Bad memories, experiences you had as a child which still haunts you, reminds you till this day

deluxmary2000

TheRoadDog wrote: »

glitterng wrote: »

Yes. Sexually molested from age 3 to 8, when I was old enough to finally tell someone, by my godfather. Then by my brother-in-law from 11 to 15 when I finally figured out a system to get him to stop. Weight, to me, meant safety for the longest time. To this day it still is an unconscious motivator to sabotage myself when I get close to goal. Rediculous, I know. I've just started paying attention to my health and trying to achieve a healthy weight again, as my physical state is pretty bad and not looking to get any better until I do something about it. I will focus on my health improvements instead of how my body looks and strive to overcome that little scared girl inside telling me fat = safety, thin = bad men doing bad things to me.

I'm sorry to hear about that. I was never that aware until one day a gal came up to me at work. She new I taught Martial Arts and asked me if I could walk her to her car because her ex was threatening her over the phone. I agreed to walk her and, when we got to the parking lot, I saw this guy come running at us. We were by my car, so I put her in and locked the door. I didn't know her or him or the dynamics. He kept yelling that all he wanted to do was talk to her. She finally nodded that she would talk to him and got out. This put me in a tough position. I wanted to be close enough to protect her, but far enough away to not eavesdrop. Mistake. He pulled a pistol and threatened to shoot her if she didn't leave with him. I charged him. Managed to take the gun from him and put him down. Afterwards I took her to the Police station, where I was informed this was a domestic situation and she needed a Restraining Order. Anyways, I said all that to say this. I took an interest in her and the Woman's Club she was a part of at work. I started a class for all these gals for Self-Defense and began to do some research on molestation and sexual crimes. Found out how prevalent it is. In my research and talking with women, I found out my own mother had been molested. I found out that a co-worker was in the midst of a trial as the victim of date rape.

All I can offer you is that as a victim of molestation, you are not a lesser person and you did nothing to deserve it. You were a victim. Plain and simple.

Holy cow, you're like a real life super hero!

Timshel_

Avocado_AS5 wrote: »

When I was 7 years old my dad was dying from brain cancer. He stayed at home where my mother cared for him 24 hours a day. One day, he threw up all over himself and my mom yelled for me to get a wet washcloth so she could clean him up. Stupid me grabbed a rag from a pile of dirty clothes and wet it for her. As she used it to clean his mouth, he got sick again. I had given him a dirty rag soaked in Pine Sol.
I was a little kid, but still to this day I feel guilt and shame. Like somehow I was contributing to his pain. Consciously I know better, but the memory still brings me to tears.

It is not just being a kid that things like this can haunt you. My mother-in-law was in the hospital dying from cancer and we were there for weeks trying to be with her. At one point my wife, her sister, and everyone had gone to take a break and get some food and I wanted to stay back to have a few moments with her. We were talking and my mother-in-law asked for a drink of water, so I sat her up and she took a sip. Immediately she started choking and coded right there. I yelled for some help and there were a dozen people in the room in seconds. They managed to revive and stabilize her. In a similar way, like you, I feel like something I did added to her suffering there.

That was about 12 years back now when I was in my late 30's.

kaizaku

Timshel_ wrote: »

Avocado_AS5 wrote: »

When I was 7 years old my dad was dying from brain cancer. He stayed at home where my mother cared for him 24 hours a day. One day, he threw up all over himself and my mom yelled for me to get a wet washcloth so she could clean him up. Stupid me grabbed a rag from a pile of dirty clothes and wet it for her. As she used it to clean his mouth, he got sick again. I had given him a dirty rag soaked in Pine Sol.
I was a little kid, but still to this day I feel guilt and shame. Like somehow I was contributing to his pain. Consciously I know better, but the memory still brings me to tears.

It is not just being a kid that things like this can haunt you. My mother-in-law was in the hospital dying from cancer and we were there for weeks trying to be with her. At one point my wife, her sister, and everyone had gone to take a break and get some food and I wanted to stay back to have a few moments with her. We were talking and my mother-in-law asked for a drink of water, so I sat her up and she took a sip. Immediately she started choking and coded right there. I yelled for some help and there were a dozen people in the room in seconds. They managed to revive and stabilize her. In a similar way, like you, I feel like something I did added to her suffering there.

That was about 12 years back now when I was in my late 30's.

It's not your fault.

Cerealsensei

I'm pretty sure playing resident evil 2 on PlayStation as a kid subconsciously scared me for life. I used to have recurring nightmares about that game well into my teenage years.

MrStabbems

Cerealsensei wrote: »

I'm pretty sure playing resident evil 2 on PlayStation as a kid subconsciously scared me for life. I used to have recurring nightmares about that game well into my teenage years.

awesome game though!

TheRoadDog

deluxmary2000 wrote: »

TheRoadDog wrote: »

glitterng wrote: »

Yes. Sexually molested from age 3 to 8, when I was old enough to finally tell someone, by my godfather. Then by my brother-in-law from 11 to 15 when I finally figured out a system to get him to stop. Weight, to me, meant safety for the longest time. To this day it still is an unconscious motivator to sabotage myself when I get close to goal. Rediculous, I know. I've just started paying attention to my health and trying to achieve a healthy weight again, as my physical state is pretty bad and not looking to get any better until I do something about it. I will focus on my health improvements instead of how my body looks and strive to overcome that little scared girl inside telling me fat = safety, thin = bad men doing bad things to me.

I'm sorry to hear about that. I was never that aware until one day a gal came up to me at work. She new I taught Martial Arts and asked me if I could walk her to her car because her ex was threatening her over the phone. I agreed to walk her and, when we got to the parking lot, I saw this guy come running at us. We were by my car, so I put her in and locked the door. I didn't know her or him or the dynamics. He kept yelling that all he wanted to do was talk to her. She finally nodded that she would talk to him and got out. This put me in a tough position. I wanted to be close enough to protect her, but far enough away to not eavesdrop. Mistake. He pulled a pistol and threatened to shoot her if she didn't leave with him. I charged him. Managed to take the gun from him and put him down. Afterwards I took her to the Police station, where I was informed this was a domestic situation and she needed a Restraining Order. Anyways, I said all that to say this. I took an interest in her and the Woman's Club she was a part of at work. I started a class for all these gals for Self-Defense and began to do some research on molestation and sexual crimes. Found out how prevalent it is. In my research and talking with women, I found out my own mother had been molested. I found out that a co-worker was in the midst of a trial as the victim of date rape.

All I can offer you is that as a victim of molestation, you are not a lesser person and you did nothing to deserve it. You were a victim. Plain and simple.

Holy cow, you're like a real life super hero!

Just fortunate to be in the right place at the right time.

Cerealsensei

MrStabbems wrote: »

Cerealsensei wrote: »

I'm pretty sure playing resident evil 2 on PlayStation as a kid subconsciously scared me for life. I used to have recurring nightmares about that game well into my teenage years.

awesome game though!

Definitely a classic........that I will never play again lol.

Out_of_Bubblegum

There are some demons that I just don't let out to see the light of day.. I have long since wrestled them into submission, and to bring them out to examine them... is not the healthiest thing for me to do to myself - and to this day nearly 40 years after the nightmare ended - sharing these things with others makes me feel shameful, low, weak, ugly and unworthy.

Unless it serves some purpose, I generally don't talk about them.

I applaud those that have the courage to share theirs with the world so openly.

Sivadee00

After reading the many statements made on this thread I will say that most of them will be hard to forget. It's hard to regain trust in humanity when you read about people who struggle as survivors of inflicted trama and abusive experiences.

LittleLionHeart1

Years ago on Mothers Day my mom was having some severe pain. I took her to the ER, and she ended up having a emergency appendectomy.
* But that was nothing compared to finding her on the ground, almost a gonner, in the midst of her severely dense ischemic stroke. That's the one that still haunts me.

LittleLionHeart1

bwmalone wrote: »

There are some demons that I just don't let out to see the light of day.. I have long since wrestled them into submission, and to bring them out to examine them... is not the healthiest thing for me to do to myself - and to this day nearly 40 years after the nightmare ended - sharing these things with others makes me feel shameful, low, weak, ugly and unworthy.

Unless it serves some purpose, I generally don't talk about them.

I applaud those that have the courage to share theirs with the world so openly.

I know that for me, admitting what happened to me out loud was like a enormus weight off my shoulders. Knowone wants certain labels put on them. "Victim" or "Survivor Of". Knowone want's that chapter of their Book Of Life to reflect those kinds of stories. But to bury that down deep your entire life without dealing with it, or getting it at least off your chest to someone, is like letting a monster stay inside you. Maybe that monster stays dormant, or maybe it's a destroyer and it becomes the little excuse you use regularly to hold yourself back from being happy & succeeding in life. The beauty of letting it out here is knowone really knows who you are, and it's lifted off your shoulders. No guilt. No shame.

kaizaku

I remember an experience when I was around 6 or so. When I was in school I fell and hurt my elbow. Can't remember if I had a cut or not but remember going to the female teacher telling her what happened. And she said, something like what should I do, do you want me to cut it off. She got the scissors out. I got scared and said no. How could a teacher do that. If I only told someone she would have gotten sacked. I can't remember what the B!tch looks like.

kaizaku

A close family friend's hand got stuck inside the vhs player, I remember since then I use to extra cautious since it might happen to me. Although no one uses a vhs player. Ah the good times.

Merkavar

being punched for the first time that I remember.

playing on the road in front of my house, further up the hill there way three older kids, at a guess 10-11 years old, I think I was 6-8 at the time.

I apparently provoked one of them by telling my younger brother that the rocks they were throwing at me kept missing. one got in my face and asked me what i said, i repeated it, said you kept missing me with the rocks. then i was punched in the face.

kaizaku

During my school 🚸 days when I was around 5,I scraped my elbow. Went to the teacher, a plaster would been nice, instead the *kitten* pulled out a pair of scissors ✂. She said you want to cut it off. How could a teacher do that. If only I remembered the *kitten*, I would have put the scissors up her rear.

bootyrubsandtacos

My uncle died in his sleep while taking a nap when I was nine. I came home from school and my grams told me to go wake him up. He was morbidly obese and only in his mid 40’s. I’m 33 now and I still check on my disabled mother every single night to see if she’s breathing, and every morning before I leave my bedroom I try to mentally “prepare” myself for the worst before I go into her room. It’s always in my subconscious. I witnessed a lot of sickness and death during my childhood and it has resulted in a lot of crippling anxiety in my adulthood.