Fat shaming
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YvetteK2015 wrote: »YvetteK2015 wrote: »YvetteK2015 wrote: »No one's view on me was important. I knew I was fat. No one needed to tell me. I knew I needed to lose weight. I don't know the ratio of how many people know as opposed to those who are in denial, but you might be telling someone who doesn't care what your opinion/ view of them is.
I'm in the process of losing weight, but I'm still fat. If someone said something to me, my reply would be "Yeah, and?"
This is based mostly at the people who ignore it. I wouldn't want my children to walk around thinking is okay to be obese, which they're more likely to do if there's obese people around them.
The sad truth is (I don't know if you live in America or not) but something like 2/3 of Americans (I think, I might be off on that number) is overweight. Your children are going to see overweight people everywhere. You can't call everyone out. But you can teach you children good, healthy eating habits, and teach them by example.
I live in England. But I still think it's okay to tell someone they're overweight, just as you'd say smoking is bad for you, overeating or not exercising till you're overweight isn't healthy for tou
But you are not the food and exercise police. Nor the smoking police. What people do is their own business, and not yours. Now, if it's someone you know that you are truly concerned for, then talking about your concern is fine. But no one wants to hear what a strangers thinks of them. Again, it's not your business. Work on what YOU can control, and that's your kids.Alatariel75 wrote: »Alatariel75 wrote: »Eh. Feel free to tell me I'm fat. I'll likewise feel free to tell you to £%$# off.
One is being rude, the other isn't
No, no it is. Don't pretend randomly telling someone they're fat is out of some sort of concern for their health or other altruistic notion. It's just being a dick. I'd prefer if you taught your kids not to be a dick.
Then, please, explain why it's socially acceptable to tell a skinny person they're skinny or underweight or need to eat more food?
What makes you think that's acceptable?16 -
thiosulfate wrote: »There's a difference between having a one on one talk to someone because you care for them and are concerned about their health and calling someone fat just to be a jerk.
I think people jump too quickly to someone being a jerk.
If you say someone is overweight or obese that's totally okay, people should know that's not okay to be unhealthy.
I'm obviously not talking about people saying 'you're a fat ****' or something.
Having a sensitive, quiet talk with someone about an issue that may be adversely affecting their health and quality of life is not fat shaming. Calling them a fat*kitten* is exactly fat shaming.
Many take the first, any concerned nicely worded comment, as fat shaming simply because you're talking about their weight1 -
YvetteK2015 wrote: »YvetteK2015 wrote: »YvetteK2015 wrote: »No one's view on me was important. I knew I was fat. No one needed to tell me. I knew I needed to lose weight. I don't know the ratio of how many people know as opposed to those who are in denial, but you might be telling someone who doesn't care what your opinion/ view of them is.
I'm in the process of losing weight, but I'm still fat. If someone said something to me, my reply would be "Yeah, and?"
This is based mostly at the people who ignore it. I wouldn't want my children to walk around thinking is okay to be obese, which they're more likely to do if there's obese people around them.
The sad truth is (I don't know if you live in America or not) but something like 2/3 of Americans (I think, I might be off on that number) is overweight. Your children are going to see overweight people everywhere. You can't call everyone out. But you can teach you children good, healthy eating habits, and teach them by example.
I live in England. But I still think it's okay to tell someone they're overweight, just as you'd say smoking is bad for you, overeating or not exercising till you're overweight isn't healthy for tou
But you are not the food and exercise police. Nor the smoking police. What people do is their own business, and not yours. Now, if it's someone you know that you are truly concerned for, then talking about your concern is fine. But no one wants to hear what a strangers thinks of them. Again, it's not your business. Work on what YOU can control, and that's your kids.Alatariel75 wrote: »Alatariel75 wrote: »Eh. Feel free to tell me I'm fat. I'll likewise feel free to tell you to £%$# off.
One is being rude, the other isn't
No, no it is. Don't pretend randomly telling someone they're fat is out of some sort of concern for their health or other altruistic notion. It's just being a dick. I'd prefer if you taught your kids not to be a dick.
Then, please, explain why it's socially acceptable to tell a skinny person they're skinny or underweight or need to eat more food?
It's not.6 -
YvetteK2015 wrote: »YvetteK2015 wrote: »YvetteK2015 wrote: »No one's view on me was important. I knew I was fat. No one needed to tell me. I knew I needed to lose weight. I don't know the ratio of how many people know as opposed to those who are in denial, but you might be telling someone who doesn't care what your opinion/ view of them is.
I'm in the process of losing weight, but I'm still fat. If someone said something to me, my reply would be "Yeah, and?"
This is based mostly at the people who ignore it. I wouldn't want my children to walk around thinking is okay to be obese, which they're more likely to do if there's obese people around them.
The sad truth is (I don't know if you live in America or not) but something like 2/3 of Americans (I think, I might be off on that number) is overweight. Your children are going to see overweight people everywhere. You can't call everyone out. But you can teach you children good, healthy eating habits, and teach them by example.
I live in England. But I still think it's okay to tell someone they're overweight, just as you'd say smoking is bad for you, overeating or not exercising till you're overweight isn't healthy for tou
But you are not the food and exercise police. Nor the smoking police. What people do is their own business, and not yours. Now, if it's someone you know that you are truly concerned for, then talking about your concern is fine. But no one wants to hear what a strangers thinks of them. Again, it's not your business. Work on what YOU can control, and that's your kids.Alatariel75 wrote: »Alatariel75 wrote: »Eh. Feel free to tell me I'm fat. I'll likewise feel free to tell you to £%$# off.
One is being rude, the other isn't
No, no it is. Don't pretend randomly telling someone they're fat is out of some sort of concern for their health or other altruistic notion. It's just being a dick. I'd prefer if you taught your kids not to be a dick.
Then, please, explain why it's socially acceptable to tell a skinny person they're skinny or underweight or need to eat more food?
I never said it was. I also think that's rude. I think people should learn to mind their own business and stop believing their sense of superiority equals the right to comment on other people's lives and bodies.15 -
thiosulfate wrote: »There's a difference between having a one on one talk to someone because you care for them and are concerned about their health and calling someone fat just to be a jerk.
I think people jump too quickly to someone being a jerk.
If you say someone is overweight or obese that's totally okay, people should know that's not okay to be unhealthy.
I'm obviously not talking about people saying 'you're a fat ****' or something.
Having a sensitive, quiet talk with someone about an issue that may be adversely affecting their health and quality of life is not fat shaming. Calling them a fat*kitten* is exactly fat shaming.
Many take the first, any concerned nicely worded comment, as fat shaming simply because you're talking about their weight
They're wrong.
Edit: Although I should clarify I was talking about someone you know well. Doing this with random strangers is inappropriate.5 -
YvetteK2015 wrote: »YvetteK2015 wrote: »YvetteK2015 wrote: »No one's view on me was important. I knew I was fat. No one needed to tell me. I knew I needed to lose weight. I don't know the ratio of how many people know as opposed to those who are in denial, but you might be telling someone who doesn't care what your opinion/ view of them is.
I'm in the process of losing weight, but I'm still fat. If someone said something to me, my reply would be "Yeah, and?"
This is based mostly at the people who ignore it. I wouldn't want my children to walk around thinking is okay to be obese, which they're more likely to do if there's obese people around them.
The sad truth is (I don't know if you live in America or not) but something like 2/3 of Americans (I think, I might be off on that number) is overweight. Your children are going to see overweight people everywhere. You can't call everyone out. But you can teach you children good, healthy eating habits, and teach them by example.
I live in England. But I still think it's okay to tell someone they're overweight, just as you'd say smoking is bad for you, overeating or not exercising till you're overweight isn't healthy for tou
But you are not the food and exercise police. Nor the smoking police. What people do is their own business, and not yours. Now, if it's someone you know that you are truly concerned for, then talking about your concern is fine. But no one wants to hear what a strangers thinks of them. Again, it's not your business. Work on what YOU can control, and that's your kids.Alatariel75 wrote: »Alatariel75 wrote: »Eh. Feel free to tell me I'm fat. I'll likewise feel free to tell you to £%$# off.
One is being rude, the other isn't
No, no it is. Don't pretend randomly telling someone they're fat is out of some sort of concern for their health or other altruistic notion. It's just being a dick. I'd prefer if you taught your kids not to be a dick.
Then, please, explain why it's socially acceptable to tell a skinny person they're skinny or underweight or need to eat more food?
It's not acceptable. I will say, the one time I was concerned enough about someone being too skinny was my sister when she was going through a divorce. She was 79lbs, and anorexic. I even went to her doctors. But other than a situation like that, shaming a skinny person is equally unacceptable.7 -
Not ok. It can cause eating disorders.1
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I believe it is inappropriate to comment on someone's weight negatively regardless if they are thin or overweight. I also believe it is inappropriate to comment negatively on someone's physical appearance in anyway. If it is someone you know personally then a serious conversation can be appropriate but not "calling out" someone.6
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Unless asked for an opinion or advice, it's better to keep your mouth shut about other people's habits. They might respond with an opinion about your bad habits that you may not appreciate either. Nobody is perfect. We all live in glass houses of one sort or another.11
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Is anyone surprised what this thread turned into? I sense a closure here soon....
OP, would you go up to someone who's overweight and tell them, even if that same person is already 100 pounds less than they were a year ago - and is already on the journey you are preaching? Is that okay too?
You can't judge someone without knowing their journey. Well you can, but you would be more shamed than the person you are trying to coax into shame.
Do you really think you are helping anything?
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thiosulfate wrote: »There's a difference between having a one on one talk to someone because you care for them and are concerned about their health and calling someone fat just to be a jerk.
I think people jump too quickly to someone being a jerk.
If you say someone is overweight or obese that's totally okay, people should know that's not okay to be unhealthy.
I'm obviously not talking about people saying 'you're a fat ****' or something.
You really think for one second they don't know that already?
On the other hand, jerks don't ever think they are being jerks.
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I think that most fat people already know they are fat. But, you still have to get out there and live life no matter how big you are. You don't know what someone had to tell themselves to get out the door that morning.
The problem with fat shaming is that unless you really know the person, you don't know if that 230 lb person was 330 lbs last year. They may already be putting in the effort. Or, they could have been in a serious accident last year and they're just happy that they can walk now. Or their kid died of cancer last year. Or their spouse left and had a second family. I mean, some people are going through some real crap that is a whole lot bigger than a number on a scale. I had lost about 40 lbs 5 year ago when my daughter ended up in the hospital for 3 weeks, I ate hospital food and worried and gained it all back. I didn't have the emotional resources to think about what I was eating. All I could think about was whether or not my kid was going to make it. Two weeks went by when I didn't even see the outdoors, just the hospital room. Until you've done it, you have no idea.
I live in Florida near the beach. We pretty much own fat shaming out here. I have to give myself a pep talk before I go into the grocery store because I really cannot win. If I'm in the produce section, I overhear people saying that I shouldn't buy produce because I clearly just let it rot in the crisper drawer and so on. If I'm buying food for a work event, I have people snickering that I'm just buying my lunch. I'm always the person assigned to buy dessert for a work event (and no, I don't get to choose what I buy, I get a list), so I frequently have to walk out of the grocery store with a couple cakes and boxes of assorted pastries. I've actually had people ask me how long it would take me to eat all that. Whenever I've said it's for a work event some people go, like 'oh, that makes sense' and other people are like 'sure, right'. Since they already believe I'm a glutton, sometimes I just quip that I'm going to eat it all in my car before I even leave the parking lot.
Honestly, fear of fat shaming is why a lot of fat people have an issue with going to the gym. When I used to go walking at the 2 mile track near me, I would have people tell me that if I kept working at it, one day I could do the whole loop. Meanwhile, I was on my 4th trip around.
Fat shaming never helped me. I knew I was fat when I was 8 years old. I'm sure most fat people know what size they wear. The confidence you see, that thing you want to destroy, is just a facade we put on so we can bring our kids to the park and the beach.
I don't skinny shame or fat shame. They are both vile habits which are helpful to no one and honestly, they are indicative of a person incapable of empathy or with very limited life experience.
Edited to add: I also don't tell smokers that smoking is bad for them, even my 6 year old knows that. I feel safe assuming that everyone else already knows too. I've never smoked, but, it's not my job to tell others how to live their life.24 -
jenniferinfl wrote: »Honestly, fear of fat shaming is why a lot of fat people have an issue with going to the gym. When I used to go walking at the 2 mile track near me, I would have people tell me that if I kept working at it, one day I could do the whole loop. Meanwhile, I was on my 4th trip around.
This is why God gave us middle fingers.11 -
When I was fat, I had more than one loved one tell me that I really should lose some weight, and you know it wasn't like I didn't already know this. I did see myself in the mirror, and look at my own body every day after all. I realize we all take things differently, but for me, it's not as if I had a "ah ha" moment and thought to myself, Oh wow, I'm so glad this was pointed out to me, otherwise how would I have ever known I was endangering my health? My point is most people will lose weight when they themselves commit to doing it, not because someone else said something.7
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Unless they are on a program like MFP and you have their explicit permission to call people out for not meeting their goals I think that it's bitchy and mean to do that. Seriously - no one should be able to do that and think that it's okay.4
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YvetteK2015 wrote: »No one's view on me was important. I knew I was fat. No one needed to tell me. I knew I needed to lose weight. I don't know the ratio of how many people know as opposed to those who are in denial, but you might be telling someone who doesn't care what your opinion/ view of them is.
I'm in the process of losing weight, but I'm still fat. If someone said something to me, my reply would be "Yeah, and?"
This is based mostly at the people who ignore it. I wouldn't want my children to walk around thinking is okay to be obese, which they're more likely to do if there's obese people around them.
LOL.. Seriously? Dear god, nobody thinks it's okay to be obese. Sure, we have this whole fat acceptance thing going on, but, deep down everyone knows it's not okay to be obese. Obese people earn less. Obese people are less likely to get promotions regardless of accomplishments. Obese people have trouble reproducing sometimes. Obese people can't ride a lot of the roller coasters at theme parks. I mean, c'mon, people KNOW. If your kids don't know than your kids have a different problem. I'm not sure how you fix that.
My daughter is home-schooled and I try to be somewhat body positive just in the sense of, be nice to everyone because you don't know their journey kind of thing. My daughter asks me questions like "Can you not run very fast because your fat?" I'm honest with my answers, "No, I can't run very fast, but, I can walk all day long." She is 6 years old and she KNOWS that I'm fat. I never mention my weight around her. I mention trying to eat healthy, she has to eat her greens before she gets to eat meat and so on. Even so, my 6 year old knows that I'm fat and can tell that people don't like me because of that. She can already tell that people are a lot nicer to her dad than they are to me. She hears the things people say about me. We talk about the things she's overheard. I try to keep it positive, like some people just haven't been taught manners and so on.
So, yeah, I'm sure that your kids know it's bad to be fat even without you fat-shaming people in public. Though, from the sounds of it, they've already got someone teaching them how to be hurtful to strangers in public.13 -
jenniferinfl wrote: »YvetteK2015 wrote: »No one's view on me was important. I knew I was fat. No one needed to tell me. I knew I needed to lose weight. I don't know the ratio of how many people know as opposed to those who are in denial, but you might be telling someone who doesn't care what your opinion/ view of them is.
I'm in the process of losing weight, but I'm still fat. If someone said something to me, my reply would be "Yeah, and?"
This is based mostly at the people who ignore it. I wouldn't want my children to walk around thinking is okay to be obese, which they're more likely to do if there's obese people around them.
LOL.. Seriously? Dear god, nobody thinks it's okay to be obese. Sure, we have this whole fat acceptance thing going on, but, deep down everyone knows it's not okay to be obese. Obese people earn less. Obese people are less likely to get promotions regardless of accomplishments. Obese people have trouble reproducing sometimes. Obese people can't ride a lot of the roller coasters at theme parks. I mean, c'mon, people KNOW. If your kids don't know than your kids have a different problem. I'm not sure how you fix that.
My daughter is home-schooled and I try to be somewhat body positive just in the sense of, be nice to everyone because you don't know their journey kind of thing. My daughter asks me questions like "Can you not run very fast because your fat?" I'm honest with my answers, "No, I can't run very fast, but, I can walk all day long." She is 6 years old and she KNOWS that I'm fat. I never mention my weight around her. I mention trying to eat healthy, she has to eat her greens before she gets to eat meat and so on. Even so, my 6 year old knows that I'm fat and can tell that people don't like me because of that. She can already tell that people are a lot nicer to her dad than they are to me. She hears the things people say about me. We talk about the things she's overheard. I try to keep it positive, like some people just haven't been taught manners and so on.
So, yeah, I'm sure that your kids know it's bad to be fat even without you fat-shaming people in public. Though, from the sounds of it, they've already got someone teaching them how to be hurtful to strangers in public.
Very well said, and to the OP, l think its best to keep ur opinion to yourself concerning any weight. Too fat or too skinny, unless its a personal friend or relative, its not your business or mine l.3 -
thiosulfate wrote: »In my opinion, simply saying someone is overweight should not be considered hurtful as long as that person is you know, actually overweight. But I don't think someone gains significant weight without noticing that their clothes are way tighter or something like that
But, they already know. Sometimes when you are out in public, you have to try to forget that you are overweight or obese to make it through their day.
Man, when I regained 100 lbs back in 2008, I couldn't even go in a grocery store. I didn't leave the house for months. My husband would make me come along in the car and I would stay in the car while he did the grocery shopping. I just couldn't do it. It was awhile before I went anywhere. I didn't meet friends, I even skipped my doctors appointment. It was several months before I went anywhere, I used to grocery shop at Walmart at 2 am so I wouldn't see anyone.
So, yeah, I don't think that's helpful at all.7 -
Personally I think it's okay to call people out in being overweight / obese. It's the only reason I realised there was a problem I had to lose weight.
I think people's view on you is important
I do not think it is ok to call people out for being over weight - or under weight or smoking or anything else
If the person is a relative/close friend whose circumstances I know ,having a quiet word re concern for their health - that is ok.
Telling someone they need to lose /gain weight or stop smoking/drinking etc if I am their doctor/health nurse/counsellor etc and in a position where such health advice is relevant - that is ok
If someone directly ask for my opinion - ok to be honest (cant imagine many people have strangers or acquaintances just randomly asking if they are overweight or should stop smoking though
)
Telling random strangers or acquaintances these things because I dont want them to set an example for my kids - totally NOT ok.
Only exception if their behaviour is directly going to affect others - it is ok for me to ask somebody to move away if they are smoking near my baby, for example. Or to call the police if they are getting in their car obviously drunk
That would not be the case with weight though.
People's view on you is not important unless they ask for it.
People also need to know when to keep their views to themselves.
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It honestly never occurred to me that there were people who did not know they were overweight until someone told them. Like, how does that happen?
Having said that, it's one thing to speak out of concern, but some people use "honesty" as a weapon, basically as an excuse to hurt others. Make sure you know which side of the fence you're on when you "call people out."6
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