"Your a fat b****!".....

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  • xxghost
    xxghost Posts: 4,697 Member
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    I am so sorry. There has been a lot of great advice offered so far in this topic, and I think you should absolutely take it. Get your legal and financial matters in order. Getting away from that guy should be your first step - splitting him off from you and your kids should be top priority. Keep track of everything that he has done and said so that you can use it against him later in court.

    Do you have close friends or family that you could turn to for the next couple weeks? Support is so important.

    If you need to talk, my inbox is always open.
  • goalss4nika
    goalss4nika Posts: 529 Member
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    He's probably feeling insecure because you lost weight. That said, I agree with the poster who said there's probably something going on that's more than meets the eyes: drugs, affair (emotional or sexual), or depression.

    You can always find a reason to stay with someone who is bad for you. People are great at boxing themselves in (including me!). First and foremost: make sure your children are ok. Then look at your finances. Find out if you need to sell or rent a smaller house. Talk to family for support. And hire a good lawyer.

    Huge hugs! No one should have to go through this!


    This is so great! :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:
  • hsmaldo
    hsmaldo Posts: 115 Member
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    Most everyone has offered really good advice here, but I just wanted to add, make sure you put a hold or freeze on any and all joint credit cards. Moving money out of the bank account and changing locks is a great start, but he can leave a trail of destruction with credit cards. Call your credit card companies ASAP!

    Sorry that you are having to go through this. I can't imagine the shock or sadness or anger that you must be feeling. Hang in there!
  • laserturkey
    laserturkey Posts: 1,680 Member
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    People make jokes about lawyers all the time, but in this kind of situation, a good divorce lawyer is worth every penny of what they will charge you. Been there.

    ~*~ hugs ~*~
  • Lauracharder
    Lauracharder Posts: 141 Member
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    People make jokes about lawyers all the time, but in this kind of situation, a good divorce lawyer is worth every penny of what they will charge you. Been there.

    ~*~ hugs ~*~


    yes i agree.. calling you a fat b***** is mental cruelty and grounds for divorce! :)
    good riddance *kitten*!
  • caramelgyrlk
    caramelgyrlk Posts: 1,112 Member
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    Do your children a favor and get your legal situation in order ASAP, in the hope that the dirt bag cannot escape his financial obligations to them. Good luck.

    Definitely this
  • lorenzovonmatterhorn7549
    lorenzovonmatterhorn7549 Posts: 495 Member
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    Betrayal by the one you love is the worst. I'm so sorry. No one deserves to be talked to or treated like that.
  • caramelgyrlk
    caramelgyrlk Posts: 1,112 Member
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    Most everyone has offered really good advice here, but I just wanted to add, make sure you put a hold or freeze on any and all joint credit cards. Moving money out of the bank account and changing locks is a great start, but he can leave a trail of destruction with credit cards. Call your credit card companies ASAP!

    Sorry that you are having to go through this. I can't imagine the shock or sadness or anger that you must be feeling. Hang in there!

    This also. You do not want to be left with all the debt while he is out doing whatever. Make sure you reach out to your supportive friends, family, etc. Be very careful as to not over eat due to your emotions.

    I really hope you come out stronger and more determined not only for yourself but your kids as they are watching and will be going through changes.
  • JenAndSome
    JenAndSome Posts: 1,908 Member
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    Holy whoa! You should file for child support immediately. I don't care if he says it is all your problem or not, he's wrong. I hope they really stick it to him, too. Any person that would just walk away from their children like that deserves to be raked over the coals.
  • Gizziemoto
    Gizziemoto Posts: 430 Member
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    He is either feeling very insecure or found someone else. Sorry and he is an *kitten*.

    Empty the bank accounts, cancel his credit cards. If your state is like mine, you will get stuck for 1/2 of everything he purchases or gets loans (happened to a friend). Check your legal rights on abandonment and take action right away.

    He is a *kitten* and does not deserve you. You deserve better.
  • PBsMommy
    PBsMommy Posts: 1,166 Member
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    I am so sorry you are going through this. I am sure there are no words to be said that could make you feel better. Those were the exact words that my dad said to my mom to end their marriage.

    My husband's brother is going through something similar with his wife. She took off a few weeks ago and left him with the kids and said she was never coming back.

    Lean on your family and friends for support. And like other's have already said contact any bank or credit cards that you both have.
  • harps29
    harps29 Posts: 2
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    That is truly horrible, I'm sorry to hear that. There's a couple of people on here who have said he probably can't handle you losing weight, I have to say that was my initial thought too. Some blokes don't like the idea of their partners losing weight/ changing their appearance - it makes them insecure because before, in their head while you are bigger and perhaps feeling less confident you are unlikely to look elsewhere. It's a weird little safety net for them. When you are feeling good about yourself, you draw in admirers/ attention as people notice the confidence. If this is the case and he has left for this reason because of insecurity/ jealousy then you are definitely better off without him - your partner should love and support you and feel proud of you. If you are happy, he should be happy too. I may be completely wrong so please take this with a pinch of salt, I'm just adding my thoughts. Either way, for whatever reason, if he's bolted without even having the decency or respect to sit down and have an adult chat with you, have a good cry if you need to and then don't waste any more tears over him. Hold your head up, seek legal advice to make sure you and your kids are sorted and then just keep moving forward. Don't let this knock you down.
  • futuresize8
    futuresize8 Posts: 476 Member
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    Funny, you don't strike me as a fat b****. You do strike me as someone who is trying to better herself and lead a healthy life for her children.

    I like that.

    Some men are put off by strong women. Not your fault.

    This is day two of what feels like a nightmare. If you play your cards right, you will find yourself looking back at July 24th as Independence Day.

    I'm not a big fan of divorce. (I had one myself. He, too, enjoyed demeaning me about my appearance. And he was intimidated by my smarts, successes at work, etc. He used another filthy word besides b****, though....)

    So, though I'm not a big fan of divorce, he abandoned you and your children. While you might feel tired and sick, you need to go into Survival Mode to protect your assets and your kids.

    If you don't move now, you'll regret it. Trust me, if he does have someone else, they're in his ear about what to do next. And, while I hope for your health's sake he wasn't cheating on you, you mentioned that you're together all the time and that he couldn't be cheating...unless he is unemployed and you're together literally every single second, people will find all kinds of ways to cheat in very limited time. Just ask former Congressman Wiener's wife. (Silly, silly girl...)

    I am wishing you health, luck and strength. The sooner you seek legal counsel, the better. And talking to a professional to help you handle the stress isn't a bad idea either.

    p.s. It will get better, I promise.
  • samanthajade124
    samanthajade124 Posts: 217 Member
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    This is a terrible situation... but you already had a gut feeling he was talking to someone else. You're probably right. If he can't remain faithful 100% to you, then you don't need him. Even if he does come back.. would you ever be able to really trust him again? A relationship without trust goes absolutely nowhere.

    Like others have said... since he left you with all the bills... go to the bank ASAP and get all the money out of the joint account y'all have. I know it'll be hard to not stress about financial situations that may arise, (and usually I don't say this... but in this case I know it wouldn't be abuse of the programs) but if you're a single parent to your 7 kids... that's what state programs are for. To make sure they are taken care of.

    It'll be tough to handle and you're probably going through a rollercoaster of emotions. It's normal.

    But pick your head up princess, your tiara is falling :flowerforyou:
  • BoomstickChick
    BoomstickChick Posts: 428 Member
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    He very well could be cheating. Just saying. My husband and I were never apart either except when he was at work and you know what? He had someone at work.
  • MFPRat
    MFPRat Posts: 201 Member
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    Move your money NOW!!!
    Change the locks, if you can't change them, install new ones on top of what you have. (I had to do that because I was a renter and the landlord refused to change the locks for me. So I put in a second deadbolt and chains) If there are other ways to get into your house (windows that don't lock, sliding door without something to put in the track to keep it from sliding, get those in order right away)

    Can you tell this happened to me? My ex kept breaking in and taking things. When I would walk in the door from work, something else would be missing. He even took the house phone so I had no way to call anyone (this was way before cell phones were so common that everyone had one).

    If you are certain there will be no reconciliation, find a lawyer and get the ball rolling. You will need to know the address of where is staying, so you may need to do some detective work on your own. If you don't have a lot of money for a lawyer, google sliding scale lawyers for your state.
  • ldrosophila
    ldrosophila Posts: 7,512 Member
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    Oh wow, so are you legally married? Is it time to find a lawyer? Make sure he knows he's not getting out of his responsibility with the kids. I hope you can seek some kind of child support ASAP!

    Oh and whose name are the bills under?
  • ldrosophila
    ldrosophila Posts: 7,512 Member
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    Move your money NOW!!!
    Change the locks, if you can't change them, install new ones on top of what you have. (I had to do that because I was a renter and the landlord refused to change the locks for me. So I put in a second deadbolt and chains) If there are other ways to get into your house (windows that don't lock, sliding door without something to put in the track to keep it from sliding, get those in order right away)

    Can you tell this happened to me? My ex kept breaking in and taking things. When I would walk in the door from work, something else would be missing. He even took the house phone so I had no way to call anyone (this was way before cell phones were so common that everyone had one).

    If you are certain there will be no reconciliation, find a lawyer and get the ball rolling. You will need to know the address of where is staying, so you may need to do some detective work on your own. If you don't have a lot of money for a lawyer, google sliding scale lawyers for your state.

    My Dad did this to us he took the refrigerator!! Of course it sat in my Grandma's garage for 5 years afterwards, but he literally took the food from the house out of spite I guess. I remember living out of coolers for months.
  • ldrosophila
    ldrosophila Posts: 7,512 Member
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    Oh I see you are from Tucson. I have a friend who lives there that went through a messy divorce, and she always told me that the law is on your side if you are a Woman with children in AZ. Not sure if that's true, but she got full custody of the children, alimony, and pretty good child support.
  • Lauren8239
    Lauren8239 Posts: 1,039 Member
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    Divorce on the grounds of abandonment. You will win. You and your children are the priority. Please keep us posted on how you are. :flowerforyou:
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