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Should your S.O./Spouse have a say so if they feel you are too thin or too large?
Replies
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After several years of being together you are attracted to each other for way more reasons than just appearance.
He's the father of my children, he brings me sweet little nothings, he stayed strong and worried about me during his cancer treatment, he is flat out one of the best grandfathers I know.
He had such a cute baby face when we married, he had a nice v cut. He now has a gray beard and age spots. But you know what he's as attractive to me today than when I met him when he was 19.
I don't say this to say attractiveness isn't important. I'm saying there is much much more and thankfully this sweet man knows I'm much more than my weight.
Without getting too personal - we have never in 30+ years been "roommates" its all good and always has been:)
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Detritus_1965 wrote: »Not sure if I'm supposed to tell anyone that he/she IMO is gravitationally challenged.
Comments regarding personal characteristics usually aren't conceived too well if not made in enthusiastic positive ways.
But I for sure know that the marriage is over should The_Best_Of_All_Possible_Wives ever ask: "Do you think I'm too fat?" ... If anyone knows the correct answered to this, please let me know. (Hint: It's not "Compared to what?")
Don't know that I can help you, but if the question is "Do these pants make me look fat?", the answer is NOT "It's not the pants that make you look fat!"
I expect to be able to see out of that eye in a week or so.23 -
SO's can voice opinions...............but expectation to change? That's a different ball game.STLBADGIRL wrote: »Can we have a candid and respectful conversation about this subject? I read on here frequently that a S.O/spouse should love your regardless of your weight....but isn't a part of love being open and honest with a person?
I want to be clear....I don't think anyone should demand a person to gain or lose weight.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
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Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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I had to tell my husband a while back that I love him no matter what, but that if he gained any more weight, certain positions would become impossible for me. I was nice about it, didn't tell him he had to lose weight or anything like that. He has since joined the gym and started losing some weight. He wasn't willing to give up what he likes to do, and he decided that was enough motivation.31
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MsMaeFlowers wrote: »I had to tell my husband a while back that I love him no matter what, but that if he gained any more weight, certain positions would become impossible for me. I was nice about it, didn't tell him he had to lose weight or anything like that. He has since joined the gym and started losing some weight. He wasn't willing to give up what he likes to do, and he decided that was enough motivation.
I love the way you put this..... LMAO that he joined a gym. I love it!!!8 -
leanjogreen18 wrote: »After several years of being together you are attracted to each other for way more reasons than just appearance.
He's the father of my children, he brings me sweet little nothings, he stayed strong and worried about me during his cancer treatment, he is flat out one of the best grandfathers I know.
He had such a cute baby face when we married, he had a nice v cut. He now has a gray beard and age spots. But you know what he's as attractive to me today than when I met him when he was 19.
I don't say this to say attractiveness isn't important. I'm saying there is much much more and thankfully this sweet man knows I'm much more than my weight.
Without getting too personal - we have never in 30+ years been "roommates" its all good and always has been:)
This is very sweet. My husband and I have been together since I was 13 and he was 14 and have seen so many physical changes in each other too. He is still as attractive to me now as he was then and a big part of that attraction is a shared lifetime of experiences.
To answer the original question, I think that this is something that couples should be able to discuss about in a kind and considerate manner. Being kind and considerate includes understanding that our bodies change over time and that sometimes parts are "unfixable" outside of surgery.14 -
STLBADGIRL wrote: »MsMaeFlowers wrote: »I had to tell my husband a while back that I love him no matter what, but that if he gained any more weight, certain positions would become impossible for me. I was nice about it, didn't tell him he had to lose weight or anything like that. He has since joined the gym and started losing some weight. He wasn't willing to give up what he likes to do, and he decided that was enough motivation.
I love the way you put this..... LMAO that he joined a gym. I love it!!!
Basically I just told him what would happen (or not happen) if he continued going the way he was going, and it was up to him whether or not he wanted to make a change. I'm happy he made the change
but I would never have tried to force it on him.
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Just for the record for 30+ years I have from time to time asked does this make me look fat or my butt look too big. He always answers with "his" truth. Sometimes it was a yes and others it was a no. I appreciated him being honest.
BUT if it was an outfit I really really liked I would not ask incase the answer was yes lol.12 -
leanjogreen18 wrote: »Just for the record for 30+ years I have from time to time asked does this make me look fat or my butt look too big. He always answers with "his" truth. Sometimes it was a yes and others it was a no. I appreciated him being honest.
BUT if it was an outfit I really really liked I would not ask incase the answer was yes lol.
I remember my cousin took an ID picture. Her face covered the whole square of the picture. She did look like she gained a lot of weight. She said to her husband....."Gosh, do I really look this fat in this picture?" In the nicest sweetest tone he said "yes". No more, no less. She ran off crying, called all of her friends saying that he called her fat and other men in the streets think she is attractive and her husband, the one she loves thinks she is fat....I mean it went on and on and on. She even took it to social media and made it sound so horrible that everyone told her to leave her husband, etc. And her husband was one of the best things that happened to her. If I wasn't there I would have believed her, that's how convincing she was. i witnessed this....He only said, "Yes" to a question she asked him. Furthermore....she thought she looked fat herself. Why can she think she looks fat, but he can't be honest WHEN HE IS ASKED?31 -
i agree. don't ask unless you are prepared for an honest answer.16
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MsMaeFlowers wrote: »STLBADGIRL wrote: »MsMaeFlowers wrote: »I had to tell my husband a while back that I love him no matter what, but that if he gained any more weight, certain positions would become impossible for me. I was nice about it, didn't tell him he had to lose weight or anything like that. He has since joined the gym and started losing some weight. He wasn't willing to give up what he likes to do, and he decided that was enough motivation.
I love the way you put this..... LMAO that he joined a gym. I love it!!!
Basically I just told him what would happen (or not happen) if he continued going the way he was going, and it was up to him whether or not he wanted to make a change. I'm happy he made the change but I would never have tried to force it on him.
That may include "this relationship will not continue" for some of us. If someone chooses being fat (I have never been in a relationship with someone who even got close to being unattractive by losing weight) over us having a healthy sex life, then the relationship is going to end.3 -
Physical attraction and a healthy sex life is important, I agree, but this goes back to something I said earlier about reasonable expectations. Because we WILL change as we get older. So if you're the sort of person who would be completely turned off when your partner gains 20 pounds, are you ALSO the sort of person who will be completely turned off when he/she goes gray? Bald? Wrinkly?
This is maybe a silly and personal thing for ME, but I worry, a lot, that my husband was TOO into my looks when we met and fell in love. It set the expectations too high. I was at my absolute best, then, and I think I'm at my best again, now, but I can't maintain that level of attractiveness forever. Is he going to sit me down at some point and say, "honey, I love you no matter what and all, but our sex life is suffering because you're not that attractive to me anymore, and maybe, for the sake of our marriage, we would be a happier couple if you got regular botox injections and dyed your hair." And would it be acceptable for him to do that? Can I sit him down in a few years and ask him to get hair plugs if he starts to bald?
This is where I'm having a disconnect. There seems to be an attitude in this thread that if your partner fails to maintain an appropriate level of attractiveness, well, that's probably the end of your relationship, and I can't quite get around that, all by itself. I think sexual attraction is important, but in a loving relationship, that attraction goes further than what you see in the mirror. Doesn't it? Shouldn't it?51 -
JeepHair77 wrote: »Physical attraction and a healthy sex life is important, I agree, but this goes back to something I said earlier about reasonable expectations. Because we WILL change as we get older. So if you're the sort of person who would be completely turned off when your partner gains 20 pounds, are you ALSO the sort of person who will be completely turned off when he/she goes gray? Bald? Wrinkly?
This is maybe a silly and personal thing for ME, but I worry, a lot, that my husband was TOO into my looks when we met and fell in love. It set the expectations too high. I was at my absolute best, then, and I think I'm at my best again, now, but I can't maintain that level of attractiveness forever. Is he going to sit me down at some point and say, "honey, I love you no matter what and all, but our sex life is suffering because you're not that attractive to me anymore, and maybe, for the sake of our marriage, we would be a happier couple if you got regular botox injections and dyed your hair." And would it be acceptable for him to do that? Can I sit him down in a few years and ask him to get hair plugs if he starts to bald?
This is where I'm having a disconnect. There seems to be an attitude in this thread that if your partner fails to maintain an appropriate level of attractiveness, well, that's probably the end of your relationship, and I can't quite get around that, all by itself. I think sexual attraction is important, but in a loving relationship, that attraction goes further than what you see in the mirror. Doesn't it? Shouldn't it?
I understand what you are saying -but attraction means a lot to me as well. We can agree that attraction is a big realm of things. For instance, I have dated this guy that was so HOTTTTT. Geez he was hot, but he had a piss poor personality and attitude, which made him very unattractive to me even though he looked HOT! It is a matter of perspective IMO. For instance I'm not ready to date a 70 year old right now, because the saggy balls and 100% white pubes I'm not ready for.....but I can deal with someone around my age and we are progressing through them things together. I know with age comes potential weight gain, but my expectation is for you to remain active, be conscious about it because I want to be attracted to you, have fun and have you around for a long time.4 -
I think everybody has a responsibility to not "let themselves go". You should try to maintain something close to the condition you were in at the start of a relationship. Obviously, people gain weight while pregnant, and it is natural to gain a FEW pounds (not 75) with advancing age. But attraction is a big part of what initially draws people together, and most people (not all) do have types that they are and aren't attracted to and weight plays a big role in that for many people. Plus, I think attraction is a "glue" that helps couples weather other stresses on the relationship and survive tough times.
A spouse can still love you but lose attraction...and that is not their fault, but it will weaken the relationship.
So I say, yes, they do have a right to voice their opinion, but only if there has been a material change. If you gain 5 or 10 pounds, they need to just accept it. But if you gain enough that it significantly impacts appearance or activities you are able to do with them, they should speak up IN A RESPECTFUL MANNER.
Sure, it is easy to say "if they really love me, they will love me at any weight." But try turning that around and saying "If I really love them, I will care enough for them and myself and our relationship to stay at a healthy weight."
BTW, this also works the other way. If you lose so much that it dramatically changes appearance, that can also negatively impact attraction if it goes too far, and they have a right to speak up then as well. And this holds for both men and women.
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I think if it's coming from a place of love from the other person, than it should be ok. It's just a sensitive subject for most people, especially for those of us who have struggled for a long time with their weight. Personally my weight bothers me more than anyone else around me, and I'm the one constantly complaining about it. So I believe that if someone happy with who they are, they don't need to change. My husband has been trying to help keep me motivated because I'm the one that wants to change. He met me when I was 70lbs lighter and has always told me I'm beautiful and he doesn't care what my weight is.4
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JeepHair77 wrote: »Physical attraction and a healthy sex life is important, I agree, but this goes back to something I said earlier about reasonable expectations. Because we WILL change as we get older. So if you're the sort of person who would be completely turned off when your partner gains 20 pounds, are you ALSO the sort of person who will be completely turned off when he/she goes gray? Bald? Wrinkly?
This is maybe a silly and personal thing for ME, but I worry, a lot, that my husband was TOO into my looks when we met and fell in love. It set the expectations too high. I was at my absolute best, then, and I think I'm at my best again, now, but I can't maintain that level of attractiveness forever. Is he going to sit me down at some point and say, "honey, I love you no matter what and all, but our sex life is suffering because you're not that attractive to me anymore, and maybe, for the sake of our marriage, we would be a happier couple if you got regular botox injections and dyed your hair." And would it be acceptable for him to do that? Can I sit him down in a few years and ask him to get hair plugs if he starts to bald?
This is where I'm having a disconnect. There seems to be an attitude in this thread that if your partner fails to maintain an appropriate level of attractiveness, well, that's probably the end of your relationship, and I can't quite get around that, all by itself. I think sexual attraction is important, but in a loving relationship, that attraction goes further than what you see in the mirror. Doesn't it? Shouldn't it?
What I see always matters, and weight and physical fitness matter a lot. An unfit, overweight partner isn't just living with the natural progression of age. It's an unnecessary change, and one that I'm not going to lie and say that such a change would be something I could overlook and still find that person attractive. I'm not going to fake it and be miserable. And I sure wouldn't ask that of someone else, either.MoiAussi93 wrote: »I think everybody has a responsibility to not "let themselves go". You should try to maintain something close to the condition you were in at the start of a relationship. Obviously, people gain weight while pregnant, and it is natural to gain a FEW pounds (not 75) with advancing age. But attraction is a big part of what initially draws people together, and most people (not all) do have types that they are and aren't attracted to and weight plays a big role in that for many people. Plus, I think attraction is a "glue" that helps couples weather other stresses on the relationship and survive tough times.
A spouse can still love you but lose attraction...and that is not their fault, but it will weaken the relationship.
So I say, yes, they do have a right to voice their opinion, but only if there has been a material change. If you gain 5 or 10 pounds, they need to just accept it. But if you gain enough that it significantly impacts appearance or activities you are able to do with them, they should speak up IN A RESPECTFUL MANNER.
Sure, it is easy to say "if they really love me, they will love me at any weight." But try turning that around and saying "If I really love them, I will care enough for them and myself and our relationship to stay at a healthy weight."
BTW, this also works the other way. If you lose so much that it dramatically changes appearance, that can also negatively impact attraction if it goes too far, and they have a right to speak up then as well. And this holds for both men and women.
So then what number of pounds do you draw the line at? Because I'm going to say something well before the BMI hits 25, and to me reaching into the overweight range is going to be kill my attraction. It would take a rare case of swole with low body fat percentage to change that.3 -
Just wanted to relay my experience and the trickle on effect... I was at my heaviest at 180 something lbs, along with this weight gain came a drop in confidence, always covering myself up if i was naked in front of my husband, my hands just automatically dropped down to cover my belly which just made him pay even mooore attention to it!! When we were intimate i made sure the lights were dimmed and tried to position myself in the most flattering angle, it was *kitten* draining and totally annoying and mood killing for him.
I felt insecure around other slim women, which in turn caused arguments between me and him. I just felt like a fat, unattractive slob, and honestly who wants to be married to someone with that attitude!!??
...And lets not even get started on my micromanaging and constant blathering on about calories, oi oi oi8 -
@heiliskrimsli A lot has been mentioned about SO being overweight/obese and I'm wondering if you (and others who feel the same) would be leaving your SO if they became underweight?2
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I will never again change my appearance to please someone my soon to be ex has always liked bigger girls. I was 189 when I got pregnant with my youngest. After she was born I lost down to 125 I was really proud of myself and looked much better over time my stbx started making comments and convincing me to gain weight when he left in Jan I was my heaviest weight ever @ 244 pounds.3
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Sure if he/she does not mind a punch in the mouth. LOL4
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@heiliskrimsli A lot has been mentioned about SO being overweight/obese and I'm wondering if you (and others who feel the same) would be leaving your SO if they became underweight?
If they were so underweight that it became unattractive and killed the sex life and the relationship, sure.
I've just never actually been in the situation where weight loss was the problem. Previous experience has been with people who gained weight.
What you're essentially asking is if I'd be in a relationship with someone I did not find attractive and the answer to that is unequivocally "No."
There are people who I have in my life, who I care about, who are not related to me and who I'm not sexually attracted to or having sex with. Those people are called friends. They are not candidates for a romantic relationship.1 -
STLBADGIRL wrote: »leanjogreen18 wrote: »Just for the record for 30+ years I have from time to time asked does this make me look fat or my butt look too big. He always answers with "his" truth. Sometimes it was a yes and others it was a no. I appreciated him being honest.
BUT if it was an outfit I really really liked I would not ask incase the answer was yes lol.
I remember my cousin took an ID picture. Her face covered the whole square of the picture. She did look like she gained a lot of weight. She said to her husband....."Gosh, do I really look this fat in this picture?" In the nicest sweetest tone he said "yes". No more, no less. She ran off crying, called all of her friends saying that he called her fat and other men in the streets think she is attractive and her husband, the one she loves thinks she is fat....I mean it went on and on and on. She even took it to social media and made it sound so horrible that everyone told her to leave her husband, etc. And her husband was one of the best things that happened to her. If I wasn't there I would have believed her, that's how convincing she was. i witnessed this....He only said, "Yes" to a question she asked him. Furthermore....she thought she looked fat herself. Why can she think she looks fat, but he can't be honest WHEN HE IS ASKED?
some people just always want to be lied to I think
I think it is sad when women do stuff like this to their husbands though, poor guys7 -
JeepHair77 wrote: »Physical attraction and a healthy sex life is important, I agree, but this goes back to something I said earlier about reasonable expectations. Because we WILL change as we get older. So if you're the sort of person who would be completely turned off when your partner gains 20 pounds, are you ALSO the sort of person who will be completely turned off when he/she goes gray? Bald? Wrinkly?
This is maybe a silly and personal thing for ME, but I worry, a lot, that my husband was TOO into my looks when we met and fell in love. It set the expectations too high. I was at my absolute best, then, and I think I'm at my best again, now, but I can't maintain that level of attractiveness forever. Is he going to sit me down at some point and say, "honey, I love you no matter what and all, but our sex life is suffering because you're not that attractive to me anymore, and maybe, for the sake of our marriage, we would be a happier couple if you got regular botox injections and dyed your hair." And would it be acceptable for him to do that? Can I sit him down in a few years and ask him to get hair plugs if he starts to bald?
This is where I'm having a disconnect. There seems to be an attitude in this thread that if your partner fails to maintain an appropriate level of attractiveness, well, that's probably the end of your relationship, and I can't quite get around that, all by itself. I think sexual attraction is important, but in a loving relationship, that attraction goes further than what you see in the mirror. Doesn't it? Shouldn't it?
I think it is hard to imagine at a current age how you will feel later in life, but I think our view of what is attractive tends to age with us. I am guessing when you are 70 neither of you will think gray hair or balding is an unattractive feature.
My husband is around 34, and we can be out somewhere and you see a beautiful young 20s gal out wearing booty shorts and he will be like, "gosh, why is she dressed like that, she is just a kid". I am sure when he was in his early 20s he would have been drooling, but now he seems to be less attracted to that. (or he is just lying since I am around). Or when I look at a picture of my crush from high school, at the time I thought he was totally hot and soooo mature. Now I look at that picture and its like, ewwww, he is just a baby.
Of course you hear the stories of the people who continually trade their SO in for a younger model, but I don't think everyone is like that. Plus, I agree with alot of what people are saying about many factors playing into attractiveness towards your spouse besides strictly physical. The physical matters, but alot of older couples look at those wrinkles as trophies they earned battling out life together, not something to be disgusted by.
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heiliskrimsli wrote: »@heiliskrimsli A lot has been mentioned about SO being overweight/obese and I'm wondering if you (and others who feel the same) would be leaving your SO if they became underweight?
If they were so underweight that it became unattractive and killed the sex life and the relationship, sure.
I've just never actually been in the situation where weight loss was the problem. Previous experience has been with people who gained weight.
What you're essentially asking is if I'd be in a relationship with someone I did not find attractive and the answer to that is unequivocally "No."
There are people who I have in my life, who I care about, who are not related to me and who I'm not sexually attracted to or having sex with. Those people are called friends. They are not candidates for a romantic relationship.
I've read what you wrote and the focus was on an SO who gained weight, not lost, so I wanted to find out if your unattraction would go that way as well. Some people only care about a partner getting fat, not getting too thin. Thanks.0 -
Aging is something that unless you die young is unavoidable and will happen to us all. It's also natural to be attracted to people who are around the same age that we are, although there are outliers.
When it comes to an adult with normal mental faculties, being overweight or underweight is a choice, not an inevitable part of life that we all go through. It may seem wrong to some that I have a different view of aging than I do of gaining or losing significant amounts of weight, but it's a fact. While the ages of people I'm attracted to has changed as I've gotten older, I've never been attracted to overweight or significantly underweight people.1 -
MsMaeFlowers wrote: »I had to tell my husband a while back that I love him no matter what, but that if he gained any more weight, certain positions would become impossible for me. I was nice about it, didn't tell him he had to lose weight or anything like that. He has since joined the gym and started losing some weight. He wasn't willing to give up what he likes to do, and he decided that was enough motivation.
Now this is positive reinforcement in action!6 -
STLBADGIRL wrote: »JeepHair77 wrote: »Physical attraction and a healthy sex life is important, I agree, but this goes back to something I said earlier about reasonable expectations. Because we WILL change as we get older. So if you're the sort of person who would be completely turned off when your partner gains 20 pounds, are you ALSO the sort of person who will be completely turned off when he/she goes gray? Bald? Wrinkly?
This is maybe a silly and personal thing for ME, but I worry, a lot, that my husband was TOO into my looks when we met and fell in love. It set the expectations too high. I was at my absolute best, then, and I think I'm at my best again, now, but I can't maintain that level of attractiveness forever. Is he going to sit me down at some point and say, "honey, I love you no matter what and all, but our sex life is suffering because you're not that attractive to me anymore, and maybe, for the sake of our marriage, we would be a happier couple if you got regular botox injections and dyed your hair." And would it be acceptable for him to do that? Can I sit him down in a few years and ask him to get hair plugs if he starts to bald?
This is where I'm having a disconnect. There seems to be an attitude in this thread that if your partner fails to maintain an appropriate level of attractiveness, well, that's probably the end of your relationship, and I can't quite get around that, all by itself. I think sexual attraction is important, but in a loving relationship, that attraction goes further than what you see in the mirror. Doesn't it? Shouldn't it?
I understand what you are saying -but attraction means a lot to me as well. We can agree that attraction is a big realm of things. For instance, I have dated this guy that was so HOTTTTT. Geez he was hot, but he had a piss poor personality and attitude, which made him very unattractive to me even though he looked HOT! It is a matter of perspective IMO. For instance I'm not ready to date a 70 year old right now, because the saggy balls and 100% white pubes I'm not ready for.....but I can deal with someone around my age and we are progressing through them things together. I know with age comes potential weight gain, but my expectation is for you to remain active, be conscious about it because I want to be attracted to you, have fun and have you around for a long time.
I think your expectations are right on target. I'm old fashioned about this, but I believe that we have a responsibility to our friends, family, and most importantly our spouses and significant others to be positive and make things better. This begins with personal maintenance and improvement. What better way to honor your spouse than by keeping up your appearance, attitude, and demeanor. Now this does not included obvious exceptions such as medical issues and I'm not focused on aesthetics, but health - absolutely.1 -
STLBADGIRL wrote: »JeepHair77 wrote: »Physical attraction and a healthy sex life is important, I agree, but this goes back to something I said earlier about reasonable expectations. Because we WILL change as we get older. So if you're the sort of person who would be completely turned off when your partner gains 20 pounds, are you ALSO the sort of person who will be completely turned off when he/she goes gray? Bald? Wrinkly?
This is maybe a silly and personal thing for ME, but I worry, a lot, that my husband was TOO into my looks when we met and fell in love. It set the expectations too high. I was at my absolute best, then, and I think I'm at my best again, now, but I can't maintain that level of attractiveness forever. Is he going to sit me down at some point and say, "honey, I love you no matter what and all, but our sex life is suffering because you're not that attractive to me anymore, and maybe, for the sake of our marriage, we would be a happier couple if you got regular botox injections and dyed your hair." And would it be acceptable for him to do that? Can I sit him down in a few years and ask him to get hair plugs if he starts to bald?
This is where I'm having a disconnect. There seems to be an attitude in this thread that if your partner fails to maintain an appropriate level of attractiveness, well, that's probably the end of your relationship, and I can't quite get around that, all by itself. I think sexual attraction is important, but in a loving relationship, that attraction goes further than what you see in the mirror. Doesn't it? Shouldn't it?
I understand what you are saying -but attraction means a lot to me as well. We can agree that attraction is a big realm of things. For instance, I have dated this guy that was so HOTTTTT. Geez he was hot, but he had a piss poor personality and attitude, which made him very unattractive to me even though he looked HOT! It is a matter of perspective IMO. For instance I'm not ready to date a 70 year old right now, because the saggy balls and 100% white pubes I'm not ready for.....but I can deal with someone around my age and we are progressing through them things together. I know with age comes potential weight gain, but my expectation is for you to remain active, be conscious about it because I want to be attracted to you, have fun and have you around for a long time.
I don't think we disagree, here, I think I'm just wondering where the line is, for everyone. We're talking about "drastic" changes, or "significant" weight gain, or "Fabio" turned into "Fat Albert," but aside from health concerns, at what point would weight gain (or loss) be significant enough to affect one's marriage based on lack of sexual attraction? Are there other features that are similarly important, or is weight a unique feature because of the perceived ability to "control" it? Because yeah - I can dye my hair. I DO dye my hair. But does he have a right to expect it?
I just don't know. I'm sure the answer is different for everyone, and I know there are a lot of other factors at play, but I'm curious. Like I said - it's a personal insecurity for me, and I think this is a really interesting discussion.
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I don't see why not.
I mean you don't have to be an *kitten* about it, but I would rather my husband tell me when my *kitten* is getting big. It's kind of hard to look back there.1 -
I think what they're saying is that, whether it's a choice or not, if there's no sex in the marriage because there's no attraction, it isn't going to last anyway. I'm sure there are more aspects to attraction than just physical appearance, though.
I agree with you.
I know that some people don't view sex as being as important in a relationship as I do, but for me, if we're not connecting in a sexual way anymore then that's a huge issue. I've found that when we're lacking on it, it bleeds into other parts of our relationship because we're both more irritable with one another due to the fact that we're sexually frustrated. When we have a good sex life together, everything is better.
I agree with you. But sex is 99% mental and 1% looks. Especially when you have been together for a long time.
My husband is a very healthy man, he has been lifting for years and looks awesome. During the best shape of his life, he was really pushing himself hard, and was always tired, hungry and cranky. No good.11
This discussion has been closed.
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