Fat shaming
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YvetteK2015 wrote: »YvetteK2015 wrote: »YvetteK2015 wrote: »No one's view on me was important. I knew I was fat. No one needed to tell me. I knew I needed to lose weight. I don't know the ratio of how many people know as opposed to those who are in denial, but you might be telling someone who doesn't care what your opinion/ view of them is.
I'm in the process of losing weight, but I'm still fat. If someone said something to me, my reply would be "Yeah, and?"
This is based mostly at the people who ignore it. I wouldn't want my children to walk around thinking is okay to be obese, which they're more likely to do if there's obese people around them.
The sad truth is (I don't know if you live in America or not) but something like 2/3 of Americans (I think, I might be off on that number) is overweight. Your children are going to see overweight people everywhere. You can't call everyone out. But you can teach you children good, healthy eating habits, and teach them by example.
I live in England. But I still think it's okay to tell someone they're overweight, just as you'd say smoking is bad for you, overeating or not exercising till you're overweight isn't healthy for tou
But you are not the food and exercise police. Nor the smoking police. What people do is their own business, and not yours. Now, if it's someone you know that you are truly concerned for, then talking about your concern is fine. But no one wants to hear what a strangers thinks of them. Again, it's not your business. Work on what YOU can control, and that's your kids.Alatariel75 wrote: »Alatariel75 wrote: »Eh. Feel free to tell me I'm fat. I'll likewise feel free to tell you to £%$# off.
One is being rude, the other isn't
No, no it is. Don't pretend randomly telling someone they're fat is out of some sort of concern for their health or other altruistic notion. It's just being a dick. I'd prefer if you taught your kids not to be a dick.
Then, please, explain why it's socially acceptable to tell a skinny person they're skinny or underweight or need to eat more food?
It's not.3 -
jennifer_417 wrote: »Having said that, it's one thing to speak out of concern, but some people use "honesty" as a weapon, basically as an excuse to hurt others. Make sure you know which side of the fence you're on when you "call people out."
Agreed - concern for what your kids see is not concern for the health of the overweight person.
Also be sure it is your business to 'call out' anyone for anything before you do it - my husband is getting overweight, smoking/drinking too much, etc (hypothetical examples) - that is my business.
I am a doctor and someone is my patient - that is my business.
Or at least my business to discuss it - still their choice what to do about it.
A stranger or work colleague who doesnt ask my opinion - that is not my business.
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Whatever happened to minding your own business?8
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YvetteK2015 wrote: »YvetteK2015 wrote: »YvetteK2015 wrote: »No one's view on me was important. I knew I was fat. No one needed to tell me. I knew I needed to lose weight. I don't know the ratio of how many people know as opposed to those who are in denial, but you might be telling someone who doesn't care what your opinion/ view of them is.
I'm in the process of losing weight, but I'm still fat. If someone said something to me, my reply would be "Yeah, and?"
This is based mostly at the people who ignore it. I wouldn't want my children to walk around thinking is okay to be obese, which they're more likely to do if there's obese people around them.
The sad truth is (I don't know if you live in America or not) but something like 2/3 of Americans (I think, I might be off on that number) is overweight. Your children are going to see overweight people everywhere. You can't call everyone out. But you can teach you children good, healthy eating habits, and teach them by example.
I live in England. But I still think it's okay to tell someone they're overweight, just as you'd say smoking is bad for you, overeating or not exercising till you're overweight isn't healthy for tou
But you are not the food and exercise police. Nor the smoking police. What people do is their own business, and not yours. Now, if it's someone you know that you are truly concerned for, then talking about your concern is fine. But no one wants to hear what a strangers thinks of them. Again, it's not your business. Work on what YOU can control, and that's your kids.Alatariel75 wrote: »Alatariel75 wrote: »Eh. Feel free to tell me I'm fat. I'll likewise feel free to tell you to £%$# off.
One is being rude, the other isn't
No, no it is. Don't pretend randomly telling someone they're fat is out of some sort of concern for their health or other altruistic notion. It's just being a dick. I'd prefer if you taught your kids not to be a dick.
Then, please, explain why it's socially acceptable to tell a skinny person they're skinny or underweight or need to eat more food?
I do not appreciate anyone telling me how 'skinny' and underweight I am. I know this. Nor is it anyone's business to comment on my eating either! I have a medical condition and know I look unhealthy most days...is it anyone's business to 'tell' me this...no! It just hurts me and does not make it any better.4 -
gamerbabe14 wrote: »Whatever happened to minding your own business?
Social media, for one.5 -
Chef_Barbell wrote: »YvetteK2015 wrote: »YvetteK2015 wrote: »YvetteK2015 wrote: »No one's view on me was important. I knew I was fat. No one needed to tell me. I knew I needed to lose weight. I don't know the ratio of how many people know as opposed to those who are in denial, but you might be telling someone who doesn't care what your opinion/ view of them is.
I'm in the process of losing weight, but I'm still fat. If someone said something to me, my reply would be "Yeah, and?"
This is based mostly at the people who ignore it. I wouldn't want my children to walk around thinking is okay to be obese, which they're more likely to do if there's obese people around them.
The sad truth is (I don't know if you live in America or not) but something like 2/3 of Americans (I think, I might be off on that number) is overweight. Your children are going to see overweight people everywhere. You can't call everyone out. But you can teach you children good, healthy eating habits, and teach them by example.
I live in England. But I still think it's okay to tell someone they're overweight, just as you'd say smoking is bad for you, overeating or not exercising till you're overweight isn't healthy for tou
But you are not the food and exercise police. Nor the smoking police. What people do is their own business, and not yours. Now, if it's someone you know that you are truly concerned for, then talking about your concern is fine. But no one wants to hear what a strangers thinks of them. Again, it's not your business. Work on what YOU can control, and that's your kids.Alatariel75 wrote: »Alatariel75 wrote: »Eh. Feel free to tell me I'm fat. I'll likewise feel free to tell you to £%$# off.
One is being rude, the other isn't
No, no it is. Don't pretend randomly telling someone they're fat is out of some sort of concern for their health or other altruistic notion. It's just being a dick. I'd prefer if you taught your kids not to be a dick.
Then, please, explain why it's socially acceptable to tell a skinny person they're skinny or underweight or need to eat more food?
It's not.
Socially, it is acceptable. The person did not say it was acceptable to you. In our society, it absolutely is socially acceptable to tell someone they are too thin and need to eat more. People do it all the time, and it is within our societal norms. Telling someone that they are fat is not socially acceptable and falls outside of societal norms (by "our" I mean those of us living in the U.S.). Thin people may not like it, but most people in my experience would not react to "you are too thin" like they would react to someone saying "you are too overweight".1 -
paperpudding wrote: »...People also need to know when to keep their views to themselves.
I agree. If somebody had ever walked up to me out of the blue and told me I was fat, my response to them wouldn't be printable here. They'd have left with their ears burning. I don't care about your "concern", keep it to yourself and mind your own business.
When I was a smoker, I was standing out in the back lot at work having a cigarette one day when one of my coworkers walked out and said "You know, smoking is really bad for you". I replied "Yeah...yeah, I know that. So is being 100 pounds overweight and having that big, fat gut hanging over your belt. We all make our own choices in life".
One of our other coworkers overheard it and said "That was mean." I replied "I agree, that wasn't very nice - he should keep his opinions to himself".
I would never have made such a statement to him without provocation. But since he felt comfortable enough to make my business his business, I figured I should feel equally comfortable offering my opinion in return.14 -
YvetteK2015 wrote: »YvetteK2015 wrote: »YvetteK2015 wrote: »No one's view on me was important. I knew I was fat. No one needed to tell me. I knew I needed to lose weight. I don't know the ratio of how many people know as opposed to those who are in denial, but you might be telling someone who doesn't care what your opinion/ view of them is.
I'm in the process of losing weight, but I'm still fat. If someone said something to me, my reply would be "Yeah, and?"
This is based mostly at the people who ignore it. I wouldn't want my children to walk around thinking is okay to be obese, which they're more likely to do if there's obese people around them.
The sad truth is (I don't know if you live in America or not) but something like 2/3 of Americans (I think, I might be off on that number) is overweight. Your children are going to see overweight people everywhere. You can't call everyone out. But you can teach you children good, healthy eating habits, and teach them by example.
I live in England. But I still think it's okay to tell someone they're overweight, just as you'd say smoking is bad for you, overeating or not exercising till you're overweight isn't healthy for tou
But you are not the food and exercise police. Nor the smoking police. What people do is their own business, and not yours. Now, if it's someone you know that you are truly concerned for, then talking about your concern is fine. But no one wants to hear what a strangers thinks of them. Again, it's not your business. Work on what YOU can control, and that's your kids.Alatariel75 wrote: »Alatariel75 wrote: »Eh. Feel free to tell me I'm fat. I'll likewise feel free to tell you to £%$# off.
One is being rude, the other isn't
No, no it is. Don't pretend randomly telling someone they're fat is out of some sort of concern for their health or other altruistic notion. It's just being a dick. I'd prefer if you taught your kids not to be a dick.
Then, please, explain why it's socially acceptable to tell a skinny person they're skinny or underweight or need to eat more food?
I do not appreciate anyone telling me how 'skinny' and underweight I am. I know this. Nor is it anyone's business to comment on my eating either! I have a medical condition and know I look unhealthy most days...is it anyone's business to 'tell' me this...no! It just hurts me and does not make it any better.
This too.. I used to call people skinny, but, I always meant it as a compliment, as in 'you're gorgeous, you're so skinny,'. I didn't realize it wasn't a compliment. I really had no idea that some people really struggle to gain weight or are self conscious about being thin. I was fantastically envious of my gorgeous skinny friends and probably brought up their weight too often.
As an adult, I know that it isn't appropriate to mention someone's weight no matter which way. As a teen though, I really thought I was giving the highest compliment that there was as there was nothing I wanted to be more than thin. To have someone call me thin.
I'm trying to teach my daughter that there are things you just don't say to people and complimenting someone on being thin is definitely one of them.
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thiosulfate wrote: »There's a difference between having a one on one talk to someone because you care for them and are concerned about their health and calling someone fat just to be a jerk.
It is okay to comment on someone's health in a polite manner when it comes from a loving and concerned place. It is NOT okay or helpful to say "Wow. You're a fat cow!". It is not okay to do this to skinny people either... string bean, toothpick, etc. are not acceptable comments... but if they for sure are clinically underweight OR they admit they are undereating it is okay to show concern, tactfully.0 -
CaliMomTeach wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »YvetteK2015 wrote: »YvetteK2015 wrote: »YvetteK2015 wrote: »No one's view on me was important. I knew I was fat. No one needed to tell me. I knew I needed to lose weight. I don't know the ratio of how many people know as opposed to those who are in denial, but you might be telling someone who doesn't care what your opinion/ view of them is.
I'm in the process of losing weight, but I'm still fat. If someone said something to me, my reply would be "Yeah, and?"
This is based mostly at the people who ignore it. I wouldn't want my children to walk around thinking is okay to be obese, which they're more likely to do if there's obese people around them.
The sad truth is (I don't know if you live in America or not) but something like 2/3 of Americans (I think, I might be off on that number) is overweight. Your children are going to see overweight people everywhere. You can't call everyone out. But you can teach you children good, healthy eating habits, and teach them by example.
I live in England. But I still think it's okay to tell someone they're overweight, just as you'd say smoking is bad for you, overeating or not exercising till you're overweight isn't healthy for tou
But you are not the food and exercise police. Nor the smoking police. What people do is their own business, and not yours. Now, if it's someone you know that you are truly concerned for, then talking about your concern is fine. But no one wants to hear what a strangers thinks of them. Again, it's not your business. Work on what YOU can control, and that's your kids.Alatariel75 wrote: »Alatariel75 wrote: »Eh. Feel free to tell me I'm fat. I'll likewise feel free to tell you to £%$# off.
One is being rude, the other isn't
No, no it is. Don't pretend randomly telling someone they're fat is out of some sort of concern for their health or other altruistic notion. It's just being a dick. I'd prefer if you taught your kids not to be a dick.
Then, please, explain why it's socially acceptable to tell a skinny person they're skinny or underweight or need to eat more food?
It's not.
Socially, it is acceptable. The person did not say it was acceptable to you. In our society, it absolutely is socially acceptable to tell someone they are too thin and need to eat more. People do it all the time, and it is within our societal norms. Telling someone that they are fat is not socially acceptable and falls outside of societal norms (by "our" I mean those of us living in the U.S.). Thin people may not like it, but most people in my experience would not react to "you are too thin" like they would react to someone saying "you are too overweight".
Depends on your circle. *shrug*5 -
Have you done this? What happened?
Most people realize they are 'fat' or not...some are due to medical issues (prescriptions, etc.,). If you know the person certainly let them know you are concerned for their health. I would definitely do this.
One can not just assume someone is 'fat' because they just stuff their face....if you don't know the 'whole' story it's certainly not your place to call people 'out' you don't know.
Yes I've recently told someone they were overweight (this was on a silly social media page where she asked for opinions) and I got a lot of fat shaming hate, despite saying it really nicely.
I've found this is the response you get whatever the situation, which is a shame seeing as it's 'okay' to shame other people with unhealthy habits.
She literally asked if she was overweight? Then I see no issue.1 -
I don't know but for me personally I've never needed anyone to tell me I'm overweight and how unhealthy it is. I have mirrors and I'm the one dragging around the extra pounds. Trust me I never forget the weight is there. I think it's rude for people to point it out. It's never happened to me. If it did it might not end well for the other person.1
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Who made you the fat police? What possible reason could you ever have for thinking someone else's physical being or health is any of your business whatsoever.
I'm reminded of my college freshman P.E. class. The first day, the instructor did a skin caliper test on everyone. Next, he told every single female in the class she was obese.
The instructor felt it was necessary to label us all fatties.
You've never seen so much devastation and vomit over the next semester. We even had one suicide which I'm sure wasn't directly caused by the instructor, but the miserable self-hating, self-conscious atmosphere in our dorm couldn't have helped. On a good day, one of the women might consume a celery stick in public. I'm sure there was secret eating going on.
Fat people know they're fat. People who you randomly decide don't meet your standards to live in your world don't need your opinion.8 -
As a "large" man, there's nothing that I think of more than how big I've gotten. I notice the looks I get, the snide comments that are made about my physical shape. But, what they don't understand is I have a horrible disease called Multiple Sclerosis, M.S. I can't workout any more! I can't walk long distances over ~100 ft. I can't lift weights. Does anyone really think I want to be like this? I hate it! So, yeah, if you're an *kitten* come up to me and say I've gotten big--like I haven't noticed-- and you not understanding why. Or you can keep your mouth shut and realize that people like me know were overweight and we're trying to lose it.
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@gamerbabe_14 no doubt, keep your opinions to yourself. Some people can't shut their mouths though.0
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Personally I think it's okay to call people out in being overweight / obese. It's the only reason I realised there was a problem I had to lose weight.
I think people's view on you is important
Just be prepared for someone to tell you that in six months they could be slim, but you'll still be a rude person offering opinions that no one asked for.7 -
paperpudding wrote: »...People also need to know when to keep their views to themselves.
I agree. If somebody had ever walked up to me out of the blue and told me I was fat, my response to them wouldn't be printable here. They'd have left with their ears burning. I don't care about your "concern", keep it to yourself and mind your own business.
When I was a smoker, I was standing out in the back lot at work having a cigarette one day when one of my coworkers walked out and said "You know, smoking is really bad for you". I replied "Yeah...yeah, I know that. So is being 100 pounds overweight and having that big, fat gut hanging over your belt. We all make our own choices in life".
One of our other coworkers overheard it and said "That was mean." I replied "I agree, that wasn't very nice - he should keep his opinions to himself".
I would never have made such a statement to him without provocation. But since he felt comfortable enough to make my business his business, I figured I should feel equally comfortable offering my opinion in return.
This.
OP, if you feel entitled enough to make the business of random people your business in public, they should also be free to give you a full rundown of your own faults, in excruciating detail, at whatever volume they deem appropriate. Fair's fair.10 -
I personally don't agree that shaming someone is the answer. If someone wants to lose weight or even gain weight if they're called "extremely thin" or "Skelton like" it's something they would do based on their own personal decision regardless if it's counting calories and losing the weight naturally or deciding to get gastric bypass. I personally dislike it when people start making comments about my figure regardless of it's to say I look skinnier or I look more chubby it does nothing for me. I normally just ignore it and continue with my day.1
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CaliMomTeach wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »YvetteK2015 wrote: »YvetteK2015 wrote: »YvetteK2015 wrote: »No one's view on me was important. I knew I was fat. No one needed to tell me. I knew I needed to lose weight. I don't know the ratio of how many people know as opposed to those who are in denial, but you might be telling someone who doesn't care what your opinion/ view of them is.
I'm in the process of losing weight, but I'm still fat. If someone said something to me, my reply would be "Yeah, and?"
This is based mostly at the people who ignore it. I wouldn't want my children to walk around thinking is okay to be obese, which they're more likely to do if there's obese people around them.
The sad truth is (I don't know if you live in America or not) but something like 2/3 of Americans (I think, I might be off on that number) is overweight. Your children are going to see overweight people everywhere. You can't call everyone out. But you can teach you children good, healthy eating habits, and teach them by example.
I live in England. But I still think it's okay to tell someone they're overweight, just as you'd say smoking is bad for you, overeating or not exercising till you're overweight isn't healthy for tou
But you are not the food and exercise police. Nor the smoking police. What people do is their own business, and not yours. Now, if it's someone you know that you are truly concerned for, then talking about your concern is fine. But no one wants to hear what a strangers thinks of them. Again, it's not your business. Work on what YOU can control, and that's your kids.Alatariel75 wrote: »Alatariel75 wrote: »Eh. Feel free to tell me I'm fat. I'll likewise feel free to tell you to £%$# off.
One is being rude, the other isn't
No, no it is. Don't pretend randomly telling someone they're fat is out of some sort of concern for their health or other altruistic notion. It's just being a dick. I'd prefer if you taught your kids not to be a dick.
Then, please, explain why it's socially acceptable to tell a skinny person they're skinny or underweight or need to eat more food?
It's not.
Socially, it is acceptable. The person did not say it was acceptable to you. In our society, it absolutely is socially acceptable to tell someone they are too thin and need to eat more. People do it all the time, and it is within our societal norms. Telling someone that they are fat is not socially acceptable and falls outside of societal norms (by "our" I mean those of us living in the U.S.). Thin people may not like it, but most people in my experience would not react to "you are too thin" like they would react to someone saying "you are too overweight".
I've never lived in an environment where it was acceptable to comment on anyone's size large or small. I suppose within family groups it might be more likely for a relative to express concern for a family member who appears to be getting too thin as opposed to too fat but that's a different situation. I live in the US by the way, on the west coast and have lived on the east coast also, and while people make comments about other people all the time I certainly don't see it as an accepted social norm.0 -
It's never okay imo. Fat people are hyper aware of their weight usually. It's just rude and disrespectful.2
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