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Should your S.O./Spouse have a say so if they feel you are too thin or too large?
Replies
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cwolfman13 wrote: »My wife didn't have any problems letting me know that I was getting overly fat. Did she still love me? Yeah...but she didn't have any issues letting me know that maybe I was letting things get a bit out of hand. She was also concerned from a health standpoint. It wasn't like I just put on a little weight either...I put on a good 50 Lbs over the course of 8 years or so of marriage.
Both my wife and I were relatively lean when we met and through 5 years of dating before we got married. She put on a small amount of weight after we settled into "family life", but I blew up like a balloon.
My SO voiced concerns when I was gaining weight at an alarming rate (50 pounds in a year, yikes!) but his primary concern was more my sedentary lifestyle than it was the weight. He said he would like to see me more active in order to preserve health, the weight was never a huge consideration for him.
Of course, the desire to do better and eat better can only come when I'm ready, so it took some time to get my head on straight.
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Why is being lazy used when we talk about obese people?heiliskrimsli wrote: »I think those of us who are older might react to this whole thread differently than people who are still young.
Getting fat is not an unavoidable part of getting older, and I think you're making assumptions about people's ages that may be very incorrect.I think for better or for worse, in sickness and in health should allow for weight gain. Now if someone ained a ridiculous amount and needed a caretaker, that's a bit different than a 10-70lb gain.
It wouldn't take anywhere close to a 70 lb gain to be a deal breaker for me. BMI goes into overweight? You get a couple of months to fix it. Don't fix it? Goodbye.xmichaelyx wrote: »I'd rather be shallow than unhappy.
I simply will not stay in a relationship where there is no sexual attraction and no sex. People can call me shallow all they want, but I've never heard it from a fit person. It's always from someone who's bitter that I refuse to lower my standards and settle for a lazy, unfit partner who overeats.
I seriously think this is a stereotype and it gets on my nerves. The stereotype I hear all the time is Fat people are lazy and don't care and thin or fit people care too much and are vein - oh and are b!tches.
I just don't like the association, because it's not always true. Ok, carry on.4 -
STLBADGIRL wrote: »
Why is being lazy used when we talk about obese people?heiliskrimsli wrote: »I think those of us who are older might react to this whole thread differently than people who are still young.
Getting fat is not an unavoidable part of getting older, and I think you're making assumptions about people's ages that may be very incorrect.I think for better or for worse, in sickness and in health should allow for weight gain. Now if someone ained a ridiculous amount and needed a caretaker, that's a bit different than a 10-70lb gain.
It wouldn't take anywhere close to a 70 lb gain to be a deal breaker for me. BMI goes into overweight? You get a couple of months to fix it. Don't fix it? Goodbye.xmichaelyx wrote: »I'd rather be shallow than unhappy.
I simply will not stay in a relationship where there is no sexual attraction and no sex. People can call me shallow all they want, but I've never heard it from a fit person. It's always from someone who's bitter that I refuse to lower my standards and settle for a lazy, unfit partner who overeats.
I seriously think this is a stereotype and it gets on my nerves. The stereotype I hear all the time is Fat people are lazy and don't care and thin or fit people care too much and are vein - oh and are b!tches.
I just don't like the association, because it's not always true. Ok, carry on.
For me, my weight gain was due to laziness. Both physically AND mentally.3 -
If some chick I was dating got too big, I would tell her that she needs to lose weight, if she doesn't want to, I'll just dump her. Now if your partner was already big or thin to begin with then that means that's what you were attracted to but if they gradually got lazy over time then yeah you need to tell them. If you're not attracted to someone anymore, you might as well try to make them more attractive to you again instead of doing something like cheating on them.1
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DasItMan91 wrote: »If some chick I was dating got too big,I would tell her that she needs to lose weight, if she doesn't want to, I'll just dump her. Now if your partner was already big or thin to begin with then that means that's what you were attracted to but if they gradually got lazy over time then yeah you need to tell them. If you're not attracted to someone anymore, you might as well try to make them more attractive to you again instead of doing something like cheating on them.
And i presume you'd expect the same treatment if it was you who gained weight?
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Why wouldn't you discuss weight with a spouse? It is normal to discuss many other areas of health and appearance. I don't know why weight would be off limits.
If you feel it shouldn't be discussed, and you decide to lose weight, then would you also want said spouse to ignore your efforts? Would you expect them to support your weight loss efforts even though you don't discuss it?
Demanding, demeaning, ultimatums--NO. Input and discussion, YES.6 -
If anybody lets themselves go in any manner (not just weight gain) then one's partner certainly has a right to bring it up in conversation. Unconditional =/= Mandatory.0
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Christine_72 wrote: »DasItMan91 wrote: »If some chick I was dating got too big,I would tell her that she needs to lose weight, if she doesn't want to, I'll just dump her. Now if your partner was already big or thin to begin with then that means that's what you were attracted to but if they gradually got lazy over time then yeah you need to tell them. If you're not attracted to someone anymore, you might as well try to make them more attractive to you again instead of doing something like cheating on them.
And i presume you'd expect the same treatment if it was you who gained weight?
I would certainly expect a partner to tell me if she didn't find me attractive anymore as a result of my behaviour. In fact, I wouldn't be so contemptuous of my partner to think "Ha! Gotcha! You can't leave me, you'll look like a shallow *kitten* if you do. Chris Farley mode......ENGAGE!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAnomnomnom!" in the first place. I would do my best to ensure that I remained attractive for her.
Look at the revenge body trend at the moment. I find it extremely sad that people can't stay in shape for people that they claim to love, yet will readily and miraculously lose that weight to spite them once the relationship has gone sour.12 -
Christine_72 wrote: »STLBADGIRL wrote: »
Why is being lazy used when we talk about obese people?heiliskrimsli wrote: »I think those of us who are older might react to this whole thread differently than people who are still young.
Getting fat is not an unavoidable part of getting older, and I think you're making assumptions about people's ages that may be very incorrect.I think for better or for worse, in sickness and in health should allow for weight gain. Now if someone ained a ridiculous amount and needed a caretaker, that's a bit different than a 10-70lb gain.
It wouldn't take anywhere close to a 70 lb gain to be a deal breaker for me. BMI goes into overweight? You get a couple of months to fix it. Don't fix it? Goodbye.xmichaelyx wrote: »I'd rather be shallow than unhappy.
I simply will not stay in a relationship where there is no sexual attraction and no sex. People can call me shallow all they want, but I've never heard it from a fit person. It's always from someone who's bitter that I refuse to lower my standards and settle for a lazy, unfit partner who overeats.
I seriously think this is a stereotype and it gets on my nerves. The stereotype I hear all the time is Fat people are lazy and don't care and thin or fit people care too much and are vein - oh and are b!tches.
I just don't like the association, because it's not always true. Ok, carry on.
For me, my weight gain was due to laziness. Both physically AND mentally.
And for me it had nothing to do with laziness, and a great deal to do with differential prioritization of my time and energy (both of which are finite resources). I accomplished a great deal that was worthwhile with the time that I now spend on exercising and preparing, weighing, and recording food. It isn't trivial.
There are other worthwhile expenditures of a person's time, energy, and money if their weight isn't having a significant impact on their health. There are other worthwhile ways to spend these things even if your weight IS having an impact on your health, that may benefit you, your family, your community, and even the world.
I've met people who think anyone who doesn't go out and protest regularly is lazy. I've met people who believe that anyone who isn't a millionaire by 40 is lazy. I've met others who define as lazy anyone who doesn't vacuum their house daily, or wash their car every week, or ride their bike to work. The list of arbitrary rules that define "lazy" is long.32 -
I think that our SOs are almost obligated to say if we are out of our best shape, because I believe as partners our duty is to help our partner to be best and healthiest self.
What I do hate is when people say one thing (for example 'you should loose weight') and act another (keep pushing on junk food meals, refuse do any form of physical activity together etc.).
But partner who says 'you are too thin/too heavy' and acts in a supportive way is, in my opinion, a real partner that does his partner duties.5 -
Christine_72 wrote: »DasItMan91 wrote: »If some chick I was dating got too big,I would tell her that she needs to lose weight, if she doesn't want to, I'll just dump her. Now if your partner was already big or thin to begin with then that means that's what you were attracted to but if they gradually got lazy over time then yeah you need to tell them. If you're not attracted to someone anymore, you might as well try to make them more attractive to you again instead of doing something like cheating on them.
And i presume you'd expect the same treatment if it was you who gained weight?
I certainly would expect someone to leave me if I ballooned up and became fat and unattractive.Why wouldn't you discuss weight with a spouse? It is normal to discuss many other areas of health and appearance. I don't know why weight would be off limits.
If you feel it shouldn't be discussed, and you decide to lose weight, then would you also want said spouse to ignore your efforts? Would you expect them to support your weight loss efforts even though you don't discuss it?
Demanding, demeaning, ultimatums--NO. Input and discussion, YES.
Hopefully it wouldn't come the point of an ultimatum, but if it did, yes there would be one and no I would not bend on it. No one has an obligation to stay in a relationship with anyone and everyone is entitled to his or her own deal breakers.4 -
I get constant flak about being too skinny1
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Christine_72 wrote: »STLBADGIRL wrote: »
Why is being lazy used when we talk about obese people?heiliskrimsli wrote: »I think those of us who are older might react to this whole thread differently than people who are still young.
Getting fat is not an unavoidable part of getting older, and I think you're making assumptions about people's ages that may be very incorrect.I think for better or for worse, in sickness and in health should allow for weight gain. Now if someone ained a ridiculous amount and needed a caretaker, that's a bit different than a 10-70lb gain.
It wouldn't take anywhere close to a 70 lb gain to be a deal breaker for me. BMI goes into overweight? You get a couple of months to fix it. Don't fix it? Goodbye.xmichaelyx wrote: »I'd rather be shallow than unhappy.
I simply will not stay in a relationship where there is no sexual attraction and no sex. People can call me shallow all they want, but I've never heard it from a fit person. It's always from someone who's bitter that I refuse to lower my standards and settle for a lazy, unfit partner who overeats.
I seriously think this is a stereotype and it gets on my nerves. The stereotype I hear all the time is Fat people are lazy and don't care and thin or fit people care too much and are vein - oh and are b!tches.
I just don't like the association, because it's not always true. Ok, carry on.
For me, my weight gain was due to laziness. Both physically AND mentally.
That's your experience though and maybe others. But to assume and generalize that ALL 'fat' people are lazy is not cool or correct. And there are 'some' lazy non obese people.5 -
STLBADGIRL wrote: »Christine_72 wrote: »STLBADGIRL wrote: »
Why is being lazy used when we talk about obese people?heiliskrimsli wrote: »I think those of us who are older might react to this whole thread differently than people who are still young.
Getting fat is not an unavoidable part of getting older, and I think you're making assumptions about people's ages that may be very incorrect.I think for better or for worse, in sickness and in health should allow for weight gain. Now if someone ained a ridiculous amount and needed a caretaker, that's a bit different than a 10-70lb gain.
It wouldn't take anywhere close to a 70 lb gain to be a deal breaker for me. BMI goes into overweight? You get a couple of months to fix it. Don't fix it? Goodbye.xmichaelyx wrote: »I'd rather be shallow than unhappy.
I simply will not stay in a relationship where there is no sexual attraction and no sex. People can call me shallow all they want, but I've never heard it from a fit person. It's always from someone who's bitter that I refuse to lower my standards and settle for a lazy, unfit partner who overeats.
I seriously think this is a stereotype and it gets on my nerves. The stereotype I hear all the time is Fat people are lazy and don't care and thin or fit people care too much and are vein - oh and are b!tches.
I just don't like the association, because it's not always true. Ok, carry on.
For me, my weight gain was due to laziness. Both physically AND mentally.
That's your experience though and maybe others. But to assume and generalize that ALL 'fat' people are lazy is not cool or correct. And there are 'some' lazy non obese people.
I have been both. I was fat and lazy at 265, and I was skinny af and lazy at 150; the magic of calorie counting. It wasn't until I decided to eat more and put in work that I actually kinda sorta resemble a human being at my current 169-ish (still a long way to go though) as opposed to an alien or a beach ball at the previous weights.2 -
STLBADGIRL wrote: »Christine_72 wrote: »STLBADGIRL wrote: »
Why is being lazy used when we talk about obese people?heiliskrimsli wrote: »I think those of us who are older might react to this whole thread differently than people who are still young.
Getting fat is not an unavoidable part of getting older, and I think you're making assumptions about people's ages that may be very incorrect.I think for better or for worse, in sickness and in health should allow for weight gain. Now if someone ained a ridiculous amount and needed a caretaker, that's a bit different than a 10-70lb gain.
It wouldn't take anywhere close to a 70 lb gain to be a deal breaker for me. BMI goes into overweight? You get a couple of months to fix it. Don't fix it? Goodbye.xmichaelyx wrote: »I'd rather be shallow than unhappy.
I simply will not stay in a relationship where there is no sexual attraction and no sex. People can call me shallow all they want, but I've never heard it from a fit person. It's always from someone who's bitter that I refuse to lower my standards and settle for a lazy, unfit partner who overeats.
I seriously think this is a stereotype and it gets on my nerves. The stereotype I hear all the time is Fat people are lazy and don't care and thin or fit people care too much and are vein - oh and are b!tches.
I just don't like the association, because it's not always true. Ok, carry on.
For me, my weight gain was due to laziness. Both physically AND mentally.
That's your experience though and maybe others. But to assume and generalize that ALL 'fat' people are lazy is not cool or correct. And there are 'some' lazy non obese people.
Exercise or not, obesity is always a matter of CI > CO, which means someone has been lazy with their dietary habits.3 -
Gallowmere1984 wrote: »STLBADGIRL wrote: »Christine_72 wrote: »STLBADGIRL wrote: »
Why is being lazy used when we talk about obese people?heiliskrimsli wrote: »I think those of us who are older might react to this whole thread differently than people who are still young.
Getting fat is not an unavoidable part of getting older, and I think you're making assumptions about people's ages that may be very incorrect.I think for better or for worse, in sickness and in health should allow for weight gain. Now if someone ained a ridiculous amount and needed a caretaker, that's a bit different than a 10-70lb gain.
It wouldn't take anywhere close to a 70 lb gain to be a deal breaker for me. BMI goes into overweight? You get a couple of months to fix it. Don't fix it? Goodbye.xmichaelyx wrote: »I'd rather be shallow than unhappy.
I simply will not stay in a relationship where there is no sexual attraction and no sex. People can call me shallow all they want, but I've never heard it from a fit person. It's always from someone who's bitter that I refuse to lower my standards and settle for a lazy, unfit partner who overeats.
I seriously think this is a stereotype and it gets on my nerves. The stereotype I hear all the time is Fat people are lazy and don't care and thin or fit people care too much and are vein - oh and are b!tches.
I just don't like the association, because it's not always true. Ok, carry on.
For me, my weight gain was due to laziness. Both physically AND mentally.
That's your experience though and maybe others. But to assume and generalize that ALL 'fat' people are lazy is not cool or correct. And there are 'some' lazy non obese people.
I have been both. I was fat and lazy at 265, and I was skinny af and lazy at 150; the magic of calorie counting. It wasn't until I decided to eat more and put in work that I actually kinda sorta resemble a human being at my current 169-ish (still a long way to go though) as opposed to an alien or a beach ball at the previous weights.
I have the same experience. I have been fat and lazy and I have been fat and active....lmao. I didn't understand how to lose weight. I would participate in physical activities, bust my butt in the gym and thought I could eat whatever I wanted because I was so active. I was ignorant to how to lose weight, but I wasn't lazy. I was very active.
Also, we had a wellness day at the office. Many of my co workers who are younger than me and and much smaller/thinner than me had high cholesterol, high blood pressure and was borderline diabetic. Me, I had no high blood pressure, no threat of diabetes, and no high blood pressure - I scored badly on my weight for my age. They couldn't believe it, my one coworker said, I eat lunch with you everyday, we normally eat the same things. And then she said, But you work out 100% more than me.1 -
heiliskrimsli wrote: »STLBADGIRL wrote: »Christine_72 wrote: »STLBADGIRL wrote: »
Why is being lazy used when we talk about obese people?heiliskrimsli wrote: »I think those of us who are older might react to this whole thread differently than people who are still young.
Getting fat is not an unavoidable part of getting older, and I think you're making assumptions about people's ages that may be very incorrect.I think for better or for worse, in sickness and in health should allow for weight gain. Now if someone ained a ridiculous amount and needed a caretaker, that's a bit different than a 10-70lb gain.
It wouldn't take anywhere close to a 70 lb gain to be a deal breaker for me. BMI goes into overweight? You get a couple of months to fix it. Don't fix it? Goodbye.xmichaelyx wrote: »I'd rather be shallow than unhappy.
I simply will not stay in a relationship where there is no sexual attraction and no sex. People can call me shallow all they want, but I've never heard it from a fit person. It's always from someone who's bitter that I refuse to lower my standards and settle for a lazy, unfit partner who overeats.
I seriously think this is a stereotype and it gets on my nerves. The stereotype I hear all the time is Fat people are lazy and don't care and thin or fit people care too much and are vein - oh and are b!tches.
I just don't like the association, because it's not always true. Ok, carry on.
For me, my weight gain was due to laziness. Both physically AND mentally.
That's your experience though and maybe others. But to assume and generalize that ALL 'fat' people are lazy is not cool or correct. And there are 'some' lazy non obese people.
Exercise or not, obesity is always a matter of CI > CO, which means someone has been lazy with their dietary habits.
This may be true...but that's not how it was initially presented.0 -
STLBADGIRL wrote: »Gallowmere1984 wrote: »STLBADGIRL wrote: »Christine_72 wrote: »STLBADGIRL wrote: »
Why is being lazy used when we talk about obese people?heiliskrimsli wrote: »I think those of us who are older might react to this whole thread differently than people who are still young.
Getting fat is not an unavoidable part of getting older, and I think you're making assumptions about people's ages that may be very incorrect.I think for better or for worse, in sickness and in health should allow for weight gain. Now if someone ained a ridiculous amount and needed a caretaker, that's a bit different than a 10-70lb gain.
It wouldn't take anywhere close to a 70 lb gain to be a deal breaker for me. BMI goes into overweight? You get a couple of months to fix it. Don't fix it? Goodbye.xmichaelyx wrote: »I'd rather be shallow than unhappy.
I simply will not stay in a relationship where there is no sexual attraction and no sex. People can call me shallow all they want, but I've never heard it from a fit person. It's always from someone who's bitter that I refuse to lower my standards and settle for a lazy, unfit partner who overeats.
I seriously think this is a stereotype and it gets on my nerves. The stereotype I hear all the time is Fat people are lazy and don't care and thin or fit people care too much and are vein - oh and are b!tches.
I just don't like the association, because it's not always true. Ok, carry on.
For me, my weight gain was due to laziness. Both physically AND mentally.
That's your experience though and maybe others. But to assume and generalize that ALL 'fat' people are lazy is not cool or correct. And there are 'some' lazy non obese people.
I have been both. I was fat and lazy at 265, and I was skinny af and lazy at 150; the magic of calorie counting. It wasn't until I decided to eat more and put in work that I actually kinda sorta resemble a human being at my current 169-ish (still a long way to go though) as opposed to an alien or a beach ball at the previous weights.
I have the same experience. I have been fat and lazy and I have been fat and active....lmao. I didn't understand how to lose weight. I would participate in physical activities, bust my butt in the gym and thought I could eat whatever I wanted because I was so active. I was ignorant to how to lose weight, but I wasn't lazy. I was very active.
Also, we had a wellness day at the office. Many of my co workers who are younger than me and and much smaller/thinner than me had high cholesterol, high blood pressure and was borderline diabetic. Me, I had no high blood pressure, no threat of diabetes, and no high blood pressure - I scored badly on my weight for my age. They couldn't believe it, my one coworker said, I eat lunch with you everyday, we normally eat the same things. And then she said, But you work out 100% more than me.
Eventually people will understand that they usually don't see the eating habits that cause the weight problems. It's something that only those of us who have been fat, and later learned how to correct it seem to completely understand. I was never a big midday eater, so yeah it probably looked strange to my co-workers that I was fat. If they'd have seen me in the mornings and at dinner though, all would have become clear.2 -
No, not one bit.0
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Gallowmere1984 wrote: »STLBADGIRL wrote: »Gallowmere1984 wrote: »STLBADGIRL wrote: »Christine_72 wrote: »STLBADGIRL wrote: »
Why is being lazy used when we talk about obese people?heiliskrimsli wrote: »I think those of us who are older might react to this whole thread differently than people who are still young.
Getting fat is not an unavoidable part of getting older, and I think you're making assumptions about people's ages that may be very incorrect.I think for better or for worse, in sickness and in health should allow for weight gain. Now if someone ained a ridiculous amount and needed a caretaker, that's a bit different than a 10-70lb gain.
It wouldn't take anywhere close to a 70 lb gain to be a deal breaker for me. BMI goes into overweight? You get a couple of months to fix it. Don't fix it? Goodbye.xmichaelyx wrote: »I'd rather be shallow than unhappy.
I simply will not stay in a relationship where there is no sexual attraction and no sex. People can call me shallow all they want, but I've never heard it from a fit person. It's always from someone who's bitter that I refuse to lower my standards and settle for a lazy, unfit partner who overeats.
I seriously think this is a stereotype and it gets on my nerves. The stereotype I hear all the time is Fat people are lazy and don't care and thin or fit people care too much and are vein - oh and are b!tches.
I just don't like the association, because it's not always true. Ok, carry on.
For me, my weight gain was due to laziness. Both physically AND mentally.
That's your experience though and maybe others. But to assume and generalize that ALL 'fat' people are lazy is not cool or correct. And there are 'some' lazy non obese people.
I have been both. I was fat and lazy at 265, and I was skinny af and lazy at 150; the magic of calorie counting. It wasn't until I decided to eat more and put in work that I actually kinda sorta resemble a human being at my current 169-ish (still a long way to go though) as opposed to an alien or a beach ball at the previous weights.
I have the same experience. I have been fat and lazy and I have been fat and active....lmao. I didn't understand how to lose weight. I would participate in physical activities, bust my butt in the gym and thought I could eat whatever I wanted because I was so active. I was ignorant to how to lose weight, but I wasn't lazy. I was very active.
Also, we had a wellness day at the office. Many of my co workers who are younger than me and and much smaller/thinner than me had high cholesterol, high blood pressure and was borderline diabetic. Me, I had no high blood pressure, no threat of diabetes, and no high blood pressure - I scored badly on my weight for my age. They couldn't believe it, my one coworker said, I eat lunch with you everyday, we normally eat the same things. And then she said, But you work out 100% more than me.
Eventually people will understand that they usually don't see the eating habits that cause the weight problems. It's something that only those of us who have been fat, and later learned how to correct it seem to completely understand. I was never a big midday eater, so yeah it probably looked strange to my co-workers that I was fat. If they'd have seen me in the mornings and at dinner though, all would have become clear.
Have you ever seen "Secret Eaters"?
A lot of overweight and obese people are themselves completely unaware of how much they're actually eating. They think they're eating way less than their normal weight counterparts. The reality however is that they're actually taking in sometimes double or even triple the calories they think they are and are totally unaware of it.
They also have a tendency to see a normal weight counterpart eat a large meal, and assume that person eats like that all the time. The reality is often much different. The normal weight counterpart eats that one very large meal, and little else that day.5 -
Your SO has a right to say whatever they want and express a preference.
You have a choice whether or not you want to ignore it or act upon it.
You both have a choice as well as you do to stay in the relationship or not.
The issue really isnt that complicated. I dont believe for a second all these people that are like "It is for your health" No. why dont you just own the fact that you PREFER your SO be smaller. own it.
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It depends.
Is it a health concern, or an aesthetic concern.
Granted, If you love him, and he loves you, then either way it's a topic that should be acceptable to discuss frankly.
The HAES folks get quite a bit wrong, but If she/he chooses to maintain a lifestyle that involves an above average weight and above average fitness(27 min 5k for example) then whatever.
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heiliskrimsli wrote: »Gallowmere1984 wrote: »STLBADGIRL wrote: »Gallowmere1984 wrote: »STLBADGIRL wrote: »Christine_72 wrote: »STLBADGIRL wrote: »
Why is being lazy used when we talk about obese people?heiliskrimsli wrote: »I think those of us who are older might react to this whole thread differently than people who are still young.
Getting fat is not an unavoidable part of getting older, and I think you're making assumptions about people's ages that may be very incorrect.I think for better or for worse, in sickness and in health should allow for weight gain. Now if someone ained a ridiculous amount and needed a caretaker, that's a bit different than a 10-70lb gain.
It wouldn't take anywhere close to a 70 lb gain to be a deal breaker for me. BMI goes into overweight? You get a couple of months to fix it. Don't fix it? Goodbye.xmichaelyx wrote: »I'd rather be shallow than unhappy.
I simply will not stay in a relationship where there is no sexual attraction and no sex. People can call me shallow all they want, but I've never heard it from a fit person. It's always from someone who's bitter that I refuse to lower my standards and settle for a lazy, unfit partner who overeats.
I seriously think this is a stereotype and it gets on my nerves. The stereotype I hear all the time is Fat people are lazy and don't care and thin or fit people care too much and are vein - oh and are b!tches.
I just don't like the association, because it's not always true. Ok, carry on.
For me, my weight gain was due to laziness. Both physically AND mentally.
That's your experience though and maybe others. But to assume and generalize that ALL 'fat' people are lazy is not cool or correct. And there are 'some' lazy non obese people.
I have been both. I was fat and lazy at 265, and I was skinny af and lazy at 150; the magic of calorie counting. It wasn't until I decided to eat more and put in work that I actually kinda sorta resemble a human being at my current 169-ish (still a long way to go though) as opposed to an alien or a beach ball at the previous weights.
I have the same experience. I have been fat and lazy and I have been fat and active....lmao. I didn't understand how to lose weight. I would participate in physical activities, bust my butt in the gym and thought I could eat whatever I wanted because I was so active. I was ignorant to how to lose weight, but I wasn't lazy. I was very active.
Also, we had a wellness day at the office. Many of my co workers who are younger than me and and much smaller/thinner than me had high cholesterol, high blood pressure and was borderline diabetic. Me, I had no high blood pressure, no threat of diabetes, and no high blood pressure - I scored badly on my weight for my age. They couldn't believe it, my one coworker said, I eat lunch with you everyday, we normally eat the same things. And then she said, But you work out 100% more than me.
Eventually people will understand that they usually don't see the eating habits that cause the weight problems. It's something that only those of us who have been fat, and later learned how to correct it seem to completely understand. I was never a big midday eater, so yeah it probably looked strange to my co-workers that I was fat. If they'd have seen me in the mornings and at dinner though, all would have become clear.
Have you ever seen "Secret Eaters"?
A lot of overweight and obese people are themselves completely unaware of how much they're actually eating. They think they're eating way less than their normal weight counterparts. The reality however is that they're actually taking in sometimes double or even triple the calories they think they are and are totally unaware of it.
They also have a tendency to see a normal weight counterpart eat a large meal, and assume that person eats like that all the time. The reality is often much different. The normal weight counterpart eats that one very large meal, and little else that day.
It also doesn't help that most people are completely oblivious to caloric values of food. I eat four meals just while I am at work, and each of these weighs in the neighborhood of 2 lbs. However, given that a pound or more of each is either broccoli, cauliflower, brussel sprouts, or some form of stir-fry veggie mix, and the meat is always chicken breast tenderloin or tuna, it's a lot of volume and weight for not many kcals.1 -
The issue really isnt that complicated. I dont believe for a second all these people that are like "It is for your health" No. why dont you just own the fact that you PREFER your SO be smaller. own it.
I've said that very directly.Gallowmere1984 wrote: »heiliskrimsli wrote: »Gallowmere1984 wrote: »STLBADGIRL wrote: »Gallowmere1984 wrote: »STLBADGIRL wrote: »Christine_72 wrote: »STLBADGIRL wrote: »
Why is being lazy used when we talk about obese people?heiliskrimsli wrote: »I think those of us who are older might react to this whole thread differently than people who are still young.
Getting fat is not an unavoidable part of getting older, and I think you're making assumptions about people's ages that may be very incorrect.I think for better or for worse, in sickness and in health should allow for weight gain. Now if someone ained a ridiculous amount and needed a caretaker, that's a bit different than a 10-70lb gain.
It wouldn't take anywhere close to a 70 lb gain to be a deal breaker for me. BMI goes into overweight? You get a couple of months to fix it. Don't fix it? Goodbye.xmichaelyx wrote: »I'd rather be shallow than unhappy.
I simply will not stay in a relationship where there is no sexual attraction and no sex. People can call me shallow all they want, but I've never heard it from a fit person. It's always from someone who's bitter that I refuse to lower my standards and settle for a lazy, unfit partner who overeats.
I seriously think this is a stereotype and it gets on my nerves. The stereotype I hear all the time is Fat people are lazy and don't care and thin or fit people care too much and are vein - oh and are b!tches.
I just don't like the association, because it's not always true. Ok, carry on.
For me, my weight gain was due to laziness. Both physically AND mentally.
That's your experience though and maybe others. But to assume and generalize that ALL 'fat' people are lazy is not cool or correct. And there are 'some' lazy non obese people.
I have been both. I was fat and lazy at 265, and I was skinny af and lazy at 150; the magic of calorie counting. It wasn't until I decided to eat more and put in work that I actually kinda sorta resemble a human being at my current 169-ish (still a long way to go though) as opposed to an alien or a beach ball at the previous weights.
I have the same experience. I have been fat and lazy and I have been fat and active....lmao. I didn't understand how to lose weight. I would participate in physical activities, bust my butt in the gym and thought I could eat whatever I wanted because I was so active. I was ignorant to how to lose weight, but I wasn't lazy. I was very active.
Also, we had a wellness day at the office. Many of my co workers who are younger than me and and much smaller/thinner than me had high cholesterol, high blood pressure and was borderline diabetic. Me, I had no high blood pressure, no threat of diabetes, and no high blood pressure - I scored badly on my weight for my age. They couldn't believe it, my one coworker said, I eat lunch with you everyday, we normally eat the same things. And then she said, But you work out 100% more than me.
Eventually people will understand that they usually don't see the eating habits that cause the weight problems. It's something that only those of us who have been fat, and later learned how to correct it seem to completely understand. I was never a big midday eater, so yeah it probably looked strange to my co-workers that I was fat. If they'd have seen me in the mornings and at dinner though, all would have become clear.
Have you ever seen "Secret Eaters"?
A lot of overweight and obese people are themselves completely unaware of how much they're actually eating. They think they're eating way less than their normal weight counterparts. The reality however is that they're actually taking in sometimes double or even triple the calories they think they are and are totally unaware of it.
They also have a tendency to see a normal weight counterpart eat a large meal, and assume that person eats like that all the time. The reality is often much different. The normal weight counterpart eats that one very large meal, and little else that day.
It also doesn't help that most people are completely oblivious to caloric values of food. I eat four meals just while I am at work, and each of these weighs in the neighborhood of 2 lbs. However, given that a pound or more of each is either broccoli, cauliflower, brussel sprouts, or some form of stir-fry veggie mix, and the meat is always chicken breast tenderloin or tuna, it's a lot of volume and weight for not many kcals.
I love the cruciferous vegetables, and I eat a lot of them. I go through a few pounds of brussels sprouts a week, generally. I usually just steam them or microwave them, put on some salt and pepper, and go for it.0 -
The flip side is that if the SO asks, in a context where it's an honest question and not fishing for a complement. then an honest answer is obligatory.
Kind, but honest.
"Do these pants make my butt look big?"
I love the way those pants make your butt look.
vs
"I'm having trouble with the stairs lately, do you think I should eat more healthy"
Yes, I've noticed you've put on a little bit of weight, lets sit down and see if we can plan to get more healthy and lose a few pounds.
Context is key.4 -
This makes me think of a neighbor of mine, who was a good weight until a dangerous pregnancy where she was put on a medicine that made her gain weight plus put on bed rest for a long time, which also made her gain weight. The baby was born, and she very quickly and accidentally got pregnant again. She wanted an abortion because of how dangerous and difficult the pregnancy had been, but her husband was horrified by that and very strongly opposed it. She was on bed rest again, and put on the same medicine, and put on even more weight. The baby was born and she was working on taking the weight off but it was going to be a long road at that point, particularly with a baby and young toddler to take care of. Her husband thought she was too fat and dumped her. Yes, I think he's a jerk for that.
I have always been thinner than my husband, and did gain weight due to thyroid problems and pregnancies, but I have most of that back off now. I'm not thinking of myself. I'm remembering my friend. People can gain weight for reasons other than laziness, and people can be jerks for dumping a spouse due to weight gain.21 -
Medicine and bed rest cannot make you gain weight in a vacuum. If you over eat, you gain weight. Pregnancy is also not a reason to gain excessive amounts of weight. Being pregnant does not mean eating for two, either.
There is one reason why people become overweight or obese. That reason is always excessive caloric intake, and it is never something that happens to an adult (absent developmental issues like Downs or Prader-Willi) in a vacuum without the active participation of the person gaining the weight. Nobody gets fat against their own will.5 -
heiliskrimsli wrote: »Medicine and bed rest cannot make you gain weight in a vacuum. If you over eat, you gain weight. Pregnancy is also not a reason to gain excessive amounts of weight. Being pregnant does not mean eating for two, either.
There is one reason why people become overweight or obese. That reason is always excessive caloric intake, and it is never something that happens to an adult (absent developmental issues like Downs or Prader-Willi) in a vacuum without the active participation of the person gaining the weight. Nobody gets fat against their own will.
You sound so dreamy. *swoon*28 -
heiliskrimsli wrote: »Medicine and bed rest cannot make you gain weight in a vacuum. If you over eat, you gain weight. Pregnancy is also not a reason to gain excessive amounts of weight. Being pregnant does not mean eating for two, either.
There is one reason why people become overweight or obese. That reason is always excessive caloric intake, and it is never something that happens to an adult (absent developmental issues like Downs or Prader-Willi) in a vacuum without the active participation of the person gaining the weight. Nobody gets fat against their own will.
Hmmmmmm. Just hmmmmmmmm for this response..... But on the bold part, as harsh as this may seem - it may be valid. And this was a hard realization for myself. It sucks when someone else says it...but it may just may be true if we are keeping it real.3 -
heiliskrimsli wrote: »Medicine and bed rest cannot make you gain weight in a vacuum. If you over eat, you gain weight. Pregnancy is also not a reason to gain excessive amounts of weight. Being pregnant does not mean eating for two, either.
There is one reason why people become overweight or obese. That reason is always excessive caloric intake, and it is never something that happens to an adult (absent developmental issues like Downs or Prader-Willi) in a vacuum without the active participation of the person gaining the weight. Nobody gets fat against their own will.
Are you a doctor?
6
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