Fat shaming

bpetrosky

lucypstacy wrote: »

edena001 wrote: »

lucypstacy wrote: »

Here's my issue with this, but I will forewarn everyone this is very personal.

For me, the weight gain started rather suddenly and out of the blue. I had no idea why. My family doctor told me to watch what I was eating, and I did try. The odd thing was my appetite became erratic. There were days I was starving and couldn't seem to eat enough. There were also days I couldn't eat, and I lost everything I even attempted to consume. I had no idea what was going on, and I was self conscious.

People attempted to help me in various ways. I was teaching at that time, and I remember when another teacher 'quietly' put a bottle of diet pills on my desk. Other people tried to get me to walk with them, but I was completely exhausted. I couldn't sleep at night, and I was having these god awful leg cramps. No matter how hard I tried, I just had no energy. My dad was the worst. He bought me laxatives he told me to basically abuse, and said that everyone was tired, but I had to just push myself more. The only thing that happened was that I became depressed.

I made an appointment with another doctor that was closer to my house. My blood pressure was through the roof, and he immediately blamed my weight - until they took some urine. I was in end stage renal failure. I only had 12% function. All this weight that people had been harping at me about? It was massive water retention and the fact my body was shutting down.

If you had seen me at this time, I looked like a whale. My legs were so heavy and swollen, I could barely walk. I literally split a pair of shoes I had, but the only thing people saw was that I looked big. All their 'advice' and 'help' had just been tearing me down.

I'm not saying you shouldn't try to help out loved ones, but I am saying that it's hard to know all that's going on with them. My case is a bit unique, but I doubt I'm the only one who has gone through this. It really has changed my perspective on immediately blaming others for their situations since there are so many variables we simply do not know.

Thanks for reading.

This was interesting to read, I would imagine if I was in your situation I most likely wouldn't bother to have followed it up so much, talked to multiple doctors or specifically cared / noticed my weight gain. I probably would have put it down to bad eating habits or something. I think in your case yes the comments effected you, but they also sound like they were the things that pushed you to find out what was wrong ? Without them you may not have bothered to go to the doctor or done anything to help your health. In my eyes that push was extremely good for you.

Actually, the exact opposite was true. Because I was listening to all these just talk about how I had gained weight and it was all due to what I was eating and doing, I was rather depressed. I didn't think there was a real reason to keep going to doctors. They were going to tell me the same. I was just this big, fat whale, and it was all my fault.

It was my mother who actually pushed me to go to another doctor. While I knew something was wrong, I had listened too much to people who seemed to think they had some right to be judgemental over a situation they had no actual knowledge about that I was depressed. That's what happened to me. I was quite literally losing an organ, but everyone was wanting to critique my dinner plate.

Want to hear the craziest part? I was relieved to find there was a real reason. I was relieved to know that there was this actual condition that was causing it.

This is what I'm trying to say. For me, people trying to be 'helpful' only led me to being depressed, and I actually hesitated seeking a second opinion. I didn't want someone else to tell me I was fat.

It's ridiculous to assume that I couldn't see the health issues. Do you want to know what kidney failure feels like? You hurt all over and your limbs feel heavy - especially the legs. You have a migraine that never goes away, which is actually your blood pressure sky rocketing. When your blood pressure goes too high, you throw up violently as your body attempts to force it to drop. This becomes a daily occurrence. You're exhausted to the point you can barely stay awake, but you still have insomnia. If you do manage to fall asleep, you have horrible painfully spasms in your legs. This is excess potassium because, without your kidneys, your body can't process it. It's like a poison. I knew something was wrong, but everyone was in my ear saying I was just eating too much.

People honestly need to learn when it's best not to say anything. The other day, my mother, myself, and a friend went on a walking tour. We're exercising, but we look odd doing it. Mom has had a broken back, so she walks a bit differently. My friend has cerebral palsy. I have a muscle/connective tissue disease and a short leg that causes me to walk with a limp. These people got behind us and started giggling. When Miranda (my friend) overheard that they were saying that we appeared to be drunk, she became mad and basically went off on them. They did apologize, but here's the point. They shouldn't have been doing that. They were judging us. They were making us feel uncomfortable for no good reason. The same with fat shaming.

What did those people do for me when I had kidney failure? They made me feel ashamed and let me to be depressed. It didn't help anything. THEY HURT ME. Words hurt people. Imagine being judged harshly for something that wasn't your fault? It's not a motivation. It's a deterrent.

Thank you for sharing this. I hope people see this and learn how to avoid mistaking being cruel for being helpful.

Sarahb29

OP you can say whatever you want but if you dish it out be prepared to take it as well. Unless you're in Sweden of course, where they'd throw you in jail for hate speech or some BS.

The world has gotten too soft. In China they'd straight up tell you your too fat and it's seen as helpful or concern, not harmful. Sometimes ya gotta deal with reality and that means hearing things you don't want to hear. It also allows you to rethink your life and make adjustments or seek out help. Help is out there, but you have to start asking (preaching to the choir on MFP, but I mean the overall general public).