Weight Sabotage's or Bridezilla?

jwdieter

Waste of $200 + on something i'd never wear again.

Well, you'll never wear it again either way.

It's your sister, so you probably don't have a real "opt out" scenario. But she's obviously nuts. So she'll be crying about something else in a year, and you'll be healthier. Don't worry about it too much, imo.

delaniecastillo

Seriously? After reading that she wants you to buy a jacket? Your sister is a....

Crochetluvr

My biggest concern is that i will pay for this $200 dress and she'll go nutts if i do end up needing to alter it and then not needing the dress... Waste of $200 + on something i'd never wear again.

It is VERY rare that someone gets a bridesmaid's dress and doesn't need to have it altered. So if she has a fit that you will get it altered, she needs a little education on those types of dresses. Does she think her own gown wont need alterations? I bet you it will. She needs to get real.

Good luck and don't be afraid to stand your ground. You are NOT being unreasonable.

saschka7

I'm paying for the dress, (My mother calls it the very hideous $200 dress) as my sister said it would be my way of helping her out. So i asked if it would be okay, if i we're to have it altered closer to the date, which i would happily pay for, as i don't want to hold off my health for another 13 months+. And she went off the handles asking me why i cant wait until after her wedding to lose weight, telling me i'm stupid and it's a waste of time and money and i should just be happy that i get to be her bridesmaid.

Whoa. All that AND you should just be happy that you get to be her bridesmaid? Since she's your sister, I'd be kind and generous and say it's pre-nuptial jitters that's making her go off the deep end..maybe you could suggest that she may want to breathe deep and start taking things easier. YOU are doing HER a favor, not the other way around.

If she were a friend who exhibited this kind of behavior, I'd be less generous and would just tell her where to shove her dress and attitude.:laugh:

No, you are NOT being unreasonable and you should just continue on with your weight loss journey. She may just be worried that you will upstage her at the wedding and is acting out on that. Still, that's a rough couple of comments to have to deal with. My sympathies.

MyChocolateDiet

Can I see a picture of the bridesmaids dress?

I think it's kind of early to have the dresses made 13 months in advance. The men's ties don't even matter. If they didn't match whatever color the dresses turned out to be they could just be black or white. If they needed to match exactly she could just take the tie from the rental place which those colors never change and have them match the dress to the tie a couple months in advance.

Bridesmaids dresses over a year before the wedding is just asking for a whole slew of alterations. People might get pregnant or lose or GAIN weight. It's too much. My advice to you is to go ahead and apply for a new sister.

If you application gets turned down. Buy the stupid dress now and save up for needing a new one in a year because I think you may change THAT much depending how much weight you have to lose. Just accept you may have to toss a brand new dress in the trash because your sister has lost her mind. IF this is her normal state of affairs please direct me to "stoopid fiance's R us" because I have a few nieces in law who I'd like to marry off soon and I'd like one of those guys like the one your sister found cause I can't imagine anyone proposing to that.

SmallMimi

let her know if "she" doesn't want you to lose weight, it might be better if she finds a different bridesmaid. Don't let her derail you or bully you.

slkehl

I never asked to be her bridesmaid. I was more happy just being her little helper and organise everything she wanted...but i'm doing that plus i'm her bridesmaid.

By the way she's acting, I'd rather be a bridesmaid than help her plan and organize! I'd try to stay out of that as much as possible and keep communication to minimum in the next year.

In the end, she is your sister and threatening to pull out of the wedding whenever she's acting like this is going to damage your relationship quite a bit. Stand your ground when you need to, but these kind of threats seem like a bad idea.

pinkraynedropjacki

Sounds almost like she does not want you to lose weight at all cause it's "her" day. That alone would be all the motivation I'd need. Just to piss her off.

Or you could just tell her to shove it.

77tes

She's not trying to sabotage you, she's just being selfish. Buy the dress now in the size that fits now. You can have it altered later, and it is much easier to make a dress smaller than larger. I really don't get this whole ordering a dress a year before an event, but I guess that is how things work nowadays. All bridemaid dresses are hideous and expensive. Too bad weddings become about the details rather than sharing a special day with the people who care about you.

Good luck with navigating the mine field. In the end, she'll still be your sister, and an ugly dress isn't worth destroying your relationship.

Grace215lbs

Thank you all for your comments. I guess i just needed to be reassured that i wasn't doing anything wrong by continuing my weight loss. So if she tries to bully me into giving up again i'll come back here and read these. They make me see the common logic in the situation. So i don't end up all guilt tripped and sad. Thanks again !

MyChocolateDiet

Sorry I just thought of an even better idea. Politely decline the role of bridesmaid under the guise of "health issues", not a total lie, more of a catholic lie where it's close enough to the truth to count as not lying but vague enough to make questions uncomfortable. You will never lose your sister status so play that card. Right before the wedding get suddenly better "its a miracle!" and then hint to your mom that you'd love to be the maid of honor or "godmother" as are customary in some cultures.

This keeps you out of the fray for all 13 months and lets you choose your own dress at the last minute which can be different from everyone elses and doesn't betray to outsiders that there was family rift. It seems like she honored you with special spot.

In my culture we have "godmothers" (madrina's) for money (arras), rope (lasso), and etcetera. They are symbolic gestures that represent the way the marriage is expected to be. Maybe you can find one that fits your families values and be the godmother of that.

Good luck, I hope the wedding turns out nice and you survive the engagement. :flowerforyou:

Bredaia99

Wow. That is insane to me. I mean, on one hand, obviously your sister has faith in your ability to lose the weight if she is THIS worried about you somehow getting too thin by her wedding day, but your health takes priority over her wedding day. I will never understand this attitude that some brides (and some grooms, too) get regarding their weddings. Yes, it is a super special big day for them and they have every right to make it as much like a fairy tale as possible. BUT just because the wedding is the most important day in THEIR life does not mean that holds true for everyone else around them as well.

Focus on your goals and your health. If you sister refuses to see reason, I would tell her to find a new bridesmaid.

PlayerHatinDogooder

Tell her to stick the bridesmaid dress where the sun don't shine.

I don't know what it is about weddings that turn a completely rational person into such a monstrosity.

delaniecastillo

Thank you all for your comments. I guess i just needed to be reassured that i wasn't doing anything wrong by continuing my weight loss. So if she tries to bully me into giving up again i'll come back here and read these. They make me see the common logic in the situation. So i don't end up all guilt tripped and sad. Thanks again !

My advice? Lose all the weight you want. Be super hot. Show some cleavage and be amazing.
Let no one hold you back.
It may be HER day but it is YOUR life.

rhinesb

My mother said the same thing. After apparently my sister chucked a tantrum saying i'll have to also now buy a suit jacket to wear over the dress as she doesn't want me showing off any cleavage. Which i didn't really understand. =/ Some people really show the worst in them during the times we should show our most loving best. I wouldn't see any reason for her to be concerned about any one out shining her. She use to be a model and if she wanted to be she still very much could be one!

I will defiantly push for the alteration. My biggest concern is that i will pay for this $200 dress and she'll go nutts if i do end up needing to alter it and then not needing the dress... Waste of $200 + on something i'd never wear again.

Why would she pick the dress that would show cleavage if she didn't want anyone to show it. Also are you the ONLY one that she has a problem with showing cleavage or is she planning to have everyone wearing them?

Are you the only bridesmaid? If so it sounds as though she might be a really nasty/mean person and doesn't have any friends. Maybe narcissistic personality disorder?

Also get the stupid dress and don't tell her you plan to alter it. If she notices you losing weight and freaks that you will have to alter the dress just tell her. "Don't worry sis I totally plan to bulk up/fatten up right before the wedding so that we don't have to spend the money to alter it." That will totally throw her for a loop and she will have nothing to say about it.

Ivyzmama

Where does she get off thinking she owns your body for the next year? Will she control your haircut and hair color choices? (you know she will). Is she going to control what you order to eat in restaurants or coffee houses for the next year? Will she forbid you from working out because she thinks you're going to "get bulked up with muscles" before her wedding? Will she forbid you from going on vacation because you might get sunburned or ugly jellyfish stings before her wedding? Will you be allowed to go skiing or roller-skating or not because you might break an arm or a leg before her wedding? If you stay in her wedding, get a good therapist to talk to every couple of weeks in the meantime because you're gonna need help being assertive.

Grace215lbs

Can I see a picture of the bridesmaids dress?

I think it's kind of early to have the dresses made 13 months in advance. The men's ties don't even matter. If they didn't match whatever color the dresses turned out to be they could just be black or white. If they needed to match exactly she could just take the tie from the rental place which those colors never change and have them match the dress to the tie a couple months in advance.

Bridesmaids dresses over a year before the wedding is just asking for a whole slew of alterations. People might get pregnant or lose or GAIN weight. It's too much. My advice to you is to go ahead and apply for a new sister.

If you application gets turned down. Buy the stupid dress now and save up for needing a new one in a year because I think you may change THAT much depending how much weight you have to lose. Just accept you may have to toss a brand new dress in the trash because your sister has lost her mind. IF this is her normal state of affairs please direct me to "stoopid fiance's R us" because I have a few nieces in law who I'd like to marry off soon and I'd like one of those guys like the one your sister found cause I can't imagine anyone proposing to that.

It's looks a little like this only dark blue with a hanging neckline.

http://postimg.org/image/cy2ebxqu9/

My mother calls it hideous or "Blue Potato sack" as both I and the only remaining bridesmaid are very curvy hourglass shapes and she said it didn't look good on either one of us.

Sorry ive never posted a pic >.<

Crochetluvr

I am getting a google image page with a bunch of different dresses. Which one is it?.....I am curious now.

Grace215lbs

Damn i am terrible at this haha. I will try to make it a gif. and place it in here.

http://postimg.org/image/cy2ebxqu9/

rhinesb

But here's the biggest problem: if you continue to be her bridesmaid, she's going to keep being a bridezilla to you and that stress may well sabotage your weight loss. If I were you, I'd rather be a thinner person in a dress of your own, last-minute choosing, dancing and having fun at the wedding as an ordinary guest, instead of being any size, stuck in her ugly $200 bridesmaid dress, with you having to put up with your sister's abuse. She's abusing you already, and you have 13 more months of this to go, and she may not speak to you after the wedding because of something you do as a bridesmaid in the next 13 months. Not only that, but after you've bought the dress, she could "fire" you as bridesmaid and pick someone else.

Is there any chance that her fiance will wise up and decide that maybe he doesn't want to marry this bridezilla after all? Another reason why you may end up wasting that $200.

^^^This

You either need to bow out or come to the realization that everything she says to you needs to go in one ear and right out the other. Any yammering she does you need to completely ignore as though she were a crazy person. Don't let her guilt you. And if she puts up too much of a fuss about nothing then you need to say,

whoa, wait a minute. This is your day and I am willing to do what you need me to do but I will NOT put my goals on weight loss off for THIRTEEN months just because you don't want me to be skinny. What are you afraid I will out shine you? Why are you insecure? You are beautiful. Why don't you want me to be beautiful like you?

Haahaa make sure that you say that last part because then she'll feel like an absolute *kitten*.