Welcome to Debate Club! Please be aware that this is a space for respectful debate, and that your ideas will be challenged here. Please remember to critique the argument, not the author.

Should your S.O./Spouse have a say so if they feel you are too thin or too large?

1679111268

Replies

  • heiliskrimsli
    heiliskrimsli Posts: 735 Member
    DasItMan91 wrote: »
    If some chick I was dating got too big,I would tell her that she needs to lose weight, if she doesn't want to, I'll just dump her. Now if your partner was already big or thin to begin with then that means that's what you were attracted to but if they gradually got lazy over time then yeah you need to tell them. If you're not attracted to someone anymore, you might as well try to make them more attractive to you again instead of doing something like cheating on them.

    And i presume you'd expect the same treatment if it was you who gained weight?

    I certainly would expect someone to leave me if I ballooned up and became fat and unattractive.
    lorrpb wrote: »
    Why wouldn't you discuss weight with a spouse? It is normal to discuss many other areas of health and appearance. I don't know why weight would be off limits.
    If you feel it shouldn't be discussed, and you decide to lose weight, then would you also want said spouse to ignore your efforts? Would you expect them to support your weight loss efforts even though you don't discuss it?
    Demanding, demeaning, ultimatums--NO. Input and discussion, YES.

    Hopefully it wouldn't come the point of an ultimatum, but if it did, yes there would be one and no I would not bend on it. No one has an obligation to stay in a relationship with anyone and everyone is entitled to his or her own deal breakers.
  • bigmuneymfp
    bigmuneymfp Posts: 2,235 Member
    I get constant flak about being too skinny
  • Gallowmere1984
    Gallowmere1984 Posts: 6,626 Member
    STLBADGIRL wrote: »
    STLBADGIRL wrote: »
    Golbat wrote: »
    I think those of us who are older might react to this whole thread differently than people who are still young.

    Getting fat is not an unavoidable part of getting older, and I think you're making assumptions about people's ages that may be very incorrect.
    nvmomketo wrote: »
    I think for better or for worse, in sickness and in health should allow for weight gain. Now if someone ained a ridiculous amount and needed a caretaker, that's a bit different than a 10-70lb gain.

    It wouldn't take anywhere close to a 70 lb gain to be a deal breaker for me. BMI goes into overweight? You get a couple of months to fix it. Don't fix it? Goodbye.
    xmichaelyx wrote: »
    I'd rather be shallow than unhappy.

    I simply will not stay in a relationship where there is no sexual attraction and no sex. People can call me shallow all they want, but I've never heard it from a fit person. It's always from someone who's bitter that I refuse to lower my standards and settle for a lazy, unfit partner who overeats.
    Why is being lazy used when we talk about obese people?

    I seriously think this is a stereotype and it gets on my nerves. The stereotype I hear all the time is Fat people are lazy and don't care and thin or fit people care too much and are vein - oh and are b!tches.

    I just don't like the association, because it's not always true. Ok, carry on.

    For me, my weight gain was due to laziness. Both physically AND mentally.

    That's your experience though and maybe others. But to assume and generalize that ALL 'fat' people are lazy is not cool or correct. And there are 'some' lazy non obese people.

    I have been both. I was fat and lazy at 265, and I was skinny af and lazy at 150; the magic of calorie counting. It wasn't until I decided to eat more and put in work that I actually kinda sorta resemble a human being at my current 169-ish (still a long way to go though) as opposed to an alien or a beach ball at the previous weights.
  • heiliskrimsli
    heiliskrimsli Posts: 735 Member
    STLBADGIRL wrote: »
    STLBADGIRL wrote: »
    Golbat wrote: »
    I think those of us who are older might react to this whole thread differently than people who are still young.

    Getting fat is not an unavoidable part of getting older, and I think you're making assumptions about people's ages that may be very incorrect.
    nvmomketo wrote: »
    I think for better or for worse, in sickness and in health should allow for weight gain. Now if someone ained a ridiculous amount and needed a caretaker, that's a bit different than a 10-70lb gain.

    It wouldn't take anywhere close to a 70 lb gain to be a deal breaker for me. BMI goes into overweight? You get a couple of months to fix it. Don't fix it? Goodbye.
    xmichaelyx wrote: »
    I'd rather be shallow than unhappy.

    I simply will not stay in a relationship where there is no sexual attraction and no sex. People can call me shallow all they want, but I've never heard it from a fit person. It's always from someone who's bitter that I refuse to lower my standards and settle for a lazy, unfit partner who overeats.
    Why is being lazy used when we talk about obese people?

    I seriously think this is a stereotype and it gets on my nerves. The stereotype I hear all the time is Fat people are lazy and don't care and thin or fit people care too much and are vein - oh and are b!tches.

    I just don't like the association, because it's not always true. Ok, carry on.

    For me, my weight gain was due to laziness. Both physically AND mentally.

    That's your experience though and maybe others. But to assume and generalize that ALL 'fat' people are lazy is not cool or correct. And there are 'some' lazy non obese people.

    Exercise or not, obesity is always a matter of CI > CO, which means someone has been lazy with their dietary habits.
  • STLBADGIRL
    STLBADGIRL Posts: 1,693 Member
    STLBADGIRL wrote: »
    STLBADGIRL wrote: »
    Golbat wrote: »
    I think those of us who are older might react to this whole thread differently than people who are still young.

    Getting fat is not an unavoidable part of getting older, and I think you're making assumptions about people's ages that may be very incorrect.
    nvmomketo wrote: »
    I think for better or for worse, in sickness and in health should allow for weight gain. Now if someone ained a ridiculous amount and needed a caretaker, that's a bit different than a 10-70lb gain.

    It wouldn't take anywhere close to a 70 lb gain to be a deal breaker for me. BMI goes into overweight? You get a couple of months to fix it. Don't fix it? Goodbye.
    xmichaelyx wrote: »
    I'd rather be shallow than unhappy.

    I simply will not stay in a relationship where there is no sexual attraction and no sex. People can call me shallow all they want, but I've never heard it from a fit person. It's always from someone who's bitter that I refuse to lower my standards and settle for a lazy, unfit partner who overeats.
    Why is being lazy used when we talk about obese people?

    I seriously think this is a stereotype and it gets on my nerves. The stereotype I hear all the time is Fat people are lazy and don't care and thin or fit people care too much and are vein - oh and are b!tches.

    I just don't like the association, because it's not always true. Ok, carry on.

    For me, my weight gain was due to laziness. Both physically AND mentally.

    That's your experience though and maybe others. But to assume and generalize that ALL 'fat' people are lazy is not cool or correct. And there are 'some' lazy non obese people.

    I have been both. I was fat and lazy at 265, and I was skinny af and lazy at 150; the magic of calorie counting. It wasn't until I decided to eat more and put in work that I actually kinda sorta resemble a human being at my current 169-ish (still a long way to go though) as opposed to an alien or a beach ball at the previous weights.

    I have the same experience. I have been fat and lazy and I have been fat and active....lmao. I didn't understand how to lose weight. I would participate in physical activities, bust my butt in the gym and thought I could eat whatever I wanted because I was so active. I was ignorant to how to lose weight, but I wasn't lazy. I was very active.

    Also, we had a wellness day at the office. Many of my co workers who are younger than me and and much smaller/thinner than me had high cholesterol, high blood pressure and was borderline diabetic. Me, I had no high blood pressure, no threat of diabetes, and no high blood pressure - I scored badly on my weight for my age. They couldn't believe it, my one coworker said, I eat lunch with you everyday, we normally eat the same things. And then she said, But you work out 100% more than me.
  • STLBADGIRL
    STLBADGIRL Posts: 1,693 Member
    STLBADGIRL wrote: »
    STLBADGIRL wrote: »
    Golbat wrote: »
    I think those of us who are older might react to this whole thread differently than people who are still young.

    Getting fat is not an unavoidable part of getting older, and I think you're making assumptions about people's ages that may be very incorrect.
    nvmomketo wrote: »
    I think for better or for worse, in sickness and in health should allow for weight gain. Now if someone ained a ridiculous amount and needed a caretaker, that's a bit different than a 10-70lb gain.

    It wouldn't take anywhere close to a 70 lb gain to be a deal breaker for me. BMI goes into overweight? You get a couple of months to fix it. Don't fix it? Goodbye.
    xmichaelyx wrote: »
    I'd rather be shallow than unhappy.

    I simply will not stay in a relationship where there is no sexual attraction and no sex. People can call me shallow all they want, but I've never heard it from a fit person. It's always from someone who's bitter that I refuse to lower my standards and settle for a lazy, unfit partner who overeats.
    Why is being lazy used when we talk about obese people?

    I seriously think this is a stereotype and it gets on my nerves. The stereotype I hear all the time is Fat people are lazy and don't care and thin or fit people care too much and are vein - oh and are b!tches.

    I just don't like the association, because it's not always true. Ok, carry on.

    For me, my weight gain was due to laziness. Both physically AND mentally.

    That's your experience though and maybe others. But to assume and generalize that ALL 'fat' people are lazy is not cool or correct. And there are 'some' lazy non obese people.

    Exercise or not, obesity is always a matter of CI > CO, which means someone has been lazy with their dietary habits.

    This may be true...but that's not how it was initially presented.
  • Gallowmere1984
    Gallowmere1984 Posts: 6,626 Member
    STLBADGIRL wrote: »
    STLBADGIRL wrote: »
    STLBADGIRL wrote: »
    Golbat wrote: »
    I think those of us who are older might react to this whole thread differently than people who are still young.

    Getting fat is not an unavoidable part of getting older, and I think you're making assumptions about people's ages that may be very incorrect.
    nvmomketo wrote: »
    I think for better or for worse, in sickness and in health should allow for weight gain. Now if someone ained a ridiculous amount and needed a caretaker, that's a bit different than a 10-70lb gain.

    It wouldn't take anywhere close to a 70 lb gain to be a deal breaker for me. BMI goes into overweight? You get a couple of months to fix it. Don't fix it? Goodbye.
    xmichaelyx wrote: »
    I'd rather be shallow than unhappy.

    I simply will not stay in a relationship where there is no sexual attraction and no sex. People can call me shallow all they want, but I've never heard it from a fit person. It's always from someone who's bitter that I refuse to lower my standards and settle for a lazy, unfit partner who overeats.
    Why is being lazy used when we talk about obese people?

    I seriously think this is a stereotype and it gets on my nerves. The stereotype I hear all the time is Fat people are lazy and don't care and thin or fit people care too much and are vein - oh and are b!tches.

    I just don't like the association, because it's not always true. Ok, carry on.

    For me, my weight gain was due to laziness. Both physically AND mentally.

    That's your experience though and maybe others. But to assume and generalize that ALL 'fat' people are lazy is not cool or correct. And there are 'some' lazy non obese people.

    I have been both. I was fat and lazy at 265, and I was skinny af and lazy at 150; the magic of calorie counting. It wasn't until I decided to eat more and put in work that I actually kinda sorta resemble a human being at my current 169-ish (still a long way to go though) as opposed to an alien or a beach ball at the previous weights.

    I have the same experience. I have been fat and lazy and I have been fat and active....lmao. I didn't understand how to lose weight. I would participate in physical activities, bust my butt in the gym and thought I could eat whatever I wanted because I was so active. I was ignorant to how to lose weight, but I wasn't lazy. I was very active.

    Also, we had a wellness day at the office. Many of my co workers who are younger than me and and much smaller/thinner than me had high cholesterol, high blood pressure and was borderline diabetic. Me, I had no high blood pressure, no threat of diabetes, and no high blood pressure - I scored badly on my weight for my age. They couldn't believe it, my one coworker said, I eat lunch with you everyday, we normally eat the same things. And then she said, But you work out 100% more than me.

    Eventually people will understand that they usually don't see the eating habits that cause the weight problems. It's something that only those of us who have been fat, and later learned how to correct it seem to completely understand. I was never a big midday eater, so yeah it probably looked strange to my co-workers that I was fat. If they'd have seen me in the mornings and at dinner though, all would have become clear.
  • Pirate_chick
    Pirate_chick Posts: 1,216 Member
    No, not one bit.
  • stanmann571
    stanmann571 Posts: 5,736 Member
    It depends.

    Is it a health concern, or an aesthetic concern.

    Granted, If you love him, and he loves you, then either way it's a topic that should be acceptable to discuss frankly.

    The HAES folks get quite a bit wrong, but If she/he chooses to maintain a lifestyle that involves an above average weight and above average fitness(27 min 5k for example) then whatever.
  • Gallowmere1984
    Gallowmere1984 Posts: 6,626 Member
    STLBADGIRL wrote: »
    STLBADGIRL wrote: »
    STLBADGIRL wrote: »
    Golbat wrote: »
    I think those of us who are older might react to this whole thread differently than people who are still young.

    Getting fat is not an unavoidable part of getting older, and I think you're making assumptions about people's ages that may be very incorrect.
    nvmomketo wrote: »
    I think for better or for worse, in sickness and in health should allow for weight gain. Now if someone ained a ridiculous amount and needed a caretaker, that's a bit different than a 10-70lb gain.

    It wouldn't take anywhere close to a 70 lb gain to be a deal breaker for me. BMI goes into overweight? You get a couple of months to fix it. Don't fix it? Goodbye.
    xmichaelyx wrote: »
    I'd rather be shallow than unhappy.

    I simply will not stay in a relationship where there is no sexual attraction and no sex. People can call me shallow all they want, but I've never heard it from a fit person. It's always from someone who's bitter that I refuse to lower my standards and settle for a lazy, unfit partner who overeats.
    Why is being lazy used when we talk about obese people?

    I seriously think this is a stereotype and it gets on my nerves. The stereotype I hear all the time is Fat people are lazy and don't care and thin or fit people care too much and are vein - oh and are b!tches.

    I just don't like the association, because it's not always true. Ok, carry on.

    For me, my weight gain was due to laziness. Both physically AND mentally.

    That's your experience though and maybe others. But to assume and generalize that ALL 'fat' people are lazy is not cool or correct. And there are 'some' lazy non obese people.

    I have been both. I was fat and lazy at 265, and I was skinny af and lazy at 150; the magic of calorie counting. It wasn't until I decided to eat more and put in work that I actually kinda sorta resemble a human being at my current 169-ish (still a long way to go though) as opposed to an alien or a beach ball at the previous weights.

    I have the same experience. I have been fat and lazy and I have been fat and active....lmao. I didn't understand how to lose weight. I would participate in physical activities, bust my butt in the gym and thought I could eat whatever I wanted because I was so active. I was ignorant to how to lose weight, but I wasn't lazy. I was very active.

    Also, we had a wellness day at the office. Many of my co workers who are younger than me and and much smaller/thinner than me had high cholesterol, high blood pressure and was borderline diabetic. Me, I had no high blood pressure, no threat of diabetes, and no high blood pressure - I scored badly on my weight for my age. They couldn't believe it, my one coworker said, I eat lunch with you everyday, we normally eat the same things. And then she said, But you work out 100% more than me.

    Eventually people will understand that they usually don't see the eating habits that cause the weight problems. It's something that only those of us who have been fat, and later learned how to correct it seem to completely understand. I was never a big midday eater, so yeah it probably looked strange to my co-workers that I was fat. If they'd have seen me in the mornings and at dinner though, all would have become clear.

    Have you ever seen "Secret Eaters"?

    A lot of overweight and obese people are themselves completely unaware of how much they're actually eating. They think they're eating way less than their normal weight counterparts. The reality however is that they're actually taking in sometimes double or even triple the calories they think they are and are totally unaware of it.

    They also have a tendency to see a normal weight counterpart eat a large meal, and assume that person eats like that all the time. The reality is often much different. The normal weight counterpart eats that one very large meal, and little else that day.

    It also doesn't help that most people are completely oblivious to caloric values of food. I eat four meals just while I am at work, and each of these weighs in the neighborhood of 2 lbs. However, given that a pound or more of each is either broccoli, cauliflower, brussel sprouts, or some form of stir-fry veggie mix, and the meat is always chicken breast tenderloin or tuna, it's a lot of volume and weight for not many kcals.
  • heiliskrimsli
    heiliskrimsli Posts: 735 Member
    john44111 wrote: »
    The issue really isnt that complicated. I dont believe for a second all these people that are like "It is for your health" No. why dont you just own the fact that you PREFER your SO be smaller. own it. :*

    I've said that very directly.
    STLBADGIRL wrote: »
    STLBADGIRL wrote: »
    STLBADGIRL wrote: »
    Golbat wrote: »
    I think those of us who are older might react to this whole thread differently than people who are still young.

    Getting fat is not an unavoidable part of getting older, and I think you're making assumptions about people's ages that may be very incorrect.
    nvmomketo wrote: »
    I think for better or for worse, in sickness and in health should allow for weight gain. Now if someone ained a ridiculous amount and needed a caretaker, that's a bit different than a 10-70lb gain.

    It wouldn't take anywhere close to a 70 lb gain to be a deal breaker for me. BMI goes into overweight? You get a couple of months to fix it. Don't fix it? Goodbye.
    xmichaelyx wrote: »
    I'd rather be shallow than unhappy.

    I simply will not stay in a relationship where there is no sexual attraction and no sex. People can call me shallow all they want, but I've never heard it from a fit person. It's always from someone who's bitter that I refuse to lower my standards and settle for a lazy, unfit partner who overeats.
    Why is being lazy used when we talk about obese people?

    I seriously think this is a stereotype and it gets on my nerves. The stereotype I hear all the time is Fat people are lazy and don't care and thin or fit people care too much and are vein - oh and are b!tches.

    I just don't like the association, because it's not always true. Ok, carry on.

    For me, my weight gain was due to laziness. Both physically AND mentally.

    That's your experience though and maybe others. But to assume and generalize that ALL 'fat' people are lazy is not cool or correct. And there are 'some' lazy non obese people.

    I have been both. I was fat and lazy at 265, and I was skinny af and lazy at 150; the magic of calorie counting. It wasn't until I decided to eat more and put in work that I actually kinda sorta resemble a human being at my current 169-ish (still a long way to go though) as opposed to an alien or a beach ball at the previous weights.

    I have the same experience. I have been fat and lazy and I have been fat and active....lmao. I didn't understand how to lose weight. I would participate in physical activities, bust my butt in the gym and thought I could eat whatever I wanted because I was so active. I was ignorant to how to lose weight, but I wasn't lazy. I was very active.

    Also, we had a wellness day at the office. Many of my co workers who are younger than me and and much smaller/thinner than me had high cholesterol, high blood pressure and was borderline diabetic. Me, I had no high blood pressure, no threat of diabetes, and no high blood pressure - I scored badly on my weight for my age. They couldn't believe it, my one coworker said, I eat lunch with you everyday, we normally eat the same things. And then she said, But you work out 100% more than me.

    Eventually people will understand that they usually don't see the eating habits that cause the weight problems. It's something that only those of us who have been fat, and later learned how to correct it seem to completely understand. I was never a big midday eater, so yeah it probably looked strange to my co-workers that I was fat. If they'd have seen me in the mornings and at dinner though, all would have become clear.

    Have you ever seen "Secret Eaters"?

    A lot of overweight and obese people are themselves completely unaware of how much they're actually eating. They think they're eating way less than their normal weight counterparts. The reality however is that they're actually taking in sometimes double or even triple the calories they think they are and are totally unaware of it.

    They also have a tendency to see a normal weight counterpart eat a large meal, and assume that person eats like that all the time. The reality is often much different. The normal weight counterpart eats that one very large meal, and little else that day.

    It also doesn't help that most people are completely oblivious to caloric values of food. I eat four meals just while I am at work, and each of these weighs in the neighborhood of 2 lbs. However, given that a pound or more of each is either broccoli, cauliflower, brussel sprouts, or some form of stir-fry veggie mix, and the meat is always chicken breast tenderloin or tuna, it's a lot of volume and weight for not many kcals.

    I love the cruciferous vegetables, and I eat a lot of them. I go through a few pounds of brussels sprouts a week, generally. I usually just steam them or microwave them, put on some salt and pepper, and go for it.
  • stanmann571
    stanmann571 Posts: 5,736 Member
    The flip side is that if the SO asks, in a context where it's an honest question and not fishing for a complement. then an honest answer is obligatory.

    Kind, but honest.

    "Do these pants make my butt look big?"

    I love the way those pants make your butt look.

    vs

    "I'm having trouble with the stairs lately, do you think I should eat more healthy"

    Yes, I've noticed you've put on a little bit of weight, lets sit down and see if we can plan to get more healthy and lose a few pounds.

    Context is key.
  • STLBADGIRL
    STLBADGIRL Posts: 1,693 Member
    Medicine and bed rest cannot make you gain weight in a vacuum. If you over eat, you gain weight. Pregnancy is also not a reason to gain excessive amounts of weight. Being pregnant does not mean eating for two, either.

    There is one reason why people become overweight or obese. That reason is always excessive caloric intake, and it is never something that happens to an adult (absent developmental issues like Downs or Prader-Willi) in a vacuum without the active participation of the person gaining the weight. Nobody gets fat against their own will.

    Hmmmmmm. Just hmmmmmmmm for this response..... But on the bold part, as harsh as this may seem - it may be valid. And this was a hard realization for myself. It sucks when someone else says it...but it may just may be true if we are keeping it real.