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Should your S.O./Spouse have a say so if they feel you are too thin or too large?

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Replies

  • SoulRadiation
    SoulRadiation Posts: 1,060 Member
    edited April 2017
    If I end up with diabetes or heart disease that will definitely affect her and our children...and vice versa...so beyond any discussion of aesthetics or attraction, to me it seems a reasonable topic to be discussing with one another. In regards to whether you have "a say"...sure? You have as much say as you have about any other aspect of each other's lives. It's limited. We're not each other's masters or anything but we are a team and it's fair to have and voice concerns about each other's physical and mental health (which I think are very tied) because we want the best for each other and for our family.

    Obviously, if possible, it would be great to have a loving and respectful communication pattern already in place in order to avoid miscommunication about an emotionally charged subject.

    ...but those are all my thoughts considering I'm trying to lose kind of a lot of weight. I would not be sweating 20 pounds and I would find it irritating and trivial to hassle or be hassled about weight that couldn't reasonably be related to a health concern (whatever you felt that amount actually is).
  • heiliskrimsli
    heiliskrimsli Posts: 735 Member
    edited April 2017
    Golbat wrote: »
    I think those of us who are older might react to this whole thread differently than people who are still young.

    Getting fat is not an unavoidable part of getting older, and I think you're making assumptions about people's ages that may be very incorrect.
    nvmomketo wrote: »
    I think for better or for worse, in sickness and in health should allow for weight gain. Now if someone ained a ridiculous amount and needed a caretaker, that's a bit different than a 10-70lb gain.

    It wouldn't take anywhere close to a 70 lb gain to be a deal breaker for me. BMI goes into overweight? You get a couple of months to fix it. Don't fix it? Goodbye.
    xmichaelyx wrote: »
    I'd rather be shallow than unhappy.

    I simply will not stay in a relationship where there is no sexual attraction and no sex. People can call me shallow all they want, but I've never heard it from a fit person. It's always from someone who's bitter that I refuse to lower my standards and settle for a lazy, unfit partner who overeats.
  • bigmuneymfp
    bigmuneymfp Posts: 2,235 Member
    xmichaelyx wrote: »
    My SO is awesome and deserves to be with a buff, hot guy. Instead she's stuck with me. So I try to stay as fit as possible, both for her AND for my future health and fitness.

    In order for me to get fat, I'd have to not give a crap about her or myself. I've told her to dump me in that situation, just as I would her if she got fat (unless she were pregnant or seriously sick).

    I'd rather be shallow than unhappy.

    You are a wise man!
  • YaGigi
    YaGigi Posts: 817 Member
    Off course I'd say something to my man if he gains weight, as I'm concerned about his health. Though he's careful enough about his diet and exercise.

    And yes I'm expecting him to be honest too.

    But it always and always must be done in the most respectful way possible.
  • ConquerAndBloom
    ConquerAndBloom Posts: 94 Member
    cwolfman13 wrote: »
    My wife didn't have any problems letting me know that I was getting overly fat. Did she still love me? Yeah...but she didn't have any issues letting me know that maybe I was letting things get a bit out of hand. She was also concerned from a health standpoint. It wasn't like I just put on a little weight either...I put on a good 50 Lbs over the course of 8 years or so of marriage.

    Both my wife and I were relatively lean when we met and through 5 years of dating before we got married. She put on a small amount of weight after we settled into "family life", but I blew up like a balloon.

    My SO voiced concerns when I was gaining weight at an alarming rate (50 pounds in a year, yikes!) but his primary concern was more my sedentary lifestyle than it was the weight. He said he would like to see me more active in order to preserve health, the weight was never a huge consideration for him.

    Of course, the desire to do better and eat better can only come when I'm ready, so it took some time to get my head on straight.

  • STLBADGIRL
    STLBADGIRL Posts: 1,693 Member
    Golbat wrote: »
    I think those of us who are older might react to this whole thread differently than people who are still young.

    Getting fat is not an unavoidable part of getting older, and I think you're making assumptions about people's ages that may be very incorrect.
    nvmomketo wrote: »
    I think for better or for worse, in sickness and in health should allow for weight gain. Now if someone ained a ridiculous amount and needed a caretaker, that's a bit different than a 10-70lb gain.

    It wouldn't take anywhere close to a 70 lb gain to be a deal breaker for me. BMI goes into overweight? You get a couple of months to fix it. Don't fix it? Goodbye.
    xmichaelyx wrote: »
    I'd rather be shallow than unhappy.

    I simply will not stay in a relationship where there is no sexual attraction and no sex. People can call me shallow all they want, but I've never heard it from a fit person. It's always from someone who's bitter that I refuse to lower my standards and settle for a lazy, unfit partner who overeats.
    Why is being lazy used when we talk about obese people?

    I seriously think this is a stereotype and it gets on my nerves. The stereotype I hear all the time is Fat people are lazy and don't care and thin or fit people care too much and are vein - oh and are b!tches.

    I just don't like the association, because it's not always true. Ok, carry on.
  • Christine_72
    Christine_72 Posts: 16,049 Member
    STLBADGIRL wrote: »
    Golbat wrote: »
    I think those of us who are older might react to this whole thread differently than people who are still young.

    Getting fat is not an unavoidable part of getting older, and I think you're making assumptions about people's ages that may be very incorrect.
    nvmomketo wrote: »
    I think for better or for worse, in sickness and in health should allow for weight gain. Now if someone ained a ridiculous amount and needed a caretaker, that's a bit different than a 10-70lb gain.

    It wouldn't take anywhere close to a 70 lb gain to be a deal breaker for me. BMI goes into overweight? You get a couple of months to fix it. Don't fix it? Goodbye.
    xmichaelyx wrote: »
    I'd rather be shallow than unhappy.

    I simply will not stay in a relationship where there is no sexual attraction and no sex. People can call me shallow all they want, but I've never heard it from a fit person. It's always from someone who's bitter that I refuse to lower my standards and settle for a lazy, unfit partner who overeats.
    Why is being lazy used when we talk about obese people?

    I seriously think this is a stereotype and it gets on my nerves. The stereotype I hear all the time is Fat people are lazy and don't care and thin or fit people care too much and are vein - oh and are b!tches.

    I just don't like the association, because it's not always true. Ok, carry on.

    For me, my weight gain was due to laziness. Both physically AND mentally.
  • DasItMan91
    DasItMan91 Posts: 5,753 Member
    If some chick I was dating got too big, I would tell her that she needs to lose weight, if she doesn't want to, I'll just dump her. Now if your partner was already big or thin to begin with then that means that's what you were attracted to but if they gradually got lazy over time then yeah you need to tell them. If you're not attracted to someone anymore, you might as well try to make them more attractive to you again instead of doing something like cheating on them.
  • moya_bleh
    moya_bleh Posts: 1,375 Member
    If anybody lets themselves go in any manner (not just weight gain) then one's partner certainly has a right to bring it up in conversation. Unconditional =/= Mandatory.