Weight Sabotage's or Bridezilla?

Grace215lbs

Hey Guys and Girls,

I'm really having a hard time dealing with people trying to sabotage my weight loss. I just don't understand what they have to gain from it. And it's really getting me down. Like i feel no one wants me to be healthy, they want me to fail. It's just really emotionally exhausting . ='(

My Sister is getting married in 13 months and she asked me to be her bridesmaid 2 months ago, which i said i would. My mother caught up with her over the weekend and mentioned i was using this site, got into a nutritional science course and have just finished weight watchers. The very next day i get 3 missed calls from my sister, 2 txts and a bunch of FB messages all telling me i have to get the bridesmaids dresses sized and made NOW.

Her reason for this...apparently she wants them delivered by next week, so she can match the dress colour, so she knows what colour ties to buy for the best man, 13 months before the wedding and getting swatches isn't good enough.. She also added a note saying "So you better plan on staying the same weight!".

I'm paying for the dress, (My mother calls it the very hideous $200 dress) as my sister said it would be my way of helping her out. So i asked if it would be okay, if i we're to have it altered closer to the date, which i would happily pay for, as i don't want to hold off my health for another 13 months+. And she went off the handles asking me why i cant wait until after her wedding to lose weight, telling me i'm stupid and it's a waste of time and money and i should just be happy that i get to be her bridesmaid.

I never asked to be her bridesmaid. I was more happy just being her little helper and organise everything she wanted...but i'm doing that plus i'm her bridesmaid.

Which makes me think maybe this is why 2 of the bridesmaids have turned it down =/ hmm


Any one know if it's just me? Am i at wrong? I just don't want to feel guilty that i'm getting my life back on track yet this is making me feel horrible. Have you got family members or loved ones trying to stop you from your goals? Any advice? I'm damned if i do i'm damned if i don't. =(

Crochetluvr

Do what you said..... get the dress in your current size since you wont know exactly what size you will be when the wedding actually gets here. In any event, you would probably have to get the dress altered.

DONT let her bully you into staying the same weight. YOU are paying for the dress. Lose the weight, get the dress altered and look awesome. If she doesn't like it, tell her to find another bridesmaid.

ETA - Your sister sounds like a total BRAT. I wouldn't go out of my way to reinforce her behavior.

jwdieter

Weddings are stressful.

We had bridesmaids altering dresses the day of the wedding. It's quite normal for people to try to lose weight for weddings, and quite normal to alter dresses to account for that.

prattiger65

Do what you said..... get the dress in your current size since you wont know exactly what size you will be when the wedding actually gets here. In any event, you would probably have to get the dress altered.

DONT let her bully you into staying the same weight. YOU are paying for the dress. Lose the weight, get the dress altered and look awesome. If she doesn't like it, tell her to find another bridesmaid.

THIS........^^^^^

igottaworkout

What the last poster said Just get the dress at your current size and get it readjusted once it's wedding time. She can't boss you around like that lol.. Don't feel guilty at all, it is your body and if you want to get healthy now do it now. It will probably make an awesome inspirational picture for you to wear the dress now and an after picture with it the correct size of your beautiful healthy body!

TheMOC

If you're paying for the dress and taking it home w you, there's no need to ask her about taking the dress to get it taken in. You just go . Easy peasy.

AlongCame_Molly

Buy the dress now...have it taken in to fit you two weeks before the wedding.

doubleduofa

Will you be thinner than her if you lose weight? Probably a jealousy issue...she wants to be the best looking girl in the room for her wedding...sighhh.

13 more months of this type of behavior? I would bow out gracefully if possible. She'll be upset, but it's better to have her be angry with you then quietly put up with this "behavior" (to put in nicely) for another year+.

ashleyisgreat

You can definitely alter the dress when the wedding is closer. Don't let ANYONE deter you from losing weight and getting healthier. No one's wedding is more important than your health.

laserturkey

Do what you said..... get the dress in your current size since you wont know exactly what size you will be when the wedding actually gets here. In any event, you would probably have to get the dress altered.

DONT let her bully you into staying the same weight. YOU are paying for the dress. Lose the weight, get the dress altered and look awesome. If she doesn't like it, tell her to find another bridesmaid.

ETA - Your sister sounds like a total BRAT. I wouldn't go out of my way to reinforce her behavior.

All of this.

nyrina4life

Hey Guys and Girls,

I'm really having a hard time dealing with people trying to sabotage my weight loss. I just don't understand what they have to gain from it. And it's really getting me down. Like i feel no one wants me to be healthy, they want me to fail. It's just really emotionally exhausting . ='(

My Sister is getting married in 13 months and she asked me to be her bridesmaid 2 months ago, which i said i would. My mother caught up with her over the weekend and mentioned i was using this site, got into a nutritional science course and have just finished weight watchers. The very next day i get 3 missed calls from my sister, 2 txts and a bunch of FB messages all telling me i have to get the bridesmaids dresses sized and made NOW.

Her reason for this...apparently she wants them delivered by next week, so she can match the dress colour, so she knows what colour ties to buy for the best man, 13 months before the wedding and getting swatches isn't good enough.. She also added a note saying "So you better plan on staying the same weight!".

I'm paying for the dress, (My mother calls it the very hideous $200 dress) as my sister said it would be my way of helping her out. So i asked if it would be okay, if i we're to have it altered closer to the date, which i would happily pay for, as i don't want to hold off my health for another 13 months+. And she went off the handles asking me why i cant wait until after her wedding to lose weight, telling me i'm stupid and it's a waste of time and money and i should just be happy that i get to be her bridesmaid.

I never asked to be her bridesmaid. I was more happy just being her little helper and organise everything she wanted...but i'm doing that plus i'm her bridesmaid.

Which makes me think maybe this is why 2 of the bridesmaids have turned it down =/ hmm


Any one know if it's just me? Am i at wrong? I just don't want to feel guilty that i'm getting my life back on track yet this is making me feel horrible. Have you got family members or loved ones trying to stop you from your goals? Any advice? I'm damned if i do i'm damned if i don't. =(

Oh man. As a bride to be who has asked my sister, and future sister-in-law to be my maids of honor, I would never, ever dream of saying that. I'm sorry, but your sister is a spoiled brat and is probably AFRAID that you might outshine her if you drop weight, and look hot in the brides maid dress.

It is your money, and you are contributing by buying the dress and shoes to complete the outfit. You do what you want, and be happy. If she gives you flak about it, then sit down face to face (whenever you can) and explain to her how happy you are that she is getting married, and that all you want is to be healthy.

ashleyisgreat

13 more months of this type of behavior? I would bow out gracefully if possible. She'll be upset, but it's better to have her be angry with you then quietly put up with this "behavior" (to put in nicely) for another year+.

I was thinking this, too. I am fairly confrontational and I don't like people telling me what to do, especially when they're being jerks about it. I might not be her bridesmaid if this behavior continues.

iTrainHARD

I don't see why you need to tell her that you plan on getting the dress altered. It's your dress and your money, it's really none of her business if you decided to get it taken in or not.

kw85296

Do what you said..... get the dress in your current size since you wont know exactly what size you will be when the wedding actually gets here. In any event, you would probably have to get the dress altered.

DONT let her bully you into staying the same weight. YOU are paying for the dress. Lose the weight, get the dress altered and look awesome. If she doesn't like it, tell her to find another bridesmaid.

THIS........^^^^^

Definitely this^^^

Your health is more important than your sister's quirks. She should want what is best for you. Don't let her talk you out of seeking to improve your health.

tootchute

I would just do re-size it anyways, I mean she should never tell you to loose the weight after here wedding.

slkehl

If you're paying for the dress and taking it home w you, there's no need to ask her about taking the dress to get it taken in. You just go . Easy peasy.

Yup. Maybe she's a little stressed about her weight-there's a lot of pressure for brides to look perfect for the wedding. Hearing you talk about weight loss is probably never that great, but even worse now. It's something that brings out insecurity.

So don't ask and just go get it altered.

zyxst

Your sister's being a b!tch. Me? I'd tell her to stick it and get the hell out of that wedding and save the aggravation.

Grace215lbs

Do what you said..... get the dress in your current size since you wont know exactly what size you will be when the wedding actually gets here. In any event, you would probably have to get the dress altered.

DONT let her bully you into staying the same weight. YOU are paying for the dress. Lose the weight, get the dress altered and look awesome. If she doesn't like it, tell her to find another bridesmaid.

ETA - Your sister sounds like a total BRAT. I wouldn't go out of my way to reinforce her behavior.

My mother said the same thing. After apparently my sister chucked a tantrum saying i'll have to also now buy a suit jacket to wear over the dress as she doesn't want me showing off any cleavage. Which i didn't really understand. =/ Some people really show the worst in them during the times we should show our most loving best. I wouldn't see any reason for her to be concerned about any one out shining her. She use to be a model and if she wanted to be she still very much could be one!

I will defiantly push for the alteration. My biggest concern is that i will pay for this $200 dress and she'll go nutts if i do end up needing to alter it and then not needing the dress... Waste of $200 + on something i'd never wear again.

lithezebra

It's not you. Your sister wants to know ahead of time how everyone is going to look at her wedding, to avoid unpleasant surprises, like hot looking bridesmaids. Don't talk about it. Just have the d@mn dress altered as needed. Your body and your health are not negotiable.

Ivyzmama

She doesn't even have to know if you get it altered. But here's the biggest problem: if you continue to be her bridesmaid, she's going to keep being a bridezilla to you and that stress may well sabotage your weight loss. If I were you, I'd rather be a thinner person in a dress of your own, last-minute choosing, dancing and having fun at the wedding as an ordinary guest, instead of being any size, stuck in her ugly $200 bridesmaid dress, with you having to put up with your sister's abuse. She's abusing you already, and you have 13 more months of this to go, and she may not speak to you after the wedding because of something you do as a bridesmaid in the next 13 months. Not only that, but after you've bought the dress, she could "fire" you as bridesmaid and pick someone else. Let's put it this way: I have 2 sisters and we've all been married. I choose not to go to 1 sister's wedding because it was it was being held in a ridiculous, far-away and frankly unsafe location. My other sister went to the considerable time and expense to go and what do you think happened afterwards? Yep, bridezilla sister stopped talking to other sister because of an argument about photos and got our mom to stop talking to the other sister as well. I no longer talk to bridezilla sister because she's abusive.

There is absolutely no reason why you should be buying your dress 13 months early. There is no reason why she can't work from a swatch, especially because she can get a 3 ft by 3 ft swatch if she wants, she just has to buy a yard of fabric.

Is there any chance that her fiance will wise up and decide that maybe he doesn't want to marry this bridezilla after all? Another reason why you may end up wasting that $200.

By the way, for my wedding, back when I was still talking to both my sisters, I asked both of them to be bridesmaids and told them they could each wear whatever the heck they wanted. Which my other sister did have a hissy fit about because they weren't going to match. I let Bridezilla sister wear a knee-length brown dress that she already had and everyone thought she looked lovely. Other sister went out and bought a long silvery ball gown and everyone thought she looked lovely. 15 years later, I have no regrets about their dresses. I do regret getting married in the first place and have since gotten divorced, but that's another story.

slkehl

I will defiantly push for the alteration. My biggest concern is that i will pay for this $200 dress and she'll go nutts if i do end up needing to alter it and then not needing the dress... Waste of $200 + on something i'd never wear again.

Why do you need to defiantly push for it? Can't you just get it altered without telling anyone? If you show up with it fitting well and the jacket is a little baggy, who cares?

jwdieter

Waste of $200 + on something i'd never wear again.

Well, you'll never wear it again either way.

It's your sister, so you probably don't have a real "opt out" scenario. But she's obviously nuts. So she'll be crying about something else in a year, and you'll be healthier. Don't worry about it too much, imo.

delaniecastillo

Seriously? After reading that she wants you to buy a jacket? Your sister is a....

Crochetluvr

My biggest concern is that i will pay for this $200 dress and she'll go nutts if i do end up needing to alter it and then not needing the dress... Waste of $200 + on something i'd never wear again.

It is VERY rare that someone gets a bridesmaid's dress and doesn't need to have it altered. So if she has a fit that you will get it altered, she needs a little education on those types of dresses. Does she think her own gown wont need alterations? I bet you it will. She needs to get real.

Good luck and don't be afraid to stand your ground. You are NOT being unreasonable.

saschka7

I'm paying for the dress, (My mother calls it the very hideous $200 dress) as my sister said it would be my way of helping her out. So i asked if it would be okay, if i we're to have it altered closer to the date, which i would happily pay for, as i don't want to hold off my health for another 13 months+. And she went off the handles asking me why i cant wait until after her wedding to lose weight, telling me i'm stupid and it's a waste of time and money and i should just be happy that i get to be her bridesmaid.

Whoa. All that AND you should just be happy that you get to be her bridesmaid? Since she's your sister, I'd be kind and generous and say it's pre-nuptial jitters that's making her go off the deep end..maybe you could suggest that she may want to breathe deep and start taking things easier. YOU are doing HER a favor, not the other way around.

If she were a friend who exhibited this kind of behavior, I'd be less generous and would just tell her where to shove her dress and attitude.:laugh:

No, you are NOT being unreasonable and you should just continue on with your weight loss journey. She may just be worried that you will upstage her at the wedding and is acting out on that. Still, that's a rough couple of comments to have to deal with. My sympathies.

MyChocolateDiet

Can I see a picture of the bridesmaids dress?

I think it's kind of early to have the dresses made 13 months in advance. The men's ties don't even matter. If they didn't match whatever color the dresses turned out to be they could just be black or white. If they needed to match exactly she could just take the tie from the rental place which those colors never change and have them match the dress to the tie a couple months in advance.

Bridesmaids dresses over a year before the wedding is just asking for a whole slew of alterations. People might get pregnant or lose or GAIN weight. It's too much. My advice to you is to go ahead and apply for a new sister.

If you application gets turned down. Buy the stupid dress now and save up for needing a new one in a year because I think you may change THAT much depending how much weight you have to lose. Just accept you may have to toss a brand new dress in the trash because your sister has lost her mind. IF this is her normal state of affairs please direct me to "stoopid fiance's R us" because I have a few nieces in law who I'd like to marry off soon and I'd like one of those guys like the one your sister found cause I can't imagine anyone proposing to that.

SmallMimi

let her know if "she" doesn't want you to lose weight, it might be better if she finds a different bridesmaid. Don't let her derail you or bully you.

slkehl

I never asked to be her bridesmaid. I was more happy just being her little helper and organise everything she wanted...but i'm doing that plus i'm her bridesmaid.

By the way she's acting, I'd rather be a bridesmaid than help her plan and organize! I'd try to stay out of that as much as possible and keep communication to minimum in the next year.

In the end, she is your sister and threatening to pull out of the wedding whenever she's acting like this is going to damage your relationship quite a bit. Stand your ground when you need to, but these kind of threats seem like a bad idea.

pinkraynedropjacki

Sounds almost like she does not want you to lose weight at all cause it's "her" day. That alone would be all the motivation I'd need. Just to piss her off.

Or you could just tell her to shove it.

77tes

She's not trying to sabotage you, she's just being selfish. Buy the dress now in the size that fits now. You can have it altered later, and it is much easier to make a dress smaller than larger. I really don't get this whole ordering a dress a year before an event, but I guess that is how things work nowadays. All bridemaid dresses are hideous and expensive. Too bad weddings become about the details rather than sharing a special day with the people who care about you.

Good luck with navigating the mine field. In the end, she'll still be your sister, and an ugly dress isn't worth destroying your relationship.

Grace215lbs

Thank you all for your comments. I guess i just needed to be reassured that i wasn't doing anything wrong by continuing my weight loss. So if she tries to bully me into giving up again i'll come back here and read these. They make me see the common logic in the situation. So i don't end up all guilt tripped and sad. Thanks again !