I fully accepted it myself that i was able to hear the sincerity.

    For some reason we hear it totally different as the way it was presented....

    I guess, for me,this would depend on the dynamic of the relationship and how the communication is with other subjects.
  • kschwab0203
    kschwab0203 Posts: 610 Member
    stealthq wrote: »
    You can love someone at any weight and still have preferences in regards to their appearance.


    I totally agree with this.

    My fiance let me know very early on that he loved the way I looked and never wanted me to change.

    That being said, after about 3 years together I had gained about 15 lbs and he never mentioned it, even when I did.
  • STLBADGIRL
    STLBADGIRL Posts: 1,693 Member
    STLBADGIRL wrote: »
    rodwen89 wrote: »
    in a decent, polite way, yes.
    My ex would just blantly tell me I'm getting fat and force me to do excercise.

    that's why he's the ex.

    @rodwen89 High Five to you for leaving a situation like that. But, what is a decent polite way? I'm asking because no matter how nice and sensitive someone was to me (and my other friends in this situation) it came off as brash. It wasn't until I fully accepted it myself that i was able to hear the sincerity.

    For some reason we hear it totally different as the way it was presented....

    I guess, for me,this would depend on the dynamic of the relationship and how the communication is with other subjects.

    That's a very good point of view.
  • STLBADGIRL
    STLBADGIRL Posts: 1,693 Member
    nadler64 wrote: »
    As someone below said, when it's about appearance, no. When it's about health, yes. I haven't read the whole thread, I admit, but what I haven't seen in any of the responses I've read so far is the consideration that one spouse's health can have devastating effects on others. If one partner has, for example, a heart attack or stroke because s/he is obese, you can be damn sure it will affect the entire family - psychologically, physically, financially. Possibly forever. Or an obese parent's poor example for his or her children may doom them to a lifetime of obesity themselves.

    My mom's entire side of the family has a huge history of diabetes, heart attack, and stroke. Some of it, I acknowledge, is genetic predisposition - I have to work REALLY HARD to keep the weight off while my husband can skip one meal and lose 5 pounds, I swear - but most of it is self-imposed. I've seen the fallout of their health issues- divorce, substance abuse, bankruptcy, torched relationships. I DO NOT want to be the burden to my beloved husband and/or children that my mom became to me. I will do everything in my power to prevent that for as long as I can.

    This is a very good point of view - and I am playing devil's advocate here for a moment. You took this stance on your own. How would it be taken if you went to your Mom or spouse with this concern - I want you to lose weight because this is a strain on the family, finances and weighs on us psychologically, hell could even potentially shorten their life, etc (in a nice and concerning way)....which are all good points - the other person, most likely, would be pissed OR hurt and automatically categorize this as an attack, body shaming or even being judgmental towards them...
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