GUYS: would you end your relationship over extra skin ?

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  • krissykillstheweight
    krissykillstheweight Posts: 131 Member
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    I've lost about 150lbs, my boyfriend loves me extra skin and all. He loved me at 300lbs and now he loves me.
    He doesn't care, he would love me no matter what.
  • EmilyEmpowered
    EmilyEmpowered Posts: 650 Member
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    I lost a lot of weight....I have loose skin, I am ashamed of my current body. I am repulsed looking at it myself, let a lone expecting someone else to look at it, and think wow, you are really sexy!

    I am not the same woman, I was at 252 lbs. I have a new attitude, new hopes, new dreams!

    I feel the exact same way, I have a lot of extra skin in my stomach and it repulses me. It totally messes with my current relationship- he doesnt seem to mind at all, but I am always so on guard about whether or not my stomach is showing, that it really kills the mood. I wish I could ignore it, but it just grosses me out. I am working to accept it, and still trying to change it, I just get so frustrated that after all of this work, I still can't feel good in my body. weird part is, I never feel that repulsed by other peoples loose skin, but I see mine magnified I guess.
  • EmilyEmpowered
    EmilyEmpowered Posts: 650 Member
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    I lost a lot of weight....I have loose skin, I am ashamed of my current body. I am repulsed looking at it myself, let a lone expecting someone else to look at it, and think wow, you are really sexy!
    ...

    This is me. I actually just asked a guy friend for a man's perspective on it. I just started dating a really great guy, and he knows how much weight I've lost. I don't know if the thought has connected yet at what that means my body looks like under my clothes. And I don't know if I should bring it up and warn him. We haven't been dating long enough for him to be seeing me naked any time soon, and I'd hope that by the time we reach that point he likes me enough to get past it. He is incredibly fit (his arms are bigger than my thighs, lol... and YUM!) But I also dealt with an ex-husband who every day told me I was repulsive, disgusting, deformed, etc. I'm terrified of seeing that same look of revulsion in this new guys eyes.

    I don't know if I'll ever be comfortable enough for someone else to ever touch me or see me naked again.


    You know exactly where I am coming from!!!!!......Scary!!!!!!

    God this makes me angry! I see two beautiful women who have worked their azzes off and to be belittled like that...OMG! I hate shallow stupid people!

    Well this will make you happy then- because this thread inspired me to just go ahead and tell the guy I'm dating. And you know what? He said he couldn't care in the least! Not one bit. I'm so relieved I could cry.

    Awwww, this made me reallly happy for you :drinker:
  • 2boned
    2boned Posts: 44
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    Would NEVER have started dating her at 300 lbs.. Yikes! SMH
  • shadus
    shadus Posts: 424 Member
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    If you love someone, you love them. Fat, skinny, extra skin or otherwise... if you have a strong healthy relationship, appearance is the least concern there is... the person inside is who matters.

    Frankly, if someone even told me when I was thin or fat they would leave me over something so superficial, I'd say my goodbyes. There is nothing of substance in the relationship on their side and it's just a matter of time till something superficial they value more than what they find in me will drag them away. No point wasting my time or theirs.
  • shadus
    shadus Posts: 424 Member
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    My BF on the other hand has no issue with it!! Kidding!! :drinker:

    I about spit my drink, that was awesome :o) My wife and I both think you're a very attractive woman, you're right-- his loss.
  • Pelly57
    Pelly57 Posts: 169 Member
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    Gotta love my guy. Loved me fat, loved me skinny, loves me however I am.
  • JTick
    JTick Posts: 2,131 Member
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    Would NEVER have started dating her at 300 lbs.. Yikes! SMH

    Well, YOU sound like a catch.
  • Laces_0ut
    Laces_0ut Posts: 3,750 Member
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    Would NEVER have started dating her at 300 lbs.. Yikes! SMH

    Well, YOU sound like a catch.

    maybe he didnt say it the nicest way but whats wrong with not wanting to date someone who is morbidly obese? its like when women say they wont date a guy who is short.
  • TheEffort
    TheEffort Posts: 1,028 Member
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    "Love" is not superficial...I would not leave her for that reason.

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  • JTick
    JTick Posts: 2,131 Member
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    Would NEVER have started dating her at 300 lbs.. Yikes! SMH

    Well, YOU sound like a catch.

    maybe he didnt say it the nicest way but whats wrong with not wanting to date someone who is morbidly obese? its like when women say they wont date a guy who is short.

    The ""yikes! smh" is what got me.
  • shadus
    shadus Posts: 424 Member
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    Just wanted to say, there are several very very attractive ladies in this thread who have lost significant weight and who need to stop, take a deep breath, and be confident in who they are now and not who they were.

    You are beautiful. Skin and all. If someone fails to see that you just got the early warning that they weren't worth being with before wasting your time on them. You know you should be confident, you've already done something many struggle with and never resolve in their entire life. You are strong and beautiful and don't let ANYONE tell you otherwise.
  • Ivey05131980
    Ivey05131980 Posts: 1,118 Member
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    No. If I loved her at 300 pounds why wouldn't I still love her at 175 loose skin or not?

    She's the same woman so If he is repulsed by the lose skin then he should take a hard look in the mirror and decide why he was in the relationship in the first place.

    This.
  • VorJoshigan
    VorJoshigan Posts: 1,106 Member
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    I lost a lot of weight....I have loose skin, I am ashamed of my current body. I am repulsed looking at it myself, let a lone expecting someone else to look at it, and think wow, you are really sexy!
    ...

    This is me. I actually just asked a guy friend for a man's perspective on it. I just started dating a really great guy, and he knows how much weight I've lost. I don't know if the thought has connected yet at what that means my body looks like under my clothes. And I don't know if I should bring it up and warn him. We haven't been dating long enough for him to be seeing me naked any time soon, and I'd hope that by the time we reach that point he likes me enough to get past it. He is incredibly fit (his arms are bigger than my thighs, lol... and YUM!) But I also dealt with an ex-husband who every day told me I was repulsive, disgusting, deformed, etc. I'm terrified of seeing that same look of revulsion in this new guys eyes.

    I don't know if I'll ever be comfortable enough for someone else to ever touch me or see me naked again.


    You know exactly where I am coming from!!!!!......Scary!!!!!!

    It makes me so sad that we women are so insecure and focused on trivial things and always thinking we aren't good enough. I know that we are bombarded with messages all our lives that we must be perfect and unrealistically beautiful or there is something "wrong" with us, but I dream of a future generation of women that rises above that and instead is strong and proud in who they are. I've made many changes in my life to try to give that to my daughter. I never put myself down and I never talk about being fat and I don't take part in the beauty industry and I cut off the cable tv recently. It's a start.

    I have been single a long time but, occasionally, I also think about how I would "warn" a potential new partner about my skin. But, I can't remember the last time that a man felt the need to warn me that he is not perfect..... I don't expect a man to be perfect, but I do expect good health, a kind heart and a functional brain. Perhaps I should keep that in mind the next time I am thinking about the loose skin. (and NO, it cannot be toned!)

    Edit: I do not consider surgery an option. Any surgery carries the risk of lifelong illness or death. I refuse to risk dying over loose skin.
    For what it's worth, I have to fight this urge every time I get into a new relationship. I've come to understand that discovery is part of the relationship process and trying to short circuit it with disclosures is a mistake.
  • melb_alex
    melb_alex Posts: 1,154 Member
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    If you bread her and deep fry her, the skin is the best part....

    hahahah this is awesome

    but on a serious note I would increase the vitamin E...
  • melb_alex
    melb_alex Posts: 1,154 Member
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    Would NEVER have started dating her at 300 lbs.. Yikes! SMH

    Well, YOU sound like a catch.

    maybe he didnt say it the nicest way but whats wrong with not wanting to date someone who is morbidly obese? its like when women say they wont date a guy who is short.

    This ^^ harsh dose of reality.
  • melb_alex
    melb_alex Posts: 1,154 Member
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    Discussing this with my husband tonight:

    Me: the surgery is really intense, they basically cut you in half. You walk hunched over for weeks and can't do much of anything for six weeks. Not even stairs. We don't even have a first floor bathroom.

    Him: well, you would have to ....

    Me: no, I was talking about you.

    Him: (small voice) oh.

    haha another funny take
  • LiviLou2011
    LiviLou2011 Posts: 437 Member
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    Id say if u didnt stay with her after she lost all that weight to feel better about herself..that she deserved better then this so called person to begin with.
  • withtimecomesmiracles
    withtimecomesmiracles Posts: 339
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    People are talking about how superficial the question is but isn't it required? Like the world isn't all good and people aren't all nice and sure ideally you'd find someone that worship everything about you but that's not always the case. When beginning a new relationship you are clueless about how the other person is gonna react when facing your imperfections. It's scary.

    I never dated anyone when I was obese, granted I was only 17 but I never got the chance to find someone who 'likes me for me'. So now that clothed I look somewhat more standard, people who are attracted to me expects one thing and don't always realize that my body can't look like losing almost 100 pounds hasn't left its mark.
    So obviously you can't help but feel insecure and nervous and scared wondering if it's gonna be a deal breaker. People are superficials, and judgmental, and douchey. I think it's a question women are allowed to ask themselves. It's hard always trying to live up to expectations while being constantly afraid of rejection.

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