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Should your S.O./Spouse have a say so if they feel you are too thin or too large?
Replies
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stellarks1945 wrote: »Thankfully, I am married to a wonderful, Godly man with a biblical perspective on body image/beauty, so his “demands” are nothing more than “take care of your body to the glory of God”.
I know there are some men out there who demand things of their wives that are unattainable or not healthy for them, and to those women I say submit when possible, seek guidance when the demands are sinful. This statement will probably get so much grief, but I like for my husband to maintain good health. That doesn’t mean he can’t have fat on him, doesn’t mean he can’t be on the thinner side; that only means that I want him to be conscious of his health, active, and aware of what he puts into his body. Really, that should be all of our goals. Being unhealthy isn’t something to settle for. If anyone’s husband is asking them to be anything but healthy...rebuking should happen. Not by you as a wife but by good men who can influence him positively and help him to see where beauty really comes from. I take care of myself bc I love my husband. I’m in submission to my husband, my goal in life it to serve him, make his life a little easier, make him happy. I’m his helpmeet and playmate. I don’t think it’d be right for me to just completely let myself go bc that tells my husband I’m lazy. My role in my life and my marriage is to not be lazy while my husband is out busting his butt to provide a good life for us! He deserves to come home to a healthy, joyful, hardworking wife!
@stellarks1945 While some of the things I agree with, others make it seem like you have no individuality outside of your marriage. And I do not like the correlation of fat equating to being lazy. I know some thin looking lazy people.1 -
stellarks1945 wrote: »STLBADGIRL wrote: »stellarks1945 wrote: »Thankfully, I am married to a wonderful, Godly man with a biblical perspective on body image/beauty, so his “demands” are nothing more than “take care of your body to the glory of God”.
I know there are some men out there who demand things of their wives that are unattainable or not healthy for them, and to those women I say submit when possible, seek guidance when the demands are sinful. This statement will probably get so much grief, but I like for my husband to maintain good health. That doesn’t mean he can’t have fat on him, doesn’t mean he can’t be on the thinner side; that only means that I want him to be conscious of his health, active, and aware of what he puts into his body. Really, that should be all of our goals. Being unhealthy isn’t something to settle for. If anyone’s husband is asking them to be anything but healthy...rebuking should happen. Not by you as a wife but by good men who can influence him positively and help him to see where beauty really comes from. I take care of myself bc I love my husband. I’m in submission to my husband, my goal in life it to serve him, make his life a little easier, make him happy. I’m his helpmeet and playmate. I don’t think it’d be right for me to just completely let myself go bc that tells my husband I’m lazy. My role in my life and my marriage is to not be lazy while my husband is out busting his butt to provide a good life for us! He deserves to come home to a healthy, joyful, hardworking wife!
@stellarks1945 While some of the things I agree with, others make it seem like you have no individuality outside of your marriage. And I do not like the correlation of fat equating to being lazy. I know some thin looking lazy people.
Anyone can be lazy. The basic definition of being fat comes down to not burning more calories than you consume. I suppose you could be a hard worker but just eat a TON, thus resulting in fat, but that’s pretty rare.
My views on marriage are solely based off of the Bible and keeping in line with the commands of God when it comes to marriage, and our roles as husbands and wives; I didn’t expect you to agree.
When you say that's rare, is that just a reflection of your personal observations? Because in my observations in the workplace, family, and social groups, I notice many overweight people who are not lazy. I have been overweight and am now not, but my level of industry hasn't really changed. I just now maintain a balance between the energy I'm expending and my calorie intake. I'm not a different person than I was before, just a smaller one.1 -
ConfuseUs say: Men marry women for how they are, then they change. Women marry men for what they can become, then they dont.3
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stellarks1945 wrote: »janejellyroll wrote: »stellarks1945 wrote: »STLBADGIRL wrote: »stellarks1945 wrote: »Thankfully, I am married to a wonderful, Godly man with a biblical perspective on body image/beauty, so his “demands” are nothing more than “take care of your body to the glory of God”.
I know there are some men out there who demand things of their wives that are unattainable or not healthy for them, and to those women I say submit when possible, seek guidance when the demands are sinful. This statement will probably get so much grief, but I like for my husband to maintain good health. That doesn’t mean he can’t have fat on him, doesn’t mean he can’t be on the thinner side; that only means that I want him to be conscious of his health, active, and aware of what he puts into his body. Really, that should be all of our goals. Being unhealthy isn’t something to settle for. If anyone’s husband is asking them to be anything but healthy...rebuking should happen. Not by you as a wife but by good men who can influence him positively and help him to see where beauty really comes from. I take care of myself bc I love my husband. I’m in submission to my husband, my goal in life it to serve him, make his life a little easier, make him happy. I’m his helpmeet and playmate. I don’t think it’d be right for me to just completely let myself go bc that tells my husband I’m lazy. My role in my life and my marriage is to not be lazy while my husband is out busting his butt to provide a good life for us! He deserves to come home to a healthy, joyful, hardworking wife!
@stellarks1945 While some of the things I agree with, others make it seem like you have no individuality outside of your marriage. And I do not like the correlation of fat equating to being lazy. I know some thin looking lazy people.
Anyone can be lazy. The basic definition of being fat comes down to not burning more calories than you consume. I suppose you could be a hard worker but just eat a TON, thus resulting in fat, but that’s pretty rare.
My views on marriage are solely based off of the Bible and keeping in line with the commands of God when it comes to marriage, and our roles as husbands and wives; I didn’t expect you to agree.
When you say that's rare, is that just a reflection of your personal observations? Because in my observations in the workplace, family, and social groups, I notice many overweight people who are not lazy. I have been overweight and am now not, but my level of industry hasn't really changed. I just now maintain a balance between the energy I'm expending and my calorie intake. I'm not a different person than I was before, just a smaller one.
Totally a reflection of my personal observations. I’m speaking out of opinion, not fact. I know there are many times where “fat” people are not lazy BUT I would think if you’re burning more calories than you’re consuming, you are not going to be fat. I grew up in a family of hard working blue collared people who were always outside working, busting their guts. So the definition of laziness to me is most likely much different than that of most. I know equating fat to lazy is something that is a no no to some people, but a lot of times, (not always) if you’re fat, you have been lazy. I’ve been fat, I’ve also been lazy. I’ve been skinny, also been lazy. Lol!
If you're burning more calories than you're consuming consistently, then you won't be fat. But one can work quite hard and still consume more energy than their body is using. All obesity requires is to consume *more* than you're using -- the amount of energy you're using can still be quite high. And this is on top of the fact that there are many types of industrious behavior that don't require physical work at all -- someone can be very high achieving in school, work, or family life without necessarily expending a lot of physical energy.
If you're working from a idiosyncratic definition of "laziness" it may be difficult for me to fully understand what you're saying, but if you're saying that your definition just comes from your origin in a family of hard-working people, I don't know if that's so unusual. For my personal experience, I have some hard workers in my family and I've spent a good portion of my career in warehouses, where there are many people who work quite hard. Some of them were overweight. Some of the hardest working nurses I know are overweight as well. Most of us probably know some overweight parents too and I consider (good) parenting to be something it's impossible to do while indulging laziness. Just keeping up with young children is a huge amount of work.3 -
stellarks1945 wrote: »STLBADGIRL wrote: »stellarks1945 wrote: »Thankfully, I am married to a wonderful, Godly man with a biblical perspective on body image/beauty, so his “demands” are nothing more than “take care of your body to the glory of God”.
I know there are some men out there who demand things of their wives that are unattainable or not healthy for them, and to those women I say submit when possible, seek guidance when the demands are sinful. This statement will probably get so much grief, but I like for my husband to maintain good health. That doesn’t mean he can’t have fat on him, doesn’t mean he can’t be on the thinner side; that only means that I want him to be conscious of his health, active, and aware of what he puts into his body. Really, that should be all of our goals. Being unhealthy isn’t something to settle for. If anyone’s husband is asking them to be anything but healthy...rebuking should happen. Not by you as a wife but by good men who can influence him positively and help him to see where beauty really comes from. I take care of myself bc I love my husband. I’m in submission to my husband, my goal in life it to serve him, make his life a little easier, make him happy. I’m his helpmeet and playmate. I don’t think it’d be right for me to just completely let myself go bc that tells my husband I’m lazy. My role in my life and my marriage is to not be lazy while my husband is out busting his butt to provide a good life for us! He deserves to come home to a healthy, joyful, hardworking wife!
@stellarks1945 While some of the things I agree with, others make it seem like you have no individuality outside of your marriage. And I do not like the correlation of fat equating to being lazy. I know some thin looking lazy people.
Anyone can be lazy. The basic definition of being fat comes down to not burning more calories than you consume. I suppose you could be a hard worker but just eat a TON, thus resulting in fat, but that’s pretty rare.
My views on marriage are solely based off of the Bible and keeping in line with the commands of God when it comes to marriage, and our roles as husbands and wives; I didn’t expect you to agree.
Regardless of the "basic definition of being fat" definition. There are a lot of thin or skinny fat people that eat at a calorie deficit alone because they are too lazy to exercise or challenge their body. As far as your marriage, if it works for you - that's fine and hoo ray for you! I just stated that it seems like there is no individuality in what you described.0 -
ConfuseUs say: Men marry women for how they are, then they change. Women marry men for what they can become, then they dont.
@HRODERICK or Men marry when they DECIDE they want a wife. And women marry when they fall in LOVE.0 -
stellarks1945 wrote: »janejellyroll wrote: »stellarks1945 wrote: »STLBADGIRL wrote: »stellarks1945 wrote: »Thankfully, I am married to a wonderful, Godly man with a biblical perspective on body image/beauty, so his “demands” are nothing more than “take care of your body to the glory of God”.
I know there are some men out there who demand things of their wives that are unattainable or not healthy for them, and to those women I say submit when possible, seek guidance when the demands are sinful. This statement will probably get so much grief, but I like for my husband to maintain good health. That doesn’t mean he can’t have fat on him, doesn’t mean he can’t be on the thinner side; that only means that I want him to be conscious of his health, active, and aware of what he puts into his body. Really, that should be all of our goals. Being unhealthy isn’t something to settle for. If anyone’s husband is asking them to be anything but healthy...rebuking should happen. Not by you as a wife but by good men who can influence him positively and help him to see where beauty really comes from. I take care of myself bc I love my husband. I’m in submission to my husband, my goal in life it to serve him, make his life a little easier, make him happy. I’m his helpmeet and playmate. I don’t think it’d be right for me to just completely let myself go bc that tells my husband I’m lazy. My role in my life and my marriage is to not be lazy while my husband is out busting his butt to provide a good life for us! He deserves to come home to a healthy, joyful, hardworking wife!
@stellarks1945 While some of the things I agree with, others make it seem like you have no individuality outside of your marriage. And I do not like the correlation of fat equating to being lazy. I know some thin looking lazy people.
Anyone can be lazy. The basic definition of being fat comes down to not burning more calories than you consume. I suppose you could be a hard worker but just eat a TON, thus resulting in fat, but that’s pretty rare.
My views on marriage are solely based off of the Bible and keeping in line with the commands of God when it comes to marriage, and our roles as husbands and wives; I didn’t expect you to agree.
When you say that's rare, is that just a reflection of your personal observations? Because in my observations in the workplace, family, and social groups, I notice many overweight people who are not lazy. I have been overweight and am now not, but my level of industry hasn't really changed. I just now maintain a balance between the energy I'm expending and my calorie intake. I'm not a different person than I was before, just a smaller one.
Totally a reflection of my personal observations. I’m speaking out of opinion, not fact. I know there are many times where “fat” people are not lazy BUT I would think if you’re burning more calories than you’re consuming, you are not going to be fat. I grew up in a family of hard working blue collared people who were always outside working, busting their guts. So the definition of laziness to me is most likely much different than that of most. I know equating fat to lazy is something that is a no no to some people, but a lot of times, (not always) if you’re fat, you have been lazy. I’ve been fat, I’ve also been lazy. I’ve been skinny, also been lazy. Lol!
it is extremely easy to eat more calories than you burn. if it weren't, we wouldn't be here.
i run half marathons, teach aerial yoga, play on aerial hoop, walk and train my dogs and am still fat
judge someplace else please11 -
stellarks1945 wrote: »janejellyroll wrote: »stellarks1945 wrote: »janejellyroll wrote: »stellarks1945 wrote: »STLBADGIRL wrote: »stellarks1945 wrote: »Thankfully, I am married to a wonderful, Godly man with a biblical perspective on body image/beauty, so his “demands” are nothing more than “take care of your body to the glory of God”.
I know there are some men out there who demand things of their wives that are unattainable or not healthy for them, and to those women I say submit when possible, seek guidance when the demands are sinful. This statement will probably get so much grief, but I like for my husband to maintain good health. That doesn’t mean he can’t have fat on him, doesn’t mean he can’t be on the thinner side; that only means that I want him to be conscious of his health, active, and aware of what he puts into his body. Really, that should be all of our goals. Being unhealthy isn’t something to settle for. If anyone’s husband is asking them to be anything but healthy...rebuking should happen. Not by you as a wife but by good men who can influence him positively and help him to see where beauty really comes from. I take care of myself bc I love my husband. I’m in submission to my husband, my goal in life it to serve him, make his life a little easier, make him happy. I’m his helpmeet and playmate. I don’t think it’d be right for me to just completely let myself go bc that tells my husband I’m lazy. My role in my life and my marriage is to not be lazy while my husband is out busting his butt to provide a good life for us! He deserves to come home to a healthy, joyful, hardworking wife!
@stellarks1945 While some of the things I agree with, others make it seem like you have no individuality outside of your marriage. And I do not like the correlation of fat equating to being lazy. I know some thin looking lazy people.
Anyone can be lazy. The basic definition of being fat comes down to not burning more calories than you consume. I suppose you could be a hard worker but just eat a TON, thus resulting in fat, but that’s pretty rare.
My views on marriage are solely based off of the Bible and keeping in line with the commands of God when it comes to marriage, and our roles as husbands and wives; I didn’t expect you to agree.
When you say that's rare, is that just a reflection of your personal observations? Because in my observations in the workplace, family, and social groups, I notice many overweight people who are not lazy. I have been overweight and am now not, but my level of industry hasn't really changed. I just now maintain a balance between the energy I'm expending and my calorie intake. I'm not a different person than I was before, just a smaller one.
Totally a reflection of my personal observations. I’m speaking out of opinion, not fact. I know there are many times where “fat” people are not lazy BUT I would think if you’re burning more calories than you’re consuming, you are not going to be fat. I grew up in a family of hard working blue collared people who were always outside working, busting their guts. So the definition of laziness to me is most likely much different than that of most. I know equating fat to lazy is something that is a no no to some people, but a lot of times, (not always) if you’re fat, you have been lazy. I’ve been fat, I’ve also been lazy. I’ve been skinny, also been lazy. Lol!
If you're burning more calories than you're consuming consistently, then you won't be fat. But one can work quite hard and still consume more energy than their body is using. All obesity requires is to consume *more* than you're using -- the amount of energy you're using can still be quite high. And this is on top of the fact that there are many types of industrious behavior that don't require physical work at all -- someone can be very high achieving in school, work, or family life without necessarily expending a lot of physical energy.
If you're working from a idiosyncratic definition of "laziness" it may be difficult for me to fully understand what you're saying, but if you're saying that your definition just comes from your origin in a family of hard-working people, I don't know if that's so unusual. For my personal experience, I have some hard workers in my family and I've spent a good portion of my career in warehouses, where there are many people who work quite hard. Some of them were overweight. Some of the hardest working nurses I know are overweight as well. Most of us probably know some overweight parents too and I consider (good) parenting to be something it's impossible to do while indulging laziness. Just keeping up with young children is a huge amount of work.
I think our definition of “work” in this conversation may be different. I think of “hard work” as very physically demanding labor. 14 hour non stop work days, lifting, tugging, pulling, nailing, building, hand plowing, etc. sweating and almost dying. Lol!
yes,mental work is a thing, and it’s exhausting. I don’t know how many calories it burns though.
My thinking of work is solely based off of my up bringing, thus, my understanding of laziness is most likely biased.
And I think all parents struggle with laziness, but I believe laziness is part of our sin nature. I can definitely be lazy but still take care of our kids, we have 4. I was always taught to be a Titus 2 woman. But yes, I definitely see where you’re coming from and respect your opinion
So if someone was a high achieving teacher or pastor or software programmer or mother, they wouldn't meet your definition of "hard worker"? I can understand where you're coming from, but I don't agree.
I'm not arguing that mental work burns a lot of calories, I'm arguing that someone who consistently works hard, whether mentally or physically, would fall into the "non-lazy" category for me.
I appreciate you taking the time to clarify what it means to you. I still think that one could work quite hard, in the physical sense that you mean, and still wind up consuming more calories than they are burning. I burn about 2,200 calories a day and so regularly consuming 2,500 would result in me gaining weight. But if my job was a physical one and I needed 3,500 calories a day, I could still gain weight if I increased the amount that I ate. In fact, for people with some physical jobs, increased hunger is an issue and it can make it difficult to maintain their weight.4 -
stellarks1945 wrote: »janejellyroll wrote: »stellarks1945 wrote: »janejellyroll wrote: »stellarks1945 wrote: »janejellyroll wrote: »stellarks1945 wrote: »STLBADGIRL wrote: »stellarks1945 wrote: »Thankfully, I am married to a wonderful, Godly man with a biblical perspective on body image/beauty, so his “demands” are nothing more than “take care of your body to the glory of God”.
I know there are some men out there who demand things of their wives that are unattainable or not healthy for them, and to those women I say submit when possible, seek guidance when the demands are sinful. This statement will probably get so much grief, but I like for my husband to maintain good health. That doesn’t mean he can’t have fat on him, doesn’t mean he can’t be on the thinner side; that only means that I want him to be conscious of his health, active, and aware of what he puts into his body. Really, that should be all of our goals. Being unhealthy isn’t something to settle for. If anyone’s husband is asking them to be anything but healthy...rebuking should happen. Not by you as a wife but by good men who can influence him positively and help him to see where beauty really comes from. I take care of myself bc I love my husband. I’m in submission to my husband, my goal in life it to serve him, make his life a little easier, make him happy. I’m his helpmeet and playmate. I don’t think it’d be right for me to just completely let myself go bc that tells my husband I’m lazy. My role in my life and my marriage is to not be lazy while my husband is out busting his butt to provide a good life for us! He deserves to come home to a healthy, joyful, hardworking wife!
@stellarks1945 While some of the things I agree with, others make it seem like you have no individuality outside of your marriage. And I do not like the correlation of fat equating to being lazy. I know some thin looking lazy people.
Anyone can be lazy. The basic definition of being fat comes down to not burning more calories than you consume. I suppose you could be a hard worker but just eat a TON, thus resulting in fat, but that’s pretty rare.
My views on marriage are solely based off of the Bible and keeping in line with the commands of God when it comes to marriage, and our roles as husbands and wives; I didn’t expect you to agree.
When you say that's rare, is that just a reflection of your personal observations? Because in my observations in the workplace, family, and social groups, I notice many overweight people who are not lazy. I have been overweight and am now not, but my level of industry hasn't really changed. I just now maintain a balance between the energy I'm expending and my calorie intake. I'm not a different person than I was before, just a smaller one.
Totally a reflection of my personal observations. I’m speaking out of opinion, not fact. I know there are many times where “fat” people are not lazy BUT I would think if you’re burning more calories than you’re consuming, you are not going to be fat. I grew up in a family of hard working blue collared people who were always outside working, busting their guts. So the definition of laziness to me is most likely much different than that of most. I know equating fat to lazy is something that is a no no to some people, but a lot of times, (not always) if you’re fat, you have been lazy. I’ve been fat, I’ve also been lazy. I’ve been skinny, also been lazy. Lol!
If you're burning more calories than you're consuming consistently, then you won't be fat. But one can work quite hard and still consume more energy than their body is using. All obesity requires is to consume *more* than you're using -- the amount of energy you're using can still be quite high. And this is on top of the fact that there are many types of industrious behavior that don't require physical work at all -- someone can be very high achieving in school, work, or family life without necessarily expending a lot of physical energy.
If you're working from a idiosyncratic definition of "laziness" it may be difficult for me to fully understand what you're saying, but if you're saying that your definition just comes from your origin in a family of hard-working people, I don't know if that's so unusual. For my personal experience, I have some hard workers in my family and I've spent a good portion of my career in warehouses, where there are many people who work quite hard. Some of them were overweight. Some of the hardest working nurses I know are overweight as well. Most of us probably know some overweight parents too and I consider (good) parenting to be something it's impossible to do while indulging laziness. Just keeping up with young children is a huge amount of work.
I think our definition of “work” in this conversation may be different. I think of “hard work” as very physically demanding labor. 14 hour non stop work days, lifting, tugging, pulling, nailing, building, hand plowing, etc. sweating and almost dying. Lol!
yes,mental work is a thing, and it’s exhausting. I don’t know how many calories it burns though.
My thinking of work is solely based off of my up bringing, thus, my understanding of laziness is most likely biased.
And I think all parents struggle with laziness, but I believe laziness is part of our sin nature. I can definitely be lazy but still take care of our kids, we have 4. I was always taught to be a Titus 2 woman. But yes, I definitely see where you’re coming from and respect your opinion
So if someone was a high achieving teacher or pastor or software programmer or mother, they wouldn't meet your definition of "hard worker"? I can understand where you're coming from, but I don't agree.
I'm not arguing that mental work burns a lot of calories, I'm arguing that someone who consistently works hard, whether mentally or physically, would fall into the "non-lazy" category for me.
I appreciate you taking the time to clarify what it means to you. I still think that one could work quite hard, in the physical sense that you mean, and still wind up consuming more calories than they are burning. I burn about 2,200 calories a day and so regularly consuming 2,500 would result in me gaining weight. But if my job was a physical one and I needed 3,500 calories a day, I could still gain weight if I increased the amount that I ate. In fact, for people with some physical jobs, increased hunger is an issue and it can make it difficult to maintain their weight.
Of course they are hard workers, just not in physically demanding jobs that are more likely to make you lose weight. A lot of the jobs you just mentioned can have very sedentary phases, which could lead to weight gain. I was just describing what I consider “hard work” physically.
So if one can be a hard worker without necessarily engaging in physical labor, does this make you reconsider your position that it would be rare for a non-lazy person to be fat?
I see two ways in which a non-lazy person could be overweight.
1. One could work hard physically and have high calorie needs, but still consume more than that. A physically demanding job doesn't make one more likely to lose weight -- it simply increases the number of calories one burns. The option to consume more is always up to the individual.
2. One could be quite a hard worker, in a non-physical sense, and have lower calorie needs and wind up consuming more than they need.
Given that most of us live in environments where food is abundant and often very tasty, it's easy to see both situations play out.
Your personal experience with your family isn't really relevant if we're now acknowledging that all types of work matter when it comes to evaluating whether someone is lazy.0 -
stellarks1945 wrote: »stellarks1945 wrote: »janejellyroll wrote: »stellarks1945 wrote: »STLBADGIRL wrote: »stellarks1945 wrote: »Thankfully, I am married to a wonderful, Godly man with a biblical perspective on body image/beauty, so his “demands” are nothing more than “take care of your body to the glory of God”.
I know there are some men out there who demand things of their wives that are unattainable or not healthy for them, and to those women I say submit when possible, seek guidance when the demands are sinful. This statement will probably get so much grief, but I like for my husband to maintain good health. That doesn’t mean he can’t have fat on him, doesn’t mean he can’t be on the thinner side; that only means that I want him to be conscious of his health, active, and aware of what he puts into his body. Really, that should be all of our goals. Being unhealthy isn’t something to settle for. If anyone’s husband is asking them to be anything but healthy...rebuking should happen. Not by you as a wife but by good men who can influence him positively and help him to see where beauty really comes from. I take care of myself bc I love my husband. I’m in submission to my husband, my goal in life it to serve him, make his life a little easier, make him happy. I’m his helpmeet and playmate. I don’t think it’d be right for me to just completely let myself go bc that tells my husband I’m lazy. My role in my life and my marriage is to not be lazy while my husband is out busting his butt to provide a good life for us! He deserves to come home to a healthy, joyful, hardworking wife!
@stellarks1945 While some of the things I agree with, others make it seem like you have no individuality outside of your marriage. And I do not like the correlation of fat equating to being lazy. I know some thin looking lazy people.
Anyone can be lazy. The basic definition of being fat comes down to not burning more calories than you consume. I suppose you could be a hard worker but just eat a TON, thus resulting in fat, but that’s pretty rare.
My views on marriage are solely based off of the Bible and keeping in line with the commands of God when it comes to marriage, and our roles as husbands and wives; I didn’t expect you to agree.
When you say that's rare, is that just a reflection of your personal observations? Because in my observations in the workplace, family, and social groups, I notice many overweight people who are not lazy. I have been overweight and am now not, but my level of industry hasn't really changed. I just now maintain a balance between the energy I'm expending and my calorie intake. I'm not a different person than I was before, just a smaller one.
Totally a reflection of my personal observations. I’m speaking out of opinion, not fact. I know there are many times where “fat” people are not lazy BUT I would think if you’re burning more calories than you’re consuming, you are not going to be fat. I grew up in a family of hard working blue collared people who were always outside working, busting their guts. So the definition of laziness to me is most likely much different than that of most. I know equating fat to lazy is something that is a no no to some people, but a lot of times, (not always) if you’re fat, you have been lazy. I’ve been fat, I’ve also been lazy. I’ve been skinny, also been lazy. Lol!
it is extremely easy to eat more calories than you burn. if it weren't, we wouldn't be here.
i run half marathons, teach aerial yoga, play on aerial hoop, walk and train my dogs and am still fat
judge someplace else please
I should also add, me having an opinion is not me being judge mental. You have opinions as well. I’m sure you have opinions on guns, the lgbt community, atheists, Christians, homeschooling, etc. opinions don’t make you judge mental, they just make you different, and that’s okay.
I never said it was a horrible thing to be fat, I never said lazy people are bad people, or that hard mental work is any less valuable than physically demanding work; I was speaking only of being overweight and the level of physical activity. Physical activity helps you not to be overweight. That cannot be argued, you’d be arguing science. Typically, very overweight people (500lbs+) have gotten that way by living a sedentary lifestyle, and statistics would prove it.
Do you think that laziness and industry are of equal value? Do you think that being fat and being normal weight are equivalent states, both equally acceptable choices?
Physical activity doesn't help you lose weight. It's neutral for weight loss -- it's only going to result in weight management if the appropriate number of calories are consumed. Many people engage in physical activity and maintain their weight or even gain weight (for example, if their hunger increase and they wind up consuming more than they need -- it's really common during marathon training).
Shifting the discussion to 500+ pound people seems to be moving the goal posts. We were previously just talking about overweight people, right? If your position is only meant to apply to those who weigh 500+ or more, that wasn't clear from your previous posts.0 -
stellarks1945 wrote: »We switched from definition of laziness to my definition of “hard work” without making the line smooth.
Let’s use my husband for an example:
He goes to work at 4am, works until 8 pm. He builds bridges, so his job is to lift, hammer, run supplies up and down the bank, etc.
He literally cannot eatenough calories to gain weight, we’ve tried.
I feel like we're flipping back and forth between laziness and hard work and it's difficult for me to keep track of exactly what you're referring to (the problem may be with me, not trying to attribute it to you).
Can we agree that all types of work --physical and mental -- could serve to identify someone as non-lazy and that someone who translates books or does brain surgery for a living may be a hard worker, just not necessarily in the physical sense?
Do you happen to know your husband's TDEE? If Michael Phelps can fuel 10,000 calorie training days, I imagine there is a way for just about anyone to gain weight.1 -
stellarks1945 wrote: »Yes, I wasn’t clear on anything. I assumed people would know what I was thinking while typing. Apologies.
To clear it all up:
“Fat” to me, is being MORBIDLY OBESE. having trouble walking, getting out of bed, etc. as I stated, there is a difference between being fat, and having fat.
Laziness is doing no activity.
Hard work is working hard at whatever you do.
Physically hard work is physically demanding labor.
Take my husband for example: he goes to work at 4am, works until 8pm. He builds bridges, so his job is to carry, lay, hammer, tear apart, run up and down the bank for supplies, etc. it is not possible for him to consume enough calories to gain weight bc he is constantly burning so much. (He has tried gaining weight)
If every person did work that physically demanding, I do believe there would be less of a problem with obesity.
Thank you for taking the time to clarify what you mean, but I still feel like definitions are changing rapidly here. You initially wrote "The basic definition of being fat comes down to not burning more calories than you consume." Now we've got a whole new definition and your comments are only applying to those who are morbidly obese?
When you wrote above that you've been fat, did you mean that you have been morbidly obese? Or in the sense that you've had fat?
1 -
stellarks1945 wrote: »janejellyroll wrote: »stellarks1945 wrote: »stellarks1945 wrote: »janejellyroll wrote: »stellarks1945 wrote: »STLBADGIRL wrote: »stellarks1945 wrote: »Thankfully, I am married to a wonderful, Godly man with a biblical perspective on body image/beauty, so his “demands” are nothing more than “take care of your body to the glory of God”.
I know there are some men out there who demand things of their wives that are unattainable or not healthy for them, and to those women I say submit when possible, seek guidance when the demands are sinful. This statement will probably get so much grief, but I like for my husband to maintain good health. That doesn’t mean he can’t have fat on him, doesn’t mean he can’t be on the thinner side; that only means that I want him to be conscious of his health, active, and aware of what he puts into his body. Really, that should be all of our goals. Being unhealthy isn’t something to settle for. If anyone’s husband is asking them to be anything but healthy...rebuking should happen. Not by you as a wife but by good men who can influence him positively and help him to see where beauty really comes from. I take care of myself bc I love my husband. I’m in submission to my husband, my goal in life it to serve him, make his life a little easier, make him happy. I’m his helpmeet and playmate. I don’t think it’d be right for me to just completely let myself go bc that tells my husband I’m lazy. My role in my life and my marriage is to not be lazy while my husband is out busting his butt to provide a good life for us! He deserves to come home to a healthy, joyful, hardworking wife!
@stellarks1945 While some of the things I agree with, others make it seem like you have no individuality outside of your marriage. And I do not like the correlation of fat equating to being lazy. I know some thin looking lazy people.
Anyone can be lazy. The basic definition of being fat comes down to not burning more calories than you consume. I suppose you could be a hard worker but just eat a TON, thus resulting in fat, but that’s pretty rare.
My views on marriage are solely based off of the Bible and keeping in line with the commands of God when it comes to marriage, and our roles as husbands and wives; I didn’t expect you to agree.
When you say that's rare, is that just a reflection of your personal observations? Because in my observations in the workplace, family, and social groups, I notice many overweight people who are not lazy. I have been overweight and am now not, but my level of industry hasn't really changed. I just now maintain a balance between the energy I'm expending and my calorie intake. I'm not a different person than I was before, just a smaller one.
Totally a reflection of my personal observations. I’m speaking out of opinion, not fact. I know there are many times where “fat” people are not lazy BUT I would think if you’re burning more calories than you’re consuming, you are not going to be fat. I grew up in a family of hard working blue collared people who were always outside working, busting their guts. So the definition of laziness to me is most likely much different than that of most. I know equating fat to lazy is something that is a no no to some people, but a lot of times, (not always) if you’re fat, you have been lazy. I’ve been fat, I’ve also been lazy. I’ve been skinny, also been lazy. Lol!
it is extremely easy to eat more calories than you burn. if it weren't, we wouldn't be here.
i run half marathons, teach aerial yoga, play on aerial hoop, walk and train my dogs and am still fat
judge someplace else please
I should also add, me having an opinion is not me being judge mental. You have opinions as well. I’m sure you have opinions on guns, the lgbt community, atheists, Christians, homeschooling, etc. opinions don’t make you judge mental, they just make you different, and that’s okay.
I never said it was a horrible thing to be fat, I never said lazy people are bad people, or that hard mental work is any less valuable than physically demanding work; I was speaking only of being overweight and the level of physical activity. Physical activity helps you not to be overweight. That cannot be argued, you’d be arguing science. Typically, very overweight people (500lbs+) have gotten that way by living a sedentary lifestyle, and statistics would prove it.
Do you think that laziness and industry are of equal value? Do you think that being fat and being normal weight are equivalent states, both equally acceptable choices?
Physical activity doesn't help you lose weight. It's neutral for weight loss -- it's only going to result in weight management if the appropriate number of calories are consumed. Many people engage in physical activity and maintain their weight or even gain weight (for example, if their hunger increase and they wind up consuming more than they need -- it's really common during marathon training).
Shifting the discussion to 500+ pound people seems to be moving the goal posts. We were previously just talking about overweight people, right? If your position is only meant to apply to those who weigh 500+ or more, that wasn't clear from your previous posts.
Absolutely. I’m a Christian, and there is nothing sinful alone about being fat. In fact, Gods word emphasizes the need to recognize inner beauty and not fall into the sin of vanity. Gluttony is a sin, if you’re fat bc you’re over eating to the point you’re throwing up and eating again, then I can say based off of Gods word, that’s wrong. I say that because the Bible is my ultimate authority.
God looks at the condition of our hearts, nothing more, nothing less.
If they're of the same value, why would you say your husband "deserves" for you not to be fat?0 -
stellarks1945 wrote: »Based off of his preference, he prefers me not to be fat strictly out of concern for my physical well being. He shouldn’t have to worry about me having a heart attack or not being able to play with our children.
Let me see if I'm understanding: It's his preference that is the important part and if he didn't have this preference, then your weight would be a non-issue in your marriage. He doesn't deserve for you to be within a particular weight range because it is objectively better, it's that he deserves to have his preference honored when it comes to your weight and this happens to be his preference. A different man could have a completely different weight range as his preference and that would be what he deserves from his wife?
If I've misunderstood, please let me know.0 -
janejellyroll wrote: »stellarks1945 wrote: »stellarks1945 wrote: »janejellyroll wrote: »stellarks1945 wrote: »STLBADGIRL wrote: »stellarks1945 wrote: »Thankfully, I am married to a wonderful, Godly man with a biblical perspective on body image/beauty, so his “demands” are nothing more than “take care of your body to the glory of God”.
I know there are some men out there who demand things of their wives that are unattainable or not healthy for them, and to those women I say submit when possible, seek guidance when the demands are sinful. This statement will probably get so much grief, but I like for my husband to maintain good health. That doesn’t mean he can’t have fat on him, doesn’t mean he can’t be on the thinner side; that only means that I want him to be conscious of his health, active, and aware of what he puts into his body. Really, that should be all of our goals. Being unhealthy isn’t something to settle for. If anyone’s husband is asking them to be anything but healthy...rebuking should happen. Not by you as a wife but by good men who can influence him positively and help him to see where beauty really comes from. I take care of myself bc I love my husband. I’m in submission to my husband, my goal in life it to serve him, make his life a little easier, make him happy. I’m his helpmeet and playmate. I don’t think it’d be right for me to just completely let myself go bc that tells my husband I’m lazy. My role in my life and my marriage is to not be lazy while my husband is out busting his butt to provide a good life for us! He deserves to come home to a healthy, joyful, hardworking wife!
@stellarks1945 While some of the things I agree with, others make it seem like you have no individuality outside of your marriage. And I do not like the correlation of fat equating to being lazy. I know some thin looking lazy people.
Anyone can be lazy. The basic definition of being fat comes down to not burning more calories than you consume. I suppose you could be a hard worker but just eat a TON, thus resulting in fat, but that’s pretty rare.
My views on marriage are solely based off of the Bible and keeping in line with the commands of God when it comes to marriage, and our roles as husbands and wives; I didn’t expect you to agree.
When you say that's rare, is that just a reflection of your personal observations? Because in my observations in the workplace, family, and social groups, I notice many overweight people who are not lazy. I have been overweight and am now not, but my level of industry hasn't really changed. I just now maintain a balance between the energy I'm expending and my calorie intake. I'm not a different person than I was before, just a smaller one.
Totally a reflection of my personal observations. I’m speaking out of opinion, not fact. I know there are many times where “fat” people are not lazy BUT I would think if you’re burning more calories than you’re consuming, you are not going to be fat. I grew up in a family of hard working blue collared people who were always outside working, busting their guts. So the definition of laziness to me is most likely much different than that of most. I know equating fat to lazy is something that is a no no to some people, but a lot of times, (not always) if you’re fat, you have been lazy. I’ve been fat, I’ve also been lazy. I’ve been skinny, also been lazy. Lol!
it is extremely easy to eat more calories than you burn. if it weren't, we wouldn't be here.
i run half marathons, teach aerial yoga, play on aerial hoop, walk and train my dogs and am still fat
judge someplace else please
I should also add, me having an opinion is not me being judge mental. You have opinions as well. I’m sure you have opinions on guns, the lgbt community, atheists, Christians, homeschooling, etc. opinions don’t make you judge mental, they just make you different, and that’s okay.
I never said it was a horrible thing to be fat, I never said lazy people are bad people, or that hard mental work is any less valuable than physically demanding work; I was speaking only of being overweight and the level of physical activity. Physical activity helps you not to be overweight. That cannot be argued, you’d be arguing science. Typically, very overweight people (500lbs+) have gotten that way by living a sedentary lifestyle, and statistics would prove it.
Do you think that laziness and industry are of equal value? Do you think that being fat and being normal weight are equivalent states, both equally acceptable choices?
Physical activity doesn't help you lose weight. It's neutral for weight loss -- it's only going to result in weight management if the appropriate number of calories are consumed. Many people engage in physical activity and maintain their weight or even gain weight (for example, if their hunger increase and they wind up consuming more than they need -- it's really common during marathon training).
Shifting the discussion to 500+ pound people seems to be moving the goal posts. We were previously just talking about overweight people, right? If your position is only meant to apply to those who weigh 500+ or more, that wasn't clear from your previous posts.
I agree with what you are saying whole heatedly. I also wasn't clear on her definition of fat or that she was referring to people that were 500+ pounds.1 -
stellarks1945 wrote: »stellarks1945 wrote: »janejellyroll wrote: »stellarks1945 wrote: »STLBADGIRL wrote: »stellarks1945 wrote: »Thankfully, I am married to a wonderful, Godly man with a biblical perspective on body image/beauty, so his “demands” are nothing more than “take care of your body to the glory of God”.
I know there are some men out there who demand things of their wives that are unattainable or not healthy for them, and to those women I say submit when possible, seek guidance when the demands are sinful. This statement will probably get so much grief, but I like for my husband to maintain good health. That doesn’t mean he can’t have fat on him, doesn’t mean he can’t be on the thinner side; that only means that I want him to be conscious of his health, active, and aware of what he puts into his body. Really, that should be all of our goals. Being unhealthy isn’t something to settle for. If anyone’s husband is asking them to be anything but healthy...rebuking should happen. Not by you as a wife but by good men who can influence him positively and help him to see where beauty really comes from. I take care of myself bc I love my husband. I’m in submission to my husband, my goal in life it to serve him, make his life a little easier, make him happy. I’m his helpmeet and playmate. I don’t think it’d be right for me to just completely let myself go bc that tells my husband I’m lazy. My role in my life and my marriage is to not be lazy while my husband is out busting his butt to provide a good life for us! He deserves to come home to a healthy, joyful, hardworking wife!
@stellarks1945 While some of the things I agree with, others make it seem like you have no individuality outside of your marriage. And I do not like the correlation of fat equating to being lazy. I know some thin looking lazy people.
Anyone can be lazy. The basic definition of being fat comes down to not burning more calories than you consume. I suppose you could be a hard worker but just eat a TON, thus resulting in fat, but that’s pretty rare.
My views on marriage are solely based off of the Bible and keeping in line with the commands of God when it comes to marriage, and our roles as husbands and wives; I didn’t expect you to agree.
When you say that's rare, is that just a reflection of your personal observations? Because in my observations in the workplace, family, and social groups, I notice many overweight people who are not lazy. I have been overweight and am now not, but my level of industry hasn't really changed. I just now maintain a balance between the energy I'm expending and my calorie intake. I'm not a different person than I was before, just a smaller one.
Totally a reflection of my personal observations. I’m speaking out of opinion, not fact. I know there are many times where “fat” people are not lazy BUT I would think if you’re burning more calories than you’re consuming, you are not going to be fat. I grew up in a family of hard working blue collared people who were always outside working, busting their guts. So the definition of laziness to me is most likely much different than that of most. I know equating fat to lazy is something that is a no no to some people, but a lot of times, (not always) if you’re fat, you have been lazy. I’ve been fat, I’ve also been lazy. I’ve been skinny, also been lazy. Lol!
it is extremely easy to eat more calories than you burn. if it weren't, we wouldn't be here.
i run half marathons, teach aerial yoga, play on aerial hoop, walk and train my dogs and am still fat
judge someplace else please
I should also add, me having an opinion is not me being judge mental. You have opinions as well. I’m sure you have opinions on guns, the lgbt community, atheists, Christians, homeschooling, etc. opinions don’t make you judge mental, they just make you different, and that’s okay.
I never said it was a horrible thing to be fat, I never said lazy people are bad people, or that hard mental work is any less valuable than physically demanding work; I was speaking only of being overweight and the level of physical activity. Physical activity helps you not to be overweight. That cannot be argued, you’d be arguing science. Typically, very overweight people (500lbs+) have gotten that way by living a sedentary lifestyle, and statistics would prove it.
opinions can be wrong
you don't know what medical conditions people have
judge not
and yes, medically, i am fat.1 -
stellarks1945 wrote: »
Of course they are hard workers, just not in physically demanding jobs that are more likely to make you lose weight. A lot of the jobs you just mentioned can have very sedentary phases, which could lead to weight gain. I was just describing what I consider “hard work” physically.
Which may simply mean that some are just being mentally lazy, right?
After all, if we are arguing that more academic pursuits are simply different forms of hard work, not doing the necessary homework if you will, such as not paying attention to the best way to fuel your body could indeed mean someone is being lazy.
Just as work can encompass more than just physical labor, so can lazy. People can be physically, mentally and even emotionally lazy.
Why did I gain weight? Because I didn't do the work needed to make sure I was only eating what I needed to maintain a healthy body.
Sure, I was going to the gym and riding my bicycle 4-6 days a week. But I was lazy about paying attention to what I was putting on my plate and ultimately in my body.
Few have medical conditions that cause their body weight issues. Most exhibit some form of laziness. They either don't move enough, eat too much, not exercising the self control needed to watch what they are eating, or are not putting in the effort to educate themselves about how best to eat and fuel their bodies.
In other words, most who are overweight exhibit some form of ignorance, laziness or apathy.1 -
stellarks1945 wrote: »janejellyroll wrote: »stellarks1945 wrote: »Based off of his preference, he prefers me not to be fat strictly out of concern for my physical well being. He shouldn’t have to worry about me having a heart attack or not being able to play with our children.
Let me see if I'm understanding: It's his preference that is the important part and if he didn't have this preference, then your weight would be a non-issue in your marriage. He doesn't deserve for you to be within a particular weight range because it is objectively better, it's that he deserves to have his preference honored when it comes to your weight and this happens to be his preference. A different man could have a completely different weight range as his preference and that would be what he deserves from his wife?
If I've misunderstood, please let me know.
Not exactly. My husband wants for me to be healthy, his expectations are pure and honoring to God.
If the husband prefers for his wife to be very thin, or at any unhealthy weight range, or even thinner when she’s a little overweight; if he’s putting any emphasis on her physical appearance that has nothing to do with her health, my husband and I would both advise counseling to that husband bc his views on beauty and worth are distorted. Men should want for their wives to be healthy so they can have a long happy life together to the glory of God. Men should never pressure their wives into looking a certain way body wise, that’s both foolish and sinful. A God honoring preference deserves to be honored. (I have a biblical approach to submission and honor that none of you would agree with, my rule is to submit to anything my husband asks of me so long as it doesn’t go against the Bible. Like if he would ask me not to pray or go to church, I wouldn’t submit to that) If you have a Godly husband, his preferences are only going to better you, protect you, show you love, and glorify God. I honor my husbands preference bc it doesn’t go against the word of God. If it did, I would reach out to the elders of our church and they would rebuke him, show him the errors of his ways, and help him come to repentance. I do submit to my husband so long as it doesn’t go against Gods word, but that’s why I said I’m thankful he’s a good man and doesn’t ask anything of me that would harm or hurt me. He’s only going to do what’s best for our family, physically and spiritually.
So you don't see fatness and non-fatness as states of equal value. You think your husband has chosen a "better" state for you and that any husband who prioritizes his wife's wellbeing should do the same?
As far as your beliefs about your husband, I understand your POV (I have family members who practice the type of lifestyle you've chosen), but you're right: I don't agree that all women should be required to hand control of their lives to their husbands. I personally prefer a marriage where my husband and I both have input, we watch out for each other, and help each other out. It worries me that you have to be totally reliant on the goodness of your husband to avoid harm (although I'm glad it's working out so far). I know from personal experience that there are men out there that don't wish the best for their wives and this type of marriage could be really dangerous for the women married to those men.3 -
tbright1965 wrote: »stellarks1945 wrote: »
Of course they are hard workers, just not in physically demanding jobs that are more likely to make you lose weight. A lot of the jobs you just mentioned can have very sedentary phases, which could lead to weight gain. I was just describing what I consider “hard work” physically.
Which may simply mean that some are just being mentally lazy, right?
After all, if we are arguing that more academic pursuits are simply different forms of hard work, not doing the necessary homework if you will, such as not paying attention to the best way to fuel your body could indeed mean someone is being lazy.
Just as work can encompass more than just physical labor, so can lazy. People can be physically, mentally and even emotionally lazy.
Why did I gain weight? Because I didn't do the work needed to make sure I was only eating what I needed to maintain a healthy body.
Sure, I was going to the gym and riding my bicycle 4-6 days a week. But I was lazy about paying attention to what I was putting on my plate and ultimately in my body.
Few have medical conditions that cause their body weight issues. Most exhibit some form of laziness. They either don't move enough, eat too much, not exercising the self control needed to watch what they are eating, or are not putting in the effort to educate themselves about how best to eat and fuel their bodies.
In other words, most who are overweight exhibit some form of ignorance, laziness or apathy.
You are correct. So in essence all people at varying fitness levels can be lazy in some form, whether that s physically, emotionally, or mentally.0 -
STLBADGIRL wrote: »tbright1965 wrote: »stellarks1945 wrote: »
Of course they are hard workers, just not in physically demanding jobs that are more likely to make you lose weight. A lot of the jobs you just mentioned can have very sedentary phases, which could lead to weight gain. I was just describing what I consider “hard work” physically.
Which may simply mean that some are just being mentally lazy, right?
After all, if we are arguing that more academic pursuits are simply different forms of hard work, not doing the necessary homework if you will, such as not paying attention to the best way to fuel your body could indeed mean someone is being lazy.
Just as work can encompass more than just physical labor, so can lazy. People can be physically, mentally and even emotionally lazy.
Why did I gain weight? Because I didn't do the work needed to make sure I was only eating what I needed to maintain a healthy body.
Sure, I was going to the gym and riding my bicycle 4-6 days a week. But I was lazy about paying attention to what I was putting on my plate and ultimately in my body.
Few have medical conditions that cause their body weight issues. Most exhibit some form of laziness. They either don't move enough, eat too much, not exercising the self control needed to watch what they are eating, or are not putting in the effort to educate themselves about how best to eat and fuel their bodies.
In other words, most who are overweight exhibit some form of ignorance, laziness or apathy.
You are correct. So in essence all people at varying fitness levels can be lazy in some form, whether that s physically, emotionally, or mentally.
The bottom line is excuses don't make results. Figure out your weak areas and work on them. Be they physical, emotional or mental.
Lazy doesn't win, no matter what form it takes.
If you don't know, do the work to learn.
If you don't move, do the work to move.
If you don't feel good, do the work it takes to feel good.
But sitting and making excuses and denying ones particular form of lazy will not produce results.
I own the fact that my form of lazy was apathy about what and how much I ate. The only thing I've changed in the past 90 days has been how I eat. I'm down 36 pounds. Still doing the same level of exercise as I did before.
It might be different for someone else. But it's some form of lazy. My lazy was lazy about what I'm eating.2 -
Of course that's the bottom line. We ALL know that. I don't think you are shedding light on anything new here. My point is - don't label one class of people (fat) as lazy, because as you noted above all people can be lazy or some form of lazy.tbright1965 wrote: »STLBADGIRL wrote: »tbright1965 wrote: »stellarks1945 wrote: »
Of course they are hard workers, just not in physically demanding jobs that are more likely to make you lose weight. A lot of the jobs you just mentioned can have very sedentary phases, which could lead to weight gain. I was just describing what I consider “hard work” physically.
Which may simply mean that some are just being mentally lazy, right?
After all, if we are arguing that more academic pursuits are simply different forms of hard work, not doing the necessary homework if you will, such as not paying attention to the best way to fuel your body could indeed mean someone is being lazy.
Just as work can encompass more than just physical labor, so can lazy. People can be physically, mentally and even emotionally lazy.
Why did I gain weight? Because I didn't do the work needed to make sure I was only eating what I needed to maintain a healthy body.
Sure, I was going to the gym and riding my bicycle 4-6 days a week. But I was lazy about paying attention to what I was putting on my plate and ultimately in my body.
Few have medical conditions that cause their body weight issues. Most exhibit some form of laziness. They either don't move enough, eat too much, not exercising the self control needed to watch what they are eating, or are not putting in the effort to educate themselves about how best to eat and fuel their bodies.
In other words, most who are overweight exhibit some form of ignorance, laziness or apathy.
You are correct. So in essence all people at varying fitness levels can be lazy in some form, whether that s physically, emotionally, or mentally.
The bottom line is excuses don't make results. Figure out your weak areas and work on them. Be they physical, emotional or mental.
Lazy doesn't win, no matter what form it takes.
If you don't know, do the work to learn.
If you don't move, do the work to move.
If you don't feel good, do the work it takes to feel good.
But sitting and making excuses and denying ones particular form of lazy will not produce results.
I own the fact that my form of lazy was apathy about what and how much I ate. The only thing I've changed in the past 90 days has been how I eat. I'm down 36 pounds. Still doing the same level of exercise as I did before.
It might be different for someone else. But it's some form of lazy. My lazy was lazy about what I'm eating.
Now, what people normally do is see a fat person and judge them, by stating that they are lazy, and typically lazy is not the first thought that pop into their mind when they see an average or smaller build. That was my original point.
As for everything else you typed, I agree on - no argument there.0 -
STLBADGIRL wrote: »
Of course that's the bottom line. We ALL know that. I don't think you are shedding light on anything new here. My point is - don't label one class of people (fat) as lazy, because as you noted above all people can be lazy or some form of lazy.tbright1965 wrote: »STLBADGIRL wrote: »
You are correct. So in essence all people at varying fitness levels can be lazy in some form, whether that s physically, emotionally, or mentally.
The bottom line is excuses don't make results. Figure out your weak areas and work on them. Be they physical, emotional or mental.
Lazy doesn't win, no matter what form it takes.
If you don't know, do the work to learn.
If you don't move, do the work to move.
If you don't feel good, do the work it takes to feel good.
But sitting and making excuses and denying ones particular form of lazy will not produce results.
I own the fact that my form of lazy was apathy about what and how much I ate. The only thing I've changed in the past 90 days has been how I eat. I'm down 36 pounds. Still doing the same level of exercise as I did before.
It might be different for someone else. But it's some form of lazy. My lazy was lazy about what I'm eating.
Now, what people normally do is see a fat person and judge them, by stating that they are lazy, and typically lazy is not the first thought that pop into their mind when they see an average or smaller build. That was my original point.
As for everything else you typed, I agree on - no argument there.
My comment was more about the notion that people who are overweight are NOT lazy. They are, but not necessarily in the ways people think.
Now before people go GASP! He said what? It's already been established that people can be lazy even if they look perfectly healthy. So I'm not saying lazy as if I'm on some pedestal and if only "those people" would.... We all have the potential to be lazy. It may impact some more than others, or in different ways. Just because someone looks healthy doesn't mean they are. Heck, I was obese and people didn't even realize I was as heavy as I was. Even now, when I tell someone I weighed 229 this week, they looked at me and said really? Yet that is still OBESE according to the BMI calculations at 31.9. I have to get below 180 to get to a normal BMI.
And, there may be a very small number, on the order of 1 in 100 that has some real medical issue. But even with that, don't try selling us (or yourself) on it. Get yourself to the doctor and confirm your self-diagnosis. Do the work required to address your issue.
But for the other 99/100, the first step is to own that you've skipped some steps, taken some shortcuts or just haven't paid attention to what you are doing.
Again, I can hear the gasps.
No judgement, just own your actions and/or inaction and go from there. As I said before, you don't accomplish much of anything by making excuses. I would also add, you don't accomplish anything good by denying the reality. That's why I got up to 265. I was lying to myself and suggesting I was "in shape" and just a "big guy" because I could out work my 25 year old son at more than 2x his age.
Doesn't mean you have to keep being that person. I'm a firm believer in you don't have to be who you were yesterday. Anyone can be a better version of themselves tomorrow than they were yesterday. So if you've been lax in controlling what and how much you eat and what and how much you move, today and tomorrow can be different, and better.
But I think it all starts with being honest with oneself. Ultimately, the one you have to convince is yourself.
2 -
STLBADGIRL wrote: »Can we have a candid and respectful conversation about this subject? I read on here frequently that a S.O/spouse should love your regardless of your weight....but isn't a part of love being open and honest with a person?
I want to be clear....I don't think anyone should demand a person to gain or lose weight.
i think if a person has serious health issues such as diabetes or is at risk of death, then yes. And it's all in the messaging. It shouldn't be coming from you need to lose weight but rather I'm concerned about your health how can we make changes together. But if the person is not open to change then the SO providing the support needs to respect that. If they are healthy but heavy no they shouldn't.0 -
STLBADGIRL wrote: »Can we have a candid and respectful conversation about this subject? I read on here frequently that a S.O/spouse should love your regardless of your weight....but isn't a part of love being open and honest with a person?
I want to be clear....I don't think anyone should demand a person to gain or lose weight.
i think if a person has serious health issues such as diabetes or is at risk of death, then yes. And it's all in the messaging. It shouldn't be coming from you need to lose weight but rather I'm concerned about your health how can we make changes together. But if the person is not open to change then the SO providing the support needs to respect that. If they are healthy but heavy no they shouldn't.
@dra760 - Do you still provide support if your SO isn't open to change?0 -
I think what they're saying is that, whether it's a choice or not, if there's no sex in the marriage because there's no attraction, it isn't going to last anyway. I'm sure there are more aspects to attraction than just physical appearance, though.
I agree with you.
I know that some people don't view sex as being as important in a relationship as I do, but for me, if we're not connecting in a sexual way anymore then that's a huge issue. I've found that when we're lacking on it, it bleeds into other parts of our relationship because we're both more irritable with one another due to the fact that we're sexually frustrated. When we have a good sex life together, everything is better.
Absolutely true. If you're not intimate, then you're roommates
Agreed, although I think emotional intimacy in long term relationships is usually what leads to a good sex life. Or to put it another way, physical intimacy is developed outside the bedroom.0 -
As for should a SO have a say, it can be interpreted in two ways:
1. Can they express their opinion? I always think that a SO should be allowed to express their opinion. If you can't talk about things, what sort of relationship do you really have? If you bottle up your opinions and feelings that often leads to resentment.
2. Their say leads to action being taken. That's obviously dependant on the person on the receiving end of the opinion, the actual opinion, the overall situation, how much you agree with the opinion, is it an opinion or a fact etc
0 -
Hubby saved me from going out the door in a blue bra under a pink tank top yesterday. He didn’t tell me what to do. He just asked if I was really planning on going out like that? A quick review in the mirror and I agreed with him.3
-
STLBADGIRL wrote: »STLBADGIRL wrote: »Can we have a candid and respectful conversation about this subject? I read on here frequently that a S.O/spouse should love your regardless of your weight....but isn't a part of love being open and honest with a person?
I want to be clear....I don't think anyone should demand a person to gain or lose weight.
i think if a person has serious health issues such as diabetes or is at risk of death, then yes. And it's all in the messaging. It shouldn't be coming from you need to lose weight but rather I'm concerned about your health how can we make changes together. But if the person is not open to change then the SO providing the support needs to respect that. If they are healthy but heavy no they shouldn't.
@dra760 - Do you still provide support if your SO isn't open to change?
Support for what, though? Killing themselves through unhealthy behaviors? That sounds less like support and more like enabling.
0 -
tbright1965 wrote: »STLBADGIRL wrote: »
Of course that's the bottom line. We ALL know that. I don't think you are shedding light on anything new here. My point is - don't label one class of people (fat) as lazy, because as you noted above all people can be lazy or some form of lazy.tbright1965 wrote: »STLBADGIRL wrote: »
You are correct. So in essence all people at varying fitness levels can be lazy in some form, whether that s physically, emotionally, or mentally.
The bottom line is excuses don't make results. Figure out your weak areas and work on them. Be they physical, emotional or mental.
Lazy doesn't win, no matter what form it takes.
If you don't know, do the work to learn.
If you don't move, do the work to move.
If you don't feel good, do the work it takes to feel good.
But sitting and making excuses and denying ones particular form of lazy will not produce results.
I own the fact that my form of lazy was apathy about what and how much I ate. The only thing I've changed in the past 90 days has been how I eat. I'm down 36 pounds. Still doing the same level of exercise as I did before.
It might be different for someone else. But it's some form of lazy. My lazy was lazy about what I'm eating.
Now, what people normally do is see a fat person and judge them, by stating that they are lazy, and typically lazy is not the first thought that pop into their mind when they see an average or smaller build. That was my original point.
As for everything else you typed, I agree on - no argument there.
My comment was more about the notion that people who are overweight are NOT lazy. They are, but not necessarily in the ways people think.
Now before people go GASP! He said what? It's already been established that people can be lazy even if they look perfectly healthy. So I'm not saying lazy as if I'm on some pedestal and if only "those people" would.... We all have the potential to be lazy. It may impact some more than others, or in different ways. Just because someone looks healthy doesn't mean they are. Heck, I was obese and people didn't even realize I was as heavy as I was. Even now, when I tell someone I weighed 229 this week, they looked at me and said really? Yet that is still OBESE according to the BMI calculations at 31.9. I have to get below 180 to get to a normal BMI.
And, there may be a very small number, on the order of 1 in 100 that has some real medical issue. But even with that, don't try selling us (or yourself) on it. Get yourself to the doctor and confirm your self-diagnosis. Do the work required to address your issue.
But for the other 99/100, the first step is to own that you've skipped some steps, taken some shortcuts or just haven't paid attention to what you are doing.
Again, I can hear the gasps.
No judgement, just own your actions and/or inaction and go from there. As I said before, you don't accomplish much of anything by making excuses. I would also add, you don't accomplish anything good by denying the reality. That's why I got up to 265. I was lying to myself and suggesting I was "in shape" and just a "big guy" because I could out work my 25 year old son at more than 2x his age.
Doesn't mean you have to keep being that person. I'm a firm believer in you don't have to be who you were yesterday. Anyone can be a better version of themselves tomorrow than they were yesterday. So if you've been lax in controlling what and how much you eat and what and how much you move, today and tomorrow can be different, and better.
But I think it all starts with being honest with oneself. Ultimately, the one you have to convince is yourself.
There are many reasons to be fat. One is simply having different priorities. I know many people who work constantly and are overweight because health is a low priority in their lives. Are they "lazy" because they choose saving lives in the ER, just to give one example, and grabbing fast food on the way home to collapse into bed, wake up after five hours sleep, and do it again, over planning meals and going to the gym? I suppose in your world they would find a way to do both?
You are in fact judging, whether you admit it or not, and it's very offputting and unkind.5 -
rheddmobile wrote: »tbright1965 wrote: »STLBADGIRL wrote: »
Of course that's the bottom line. We ALL know that. I don't think you are shedding light on anything new here. My point is - don't label one class of people (fat) as lazy, because as you noted above all people can be lazy or some form of lazy.tbright1965 wrote: »STLBADGIRL wrote: »
You are correct. So in essence all people at varying fitness levels can be lazy in some form, whether that s physically, emotionally, or mentally.
The bottom line is excuses don't make results. Figure out your weak areas and work on them. Be they physical, emotional or mental.
Lazy doesn't win, no matter what form it takes.
If you don't know, do the work to learn.
If you don't move, do the work to move.
If you don't feel good, do the work it takes to feel good.
But sitting and making excuses and denying ones particular form of lazy will not produce results.
I own the fact that my form of lazy was apathy about what and how much I ate. The only thing I've changed in the past 90 days has been how I eat. I'm down 36 pounds. Still doing the same level of exercise as I did before.
It might be different for someone else. But it's some form of lazy. My lazy was lazy about what I'm eating.
Now, what people normally do is see a fat person and judge them, by stating that they are lazy, and typically lazy is not the first thought that pop into their mind when they see an average or smaller build. That was my original point.
As for everything else you typed, I agree on - no argument there.
My comment was more about the notion that people who are overweight are NOT lazy. They are, but not necessarily in the ways people think.
Now before people go GASP! He said what? It's already been established that people can be lazy even if they look perfectly healthy. So I'm not saying lazy as if I'm on some pedestal and if only "those people" would.... We all have the potential to be lazy. It may impact some more than others, or in different ways. Just because someone looks healthy doesn't mean they are. Heck, I was obese and people didn't even realize I was as heavy as I was. Even now, when I tell someone I weighed 229 this week, they looked at me and said really? Yet that is still OBESE according to the BMI calculations at 31.9. I have to get below 180 to get to a normal BMI.
And, there may be a very small number, on the order of 1 in 100 that has some real medical issue. But even with that, don't try selling us (or yourself) on it. Get yourself to the doctor and confirm your self-diagnosis. Do the work required to address your issue.
But for the other 99/100, the first step is to own that you've skipped some steps, taken some shortcuts or just haven't paid attention to what you are doing.
Again, I can hear the gasps.
No judgement, just own your actions and/or inaction and go from there. As I said before, you don't accomplish much of anything by making excuses. I would also add, you don't accomplish anything good by denying the reality. That's why I got up to 265. I was lying to myself and suggesting I was "in shape" and just a "big guy" because I could out work my 25 year old son at more than 2x his age.
Doesn't mean you have to keep being that person. I'm a firm believer in you don't have to be who you were yesterday. Anyone can be a better version of themselves tomorrow than they were yesterday. So if you've been lax in controlling what and how much you eat and what and how much you move, today and tomorrow can be different, and better.
But I think it all starts with being honest with oneself. Ultimately, the one you have to convince is yourself.
There are many reasons to be fat. One is simply having different priorities. I know many people who work constantly and are overweight because health is a low priority in their lives. Are they "lazy" because they choose saving lives in the ER, just to give one example, and grabbing fast food on the way home to collapse into bed, wake up after five hours sleep, and do it again, over planning meals and going to the gym? I suppose in your world they would find a way to do both?
You are in fact judging, whether you admit it or not, and it's very offputting and unkind.
Those same fast food places offer chicken sandwiches along with the Big Macs, small orders of fries over Xtra large ones.3
This discussion has been closed.
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