Fat shaming
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You can't say anything about anyone about anything........unless they're fat. For some reason, people think it is politically correct to make fun of overweight people. I see it on social media and in movies and tv shows all the time! I think it's horrible, especially now that so many of our young people are overweight. And if someone thinks you're fat, they should keep their mouths shut. They aren't doing it to help us get healthy. Please! They are doing it to make themselves feel better than us. We know we need to lose weight and we are doing our best to lose it. The only exception is when a close friend or family member says something. Other than that, I agree with alaterial75. How dare they?0
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CaliMomTeach wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »YvetteK2015 wrote: »YvetteK2015 wrote: »YvetteK2015 wrote: »No one's view on me was important. I knew I was fat. No one needed to tell me. I knew I needed to lose weight. I don't know the ratio of how many people know as opposed to those who are in denial, but you might be telling someone who doesn't care what your opinion/ view of them is.
I'm in the process of losing weight, but I'm still fat. If someone said something to me, my reply would be "Yeah, and?"
This is based mostly at the people who ignore it. I wouldn't want my children to walk around thinking is okay to be obese, which they're more likely to do if there's obese people around them.
The sad truth is (I don't know if you live in America or not) but something like 2/3 of Americans (I think, I might be off on that number) is overweight. Your children are going to see overweight people everywhere. You can't call everyone out. But you can teach you children good, healthy eating habits, and teach them by example.
I live in England. But I still think it's okay to tell someone they're overweight, just as you'd say smoking is bad for you, overeating or not exercising till you're overweight isn't healthy for tou
But you are not the food and exercise police. Nor the smoking police. What people do is their own business, and not yours. Now, if it's someone you know that you are truly concerned for, then talking about your concern is fine. But no one wants to hear what a strangers thinks of them. Again, it's not your business. Work on what YOU can control, and that's your kids.Alatariel75 wrote: »Alatariel75 wrote: »Eh. Feel free to tell me I'm fat. I'll likewise feel free to tell you to £%$# off.
One is being rude, the other isn't
No, no it is. Don't pretend randomly telling someone they're fat is out of some sort of concern for their health or other altruistic notion. It's just being a dick. I'd prefer if you taught your kids not to be a dick.
Then, please, explain why it's socially acceptable to tell a skinny person they're skinny or underweight or need to eat more food?
It's not.
Socially, it is acceptable. The person did not say it was acceptable to you. In our society, it absolutely is socially acceptable to tell someone they are too thin and need to eat more. People do it all the time, and it is within our societal norms. Telling someone that they are fat is not socially acceptable and falls outside of societal norms (by "our" I mean those of us living in the U.S.). Thin people may not like it, but most people in my experience would not react to "you are too thin" like they would react to someone saying "you are too overweight".
You're probably right about that.
I normally mind my own business and only say positive things to people's faces, but I've been known to sass back at big mouths from time to time. I had someone tell me, "You could stand to eat more." I responded with, "And you could stand to eat less." So much shock and outrage. I felt that my response matched her comment. She thought that I was totally out of line. Oh, well, I thought. If you can't take it, you shouldn't be dishing it out. In hindsight, though, she was probably hurting to have thought to say that to me in the first place, so I should have just let it go. If it made her feel better to take a verbal swing at my body, it really wasn't any skin off my back. I was just feeling like not putting up with crap that day. I should have turned the other cheek...
As a thin person, it doesn't hurt my feelings when people say dumb things about my body. (It might if I had an eating disorder or a serious health problem, though. People should keep that in mind when commenting on anyone's body - big or small.) Even when they say really ignorant things like asking if I have some terrible disease like cancer since I'm just "wasting away." (Which is ridiculous, since I'm right in the middle of the normal, healthy weight range. I'm not even close to underweight. You can see muscle definition instead of fat layers, so I must look like I'm near death to people who aren't used to that...) That just shows their ignorance and insecurity. It's more silly and eye-roll inducing than hurtful. Sometimes they'll see me smirk at their foolish comment, start to feel awkward, then tell me they were "just kidding" or that they wish they had my "problem." That's how you know that a lot of those fit-shaming comments are more of a reflection of the commenter than they are of your body.
Perhaps people think it's more acceptable to fit shame or skinny shame because they can always play it off as a compliment if they get called on their comments. You can't do that when you fat shame. You can't say, "Oh, well I meant it as a compliment" when you trash someone for being fat. And I believe there is a privilege to being fit and/or thin in our society, so people giving you crap about being thin isn't near as hurtful as it when people shame you for being fat. I'd rather be thin and have the skinny shaming comments (since most of the time they're just motivated by jealousy or insecurity) than be fat and get fat shaming ones. So IMO, fat shaming is usually more damaging and hurtful than fit-shaming, although neither one is cool and neither one should be done.
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So if people think your being obnoxious for posting this, should be you need to be told?Personally I think it's okay to call people out in being overweight / obese. It's the only reason I realised there was a problem I had to lose weight.
I think people's view on you is important
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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OP so in what context are we talking? offering advice when asked or minding someones business? close family and friends, or stranger on the street?
p.s unless someone has other issues going on most people know there size is out of control0 -
Some people are getting a tad bit hysterical in here.
I don't think the OP ever said anywhere that they've told strangers they were fat out of the blue.
When I was overweight, I got to a point where both my beloved sister and husband told me I'd gotten a bit too large.
I needed that.
I'd been typically in denial, a somewhat body-dysmorphic, hoping-I-wasn't-as-bad-as-I-felt, muddled thinker.
An outside perspective helped me focus.
No strangers stopped me in the street out of the blue to call me "fatty".
This is all how it should be.1 -
Fat-shaming is hurtful, rude and doesn't help, it just makes things worse. You don't know the person's background, how far along their weight loss journey they are and why they are overweight, what their medical issues are or how sensitive they are about their weight. I've known someone closeby who committed suicide over their weight issue. I have relatives who are overweight due to medical issues. If a complete stranger had come up to me and started fat-shaming me, i would have ended up giving them the finger and maybe even a nice shiner before telling them where to go0
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Expressing concern for the health of an overweight or obese family member or friend is entirely different than bluntly telling someone they are fat (and just leaving it at that). A lot of people say they are just bluntly honest, I suspect they get more pleasure from being blunt than being honest.
If someone publicly asked whether they were fat or whether what they were wearing suited them or not due to their weight...and I thought yes they are fat or yes please don't wear that out...I certainly wouldn't say so in public. They know they are fat, they know what they wearing doesn't suit them, what they want is people to tell them otherwise.
If I thought it was a genuine call out for help, I would contact them privately and take it from there.
I guess the take home message is don't tell people they are fat on social media even if they ask the question, take it to private message if there is a compulsion to respond to the question.
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Personally I think it's okay to call people out in being overweight / obese. It's the only reason I realised there was a problem I had to lose weight.
I think people's view on you is important
I think it is possible to go too far but there are a lot of people who cry foul when anyone says anything about anyone doing something wrong. I went through several years of denial before I admitted I weighed more than I should have. What other people said helped me overcome my denial.0 -
Personally I think it's okay to call people out in being overweight / obese. It's the only reason I realised there was a problem I had to lose weight.
I think people's view on you is important
I think that people's opinion of me is fairly low down on the heap of things I worry about.9 -
paperpudding wrote: »...People also need to know when to keep their views to themselves.
I agree. If somebody had ever walked up to me out of the blue and told me I was fat, my response to them wouldn't be printable here. They'd have left with their ears burning. I don't care about your "concern", keep it to yourself and mind your own business.
When I was a smoker, I was standing out in the back lot at work having a cigarette one day when one of my coworkers walked out and said "You know, smoking is really bad for you". I replied "Yeah...yeah, I know that. So is being 100 pounds overweight and having that big, fat gut hanging over your belt. We all make our own choices in life".
One of our other coworkers overheard it and said "That was mean." I replied "I agree, that wasn't very nice - he should keep his opinions to himself".
I would never have made such a statement to him without provocation. But since he felt comfortable enough to make my business his business, I figured I should feel equally comfortable offering my opinion in return.
My husband did this at alton towers he was minding his own business having a cigarette on a bench and some guy came and sat down with his burger and basically decided to have a go at him for having a cigarette. Hubby promptly told him that being fat and eating that junk food was bad for the guys health in equal quantities as him having a cig. Now I know my hubby, if that guy had minded his own business he wouldn't have said anything but as the guy had a pop he said something back. He didn't have to sit down next to him with his food, I wouldn't have if I was eating as I don't find smoke particularly pleasant while eating. But don't have a go if he was there first and minding his own business.
OP body shaming of any type as far as I'm concerned is unacceptable, mind your own business unless you've been asked for an opinion.0 -
Here's my issue with this, but I will forewarn everyone this is very personal.
For me, the weight gain started rather suddenly and out of the blue. I had no idea why. My family doctor told me to watch what I was eating, and I did try. The odd thing was my appetite became erratic. There were days I was starving and couldn't seem to eat enough. There were also days I couldn't eat, and I lost everything I even attempted to consume. I had no idea what was going on, and I was self conscious.
People attempted to help me in various ways. I was teaching at that time, and I remember when another teacher 'quietly' put a bottle of diet pills on my desk. Other people tried to get me to walk with them, but I was completely exhausted. I couldn't sleep at night, and I was having these god awful leg cramps. No matter how hard I tried, I just had no energy. My dad was the worst. He bought me laxatives he told me to basically abuse, and said that everyone was tired, but I had to just push myself more. The only thing that happened was that I became depressed.
I made an appointment with another doctor that was closer to my house. My blood pressure was through the roof, and he immediately blamed my weight - until they took some urine. I was in end stage renal failure. I only had 12% function. All this weight that people had been harping at me about? It was massive water retention and the fact my body was shutting down.
If you had seen me at this time, I looked like a whale. My legs were so heavy and swollen, I could barely walk. I literally split a pair of shoes I had, but the only thing people saw was that I looked big. All their 'advice' and 'help' had just been tearing me down.
I'm not saying you shouldn't try to help out loved ones, but I am saying that it's hard to know all that's going on with them. My case is a bit unique, but I doubt I'm the only one who has gone through this. It really has changed my perspective on immediately blaming others for their situations since there are so many variables we simply do not know.
Thanks for reading.13 -
lucypstacy wrote: »Here's my issue with this, but I will forewarn everyone this is very personal.
For me, the weight gain started rather suddenly and out of the blue. I had no idea why. My family doctor told me to watch what I was eating, and I did try. The odd thing was my appetite became erratic. There were days I was starving and couldn't seem to eat enough. There were also days I couldn't eat, and I lost everything I even attempted to consume. I had no idea what was going on, and I was self conscious.
People attempted to help me in various ways. I was teaching at that time, and I remember when another teacher 'quietly' put a bottle of diet pills on my desk. Other people tried to get me to walk with them, but I was completely exhausted. I couldn't sleep at night, and I was having these god awful leg cramps. No matter how hard I tried, I just had no energy. My dad was the worst. He bought me laxatives he told me to basically abuse, and said that everyone was tired, but I had to just push myself more. The only thing that happened was that I became depressed.
I made an appointment with another doctor that was closer to my house. My blood pressure was through the roof, and he immediately blamed my weight - until they took some urine. I was in end stage renal failure. I only had 12% function. All this weight that people had been harping at me about? It was massive water retention and the fact my body was shutting down.
If you had seen me at this time, I looked like a whale. My legs were so heavy and swollen, I could barely walk. I literally split a pair of shoes I had, but the only thing people saw was that I looked big. All their 'advice' and 'help' had just been tearing me down.
I'm not saying you shouldn't try to help out loved ones, but I am saying that it's hard to know all that's going on with them. My case is a bit unique, but I doubt I'm the only one who has gone through this. It really has changed my perspective on immediately blaming others for their situations since there are so many variables we simply do not know.
Thanks for reading.
This is one of those posts that the little "vote" buttons don't apply. It's not awesome obviously, and how can I "like" what happened to you. This is, however, a great example of why we can't make moral judgments on appearance without any context. Thank you for sharing and I hope you are doing well in your battle.4 -
Why is it okay to comment on anyone's weight, regardless if they're fat, skinny, whatever? Since when is another person''s weight anyone's business?2
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Personally I think it's okay to call people out in being overweight / obese. It's the only reason I realised there was a problem I had to lose weight.
I think people's view on you is important
In that case, I'd like to point out you sound like a rude, judgmental, small-minded, self-righteous juvenile cat.
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Silentpadna wrote: »lucypstacy wrote: »Here's my issue with this, but I will forewarn everyone this is very personal.
For me, the weight gain started rather suddenly and out of the blue. I had no idea why. My family doctor told me to watch what I was eating, and I did try. The odd thing was my appetite became erratic. There were days I was starving and couldn't seem to eat enough. There were also days I couldn't eat, and I lost everything I even attempted to consume. I had no idea what was going on, and I was self conscious.
People attempted to help me in various ways. I was teaching at that time, and I remember when another teacher 'quietly' put a bottle of diet pills on my desk. Other people tried to get me to walk with them, but I was completely exhausted. I couldn't sleep at night, and I was having these god awful leg cramps. No matter how hard I tried, I just had no energy. My dad was the worst. He bought me laxatives he told me to basically abuse, and said that everyone was tired, but I had to just push myself more. The only thing that happened was that I became depressed.
I made an appointment with another doctor that was closer to my house. My blood pressure was through the roof, and he immediately blamed my weight - until they took some urine. I was in end stage renal failure. I only had 12% function. All this weight that people had been harping at me about? It was massive water retention and the fact my body was shutting down.
If you had seen me at this time, I looked like a whale. My legs were so heavy and swollen, I could barely walk. I literally split a pair of shoes I had, but the only thing people saw was that I looked big. All their 'advice' and 'help' had just been tearing me down.
I'm not saying you shouldn't try to help out loved ones, but I am saying that it's hard to know all that's going on with them. My case is a bit unique, but I doubt I'm the only one who has gone through this. It really has changed my perspective on immediately blaming others for their situations since there are so many variables we simply do not know.
Thanks for reading.
This is one of those posts that the little "vote" buttons don't apply. It's not awesome obviously, and how can I "like" what happened to you. This is, however, a great example of why we can't make moral judgments on appearance without any context. Thank you for sharing and I hope you are doing well in your battle.
I went with "insightful," but I think it's "awesome" that @lucypstacy was willing to share this with us, and I "like" the light it sheds on making assumptions about how "helpful" it is to point out to someone that they've gained weight (much less push diet pills and laxatives on them!).
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Some people are getting a tad bit hysterical in here.
I don't think the OP ever said anywhere that they've told strangers they were fat out of the blue.
When I was overweight, I got to a point where both my beloved sister and husband told me I'd gotten a bit too large.
I needed that.
I'd been typically in denial, a somewhat body-dysmorphic, hoping-I-wasn't-as-bad-as-I-felt, muddled thinker.
An outside perspective helped me focus.
No strangers stopped me in the street out of the blue to call me "fatty".
This is all how it should be.
I think most people have agreed relatives having quiet word out of genuine concern is usually ok.
But below is possibly where people got the idea OP thought it was ok to say it to people in general
This is based mostly at the people who ignore it. I wouldn't want my children to walk around thinking is okay to be obese, which they're more likely to do if there's obese people around them.
Doesn't sound like a 'How to approach my close relative' question1 -
CaliMomTeach wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »YvetteK2015 wrote: »YvetteK2015 wrote: »YvetteK2015 wrote: »No one's view on me was important. I knew I was fat. No one needed to tell me. I knew I needed to lose weight. I don't know the ratio of how many people know as opposed to those who are in denial, but you might be telling someone who doesn't care what your opinion/ view of them is.
I'm in the process of losing weight, but I'm still fat. If someone said something to me, my reply would be "Yeah, and?"
This is based mostly at the people who ignore it. I wouldn't want my children to walk around thinking is okay to be obese, which they're more likely to do if there's obese people around them.
The sad truth is (I don't know if you live in America or not) but something like 2/3 of Americans (I think, I might be off on that number) is overweight. Your children are going to see overweight people everywhere. You can't call everyone out. But you can teach you children good, healthy eating habits, and teach them by example.
I live in England. But I still think it's okay to tell someone they're overweight, just as you'd say smoking is bad for you, overeating or not exercising till you're overweight isn't healthy for tou
But you are not the food and exercise police. Nor the smoking police. What people do is their own business, and not yours. Now, if it's someone you know that you are truly concerned for, then talking about your concern is fine. But no one wants to hear what a strangers thinks of them. Again, it's not your business. Work on what YOU can control, and that's your kids.Alatariel75 wrote: »Alatariel75 wrote: »Eh. Feel free to tell me I'm fat. I'll likewise feel free to tell you to £%$# off.
One is being rude, the other isn't
No, no it is. Don't pretend randomly telling someone they're fat is out of some sort of concern for their health or other altruistic notion. It's just being a dick. I'd prefer if you taught your kids not to be a dick.
Then, please, explain why it's socially acceptable to tell a skinny person they're skinny or underweight or need to eat more food?
It's not.
Socially, it is acceptable. The person did not say it was acceptable to you. In our society, it absolutely is socially acceptable to tell someone they are too thin and need to eat more. People do it all the time, and it is within our societal norms. Telling someone that they are fat is not socially acceptable and falls outside of societal norms (by "our" I mean those of us living in the U.S.). Thin people may not like it, but most people in my experience would not react to "you are too thin" like they would react to someone saying "you are too overweight".
I've never lived in an environment where it was acceptable to comment on anyone's size large or small. I suppose within family groups it might be more likely for a relative to express concern for a family member who appears to be getting too thin as opposed to too fat but that's a different situation. I live in the US by the way, on the west coast and have lived on the east coast also, and while people make comments about other people all the time I certainly don't see it as an accepted social norm.
I see it (in my social circle, I generally don't comment) as always okay if positive (but it's never positive to say you look fat), never okay if a negative (you look TOO thin would be a no-no, while "you look great, so thin" seems to be acceptable).
In Long Day's Journey into Night the mother gets complimented for being plump (supposed to mean she's looking healthy) (just an aside, but minor evidence of another context where "positives are okay" is a pretty common).
If I was close with someone who was obese and didn't seem to be aware of it/the health concerns, I'd perhaps comment (well, open a discussion in a caring way), but that has never happened and I can't imagine it would -- everyone knows it's unhealthy, everyone knows if they are obese, and everyone I've been close enough with to discuss it who has been overweight has said things that made it clear they knew. One time, years ago, I talked to a friend who I thought had an ED (she did), and so did other friends -- it was a caring, not well-done effort to help her. All turned out okay in the long run, she was mad and not receptive in the short run, and I felt super uncomfortable about it at the time.
I always wonder (negatively) about people who seem to want to go around confronting others about their weight -- telling them "it's not okay." Same with people who make snotty comments to smokers. I think it mostly says stuff about the people who want to do it.1 -
lemurcat12 wrote: »CaliMomTeach wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »YvetteK2015 wrote: »YvetteK2015 wrote: »YvetteK2015 wrote: »No one's view on me was important. I knew I was fat. No one needed to tell me. I knew I needed to lose weight. I don't know the ratio of how many people know as opposed to those who are in denial, but you might be telling someone who doesn't care what your opinion/ view of them is.
I'm in the process of losing weight, but I'm still fat. If someone said something to me, my reply would be "Yeah, and?"
This is based mostly at the people who ignore it. I wouldn't want my children to walk around thinking is okay to be obese, which they're more likely to do if there's obese people around them.
The sad truth is (I don't know if you live in America or not) but something like 2/3 of Americans (I think, I might be off on that number) is overweight. Your children are going to see overweight people everywhere. You can't call everyone out. But you can teach you children good, healthy eating habits, and teach them by example.
I live in England. But I still think it's okay to tell someone they're overweight, just as you'd say smoking is bad for you, overeating or not exercising till you're overweight isn't healthy for tou
But you are not the food and exercise police. Nor the smoking police. What people do is their own business, and not yours. Now, if it's someone you know that you are truly concerned for, then talking about your concern is fine. But no one wants to hear what a strangers thinks of them. Again, it's not your business. Work on what YOU can control, and that's your kids.Alatariel75 wrote: »Alatariel75 wrote: »Eh. Feel free to tell me I'm fat. I'll likewise feel free to tell you to £%$# off.
One is being rude, the other isn't
No, no it is. Don't pretend randomly telling someone they're fat is out of some sort of concern for their health or other altruistic notion. It's just being a dick. I'd prefer if you taught your kids not to be a dick.
Then, please, explain why it's socially acceptable to tell a skinny person they're skinny or underweight or need to eat more food?
It's not.
Socially, it is acceptable. The person did not say it was acceptable to you. In our society, it absolutely is socially acceptable to tell someone they are too thin and need to eat more. People do it all the time, and it is within our societal norms. Telling someone that they are fat is not socially acceptable and falls outside of societal norms (by "our" I mean those of us living in the U.S.). Thin people may not like it, but most people in my experience would not react to "you are too thin" like they would react to someone saying "you are too overweight".
I've never lived in an environment where it was acceptable to comment on anyone's size large or small. I suppose within family groups it might be more likely for a relative to express concern for a family member who appears to be getting too thin as opposed to too fat but that's a different situation. I live in the US by the way, on the west coast and have lived on the east coast also, and while people make comments about other people all the time I certainly don't see it as an accepted social norm.
I see it (in my social circle, I generally don't comment) as always okay if positive (but it's never positive to say you look fat), never okay if a negative (you look TOO thin would be a no-no, while "you look great, so thin" seems to be acceptable).
In Long Day's Journey into Night the mother gets complimented for being plump (supposed to mean she's looking healthy) (just an aside, but minor evidence of another context where "positives are okay" is a pretty common).
If I was close with someone who was obese and didn't seem to be aware of it/the health concerns, I'd perhaps comment (well, open a discussion in a caring way), but that has never happened and I can't imagine it would -- everyone knows it's unhealthy, everyone knows if they are obese, and everyone I've been close enough with to discuss it who has been overweight has said things that made it clear they knew. One time, years ago, I talked to a friend who I thought had an ED (she did), and so did other friends -- it was a caring, not well-done effort to help her. All turned out okay in the long run, she was mad and not receptive in the short run, and I felt super uncomfortable about it at the time.
I always wonder (negatively) about people who seem to want to go around confronting others about their weight -- telling them "it's not okay." Same with people who make snotty comments to smokers. I think it mostly says stuff about the people who want to do it.
My friend who's naturally extremely skinny would take the 'you look thin' as an insult, it's not positive at all, just commenting on her weight when she knows it. Which brings me to why is that okay but the opposite of thin, fat, isn't okay to say? When it's taken the same way by the person. You used it as a description as is fat.
It would make sense if you said 'your body is looking really good / have you been working out' as those are both positive, whereas saying you're thin isn't really. It's just describing. Nothing positive0 -
paperpudding wrote: »Some people are getting a tad bit hysterical in here.
I don't think the OP ever said anywhere that they've told strangers they were fat out of the blue.
When I was overweight, I got to a point where both my beloved sister and husband told me I'd gotten a bit too large.
I needed that.
I'd been typically in denial, a somewhat body-dysmorphic, hoping-I-wasn't-as-bad-as-I-felt, muddled thinker.
An outside perspective helped me focus.
No strangers stopped me in the street out of the blue to call me "fatty".
This is all how it should be.
I think most people have agreed relatives having quiet word out of genuine concern is usually ok.
But below is possibly where people got the idea OP thought it was ok to say it to people in general
This is based mostly at the people who ignore it. I wouldn't want my children to walk around thinking is okay to be obese, which they're more likely to do if there's obese people around them.
Doesn't sound like a 'How to approach my close relative' question
The situation in question I'm talking about is when a stranger on a social app (which is anon) asked for people's opinions. So as she looked about 16-17st and my height of 5'6 which puts her at a high 38 Bmi.
So naturally I said (along the lines of) 'You're the same height as me and several stone larger, as I'm classed as obese myself I would say it would be beneficial for you to lose weight, I'm currently in the process of doing so, so if you'd like any help message me'
In my eyes that's fine, she's asked for honest opinions, I've given it and also offered to help her on her journey.
I wouldn't say it's okay to randomly walk up to someone and say you're fat. But that brings me too my skinny vs fat point. Many have walked up to my friend and stated 'you're so skinny/have you eaten today', at a party or other gathering, when they don't know her. Now if you were to do it the other way and go up to a fat person and state 'you're so skinny / how much have you eaten today' it's suddenly fat shaming and not okay? Both comments are nosey with a slight hint of curious caring, but only one is okay to say?
What if that skinny girl you're commenting on has been anorexic and has finally worked her way up to a skinny but healthy weight? It's okay to comment on her without second thought ?
In my mind it should be one of another, don't comment on people's weight at all, or the availability to comment on everyone's weight.
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lucypstacy wrote: »Here's my issue with this, but I will forewarn everyone this is very personal.
For me, the weight gain started rather suddenly and out of the blue. I had no idea why. My family doctor told me to watch what I was eating, and I did try. The odd thing was my appetite became erratic. There were days I was starving and couldn't seem to eat enough. There were also days I couldn't eat, and I lost everything I even attempted to consume. I had no idea what was going on, and I was self conscious.
People attempted to help me in various ways. I was teaching at that time, and I remember when another teacher 'quietly' put a bottle of diet pills on my desk. Other people tried to get me to walk with them, but I was completely exhausted. I couldn't sleep at night, and I was having these god awful leg cramps. No matter how hard I tried, I just had no energy. My dad was the worst. He bought me laxatives he told me to basically abuse, and said that everyone was tired, but I had to just push myself more. The only thing that happened was that I became depressed.
I made an appointment with another doctor that was closer to my house. My blood pressure was through the roof, and he immediately blamed my weight - until they took some urine. I was in end stage renal failure. I only had 12% function. All this weight that people had been harping at me about? It was massive water retention and the fact my body was shutting down.
If you had seen me at this time, I looked like a whale. My legs were so heavy and swollen, I could barely walk. I literally split a pair of shoes I had, but the only thing people saw was that I looked big. All their 'advice' and 'help' had just been tearing me down.
I'm not saying you shouldn't try to help out loved ones, but I am saying that it's hard to know all that's going on with them. My case is a bit unique, but I doubt I'm the only one who has gone through this. It really has changed my perspective on immediately blaming others for their situations since there are so many variables we simply do not know.
Thanks for reading.
This was interesting to read, I would imagine if I was in your situation I most likely wouldn't bother to have followed it up so much, talked to multiple doctors or specifically cared / noticed my weight gain. I probably would have put it down to bad eating habits or something. I think in your case yes the comments effected you, but they also sound like they were the things that pushed you to find out what was wrong ? Without them you may not have bothered to go to the doctor or done anything to help your health. In my eyes that push was extremely good for you.
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lucypstacy wrote: »....People attempted to help me in various ways. I was teaching at that time, and I remember when another teacher 'quietly' put a bottle of diet pills on my desk. Other people tried to get me to walk with them, but I was completely exhausted. I couldn't sleep at night, and I was having these god awful leg cramps. No matter how hard I tried, I just had no energy. My dad was the worst. He bought me laxatives he told me to basically abuse, and said that everyone was tired, but I had to just push myself more. The only thing that happened was that I became depressed.....
If you had seen me at this time, I looked like a whale. My legs were so heavy and swollen, I could barely walk. I literally split a pair of shoes I had, but the only thing people saw was that I looked big. All their 'advice' and 'help' had just been tearing me down.....
This was interesting to read, I would imagine if I was in your situation I most likely wouldn't bother to have followed it up so much, talked to multiple doctors or specifically cared / noticed my weight gain. I probably would have put it down to bad eating habits or something. I think in your case yes the comments effected you, but they also sound like they were the things that pushed you to find out what was wrong ? Without them you may not have bothered to go to the doctor or done anything to help your health. In my eyes that push was extremely good for you.
Are you serious?
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lucypstacy wrote: »....People attempted to help me in various ways. I was teaching at that time, and I remember when another teacher 'quietly' put a bottle of diet pills on my desk. Other people tried to get me to walk with them, but I was completely exhausted. I couldn't sleep at night, and I was having these god awful leg cramps. No matter how hard I tried, I just had no energy. My dad was the worst. He bought me laxatives he told me to basically abuse, and said that everyone was tired, but I had to just push myself more. The only thing that happened was that I became depressed.....
If you had seen me at this time, I looked like a whale. My legs were so heavy and swollen, I could barely walk. I literally split a pair of shoes I had, but the only thing people saw was that I looked big. All their 'advice' and 'help' had just been tearing me down.....
This was interesting to read, I would imagine if I was in your situation I most likely wouldn't bother to have followed it up so much, talked to multiple doctors or specifically cared / noticed my weight gain. I probably would have put it down to bad eating habits or something. I think in your case yes the comments effected you, but they also sound like they were the things that pushed you to find out what was wrong ? Without them you may not have bothered to go to the doctor or done anything to help your health. In my eyes that push was extremely good for you.
Are you serious?
Yeah, I was going to say the same thing. That's quite the assumption.
eta: And pretty insulting, in my opinion.2 -
lucypstacy wrote: »....People attempted to help me in various ways. I was teaching at that time, and I remember when another teacher 'quietly' put a bottle of diet pills on my desk. Other people tried to get me to walk with them, but I was completely exhausted. I couldn't sleep at night, and I was having these god awful leg cramps. No matter how hard I tried, I just had no energy. My dad was the worst. He bought me laxatives he told me to basically abuse, and said that everyone was tired, but I had to just push myself more. The only thing that happened was that I became depressed.....
If you had seen me at this time, I looked like a whale. My legs were so heavy and swollen, I could barely walk. I literally split a pair of shoes I had, but the only thing people saw was that I looked big. All their 'advice' and 'help' had just been tearing me down.....
This was interesting to read, I would imagine if I was in your situation I most likely wouldn't bother to have followed it up so much, talked to multiple doctors or specifically cared / noticed my weight gain. I probably would have put it down to bad eating habits or something. I think in your case yes the comments effected you, but they also sound like they were the things that pushed you to find out what was wrong ? Without them you may not have bothered to go to the doctor or done anything to help your health. In my eyes that push was extremely good for you.
Are you serious?
I explained how I would have reacted in that situation, and in that situation I probably wouldn't have pushed to find out if anything was wrong unless I had people bugging me.0 -
lucypstacy wrote: »....People attempted to help me in various ways. I was teaching at that time, and I remember when another teacher 'quietly' put a bottle of diet pills on my desk. Other people tried to get me to walk with them, but I was completely exhausted. I couldn't sleep at night, and I was having these god awful leg cramps. No matter how hard I tried, I just had no energy. My dad was the worst. He bought me laxatives he told me to basically abuse, and said that everyone was tired, but I had to just push myself more. The only thing that happened was that I became depressed.....
If you had seen me at this time, I looked like a whale. My legs were so heavy and swollen, I could barely walk. I literally split a pair of shoes I had, but the only thing people saw was that I looked big. All their 'advice' and 'help' had just been tearing me down.....
This was interesting to read, I would imagine if I was in your situation I most likely wouldn't bother to have followed it up so much, talked to multiple doctors or specifically cared / noticed my weight gain. I probably would have put it down to bad eating habits or something. I think in your case yes the comments effected you, but they also sound like they were the things that pushed you to find out what was wrong ? Without them you may not have bothered to go to the doctor or done anything to help your health. In my eyes that push was extremely good for you.
Are you serious?
I explained how I would have reacted in that situation, and in that situation I probably wouldn't have pushed to find out if anything was wrong unless I had people bugging me.
Look at the sentences @eyer0ll bolded. You are assuming that the poster was unable to figure out for herself that she should seek medical treatment until people started commenting on how fat she was getting. That's the insulting part.1 -
So if people think your being obnoxious for posting this, should be you need to be told?Personally I think it's okay to call people out in being overweight / obese. It's the only reason I realised there was a problem I had to lose weight.
I think people's view on you is important
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Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
:laugh:0 -
lucypstacy wrote: »....People attempted to help me in various ways. I was teaching at that time, and I remember when another teacher 'quietly' put a bottle of diet pills on my desk. Other people tried to get me to walk with them, but I was completely exhausted. I couldn't sleep at night, and I was having these god awful leg cramps. No matter how hard I tried, I just had no energy. My dad was the worst. He bought me laxatives he told me to basically abuse, and said that everyone was tired, but I had to just push myself more. The only thing that happened was that I became depressed.....
If you had seen me at this time, I looked like a whale. My legs were so heavy and swollen, I could barely walk. I literally split a pair of shoes I had, but the only thing people saw was that I looked big. All their 'advice' and 'help' had just been tearing me down.....
This was interesting to read, I would imagine if I was in your situation I most likely wouldn't bother to have followed it up so much, talked to multiple doctors or specifically cared / noticed my weight gain. I probably would have put it down to bad eating habits or something. I think in your case yes the comments effected you, but they also sound like they were the things that pushed you to find out what was wrong ? Without them you may not have bothered to go to the doctor or done anything to help your health. In my eyes that push was extremely good for you.
Are you serious?
I explained how I would have reacted in that situation, and in that situation I probably wouldn't have pushed to find out if anything was wrong unless I had people bugging me.
Look at the sentences @eyer0ll bolded. You are assuming that the poster was unable to figure out for herself that she should seek medical treatment until people started commenting on how fat she was getting. That's the insulting part.
I'm simply stating that I would have needed that push.0 -
lucypstacy wrote: »....People attempted to help me in various ways. I was teaching at that time, and I remember when another teacher 'quietly' put a bottle of diet pills on my desk. Other people tried to get me to walk with them, but I was completely exhausted. I couldn't sleep at night, and I was having these god awful leg cramps. No matter how hard I tried, I just had no energy. My dad was the worst. He bought me laxatives he told me to basically abuse, and said that everyone was tired, but I had to just push myself more. The only thing that happened was that I became depressed.....
If you had seen me at this time, I looked like a whale. My legs were so heavy and swollen, I could barely walk. I literally split a pair of shoes I had, but the only thing people saw was that I looked big. All their 'advice' and 'help' had just been tearing me down.....
This was interesting to read, I would imagine if I was in your situation I most likely wouldn't bother to have followed it up so much, talked to multiple doctors or specifically cared / noticed my weight gain. I probably would have put it down to bad eating habits or something. I think in your case yes the comments effected you, but they also sound like they were the things that pushed you to find out what was wrong ? Without them you may not have bothered to go to the doctor or done anything to help your health. In my eyes that push was extremely good for you.
Are you serious?
I explained how I would have reacted in that situation, and in that situation I probably wouldn't have pushed to find out if anything was wrong unless I had people bugging me.
Look at the sentences @eyer0ll bolded. You are assuming that the poster was unable to figure out for herself that she should seek medical treatment until people started commenting on how fat she was getting. That's the insulting part.
I'm simply stating that I would have needed that push.
Yes, you clarified that and I understand. But the original post called out the specific poster and basically shamed her. Using "I" instead of "you" when making statements like that makes the intent clear and avoids the confusion. Peace.0 -
What worries me is when the media "fat shames" celebrities. It's almost always women. And calling a women "fat" is almost seen as worse than calling her "stupid". That to me is more troubling. Sure being fat isn't good but when did that become the defining aspect of a woman? And when did an unflattering photograph become practically as shameful as committing a crime?2
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lucypstacy wrote: »Here's my issue with this, but I will forewarn everyone this is very personal.
For me, the weight gain started rather suddenly and out of the blue. I had no idea why. My family doctor told me to watch what I was eating, and I did try. The odd thing was my appetite became erratic. There were days I was starving and couldn't seem to eat enough. There were also days I couldn't eat, and I lost everything I even attempted to consume. I had no idea what was going on, and I was self conscious.
People attempted to help me in various ways. I was teaching at that time, and I remember when another teacher 'quietly' put a bottle of diet pills on my desk. Other people tried to get me to walk with them, but I was completely exhausted. I couldn't sleep at night, and I was having these god awful leg cramps. No matter how hard I tried, I just had no energy. My dad was the worst. He bought me laxatives he told me to basically abuse, and said that everyone was tired, but I had to just push myself more. The only thing that happened was that I became depressed.
I made an appointment with another doctor that was closer to my house. My blood pressure was through the roof, and he immediately blamed my weight - until they took some urine. I was in end stage renal failure. I only had 12% function. All this weight that people had been harping at me about? It was massive water retention and the fact my body was shutting down.
If you had seen me at this time, I looked like a whale. My legs were so heavy and swollen, I could barely walk. I literally split a pair of shoes I had, but the only thing people saw was that I looked big. All their 'advice' and 'help' had just been tearing me down.
I'm not saying you shouldn't try to help out loved ones, but I am saying that it's hard to know all that's going on with them. My case is a bit unique, but I doubt I'm the only one who has gone through this. It really has changed my perspective on immediately blaming others for their situations since there are so many variables we simply do not know.
Thanks for reading.
This was interesting to read, I would imagine if I was in your situation I most likely wouldn't bother to have followed it up so much, talked to multiple doctors or specifically cared / noticed my weight gain. I probably would have put it down to bad eating habits or something. I think in your case yes the comments effected you, but they also sound like they were the things that pushed you to find out what was wrong ? Without them you may not have bothered to go to the doctor or done anything to help your health. In my eyes that push was extremely good for you.
Actually, the exact opposite was true. Because I was listening to all these just talk about how I had gained weight and it was all due to what I was eating and doing, I was rather depressed. I didn't think there was a real reason to keep going to doctors. They were going to tell me the same. I was just this big, fat whale, and it was all my fault.
It was my mother who actually pushed me to go to another doctor. While I knew something was wrong, I had listened too much to people who seemed to think they had some right to be judgemental over a situation they had no actual knowledge about that I was depressed. That's what happened to me. I was quite literally losing an organ, but everyone was wanting to critique my dinner plate.
Want to hear the craziest part? I was relieved to find there was a real reason. I was relieved to know that there was this actual condition that was causing it.
This is what I'm trying to say. For me, people trying to be 'helpful' only led me to being depressed, and I actually hesitated seeking a second opinion. I didn't want someone else to tell me I was fat.
It's ridiculous to assume that I couldn't see the health issues. Do you want to know what kidney failure feels like? You hurt all over and your limbs feel heavy - especially the legs. You have a migraine that never goes away, which is actually your blood pressure sky rocketing. When your blood pressure goes too high, you throw up violently as your body attempts to force it to drop. This becomes a daily occurrence. You're exhausted to the point you can barely stay awake, but you still have insomnia. If you do manage to fall asleep, you have horrible painfully spasms in your legs. This is excess potassium because, without your kidneys, your body can't process it. It's like a poison. I knew something was wrong, but everyone was in my ear saying I was just eating too much.
People honestly need to learn when it's best not to say anything. The other day, my mother, myself, and a friend went on a walking tour. We're exercising, but we look odd doing it. Mom has had a broken back, so she walks a bit differently. My friend has cerebral palsy. I have a muscle/connective tissue disease and a short leg that causes me to walk with a limp. These people got behind us and started giggling. When Miranda (my friend) overheard that they were saying that we appeared to be drunk, she became mad and basically went off on them. They did apologize, but here's the point. They shouldn't have been doing that. They were judging us. They were making us feel uncomfortable for no good reason. The same with fat shaming.
What did those people do for me when I had kidney failure? They made me feel ashamed and let me to be depressed. It didn't help anything. THEY HURT ME. Words hurt people. Imagine being judged harshly for something that wasn't your fault? It's not a motivation. It's a deterrent.7
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