Weight Sabotage's or Bridezilla?
Replies
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Sorry I just thought of an even better idea. Politely decline the role of bridesmaid under the guise of "health issues", not a total lie, more of a catholic lie where it's close enough to the truth to count as not lying but vague enough to make questions uncomfortable. You will never lose your sister status so play that card. Right before the wedding get suddenly better "its a miracle!" and then hint to your mom that you'd love to be the maid of honor or "godmother" as are customary in some cultures.
This keeps you out of the fray for all 13 months and lets you choose your own dress at the last minute which can be different from everyone elses and doesn't betray to outsiders that there was family rift. It seems like she honored you with special spot.
In my culture we have "godmothers" (madrina's) for money (arras), rope (lasso), and etcetera. They are symbolic gestures that represent the way the marriage is expected to be. Maybe you can find one that fits your families values and be the godmother of that.
Good luck, I hope the wedding turns out nice and you survive the engagement. :flowerforyou:0 -
Wow. That is insane to me. I mean, on one hand, obviously your sister has faith in your ability to lose the weight if she is THIS worried about you somehow getting too thin by her wedding day, but your health takes priority over her wedding day. I will never understand this attitude that some brides (and some grooms, too) get regarding their weddings. Yes, it is a super special big day for them and they have every right to make it as much like a fairy tale as possible. BUT just because the wedding is the most important day in THEIR life does not mean that holds true for everyone else around them as well.
Focus on your goals and your health. If you sister refuses to see reason, I would tell her to find a new bridesmaid.0 -
Tell her to stick the bridesmaid dress where the sun don't shine.
I don't know what it is about weddings that turn a completely rational person into such a monstrosity.0 -
Thank you all for your comments. I guess i just needed to be reassured that i wasn't doing anything wrong by continuing my weight loss. So if she tries to bully me into giving up again i'll come back here and read these. They make me see the common logic in the situation. So i don't end up all guilt tripped and sad. Thanks again
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My advice? Lose all the weight you want. Be super hot. Show some cleavage and be amazing.
Let no one hold you back.
It may be HER day but it is YOUR life.0 -
Why would she pick the dress that would show cleavage if she didn't want anyone to show it. Also are you the ONLY one that she has a problem with showing cleavage or is she planning to have everyone wearing them?
My mother said the same thing. After apparently my sister chucked a tantrum saying i'll have to also now buy a suit jacket to wear over the dress as she doesn't want me showing off any cleavage. Which i didn't really understand. =/ Some people really show the worst in them during the times we should show our most loving best. I wouldn't see any reason for her to be concerned about any one out shining her. She use to be a model and if she wanted to be she still very much could be one!
I will defiantly push for the alteration. My biggest concern is that i will pay for this $200 dress and she'll go nutts if i do end up needing to alter it and then not needing the dress... Waste of $200 + on something i'd never wear again.
Are you the only bridesmaid? If so it sounds as though she might be a really nasty/mean person and doesn't have any friends. Maybe narcissistic personality disorder?
Also get the stupid dress and don't tell her you plan to alter it. If she notices you losing weight and freaks that you will have to alter the dress just tell her. "Don't worry sis I totally plan to bulk up/fatten up right before the wedding so that we don't have to spend the money to alter it." That will totally throw her for a loop and she will have nothing to say about it.0 -
Where does she get off thinking she owns your body for the next year? Will she control your haircut and hair color choices? (you know she will). Is she going to control what you order to eat in restaurants or coffee houses for the next year? Will she forbid you from working out because she thinks you're going to "get bulked up with muscles" before her wedding? Will she forbid you from going on vacation because you might get sunburned or ugly jellyfish stings before her wedding? Will you be allowed to go skiing or roller-skating or not because you might break an arm or a leg before her wedding? If you stay in her wedding, get a good therapist to talk to every couple of weeks in the meantime because you're gonna need help being assertive.0
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Can I see a picture of the bridesmaids dress?
I think it's kind of early to have the dresses made 13 months in advance. The men's ties don't even matter. If they didn't match whatever color the dresses turned out to be they could just be black or white. If they needed to match exactly she could just take the tie from the rental place which those colors never change and have them match the dress to the tie a couple months in advance.
Bridesmaids dresses over a year before the wedding is just asking for a whole slew of alterations. People might get pregnant or lose or GAIN weight. It's too much. My advice to you is to go ahead and apply for a new sister.
If you application gets turned down. Buy the stupid dress now and save up for needing a new one in a year because I think you may change THAT much depending how much weight you have to lose. Just accept you may have to toss a brand new dress in the trash because your sister has lost her mind. IF this is her normal state of affairs please direct me to "stoopid fiance's R us" because I have a few nieces in law who I'd like to marry off soon and I'd like one of those guys like the one your sister found cause I can't imagine anyone proposing to that.
It's looks a little like this only dark blue with a hanging neckline.
http://postimg.org/image/cy2ebxqu9/
My mother calls it hideous or "Blue Potato sack" as both I and the only remaining bridesmaid are very curvy hourglass shapes and she said it didn't look good on either one of us.
Sorry ive never posted a pic >.<0 -
I am getting a google image page with a bunch of different dresses. Which one is it?.....I am curious now.
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Damn i am terrible at this haha. I will try to make it a gif. and place it in here.
http://postimg.org/image/cy2ebxqu9/0 -
^^^ThisBut here's the biggest problem: if you continue to be her bridesmaid, she's going to keep being a bridezilla to you and that stress may well sabotage your weight loss. If I were you, I'd rather be a thinner person in a dress of your own, last-minute choosing, dancing and having fun at the wedding as an ordinary guest, instead of being any size, stuck in her ugly $200 bridesmaid dress, with you having to put up with your sister's abuse. She's abusing you already, and you have 13 more months of this to go, and she may not speak to you after the wedding because of something you do as a bridesmaid in the next 13 months. Not only that, but after you've bought the dress, she could "fire" you as bridesmaid and pick someone else.
Is there any chance that her fiance will wise up and decide that maybe he doesn't want to marry this bridezilla after all? Another reason why you may end up wasting that $200.
You either need to bow out or come to the realization that everything she says to you needs to go in one ear and right out the other. Any yammering she does you need to completely ignore as though she were a crazy person. Don't let her guilt you. And if she puts up too much of a fuss about nothing then you need to say,
whoa, wait a minute. This is your day and I am willing to do what you need me to do but I will NOT put my goals on weight loss off for THIRTEEN months just because you don't want me to be skinny. What are you afraid I will out shine you? Why are you insecure? You are beautiful. Why don't you want me to be beautiful like you?
Haahaa make sure that you say that last part because then she'll feel like an absolute *kitten*.0 -
http://www.dressale.com/admirable-silver-capped-satin-dress-for-party-2012-p-23300.htmlCan I see a picture of the bridesmaids dress?
I think it's kind of early to have the dresses made 13 months in advance. The men's ties don't even matter. If they didn't match whatever color the dresses turned out to be they could just be black or white. If they needed to match exactly she could just take the tie from the rental place which those colors never change and have them match the dress to the tie a couple months in advance.
Bridesmaids dresses over a year before the wedding is just asking for a whole slew of alterations. People might get pregnant or lose or GAIN weight. It's too much. My advice to you is to go ahead and apply for a new sister.
If you application gets turned down. Buy the stupid dress now and save up for needing a new one in a year because I think you may change THAT much depending how much weight you have to lose. Just accept you may have to toss a brand new dress in the trash because your sister has lost her mind. IF this is her normal state of affairs please direct me to "stoopid fiance's R us" because I have a few nieces in law who I'd like to marry off soon and I'd like one of those guys like the one your sister found cause I can't imagine anyone proposing to that.
It's looks a little like this only dark blue with a hanging neckline.
https://www.google.com.au/search?q=tbdress&hl=en&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ei=IhrvUfK3JMrQkwXliYGIAQ&ved=0CAcQ_AUoAQ&biw=1600&bih=881#facrc=_&imgdii=_&imgrc=jjBRpdPORWBIOM:;yo4oB7w1AbheBM;http%3A%2F%2Fimages.dressale.com%2Fimages%2F240x360%2F201301%2FE%2F1358447984997.jpg;http%3A%2F%2Fwww.dressale.com%2Ftags%2FTb-Dress-Party%2F;240;360
My mother calls it hideous or "Blue Potato sack" as both I and the only remaining bridesmaid are very curvy hourglass shapes and she said it didn't look good on either one of us.
Sorry ive never posted a pic >.<
this one?
if so that is an ugly dress that if you don't have a perfect body then anyone would look horrid in it. Also how in the world would anyone see cleavage in this?
edit...oh I see...hanging neckline0 -
I don't think she's necessary trying to sabotage you as she just wants "her" day to be perfect and she just wants reassurance now that it will be. She may also be frustrated with you trying if you've tried before to lose weight, and just doesn't want to hold up having her own peace of mind about everything being ready and in order. My SIL had us get our dresses about a year early and unfortunately I had to have mine let out the day of the wedding. Every single seam, and I was still bursting out.
Another bridesmaid lost weight and had hers taken in that day. I wish we knew each other before the wedding because with the sizes we could have just switched. Lol. It is true that it is much easier to have it taken in. 0 -
I've never had a sister, nor have I ever been a bridesmaid, but I'd tell your sister (if she were mine) to eat **** and die.
Unless you and her are roughly the same size? Is she bigger than you? Then I would completely understand where she was coming from (she doesn't want to look bigger on her wedding day) but I'd tell her gently that working out is a stress reliever and invite her out for walks and such.
If she doesn't want that push to get healthier either, then I'd tell her to eat ****.0 -
My best friend just got married in late June. I went in December to get my dress.. and got it altered in May.
If it's her wedding then she should have the color for the dress already picked out (Umm. HELLO? It's her wedding!! She should know her EXACT colors already!) and from the colors she picked she should know the men's stuff..
Honestly, your sister is being a nutcase.
Side note: That's a horrible dress. She should get something in Chiffon. Everyone looks good in Chiffon. 0 -
Can I see a picture of the bridesmaids dress?
I think it's kind of early to have the dresses made 13 months in advance. The men's ties don't even matter. If they didn't match whatever color the dresses turned out to be they could just be black or white. If they needed to match exactly she could just take the tie from the rental place which those colors never change and have them match the dress to the tie a couple months in advance.
Bridesmaids dresses over a year before the wedding is just asking for a whole slew of alterations. People might get pregnant or lose or GAIN weight. It's too much. My advice to you is to go ahead and apply for a new sister.
If you application gets turned down. Buy the stupid dress now and save up for needing a new one in a year because I think you may change THAT much depending how much weight you have to lose. Just accept you may have to toss a brand new dress in the trash because your sister has lost her mind. IF this is her normal state of affairs please direct me to "stoopid fiance's R us" because I have a few nieces in law who I'd like to marry off soon and I'd like one of those guys like the one your sister found cause I can't imagine anyone proposing to that.
It's looks a little like this only dark blue with a hanging neckline.
https://www.google.com.au/search?q=tbdress&hl=en&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ei=IhrvUfK3JMrQkwXliYGIAQ&ved=0CAcQ_AUoAQ&biw=1600&bih=881#facrc=_&imgdii=_&imgrc=jjBRpdPORWBIOM:;yo4oB7w1AbheBM;http%3A%2F%2Fimages.dressale.com%2Fimages%2F240x360%2F201301%2FE%2F1358447984997.jpg;http%3A%2F%2Fwww.dressale.com%2Ftags%2FTb-Dress-Party%2F;240;360
My mother calls it hideous or "Blue Potato sack" as both I and the only remaining bridesmaid are very curvy hourglass shapes and she said it didn't look good on either one of us.
Sorry ive never posted a pic >.<
I just want to say that A) I'm sorry you're sister is being such a jerk about your decision to get healthy.
I'm sorry you have to wear that dress...bleh. How is that dress going to show cleavage :huh:
The only thing with buying it now, and altering it in a year is that sometimes dresses can only be downsized so much. 13 months is a long time. I'm not sure how much you have to lose, but if you lost 50+ pounds you might not be able to get it altered small enough, and could need to buy another dress. It just depends how many sizes you end up shrinking. I 100% agree with all the other posters DO NOT let her deter you. She's your sister and should care more about your health than outshining her at her wedding. :grumble:
If you're looking for support feel free to add me.
Good Luck!!!!! :flowerforyou:0 -
http://www.dressale.com/admirable-silver-capped-satin-dress-for-party-2012-p-23300.htmlCan I see a picture of the bridesmaids dress?
I think it's kind of early to have the dresses made 13 months in advance. The men's ties don't even matter. If they didn't match whatever color the dresses turned out to be they could just be black or white. If they needed to match exactly she could just take the tie from the rental place which those colors never change and have them match the dress to the tie a couple months in advance.
Bridesmaids dresses over a year before the wedding is just asking for a whole slew of alterations. People might get pregnant or lose or GAIN weight. It's too much. My advice to you is to go ahead and apply for a new sister.
If you application gets turned down. Buy the stupid dress now and save up for needing a new one in a year because I think you may change THAT much depending how much weight you have to lose. Just accept you may have to toss a brand new dress in the trash because your sister has lost her mind. IF this is her normal state of affairs please direct me to "stoopid fiance's R us" because I have a few nieces in law who I'd like to marry off soon and I'd like one of those guys like the one your sister found cause I can't imagine anyone proposing to that.
It's looks a little like this only dark blue with a hanging neckline.
https://www.google.com.au/search?q=tbdress&hl=en&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ei=IhrvUfK3JMrQkwXliYGIAQ&ved=0CAcQ_AUoAQ&biw=1600&bih=881#facrc=_&imgdii=_&imgrc=jjBRpdPORWBIOM:;yo4oB7w1AbheBM;http%3A%2F%2Fimages.dressale.com%2Fimages%2F240x360%2F201301%2FE%2F1358447984997.jpg;http%3A%2F%2Fwww.dressale.com%2Ftags%2FTb-Dress-Party%2F;240;360
My mother calls it hideous or "Blue Potato sack" as both I and the only remaining bridesmaid are very curvy hourglass shapes and she said it didn't look good on either one of us.
Sorry ive never posted a pic >.<
this one?
if so that is an ugly dress that if you don't have a perfect body then anyone would look horrid in it. Also how in the world would anyone see cleavage in this?
edit...oh I see...hanging neckline
Yes! She wanted to have the neck line change to this
http://s8.postimg.org/exs6utzxh/neck.jpg
As she feels its more elegant. hence the potato sack name haha0 -
You are making the decision to do something that will benefit your health! Don't let anyone talk you out of it. When the wedding approaches and she has to deal with venue, food, etc. there will be so much on her mind she won't miss that you got the dress you paid for altered. It's rude of her to try to discourage you. Your body= your business. She shouldn't have a say in YOUR weight loss0
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AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW Can't stand it, ya know I planned it, Imma set it straight, this Watergate!0
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bridezilla. it's your body, your choice. don't let anyone tell you what to do with your body. if she can't handle that then i guess she is going to be bridesmaid-less.0
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I'm paying for the dress, (My mother calls it the very hideous $200 dress) as my sister said it would be my way of helping her out. So i asked if it would be okay, if i we're to have it altered closer to the date, which i would happily pay for, as i don't want to hold off my health for another 13 months+. And she went off the handles asking me why i cant wait until after her wedding to lose weight, telling me i'm stupid and it's a waste of time and money and i should just be happy that i get to be her bridesmaid.
Here's a female plan:
You should really apologize to her.
The best way to do this is to write her a little note of apology, and send it to her along with 5-6 delicious chocolate muffins.
Then keep losing weight while she stuffs her face in a rage.0 -
I don't see why you need to tell her that you plan on getting the dress altered. It's your dress and your money, it's really none of her business if you decided to get it taken in or not.
^^ this.
OP, there is only one person in the world who can sabotage you... and that is you. Woman up.0 -
mwhaahaa!I'm paying for the dress, (My mother calls it the very hideous $200 dress) as my sister said it would be my way of helping her out. So i asked if it would be okay, if i we're to have it altered closer to the date, which i would happily pay for, as i don't want to hold off my health for another 13 months+. And she went off the handles asking me why i cant wait until after her wedding to lose weight, telling me i'm stupid and it's a waste of time and money and i should just be happy that i get to be her bridesmaid.
Here's a female plan:
You should really apologize to her.
The best way to do this is to write her a little note of apology, and send it to her along with 5-6 delicious chocolate muffins.
Then keep losing weight while she stuffs her face in a rage.0 -
Can I see a picture of the bridesmaids dress?
I think it's kind of early to have the dresses made 13 months in advance. The men's ties don't even matter. If they didn't match whatever color the dresses turned out to be they could just be black or white. If they needed to match exactly she could just take the tie from the rental place which those colors never change and have them match the dress to the tie a couple months in advance.
Bridesmaids dresses over a year before the wedding is just asking for a whole slew of alterations.
I don't think she really needs the dresses made a year in advance. I think she just said that to try to bully her sister into not losing any weight.0 -
"If you're worried about my cleavage, I'll have a lot less of it after I lose weight." :indifferent:
Also, that dress has some pretty complex seaming. Alterations might be problematic. I'd discuss what kind of policies they have in regards to fitting before buying a dress.
Before her own wedding, my niece went from a size 12 to a size 4, and they couldn't alter it enough to fit, so they ordered a new dress in her new size at no additional cost.
But if a bride - sister or not - was treating me this way? She'd be looking for a new bridesmaid.0 -
My advice? Lose all the weight you want. Be super hot. Show some cleavage and be amazing.
Let no one hold you back.
This. I'm competitive enough that if someone had said that to me, I'd be cranking my weight loss efforts into overdrive. 0 -
The only thing with buying it now, and altering it in a year is that sometimes dresses can only be downsized so much. 13 months is a long time. I'm not sure how much you have to lose, but if you lost 50+ pounds you might not be able to get it altered small enough, and could need to buy another dress. It just depends how many sizes you end up shrinking.
This^. I can't begin to wear or alter clothes I had at my heaviest a year ago... especially more fitted pieces. You've gotten lots of good advice here about how to handle her, but you may want to start saving your money now if you've got a lot to lose. Frankly, at that point it may be cheaper to buy new than alter a complicated style by 4-5 dress sizes.0 -
You are right. Your sister, who sounds like a spoiled little b=ch, is wrong. Tell her you'll either order the dress a size or two smaller now, order it later, or get it altered, but you aren't going to hold off on your welfare and health so she can play bridezilla. If worst comes to worst and she won't see reason, you don't need to spend $200 (!! Holy crap, I paid $35 for my wedding dress!) for something you'll wear once, and she can get somebody else to be in the wedding party.0
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Here's a female plan:
You should really apologize to her.
The best way to do this is to write her a little note of apology, and send it to her along with 5-6 delicious chocolate muffins.
Then keep losing weight while she stuffs her face in a rage.
Lol. This is why MFP needs a like button.
To sum up the thread:
- Don't listen to a word she says. Do what is best for your body.
- She's probably just super jelly that you might get attention on her wedding day for your weight loss.
- If you're paying for the dress, then surely you're paying for the alterations and thus have no need to tell her if you do indeed get it altered.
- Consider firing yourself from bridesmaid if she can't handle it.
My personal thoughts:
Knowing that you really only need to order bridesmaid dresses a few months in advance (more than 6 is a bit excessive), she probably has an ulterior motive and given some of the stuff she is saying, good luck making it through the next 13 months without ripping her face off. I've been a bridesmaid several times, gotten my dresses from different stores, and every time the shop lady has consulted with me after taking measurements in order to determine size. Yes they have a chart to use based on what the measuring tape says, but these ladies know that things will change and they don't want to have to get you a new dress for no charge because you shrunk too far out of the size you ordered for it to be altered. Tell the nice lady at the store (preferably out of earshot of your sister) what you are doing and that you would like to order your dress at least one size down from your measurements. If necessary you can fudge a bit and say "oh i've been at it for three months already and have lost 20 lbs" so they don't think it's a lark. Just a suggestion.0 -
You are right. Your sister, who sounds like a spoiled little b=ch, is wrong. Tell her you'll either order the dress a size or two smaller now, order it later, or get it altered, but you aren't going to hold off on your welfare and health so she can play bridezilla. If worst comes to worst and she won't see reason, you don't need to spend $200 (!! Holy crap, I paid $35 for my wedding dress!) for something you'll wear once, and she can get somebody else to be in the wedding party.
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:0 -
http://www.dressale.com/admirable-silver-capped-satin-dress-for-party-2012-p-23300.htmlCan I see a picture of the bridesmaids dress?
I think it's kind of early to have the dresses made 13 months in advance. The men's ties don't even matter. If they didn't match whatever color the dresses turned out to be they could just be black or white. If they needed to match exactly she could just take the tie from the rental place which those colors never change and have them match the dress to the tie a couple months in advance.
Bridesmaids dresses over a year before the wedding is just asking for a whole slew of alterations. People might get pregnant or lose or GAIN weight. It's too much. My advice to you is to go ahead and apply for a new sister.
If you application gets turned down. Buy the stupid dress now and save up for needing a new one in a year because I think you may change THAT much depending how much weight you have to lose. Just accept you may have to toss a brand new dress in the trash because your sister has lost her mind. IF this is her normal state of affairs please direct me to "stoopid fiance's R us" because I have a few nieces in law who I'd like to marry off soon and I'd like one of those guys like the one your sister found cause I can't imagine anyone proposing to that.
It's looks a little like this only dark blue with a hanging neckline.
https://www.google.com.au/search?q=tbdress&hl=en&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ei=IhrvUfK3JMrQkwXliYGIAQ&ved=0CAcQ_AUoAQ&biw=1600&bih=881#facrc=_&imgdii=_&imgrc=jjBRpdPORWBIOM:;yo4oB7w1AbheBM;http%3A%2F%2Fimages.dressale.com%2Fimages%2F240x360%2F201301%2FE%2F1358447984997.jpg;http%3A%2F%2Fwww.dressale.com%2Ftags%2FTb-Dress-Party%2F;240;360
My mother calls it hideous or "Blue Potato sack" as both I and the only remaining bridesmaid are very curvy hourglass shapes and she said it didn't look good on either one of us.
Sorry ive never posted a pic >.<
this one?
if so that is an ugly dress that if you don't have a perfect body then anyone would look horrid in it. Also how in the world would anyone see cleavage in this?
edit...oh I see...hanging neckline
Yes! She wanted to have the neck line change to this
http://s8.postimg.org/exs6utzxh/neck.jpg
As she feels its more elegant. hence the potato sack name haha
Oh ICK!
And that first dress looks like satin. If it is, the hanging neckline is NOT gonna work at all.0
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