Afraid To Be Too Attractive

smantha32

Anyone else feel like they'd be on top of the world if only they were thin? I mean on top of the relationship aspects, career, networks, opportunities, abilities, energy, influence....etc..

I have a feeling that since I have been overweight all my life, that I will not know how to deal with the added attention I'd get.

Speaking from personal experience.... everyone feels that their weight is holding them back from the life they'd really be having if they were thin.

The reality is, yes, some things will change with confidence and improved looks, but in the end, you're still you, and you'll still have the same life.
Things won't magically fall into place by getting thin. In fact, now you'll have to deal with issues you were ignoring because you were so completely focused on weight, and you'll also develop new issues to deal with.

This is my personal experience.

anybeary

Believe me, you'll get over it. And another thing: being thin isn't the ONLY thing that makes someone attractive or the center of attention. You have to have something going on inside too, so continue to focus on that when you build an image of yourself in your mind. GOOD LOOKS ARE NOT EVERYTHING. Good looks are not the only reason men talk to women, or the only reason men date women or marry women or want to sleep with women. It's about how you carry yourself, fat, thin, or somewhere in between.

candacet36

I get it.....

You are still you on the outside and you deserve to be treated with respect and kindess no matter what you look like.

Unfortunately the society that we live in is very focused on the outward appearance. When have always been treated kindly but now that I have lost weight I can tell you there is a deffinate difference in how I am treated, good and bad. Men go out of there way to chat with me or get the door for me and some ladies give me the evil eye. I say embrace the new you....don't act any different that you ever have! Be confident and go after the things you want in life. The weight is not holding you back anymore! Best of luck and don't sweat it too much....nothing you can do to change others.

smantha32

I totally understand this! I know that part of me getting big and staying big was fear of getting hurt again, so my fat has been my shield. I'm fat it's unattractive and it keeps people away from me. I am so scared of people paying attention to me. I am so used to being invisible!

It is so peculiar, but this is a legitimate fear of mine.

It's not peculiar, it's pretty common actually. Especially if you've ever been through any kind of abuse.

LorinaLynn

Anyone else feel like they'd be on top of the world if only they were thin? I mean on top of the relationship aspects, career, networks, opportunities, abilities, energy, influence....etc..

I have a feeling that since I have been overweight all my life, that I will not know how to deal with the added attention I'd get.

Speaking from personal experience.... everyone feels that their weight is holding them back from the life they'd really be having if they were thin.

The reality is, yes, some things will change with confidence and improved looks, but in the end, you're still you, and you'll still have the same life.
Things won't magically fall into place by getting thin. In fact, now you'll have to deal with issues you were ignoring because you were so completely focused on weight, and you'll also develop new issues to deal with.

This is my personal experience.

All of this.

Sometimes I'm more insecure now because I'm so much more aware and critical of my body than I was when I was eating whatever, not exercising and not caring.

Juliejustsaying

Wendy do you know who you remind me of?

I'll tell you...

I've been alone my entire ****ing life and after constant rejection I finally managed to date a girl for the first time in my life. We went out on a few dates, and we were friends for about a year before we started dating. She's still a virgin, but she does anal and oral so I was okay with it.

About 3 weeks after we started dating she became distant and wanted to be intimate less often. For the last 3 days she's been crying in the middle of the night and she got back in contact with her ex. She told me she couldn't be intimate with me without thinking about him. That she really loved me but she wished she was together with him.

Even though I was so ****ing afraid of being alone my pride couldn't handle it and I dropped her. Moral of the story? Don't ****ing date used wendy's. Don't date girls like "Wendy"

Um... that was a dude... lights off I bet too...

bwhahahahaha...nailed it!!!

you mean...nailed "him", right? lol

yup! :laugh:

PetulantOne

I think I understand what you are saying... I have read stories (not on MFP) where women gain weight and unconsciously try to be unattractive so that they don't attract male attention due to some traumatic experience. Okay, that's an extreme example but, there are women who do fear that kind of attention.

The question is... why are you so afraid of it? What do you think will happen if people start viewing you in a different light?

this is legit...

I put on weight after I was raped....

i then proceeded to add more weight with every abusive patternistic relationship I got into...

funnily enough I lost all the weight (and did therapy) and am now in the healthiest relationship of my entire adult life.

who knew?

Hmmm, for some reason I never put those two things together but that actually makes a lot of sense.

OP- I understand what you're saying about not knowing how to handle the extra attention. It weirds me out, not that I get a ton, but any comment about my weight loss makes me feel uncomfortable. Almost like the extra fat I was carrying was my insulation from the world.

That being said, worry about it when/if you get to a point where it bothers you.

wendle81

Good point. Not letting it get in my way. It's just one of those things you notice, ya know.

wendle81

By the way.... wow. Nice array of responses here. I'm certainly seeing the variety of people on this site.

Many of you make a lot of sense and some of you like to joke around. That's quite alright.

Me... I post what I'm thinking by the moment sometimes.

I know very well that looks are not all that makes someone attractive.
And now that I'm up in my 30's I am noticing some health changes. Main motivator.
Trying, oh trying so hard, to be a good influence.

You know what I want more than to lose weight, right at this moment? To get at least 8 hours of sleep.