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Should your S.O./Spouse have a say so if they feel you are too thin or too large?

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Replies

  • heiliskrimsli
    heiliskrimsli Posts: 735 Member
    Medicine and bed rest cannot make you gain weight in a vacuum. If you over eat, you gain weight. Pregnancy is also not a reason to gain excessive amounts of weight. Being pregnant does not mean eating for two, either.

    There is one reason why people become overweight or obese. That reason is always excessive caloric intake, and it is never something that happens to an adult (absent developmental issues like Downs or Prader-Willi) in a vacuum without the active participation of the person gaining the weight. Nobody gets fat against their own will.

    You sound so dreamy. *swoon*

    I am cold and I am hard and my name is...
  • Chef_Barbell
    Chef_Barbell Posts: 6,644 Member
    Golbat wrote: »
    You have to eat a certain amount of food when you're pregnant. If you are taking medicine that slows your metabolism, and you are on bed rest, you might gain weight. It isn't a sign of weakness or laziness to do so. Pregnant women in situations like my friend are given diets they have to follow so it isn't even up to them what they eat. If you were a doctor, you'd understand that you can't restrict calories too much when pregnant, especially if you are in a high risk pregnancy.

    So much this. *smh*
  • heiliskrimsli
    heiliskrimsli Posts: 735 Member
    Golbat wrote: »
    You have to eat a certain amount of food when you're pregnant. If you are taking medicine that slows your metabolism, and you are on bed rest, you might gain weight. It isn't a sign of weakness or laziness to do so. Pregnant women in situations like my friend are given diets they have to follow so it isn't even up to them what they eat. If you were a doctor, you'd understand that you can't restrict calories too much when pregnant, especially if you are in a high risk pregnancy.

    The additional calorie needs during pregnancy are (above maintenance level when not pregnant)
    • The first trimester does not require any extra calories.
    • During the second trimester, an additional 340 calories a day are recommended.
    • For the third trimester, the recommendation is 450 calories more a day than when not pregnant.

    Source

    If your activity level is reduced due to bed rest, your TDEE and therefore your maintenance level is lower, which means the total calorie intake even with the extra requirements is lower than it would be for someone who is more active. That absolutely can be controlled for, and I don't know a single doctor who advises uncontrolled eating or weight gain during pregnancy especially in cases with complications.

    While your friend may have been given a specific list of foods she should eat (what to eat), that doesn't preclude eating too much of those things, or of exceeding a reasonable calorie intake by adding additional other foods not on the list to those items.

    Pregnancy, even one involving bed rest, is not a magical reason to pack on unlimited pounds.
  • Gallowmere1984
    Gallowmere1984 Posts: 6,626 Member
    Golbat wrote: »
    You have to eat a certain amount of food when you're pregnant. If you are taking medicine that slows your metabolism, and you are on bed rest, you might gain weight. It isn't a sign of weakness or laziness to do so. Pregnant women in situations like my friend are given diets they have to follow so it isn't even up to them what they eat. If you were a doctor, you'd understand that you can't restrict calories too much when pregnant, especially if you are in a high risk pregnancy.

    The additional calorie needs during pregnancy are (above maintenance level when not pregnant)
    • The first trimester does not require any extra calories.
    • During the second trimester, an additional 340 calories a day are recommended.
    • For the third trimester, the recommendation is 450 calories more a day than when not pregnant.

    Source

    If your activity level is reduced due to bed rest, your TDEE and therefore your maintenance level is lower, which means the total calorie intake even with the extra requirements is lower than it would be for someone who is more active. That absolutely can be controlled for, and I don't know a single doctor who advises uncontrolled eating or weight gain during pregnancy especially in cases with complications.

    While your friend may have been given a specific list of foods she should eat (what to eat), that doesn't preclude eating too much of those things, or of exceeding a reasonable calorie intake by adding additional other foods not on the list to those items.

    Pregnancy, even one involving bed rest, is not a magical reason to pack on unlimited pounds.

    At least one other person gets it.

    I have met one woman over the years who was willing to acknowledge and admit that she was being a glutton while pregnant. She was an amateur model, so to quote her "I spend crazy amounts of time having to worry about my weight and figure. I'm taking full advantage of this crap and shoving everything in my face that I can keep down." Within three months she was back to pre-pregnancy weight, even though she was intentionally and consciously eating waaaaaay more than she needed to during the process. I'm halfway convinced that she was subconsciously restricting her intake, even though she consciously was trying to eat all of the things.
  • heiliskrimsli
    heiliskrimsli Posts: 735 Member
    Golbat wrote: »
    Have you actually asked doctors what they recommend to eat during high risk pregnancies? She wasn't eating in an uncontrolled manner, and I didn't say she was. She was eating enough to gain some weight, and with two pregnancies one after the other she gained a bit. Not "unlimited pounds" but enough to notice. Women do often put on weight during pregnancy. Particularly high risk pregnancies. She has since lost the weight but she had some weight gain with those two pregnancies one after the other.

    A normal weight woman should gain up to 25 pounds during pregnancy. Much more than that and it's excessive.
    If your expectation is that women shouldn't gain weight during pregnancies, your will indeed go from one relationship to another during your lifetime, and you will have some child support payments to plan for.

    Your assumptions are laughable.
  • STLBADGIRL
    STLBADGIRL Posts: 1,693 Member
    Golbat wrote: »
    Have you actually asked doctors what they recommend to eat during high risk pregnancies? She wasn't eating in an uncontrolled manner, and I didn't say she was. She was eating enough to gain some weight, and with two pregnancies one after the other she gained a bit. Not "unlimited pounds" but enough to notice. Women do often put on weight during pregnancy. Particularly high risk pregnancies. She has since lost the weight but she had some weight gain with those two pregnancies one after the other.

    A normal weight woman should gain up to 25 pounds during pregnancy. Much more than that and it's excessive.
    If your expectation is that women shouldn't gain weight during pregnancies, your will indeed go from one relationship to another during your lifetime, and you will have some child support payments to plan for.

    Your assumptions are laughable.

    As are yours. :laugh:

    Agreed!
  • heiliskrimsli
    heiliskrimsli Posts: 735 Member
    Golbat wrote: »

    Your assumptions are laughable.

    I was going to say this to you.
    Golbat wrote: »
    Have you actually asked doctors what they recommend to eat during high risk pregnancies? She wasn't eating in an uncontrolled manner, and I didn't say she was. She was eating enough to gain some weight, and with two pregnancies one after the other she gained a bit. Not "unlimited pounds" but enough to notice. Women do often put on weight during pregnancy. Particularly high risk pregnancies. She has since lost the weight but she had some weight gain with those two pregnancies one after the other.

    A normal weight woman should gain up to 25 pounds during pregnancy. Much more than that and it's excessive.
    If your expectation is that women shouldn't gain weight during pregnancies, your will indeed go from one relationship to another during your lifetime, and you will have some child support payments to plan for.

    Your assumptions are laughable.

    As are yours. :laugh:

    I provided a citation regarding pregnancy weight gain, and got back the assumption that I am a shallow man who is irresponsible with birth control.

    Seems so reasonable.
  • Golbat
    Golbat Posts: 276 Member
    I'm not that impressed by Dr. Google citations from a search engine that is not familiar (and was probably not asked) about the myriad of complications that can go along with pregnancy.
  • heiliskrimsli
    heiliskrimsli Posts: 735 Member
    edited April 2017
    pinuplove wrote: »
    Golbat wrote: »
    You have to eat a certain amount of food when you're pregnant. If you are taking medicine that slows your metabolism, and you are on bed rest, you might gain weight. It isn't a sign of weakness or laziness to do so. Pregnant women in situations like my friend are given diets they have to follow so it isn't even up to them what they eat. If you were a doctor, you'd understand that you can't restrict calories too much when pregnant, especially if you are in a high risk pregnancy.

    The additional calorie needs during pregnancy are (above maintenance level when not pregnant)
    • The first trimester does not require any extra calories.
    • During the second trimester, an additional 340 calories a day are recommended.
    • For the third trimester, the recommendation is 450 calories more a day than when not pregnant.

    Source

    If your activity level is reduced due to bed rest, your TDEE and therefore your maintenance level is lower, which means the total calorie intake even with the extra requirements is lower than it would be for someone who is more active. That absolutely can be controlled for, and I don't know a single doctor who advises uncontrolled eating or weight gain during pregnancy especially in cases with complications.

    While your friend may have been given a specific list of foods she should eat (what to eat), that doesn't preclude eating too much of those things, or of exceeding a reasonable calorie intake by adding additional other foods not on the list to those items.

    Pregnancy, even one involving bed rest, is not a magical reason to pack on unlimited pounds.

    That's all well and good until you're so sick 24/7 that you want to die and the only thing that holds the nausea back is nibbling on saltine crackers and sipping ginger ale. Yes, it is possible to gain weight with morning sickness. But that doesn't file well under your 'this is the one true way' philosophy. Nor do any number of other crazy things that happen when one is growing a person.

    Could you explain to me the metabolic process by which vomiting causes weight gain?


    Golbat wrote: »
    I'm not that impressed by Dr. Google citations from a search engine that is not familiar (and was probably not asked) about the myriad of complications that can go along with pregnancy.

    How about The US National Library of Medicine?.

    Are they qualified enough for you?
  • pinuplove
    pinuplove Posts: 12,871 Member
    pinuplove wrote: »
    Golbat wrote: »
    You have to eat a certain amount of food when you're pregnant. If you are taking medicine that slows your metabolism, and you are on bed rest, you might gain weight. It isn't a sign of weakness or laziness to do so. Pregnant women in situations like my friend are given diets they have to follow so it isn't even up to them what they eat. If you were a doctor, you'd understand that you can't restrict calories too much when pregnant, especially if you are in a high risk pregnancy.

    The additional calorie needs during pregnancy are (above maintenance level when not pregnant)
    • The first trimester does not require any extra calories.
    • During the second trimester, an additional 340 calories a day are recommended.
    • For the third trimester, the recommendation is 450 calories more a day than when not pregnant.

    Source

    If your activity level is reduced due to bed rest, your TDEE and therefore your maintenance level is lower, which means the total calorie intake even with the extra requirements is lower than it would be for someone who is more active. That absolutely can be controlled for, and I don't know a single doctor who advises uncontrolled eating or weight gain during pregnancy especially in cases with complications.

    While your friend may have been given a specific list of foods she should eat (what to eat), that doesn't preclude eating too much of those things, or of exceeding a reasonable calorie intake by adding additional other foods not on the list to those items.

    Pregnancy, even one involving bed rest, is not a magical reason to pack on unlimited pounds.

    That's all well and good until you're so sick 24/7 that you want to die and the only thing that holds the nausea back is nibbling on saltine crackers and sipping ginger ale. Yes, it is possible to gain weight with morning sickness. But that doesn't file well under your 'this is the one true way' philosophy. Nor do any number of other crazy things that happen when one is growing a person.

    Could you explain to me the metabolic process by which vomiting causes weight gain?


    Golbat wrote: »
    I'm not that impressed by Dr. Google citations from a search engine that is not familiar (and was probably not asked) about the myriad of complications that can go along with pregnancy.

    How about The US National Library of Medicine?.

    Are they qualified enough for you?

    Some women experience ongoing nausea without vomiting. I vomited a total of 1 time in 2 pregnancies.
  • heiliskrimsli
    heiliskrimsli Posts: 735 Member
    pinuplove wrote: »
    pinuplove wrote: »
    Golbat wrote: »
    You have to eat a certain amount of food when you're pregnant. If you are taking medicine that slows your metabolism, and you are on bed rest, you might gain weight. It isn't a sign of weakness or laziness to do so. Pregnant women in situations like my friend are given diets they have to follow so it isn't even up to them what they eat. If you were a doctor, you'd understand that you can't restrict calories too much when pregnant, especially if you are in a high risk pregnancy.

    The additional calorie needs during pregnancy are (above maintenance level when not pregnant)
    • The first trimester does not require any extra calories.
    • During the second trimester, an additional 340 calories a day are recommended.
    • For the third trimester, the recommendation is 450 calories more a day than when not pregnant.

    Source

    If your activity level is reduced due to bed rest, your TDEE and therefore your maintenance level is lower, which means the total calorie intake even with the extra requirements is lower than it would be for someone who is more active. That absolutely can be controlled for, and I don't know a single doctor who advises uncontrolled eating or weight gain during pregnancy especially in cases with complications.

    While your friend may have been given a specific list of foods she should eat (what to eat), that doesn't preclude eating too much of those things, or of exceeding a reasonable calorie intake by adding additional other foods not on the list to those items.

    Pregnancy, even one involving bed rest, is not a magical reason to pack on unlimited pounds.

    That's all well and good until you're so sick 24/7 that you want to die and the only thing that holds the nausea back is nibbling on saltine crackers and sipping ginger ale. Yes, it is possible to gain weight with morning sickness. But that doesn't file well under your 'this is the one true way' philosophy. Nor do any number of other crazy things that happen when one is growing a person.

    Could you explain to me the metabolic process by which vomiting causes weight gain?


    Golbat wrote: »
    I'm not that impressed by Dr. Google citations from a search engine that is not familiar (and was probably not asked) about the myriad of complications that can go along with pregnancy.

    How about The US National Library of Medicine?.

    Are they qualified enough for you?

    Some women experience ongoing nausea without vomiting. I vomited a total of 1 time in 2 pregnancies.

    How, specifically, does nausea cause weight gain?
  • heiliskrimsli
    heiliskrimsli Posts: 735 Member
    Golbat wrote: »
    I also like how you said earlier that a woman should gain "up to 25 pounds" earlier when your website says the general guideline is 25 to 35 pounds.

    I apologize for the typo. The 2 key is right next to the 3 key, and my accuracy rate is not precisely 100%.
  • Golbat
    Golbat Posts: 276 Member
    Well then you can see how much weight you can gain. 35 pounds times two pregnancies. Two 7-pounds babies are only 14 pounds of that. There's a bit of water weight lost too, but it's still a noticeable amount of weight gain, and that's for two normal pregnancies. Mine thankfully were pretty normal, but women I've known with high risk pregnancies have gained more, and it takes longer to take the weight off when you are tired from a baby being up at all hours and have to arrange for someone else to watch the baby while you exercise.
  • cqbkaju
    cqbkaju Posts: 1,011 Member
    edited April 2017
    Golbat wrote: »
    I also like how you said earlier that a woman should gain "up to 25 pounds" earlier when your website says the general guideline is 25 to 35 pounds.

    Actually https://medlineplus.gov/ency/patientinstructions/000584.htm says:

    "The amount of healthy weight gain in pregnancy varies. These are general guidelines:

    Normal total weight gain for a healthy woman is 25 to 35 pounds (11 to 16 kg).
    Overweight women should gain only 10 to 20 pounds (4 to 9 kg) during pregnancy.
    Underweight women or women with multiples (twins or more) should gain 35 to 45 pounds (16 to 20 kg) in pregnancy."

    Since it seems we are talking in general about being overweight, "Overweight women should gain only 10 to 20 pounds (4 to 9 kg) during pregnancy." appears to be applicable.

    But back to the discussion...

    If my spouse is looking unhealthy, I say something.

    Last time I said something she ended up going to a doctor for an insurance check-up and ended up on transfusions.
    Previously I told her that her diet (as a vegetarian) was poor and a doctor eventually told her to eat more fish at least.
  • heiliskrimsli
    heiliskrimsli Posts: 735 Member
    Golbat wrote: »
    Well then you can see how much weight you can gain. 35 pounds times two pregnancies. Two 7-pounds babies are only 14 pounds of that. There's a bit of water weight lost too, but it's still a noticeable amount of weight gain, and that's for two normal pregnancies. Mine thankfully were pretty normal, but women I've known with high risk pregnancies have gained more, and it takes longer to take the weight off when you are tired from a baby being up at all hours and have to arrange for someone else to watch the baby while you exercise.

    So you think that the majority of weight gained during pregnancy is supposed to be permanent?

    Most of it should be baby and additional fluids including increased blood supply, and most women who stay within the guidelines are capable of losing that additional weight pretty quickly. Those who breastfeed even more so.
  • Chef_Barbell
    Chef_Barbell Posts: 6,644 Member
    cqbkaju wrote: »
    Golbat wrote: »
    I also like how you said earlier that a woman should gain "up to 25 pounds" earlier when your website says the general guideline is 25 to 35 pounds.

    Actually it says:

    "The amount of healthy weight gain in pregnancy varies. These are general guidelines:

    Normal total weight gain for a healthy woman is 25 to 35 pounds (11 to 16 kg).
    Overweight women should gain only 10 to 20 pounds (4 to 9 kg) during pregnancy.
    Underweight women or women with multiples (twins or more) should gain 35 to 45 pounds (16 to 20 kg) in pregnancy."

    Since it seems we are talking in general about being overweight, "Overweight women should gain only 10 to 20 pounds (4 to 9 kg) during pregnancy." appears to be applicable.

    But back to the discussion...

    No the debate is weight gain. Can go from normal weight to over weight by getting pregnant.
  • Golbat
    Golbat Posts: 276 Member
    I never said it was supposed to be permanent, in fact I said the opposite. Some of it, as I said, is the baby, some is fluids with the pregnancy, but you're still stuck with a lot of weight. Breastfeeding does help, but also makes it harder to get away to exercise. Most women don't lose the weight that quickly, especially those who get pregnant right away again.