Fat shaming
Replies
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thiosulfate wrote: »There's a difference between having a one on one talk to someone because you care for them and are concerned about their health and calling someone fat just to be a jerk.
I think people jump too quickly to someone being a jerk.
If you say someone is overweight or obese that's totally okay, people should know that's not okay to be unhealthy.
I'm obviously not talking about people saying 'you're a fat ****' or something.
You really think for one second they don't know that already?
On the other hand, jerks don't ever think they are being jerks.
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I think that most fat people already know they are fat. But, you still have to get out there and live life no matter how big you are. You don't know what someone had to tell themselves to get out the door that morning.
The problem with fat shaming is that unless you really know the person, you don't know if that 230 lb person was 330 lbs last year. They may already be putting in the effort. Or, they could have been in a serious accident last year and they're just happy that they can walk now. Or their kid died of cancer last year. Or their spouse left and had a second family. I mean, some people are going through some real crap that is a whole lot bigger than a number on a scale. I had lost about 40 lbs 5 year ago when my daughter ended up in the hospital for 3 weeks, I ate hospital food and worried and gained it all back. I didn't have the emotional resources to think about what I was eating. All I could think about was whether or not my kid was going to make it. Two weeks went by when I didn't even see the outdoors, just the hospital room. Until you've done it, you have no idea.
I live in Florida near the beach. We pretty much own fat shaming out here. I have to give myself a pep talk before I go into the grocery store because I really cannot win. If I'm in the produce section, I overhear people saying that I shouldn't buy produce because I clearly just let it rot in the crisper drawer and so on. If I'm buying food for a work event, I have people snickering that I'm just buying my lunch. I'm always the person assigned to buy dessert for a work event (and no, I don't get to choose what I buy, I get a list), so I frequently have to walk out of the grocery store with a couple cakes and boxes of assorted pastries. I've actually had people ask me how long it would take me to eat all that. Whenever I've said it's for a work event some people go, like 'oh, that makes sense' and other people are like 'sure, right'. Since they already believe I'm a glutton, sometimes I just quip that I'm going to eat it all in my car before I even leave the parking lot.
Honestly, fear of fat shaming is why a lot of fat people have an issue with going to the gym. When I used to go walking at the 2 mile track near me, I would have people tell me that if I kept working at it, one day I could do the whole loop. Meanwhile, I was on my 4th trip around.
Fat shaming never helped me. I knew I was fat when I was 8 years old. I'm sure most fat people know what size they wear. The confidence you see, that thing you want to destroy, is just a facade we put on so we can bring our kids to the park and the beach.
I don't skinny shame or fat shame. They are both vile habits which are helpful to no one and honestly, they are indicative of a person incapable of empathy or with very limited life experience.
Edited to add: I also don't tell smokers that smoking is bad for them, even my 6 year old knows that. I feel safe assuming that everyone else already knows too. I've never smoked, but, it's not my job to tell others how to live their life.24 -
jenniferinfl wrote: »Honestly, fear of fat shaming is why a lot of fat people have an issue with going to the gym. When I used to go walking at the 2 mile track near me, I would have people tell me that if I kept working at it, one day I could do the whole loop. Meanwhile, I was on my 4th trip around.
This is why God gave us middle fingers.11 -
When I was fat, I had more than one loved one tell me that I really should lose some weight, and you know it wasn't like I didn't already know this. I did see myself in the mirror, and look at my own body every day after all. I realize we all take things differently, but for me, it's not as if I had a "ah ha" moment and thought to myself, Oh wow, I'm so glad this was pointed out to me, otherwise how would I have ever known I was endangering my health? My point is most people will lose weight when they themselves commit to doing it, not because someone else said something.7
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Unless they are on a program like MFP and you have their explicit permission to call people out for not meeting their goals I think that it's bitchy and mean to do that. Seriously - no one should be able to do that and think that it's okay.4
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YvetteK2015 wrote: »No one's view on me was important. I knew I was fat. No one needed to tell me. I knew I needed to lose weight. I don't know the ratio of how many people know as opposed to those who are in denial, but you might be telling someone who doesn't care what your opinion/ view of them is.
I'm in the process of losing weight, but I'm still fat. If someone said something to me, my reply would be "Yeah, and?"
This is based mostly at the people who ignore it. I wouldn't want my children to walk around thinking is okay to be obese, which they're more likely to do if there's obese people around them.
LOL.. Seriously? Dear god, nobody thinks it's okay to be obese. Sure, we have this whole fat acceptance thing going on, but, deep down everyone knows it's not okay to be obese. Obese people earn less. Obese people are less likely to get promotions regardless of accomplishments. Obese people have trouble reproducing sometimes. Obese people can't ride a lot of the roller coasters at theme parks. I mean, c'mon, people KNOW. If your kids don't know than your kids have a different problem. I'm not sure how you fix that.
My daughter is home-schooled and I try to be somewhat body positive just in the sense of, be nice to everyone because you don't know their journey kind of thing. My daughter asks me questions like "Can you not run very fast because your fat?" I'm honest with my answers, "No, I can't run very fast, but, I can walk all day long." She is 6 years old and she KNOWS that I'm fat. I never mention my weight around her. I mention trying to eat healthy, she has to eat her greens before she gets to eat meat and so on. Even so, my 6 year old knows that I'm fat and can tell that people don't like me because of that. She can already tell that people are a lot nicer to her dad than they are to me. She hears the things people say about me. We talk about the things she's overheard. I try to keep it positive, like some people just haven't been taught manners and so on.
So, yeah, I'm sure that your kids know it's bad to be fat even without you fat-shaming people in public. Though, from the sounds of it, they've already got someone teaching them how to be hurtful to strangers in public.13 -
jenniferinfl wrote: »YvetteK2015 wrote: »No one's view on me was important. I knew I was fat. No one needed to tell me. I knew I needed to lose weight. I don't know the ratio of how many people know as opposed to those who are in denial, but you might be telling someone who doesn't care what your opinion/ view of them is.
I'm in the process of losing weight, but I'm still fat. If someone said something to me, my reply would be "Yeah, and?"
This is based mostly at the people who ignore it. I wouldn't want my children to walk around thinking is okay to be obese, which they're more likely to do if there's obese people around them.
LOL.. Seriously? Dear god, nobody thinks it's okay to be obese. Sure, we have this whole fat acceptance thing going on, but, deep down everyone knows it's not okay to be obese. Obese people earn less. Obese people are less likely to get promotions regardless of accomplishments. Obese people have trouble reproducing sometimes. Obese people can't ride a lot of the roller coasters at theme parks. I mean, c'mon, people KNOW. If your kids don't know than your kids have a different problem. I'm not sure how you fix that.
My daughter is home-schooled and I try to be somewhat body positive just in the sense of, be nice to everyone because you don't know their journey kind of thing. My daughter asks me questions like "Can you not run very fast because your fat?" I'm honest with my answers, "No, I can't run very fast, but, I can walk all day long." She is 6 years old and she KNOWS that I'm fat. I never mention my weight around her. I mention trying to eat healthy, she has to eat her greens before she gets to eat meat and so on. Even so, my 6 year old knows that I'm fat and can tell that people don't like me because of that. She can already tell that people are a lot nicer to her dad than they are to me. She hears the things people say about me. We talk about the things she's overheard. I try to keep it positive, like some people just haven't been taught manners and so on.
So, yeah, I'm sure that your kids know it's bad to be fat even without you fat-shaming people in public. Though, from the sounds of it, they've already got someone teaching them how to be hurtful to strangers in public.
Very well said, and to the OP, l think its best to keep ur opinion to yourself concerning any weight. Too fat or too skinny, unless its a personal friend or relative, its not your business or mine l.3 -
thiosulfate wrote: »In my opinion, simply saying someone is overweight should not be considered hurtful as long as that person is you know, actually overweight. But I don't think someone gains significant weight without noticing that their clothes are way tighter or something like that
But, they already know. Sometimes when you are out in public, you have to try to forget that you are overweight or obese to make it through their day.
Man, when I regained 100 lbs back in 2008, I couldn't even go in a grocery store. I didn't leave the house for months. My husband would make me come along in the car and I would stay in the car while he did the grocery shopping. I just couldn't do it. It was awhile before I went anywhere. I didn't meet friends, I even skipped my doctors appointment. It was several months before I went anywhere, I used to grocery shop at Walmart at 2 am so I wouldn't see anyone.
So, yeah, I don't think that's helpful at all.7 -
Personally I think it's okay to call people out in being overweight / obese. It's the only reason I realised there was a problem I had to lose weight.
I think people's view on you is important
I do not think it is ok to call people out for being over weight - or under weight or smoking or anything else
If the person is a relative/close friend whose circumstances I know ,having a quiet word re concern for their health - that is ok.
Telling someone they need to lose /gain weight or stop smoking/drinking etc if I am their doctor/health nurse/counsellor etc and in a position where such health advice is relevant - that is ok
If someone directly ask for my opinion - ok to be honest (cant imagine many people have strangers or acquaintances just randomly asking if they are overweight or should stop smoking though
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Telling random strangers or acquaintances these things because I dont want them to set an example for my kids - totally NOT ok.
Only exception if their behaviour is directly going to affect others - it is ok for me to ask somebody to move away if they are smoking near my baby, for example. Or to call the police if they are getting in their car obviously drunk
That would not be the case with weight though.
People's view on you is not important unless they ask for it.
People also need to know when to keep their views to themselves.
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It honestly never occurred to me that there were people who did not know they were overweight until someone told them. Like, how does that happen?
Having said that, it's one thing to speak out of concern, but some people use "honesty" as a weapon, basically as an excuse to hurt others. Make sure you know which side of the fence you're on when you "call people out."6 -
YvetteK2015 wrote: »YvetteK2015 wrote: »YvetteK2015 wrote: »No one's view on me was important. I knew I was fat. No one needed to tell me. I knew I needed to lose weight. I don't know the ratio of how many people know as opposed to those who are in denial, but you might be telling someone who doesn't care what your opinion/ view of them is.
I'm in the process of losing weight, but I'm still fat. If someone said something to me, my reply would be "Yeah, and?"
This is based mostly at the people who ignore it. I wouldn't want my children to walk around thinking is okay to be obese, which they're more likely to do if there's obese people around them.
The sad truth is (I don't know if you live in America or not) but something like 2/3 of Americans (I think, I might be off on that number) is overweight. Your children are going to see overweight people everywhere. You can't call everyone out. But you can teach you children good, healthy eating habits, and teach them by example.
I live in England. But I still think it's okay to tell someone they're overweight, just as you'd say smoking is bad for you, overeating or not exercising till you're overweight isn't healthy for tou
But you are not the food and exercise police. Nor the smoking police. What people do is their own business, and not yours. Now, if it's someone you know that you are truly concerned for, then talking about your concern is fine. But no one wants to hear what a strangers thinks of them. Again, it's not your business. Work on what YOU can control, and that's your kids.Alatariel75 wrote: »Alatariel75 wrote: »Eh. Feel free to tell me I'm fat. I'll likewise feel free to tell you to £%$# off.
One is being rude, the other isn't
No, no it is. Don't pretend randomly telling someone they're fat is out of some sort of concern for their health or other altruistic notion. It's just being a dick. I'd prefer if you taught your kids not to be a dick.
Then, please, explain why it's socially acceptable to tell a skinny person they're skinny or underweight or need to eat more food?
It's not.3 -
jennifer_417 wrote: »Having said that, it's one thing to speak out of concern, but some people use "honesty" as a weapon, basically as an excuse to hurt others. Make sure you know which side of the fence you're on when you "call people out."
Agreed - concern for what your kids see is not concern for the health of the overweight person.
Also be sure it is your business to 'call out' anyone for anything before you do it - my husband is getting overweight, smoking/drinking too much, etc (hypothetical examples) - that is my business.
I am a doctor and someone is my patient - that is my business.
Or at least my business to discuss it - still their choice what to do about it.
A stranger or work colleague who doesnt ask my opinion - that is not my business.
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Whatever happened to minding your own business?8
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YvetteK2015 wrote: »YvetteK2015 wrote: »YvetteK2015 wrote: »No one's view on me was important. I knew I was fat. No one needed to tell me. I knew I needed to lose weight. I don't know the ratio of how many people know as opposed to those who are in denial, but you might be telling someone who doesn't care what your opinion/ view of them is.
I'm in the process of losing weight, but I'm still fat. If someone said something to me, my reply would be "Yeah, and?"
This is based mostly at the people who ignore it. I wouldn't want my children to walk around thinking is okay to be obese, which they're more likely to do if there's obese people around them.
The sad truth is (I don't know if you live in America or not) but something like 2/3 of Americans (I think, I might be off on that number) is overweight. Your children are going to see overweight people everywhere. You can't call everyone out. But you can teach you children good, healthy eating habits, and teach them by example.
I live in England. But I still think it's okay to tell someone they're overweight, just as you'd say smoking is bad for you, overeating or not exercising till you're overweight isn't healthy for tou
But you are not the food and exercise police. Nor the smoking police. What people do is their own business, and not yours. Now, if it's someone you know that you are truly concerned for, then talking about your concern is fine. But no one wants to hear what a strangers thinks of them. Again, it's not your business. Work on what YOU can control, and that's your kids.Alatariel75 wrote: »Alatariel75 wrote: »Eh. Feel free to tell me I'm fat. I'll likewise feel free to tell you to £%$# off.
One is being rude, the other isn't
No, no it is. Don't pretend randomly telling someone they're fat is out of some sort of concern for their health or other altruistic notion. It's just being a dick. I'd prefer if you taught your kids not to be a dick.
Then, please, explain why it's socially acceptable to tell a skinny person they're skinny or underweight or need to eat more food?
I do not appreciate anyone telling me how 'skinny' and underweight I am. I know this. Nor is it anyone's business to comment on my eating either! I have a medical condition and know I look unhealthy most days...is it anyone's business to 'tell' me this...no! It just hurts me and does not make it any better.4 -
gamerbabe14 wrote: »Whatever happened to minding your own business?
Social media, for one.5 -
Chef_Barbell wrote: »YvetteK2015 wrote: »YvetteK2015 wrote: »YvetteK2015 wrote: »No one's view on me was important. I knew I was fat. No one needed to tell me. I knew I needed to lose weight. I don't know the ratio of how many people know as opposed to those who are in denial, but you might be telling someone who doesn't care what your opinion/ view of them is.
I'm in the process of losing weight, but I'm still fat. If someone said something to me, my reply would be "Yeah, and?"
This is based mostly at the people who ignore it. I wouldn't want my children to walk around thinking is okay to be obese, which they're more likely to do if there's obese people around them.
The sad truth is (I don't know if you live in America or not) but something like 2/3 of Americans (I think, I might be off on that number) is overweight. Your children are going to see overweight people everywhere. You can't call everyone out. But you can teach you children good, healthy eating habits, and teach them by example.
I live in England. But I still think it's okay to tell someone they're overweight, just as you'd say smoking is bad for you, overeating or not exercising till you're overweight isn't healthy for tou
But you are not the food and exercise police. Nor the smoking police. What people do is their own business, and not yours. Now, if it's someone you know that you are truly concerned for, then talking about your concern is fine. But no one wants to hear what a strangers thinks of them. Again, it's not your business. Work on what YOU can control, and that's your kids.Alatariel75 wrote: »Alatariel75 wrote: »Eh. Feel free to tell me I'm fat. I'll likewise feel free to tell you to £%$# off.
One is being rude, the other isn't
No, no it is. Don't pretend randomly telling someone they're fat is out of some sort of concern for their health or other altruistic notion. It's just being a dick. I'd prefer if you taught your kids not to be a dick.
Then, please, explain why it's socially acceptable to tell a skinny person they're skinny or underweight or need to eat more food?
It's not.
Socially, it is acceptable. The person did not say it was acceptable to you. In our society, it absolutely is socially acceptable to tell someone they are too thin and need to eat more. People do it all the time, and it is within our societal norms. Telling someone that they are fat is not socially acceptable and falls outside of societal norms (by "our" I mean those of us living in the U.S.). Thin people may not like it, but most people in my experience would not react to "you are too thin" like they would react to someone saying "you are too overweight".1 -
paperpudding wrote: »...People also need to know when to keep their views to themselves.
I agree. If somebody had ever walked up to me out of the blue and told me I was fat, my response to them wouldn't be printable here. They'd have left with their ears burning. I don't care about your "concern", keep it to yourself and mind your own business.
When I was a smoker, I was standing out in the back lot at work having a cigarette one day when one of my coworkers walked out and said "You know, smoking is really bad for you". I replied "Yeah...yeah, I know that. So is being 100 pounds overweight and having that big, fat gut hanging over your belt. We all make our own choices in life".
One of our other coworkers overheard it and said "That was mean." I replied "I agree, that wasn't very nice - he should keep his opinions to himself".
I would never have made such a statement to him without provocation. But since he felt comfortable enough to make my business his business, I figured I should feel equally comfortable offering my opinion in return.14 -
YvetteK2015 wrote: »YvetteK2015 wrote: »YvetteK2015 wrote: »No one's view on me was important. I knew I was fat. No one needed to tell me. I knew I needed to lose weight. I don't know the ratio of how many people know as opposed to those who are in denial, but you might be telling someone who doesn't care what your opinion/ view of them is.
I'm in the process of losing weight, but I'm still fat. If someone said something to me, my reply would be "Yeah, and?"
This is based mostly at the people who ignore it. I wouldn't want my children to walk around thinking is okay to be obese, which they're more likely to do if there's obese people around them.
The sad truth is (I don't know if you live in America or not) but something like 2/3 of Americans (I think, I might be off on that number) is overweight. Your children are going to see overweight people everywhere. You can't call everyone out. But you can teach you children good, healthy eating habits, and teach them by example.
I live in England. But I still think it's okay to tell someone they're overweight, just as you'd say smoking is bad for you, overeating or not exercising till you're overweight isn't healthy for tou
But you are not the food and exercise police. Nor the smoking police. What people do is their own business, and not yours. Now, if it's someone you know that you are truly concerned for, then talking about your concern is fine. But no one wants to hear what a strangers thinks of them. Again, it's not your business. Work on what YOU can control, and that's your kids.Alatariel75 wrote: »Alatariel75 wrote: »Eh. Feel free to tell me I'm fat. I'll likewise feel free to tell you to £%$# off.
One is being rude, the other isn't
No, no it is. Don't pretend randomly telling someone they're fat is out of some sort of concern for their health or other altruistic notion. It's just being a dick. I'd prefer if you taught your kids not to be a dick.
Then, please, explain why it's socially acceptable to tell a skinny person they're skinny or underweight or need to eat more food?
I do not appreciate anyone telling me how 'skinny' and underweight I am. I know this. Nor is it anyone's business to comment on my eating either! I have a medical condition and know I look unhealthy most days...is it anyone's business to 'tell' me this...no! It just hurts me and does not make it any better.
This too.. I used to call people skinny, but, I always meant it as a compliment, as in 'you're gorgeous, you're so skinny,'. I didn't realize it wasn't a compliment. I really had no idea that some people really struggle to gain weight or are self conscious about being thin. I was fantastically envious of my gorgeous skinny friends and probably brought up their weight too often.
As an adult, I know that it isn't appropriate to mention someone's weight no matter which way. As a teen though, I really thought I was giving the highest compliment that there was as there was nothing I wanted to be more than thin. To have someone call me thin.
I'm trying to teach my daughter that there are things you just don't say to people and complimenting someone on being thin is definitely one of them.
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thiosulfate wrote: »There's a difference between having a one on one talk to someone because you care for them and are concerned about their health and calling someone fat just to be a jerk.
It is okay to comment on someone's health in a polite manner when it comes from a loving and concerned place. It is NOT okay or helpful to say "Wow. You're a fat cow!". It is not okay to do this to skinny people either... string bean, toothpick, etc. are not acceptable comments... but if they for sure are clinically underweight OR they admit they are undereating it is okay to show concern, tactfully.0 -
CaliMomTeach wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »YvetteK2015 wrote: »YvetteK2015 wrote: »YvetteK2015 wrote: »No one's view on me was important. I knew I was fat. No one needed to tell me. I knew I needed to lose weight. I don't know the ratio of how many people know as opposed to those who are in denial, but you might be telling someone who doesn't care what your opinion/ view of them is.
I'm in the process of losing weight, but I'm still fat. If someone said something to me, my reply would be "Yeah, and?"
This is based mostly at the people who ignore it. I wouldn't want my children to walk around thinking is okay to be obese, which they're more likely to do if there's obese people around them.
The sad truth is (I don't know if you live in America or not) but something like 2/3 of Americans (I think, I might be off on that number) is overweight. Your children are going to see overweight people everywhere. You can't call everyone out. But you can teach you children good, healthy eating habits, and teach them by example.
I live in England. But I still think it's okay to tell someone they're overweight, just as you'd say smoking is bad for you, overeating or not exercising till you're overweight isn't healthy for tou
But you are not the food and exercise police. Nor the smoking police. What people do is their own business, and not yours. Now, if it's someone you know that you are truly concerned for, then talking about your concern is fine. But no one wants to hear what a strangers thinks of them. Again, it's not your business. Work on what YOU can control, and that's your kids.Alatariel75 wrote: »Alatariel75 wrote: »Eh. Feel free to tell me I'm fat. I'll likewise feel free to tell you to £%$# off.
One is being rude, the other isn't
No, no it is. Don't pretend randomly telling someone they're fat is out of some sort of concern for their health or other altruistic notion. It's just being a dick. I'd prefer if you taught your kids not to be a dick.
Then, please, explain why it's socially acceptable to tell a skinny person they're skinny or underweight or need to eat more food?
It's not.
Socially, it is acceptable. The person did not say it was acceptable to you. In our society, it absolutely is socially acceptable to tell someone they are too thin and need to eat more. People do it all the time, and it is within our societal norms. Telling someone that they are fat is not socially acceptable and falls outside of societal norms (by "our" I mean those of us living in the U.S.). Thin people may not like it, but most people in my experience would not react to "you are too thin" like they would react to someone saying "you are too overweight".
Depends on your circle. *shrug*5 -
Have you done this? What happened?
Most people realize they are 'fat' or not...some are due to medical issues (prescriptions, etc.,). If you know the person certainly let them know you are concerned for their health. I would definitely do this.
One can not just assume someone is 'fat' because they just stuff their face....if you don't know the 'whole' story it's certainly not your place to call people 'out' you don't know.
Yes I've recently told someone they were overweight (this was on a silly social media page where she asked for opinions) and I got a lot of fat shaming hate, despite saying it really nicely.
I've found this is the response you get whatever the situation, which is a shame seeing as it's 'okay' to shame other people with unhealthy habits.
She literally asked if she was overweight? Then I see no issue.1 -
I don't know but for me personally I've never needed anyone to tell me I'm overweight and how unhealthy it is. I have mirrors and I'm the one dragging around the extra pounds. Trust me I never forget the weight is there. I think it's rude for people to point it out. It's never happened to me. If it did it might not end well for the other person.1
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Who made you the fat police? What possible reason could you ever have for thinking someone else's physical being or health is any of your business whatsoever.
I'm reminded of my college freshman P.E. class. The first day, the instructor did a skin caliper test on everyone. Next, he told every single female in the class she was obese.
The instructor felt it was necessary to label us all fatties.
You've never seen so much devastation and vomit over the next semester. We even had one suicide which I'm sure wasn't directly caused by the instructor, but the miserable self-hating, self-conscious atmosphere in our dorm couldn't have helped. On a good day, one of the women might consume a celery stick in public. I'm sure there was secret eating going on.
Fat people know they're fat. People who you randomly decide don't meet your standards to live in your world don't need your opinion.8 -
As a "large" man, there's nothing that I think of more than how big I've gotten. I notice the looks I get, the snide comments that are made about my physical shape. But, what they don't understand is I have a horrible disease called Multiple Sclerosis, M.S. I can't workout any more! I can't walk long distances over ~100 ft. I can't lift weights. Does anyone really think I want to be like this? I hate it! So, yeah, if you're an *kitten* come up to me and say I've gotten big--like I haven't noticed-- and you not understanding why. Or you can keep your mouth shut and realize that people like me know were overweight and we're trying to lose it.
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@gamerbabe_14 no doubt, keep your opinions to yourself. Some people can't shut their mouths though.0
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Personally I think it's okay to call people out in being overweight / obese. It's the only reason I realised there was a problem I had to lose weight.
I think people's view on you is important
Just be prepared for someone to tell you that in six months they could be slim, but you'll still be a rude person offering opinions that no one asked for.7 -
paperpudding wrote: »...People also need to know when to keep their views to themselves.
I agree. If somebody had ever walked up to me out of the blue and told me I was fat, my response to them wouldn't be printable here. They'd have left with their ears burning. I don't care about your "concern", keep it to yourself and mind your own business.
When I was a smoker, I was standing out in the back lot at work having a cigarette one day when one of my coworkers walked out and said "You know, smoking is really bad for you". I replied "Yeah...yeah, I know that. So is being 100 pounds overweight and having that big, fat gut hanging over your belt. We all make our own choices in life".
One of our other coworkers overheard it and said "That was mean." I replied "I agree, that wasn't very nice - he should keep his opinions to himself".
I would never have made such a statement to him without provocation. But since he felt comfortable enough to make my business his business, I figured I should feel equally comfortable offering my opinion in return.
This.
OP, if you feel entitled enough to make the business of random people your business in public, they should also be free to give you a full rundown of your own faults, in excruciating detail, at whatever volume they deem appropriate. Fair's fair.10 -
I personally don't agree that shaming someone is the answer. If someone wants to lose weight or even gain weight if they're called "extremely thin" or "Skelton like" it's something they would do based on their own personal decision regardless if it's counting calories and losing the weight naturally or deciding to get gastric bypass. I personally dislike it when people start making comments about my figure regardless of it's to say I look skinnier or I look more chubby it does nothing for me. I normally just ignore it and continue with my day.1
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CaliMomTeach wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »YvetteK2015 wrote: »YvetteK2015 wrote: »YvetteK2015 wrote: »No one's view on me was important. I knew I was fat. No one needed to tell me. I knew I needed to lose weight. I don't know the ratio of how many people know as opposed to those who are in denial, but you might be telling someone who doesn't care what your opinion/ view of them is.
I'm in the process of losing weight, but I'm still fat. If someone said something to me, my reply would be "Yeah, and?"
This is based mostly at the people who ignore it. I wouldn't want my children to walk around thinking is okay to be obese, which they're more likely to do if there's obese people around them.
The sad truth is (I don't know if you live in America or not) but something like 2/3 of Americans (I think, I might be off on that number) is overweight. Your children are going to see overweight people everywhere. You can't call everyone out. But you can teach you children good, healthy eating habits, and teach them by example.
I live in England. But I still think it's okay to tell someone they're overweight, just as you'd say smoking is bad for you, overeating or not exercising till you're overweight isn't healthy for tou
But you are not the food and exercise police. Nor the smoking police. What people do is their own business, and not yours. Now, if it's someone you know that you are truly concerned for, then talking about your concern is fine. But no one wants to hear what a strangers thinks of them. Again, it's not your business. Work on what YOU can control, and that's your kids.Alatariel75 wrote: »Alatariel75 wrote: »Eh. Feel free to tell me I'm fat. I'll likewise feel free to tell you to £%$# off.
One is being rude, the other isn't
No, no it is. Don't pretend randomly telling someone they're fat is out of some sort of concern for their health or other altruistic notion. It's just being a dick. I'd prefer if you taught your kids not to be a dick.
Then, please, explain why it's socially acceptable to tell a skinny person they're skinny or underweight or need to eat more food?
It's not.
Socially, it is acceptable. The person did not say it was acceptable to you. In our society, it absolutely is socially acceptable to tell someone they are too thin and need to eat more. People do it all the time, and it is within our societal norms. Telling someone that they are fat is not socially acceptable and falls outside of societal norms (by "our" I mean those of us living in the U.S.). Thin people may not like it, but most people in my experience would not react to "you are too thin" like they would react to someone saying "you are too overweight".
I've never lived in an environment where it was acceptable to comment on anyone's size large or small. I suppose within family groups it might be more likely for a relative to express concern for a family member who appears to be getting too thin as opposed to too fat but that's a different situation. I live in the US by the way, on the west coast and have lived on the east coast also, and while people make comments about other people all the time I certainly don't see it as an accepted social norm.0 -
It's never okay imo. Fat people are hyper aware of their weight usually. It's just rude and disrespectful.2
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