Marriage Issue...Thoughts??
Replies
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peckchris3267 wrote: »Why get married at all? There is more liability to marriage than benefits.
I so feel this right now! I was nervous about ever getting married again to begin with...to anyone.3 -
Marriage is about committment, to each other, nothing else matters, that is how it should be viewed. If he doesn't want ot get married until you buy a house, to me that is a wrong reason, but that is me. I have been married and divorced twice, and they were both about money. I have learned a lot, been in a relationship for 2 years, and I do not want it to end, so I am really trying to learn as much about her, and what it takes for me to maintain her trust and her love for me. We don't have finacial issues, as I and her don't bring them in as issues, we both own houses, and other property.
Being divorced 2 times, my understanding of any relationship is that legally married is just a committment to each other. Living together after 1 day is a 50/50 split in monetary terms, you might be able to maintain something that you owned before the relationship, but by the time you fight about it with lawyers, the lawyers end up owning it.
If you want to be with him, I don't feel marriage is a big issue2 -
If 2 men marry each other do they live forever?4
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It has nothing to do with that. Marriage is a financial liability.clicketykeys wrote: »peckchris3267 wrote: »Why get married at all? There is more liability to marriage than benefits.
Depends on the kind of person you marry... and the kind of person you ARE.
One example; my daughter starts college in the fall. Since I am a single father with full custody of my two daughters, financial aid is based solely upon my income. If I married my girlfriend her income would be added to the equation and I would get less financial aid so either I would have to pay more for my daughters college of my girlfriend would have to pay also even though they aren't her children.
Since my ex wife isn't the custodial parent she was free to re marry without consequence. ( my ex also refuses to help pay for our daughters college and legally doesn't have to).
That is just one of the many liabilities to marriage.
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peppermintpudgy wrote: »Follow your instincts. Sounds like it might not be a good idea to commit further to this charmer.
This sounds like sound advice to me. Go with your instincts on what you should do.0 -
peckchris3267 wrote: »It has nothing to do with that. Marriage is a financial liability.
One example; my daughter starts college in the fall. Since I am a single father with full custody of my two daughters, financial aid is based solely upon my income. If I married my girlfriend her income would be added to the equation and I would get less financial aid so either I would have to pay more for my daughters college of my girlfriend would have to pay also even though they aren't her children.
Since my ex wife isn't the custodial parent she was free to re marry without consequence. ( my ex also refuses to help pay for our daughters college and legally doesn't have to).
That is just one of the many liabilities to marriage.
But that's just one example.... If your girlfriend didn't or couldn't work it might be in your financial interests to marry, if you were cohabiting anyway, OR if she earned so little that it would result in a significant tax break to combine.
But you are correct that in many cases where both people work it is a financial liability from a tax standpoint and from a financial aid standpoint, and in cases where someone is getting money from another source that could be affected by the marriage, like disability or alimony (though really alimony is a whole different can of worms to discuss).
Getting married can also protect a lower-earning spouse if faced with the death of the higher earning spouse via social security. This is important if/when one spouse takes a significant amount of time away from work for child rearing, or works part time/less demanding work to be the primary care-giver for the children.
Married men pay less for car insurance than single men. In some cases they pay less for health insurance but not always. Though for people who get their insurance through work it's often cheaper to cover everyone under one family plan than having different policies.
IRA rollover and gift tax exemptions are also available to spouses. Inheritance is usually much simpler, less expensive, and with much less red tape.
Also, should this apply to anyone, it's easier to protect your assets when they're "held jointly" than when they're not.
But each person would have to weigh their own situation to decide what benefits them most. A friend keeps saying the marriage tax penalty is killing her because both of them make so much money (wish I had that problem).
For me though the primary benefit was not financial but in terms but I wanted my partner to be the one to make medical decisions should I be incapacitated as opposed to having other family intrude on that situation, should it happen.2 -
Considering that over 50% of marriages end in divorce, many of the situations you provided become liabilities.nevadavis1 wrote: »peckchris3267 wrote: »It has nothing to do with that. Marriage is a financial liability.
One example; my daughter starts college in the fall. Since I am a single father with full custody of my two daughters, financial aid is based solely upon my income. If I married my girlfriend her income would be added to the equation and I would get less financial aid so either I would have to pay more for my daughters college of my girlfriend would have to pay also even though they aren't her children.
Since my ex wife isn't the custodial parent she was free to re marry without consequence. ( my ex also refuses to help pay for our daughters college and legally doesn't have to).
That is just one of the many liabilities to marriage.
But that's just one example.... If your girlfriend didn't or couldn't work it might be in your financial interests to marry, if you were cohabiting anyway, OR if she earned so little that it would result in a significant tax break to combine.
But you are correct that in many cases where both people work it is a financial liability from a tax standpoint and from a financial aid standpoint, and in cases where someone is getting money from another source that could be affected by the marriage, like disability or alimony (though really alimony is a whole different can of worms to discuss).
Getting married can also protect a lower-earning spouse if faced with the death of the higher earning spouse via social security. This is important if/when one spouse takes a significant amount of time away from work for child rearing, or works part time/less demanding work to be the primary care-giver for the children.
Married men pay less for car insurance than single men. In some cases they pay less for health insurance but not always. Though for people who get their insurance through work it's often cheaper to cover everyone under one family plan than having different policies.
IRA rollover and gift tax exemptions are also available to spouses. Inheritance is usually much simpler, less expensive, and with much less red tape.
Also, should this apply to anyone, it's easier to protect your assets when they're "held jointly" than when they're not.
But each person would have to weigh their own situation to decide what benefits them most. A friend keeps saying the marriage tax penalty is killing her because both of them make so much money (wish I had that problem).
For me though the primary benefit was not financial but in terms but I wanted my partner to be the one to make medical decisions should I be incapacitated as opposed to having other family intrude on that situation, should it happen.
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MrStabbems wrote: »Carillon_Campanello wrote: »kschwab0203 wrote: »My fiance and I got engaged 6 months ago. At that time, we both agreed that we would wait to get married until we moved.
We recently moved into a new house (rental) a little over a month ago. Last week I asked him if he he'd like to talk about wedding dates. I told him i was not in a rush to get married we could even plan for a year or so from now, but just wanted his thoughts. He said that he doesn't want to get married until we buy a house. That's not what he said 6 months ago although he maintains that it is.
I told him that I was not comfortable buying a house together if we are not married. I was married for 15 years, had 3 kids, and was left with nothing after the divorce because I stupidly let my ex-husband put everything in his name only. Due to my divorce, my credit is not good enough to be on the loan and will stay that way for quite some time. I just don't want to put my money into something again that I have no rights to.
Now my fiance is pissed and thinks that I am trying to back him into a corner with the whole marriage thing, but I am really not. I'm just trying to be smarter about things this time around.
He says he shouldn't have to pay for another person's mistakes. Sometimes I feel like a house is the only thing that is important to him. I feel that he should not have ever asked me if he was going to put stipulations on it. He says he just wants a forever home first.
Now I don't want to discuss a wedding or a house any time soon. What's the compromise? Am I being unrealistic?
Thoughts?
Marriage is a losing proposition for men. You ARE in fact (not opinion) backing him into a corner if you realize it or not.
I always considered mine an equal partnership. We're a family and we do the best for our family. if you're considering the prospect of winning or losing in a marriage (even relationships) then I don't think it's the concept that's wrong...it's you.
So very much this.2 -
A power of attorney would take care of that. For legal matters a power of attorney can take place of all legal issues that a marriage would create, no marriage needed.nevadavis1 wrote: »peckchris3267 wrote: »It has nothing to do with that. Marriage is a financial liability.
One example; my daughter starts college in the fall. Since I am a single father with full custody of my two daughters, financial aid is based solely upon my income. If I married my girlfriend her income would be added to the equation and I would get less financial aid so either I would have to pay more for my daughters college of my girlfriend would have to pay also even though they aren't her children.
Since my ex wife isn't the custodial parent she was free to re marry without consequence. ( my ex also refuses to help pay for our daughters college and legally doesn't have to).
That is just one of the many liabilities to marriage.
But that's just one example.... If your girlfriend didn't or couldn't work it might be in your financial interests to marry, if you were cohabiting anyway, OR if she earned so little that it would result in a significant tax break to combine.
But you are correct that in many cases where both people work it is a financial liability from a tax standpoint and from a financial aid standpoint, and in cases where someone is getting money from another source that could be affected by the marriage, like disability or alimony (though really alimony is a whole different can of worms to discuss).
Getting married can also protect a lower-earning spouse if faced with the death of the higher earning spouse via social security. This is important if/when one spouse takes a significant amount of time away from work for child rearing, or works part time/less demanding work to be the primary care-giver for the children.
Married men pay less for car insurance than single men. In some cases they pay less for health insurance but not always. Though for people who get their insurance through work it's often cheaper to cover everyone under one family plan than having different policies.
IRA rollover and gift tax exemptions are also available to spouses. Inheritance is usually much simpler, less expensive, and with much less red tape.
Also, should this apply to anyone, it's easier to protect your assets when they're "held jointly" than when they're not.
But each person would have to weigh their own situation to decide what benefits them most. A friend keeps saying the marriage tax penalty is killing her because both of them make so much money (wish I had that problem).
For me though the primary benefit was not financial but in terms but I wanted my partner to be the one to make medical decisions should I be incapacitated as opposed to having other family intrude on that situation, should it happen.
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peckchris3267 wrote: »Considering that over 50% of marriages end in divorce, many of the situations you provided become liabilities.
True. I suppose most people don't expect to get divorced but then a lot do.0 -
barefoot_xoxo wrote: »nevadavis1 wrote: »Carillon_Campanello wrote: »Marriage is a losing proposition for men. You ARE in fact (not opinion) backing him into a corner if you realize it or not.
Actually most studies show that married men are healthier and financially better off than single men. Divorced men though... not as healthy or as wealthy. Getting married and staying married IS a winning proposition for men.
If that is true why is it woman live longer then men ?
Because the testosterone that makes you stronger also wears you out faster.
http://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/555221_2
http://www.businessinsider.com/why-do-women-live-longer-than-men-2017-31 -
There is also the fact that the family courts tend to favor the mother. Many men are choosing to avoid marriage all together to avoid being put in that position. I can't tell you how many men I know of who have lost everything in a divorce including their children. I got my children but lost all my possessions.0
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People, this is getting silly, in my humble opinion. I watched the Red Pill documentary. I listen to arguments from both sides. The truth, as usual, lies in the middle. Embittered men and embittered women are all over the place and I'm sorry that mess happened to you but it really doesn't make sense to assume that the whole world of married people share your experience, or will if they just wait long enough. Life is much more complicated than that. I support men's rights. I support women's rights. Either we can work together for mutual benefit or we can continue this no-benefit battle of the sexes until everyone has a heart attack.
Husband and I are a team. Had I not found a true teammate, then it would be me and the cats, which is not exactly a death sentence. If you think marriage bl0ws you needn't get married, but trying to poison it for those who are happy is less than a positive thing to do.5 -
Husband and I are a team. Had I not found a true teammate, then it would be me and the cats, which is not exactly a death sentence. If you think marriage bl0ws you needn't get married, but trying to poison it for those who are happy is less than a positive thing to do.
Agreed. I'm sort of getting the impression that, while I haven't yet taken our children and all of my husband's earthly possessions and swindled them away from him in court, it's only a matter of time according to some people here.
All marriages do not end that way.
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Sorry hun...I think waiting while you clean up your credit is a great idea that way you can enter the marriage without it hanging over either of your heads. My situation is I was married first & bought the house in my name only and now I pay for it. He was over extended at the time with flip properties & we had a small child. There is a fair amount of resentment on my part because I pay for it..he isn't attached emotionally invested or otherwise. So you see if you don't do it together even if one "says" it's OK at the time it's a huge commitment and there can be a host of problems that can come up later if you can't communicate the deal. Think long & hard before making a decision. Best advice I have. Finances can destroy a relationship if you can't look to the future & agree & stick to a plan. Marriage & finances are both like "deals" you are making. Your kids having a place to live whether a rental or your own home comes before the fiance so you are smart to be thinking of that. Good luck to you.1
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Also, just FYI: I'm the main breadwinner and we don't have kids. I think it would be difficult to convince my husband (who didn't want kids either, by the way) that this situation is no good for him. :P lol1
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People, this is getting silly, in my humble opinion. I watched the Red Pill documentary. I listen to arguments from both sides. The truth, as usual, lies in the middle. Embittered men and embittered women are all over the place and I'm sorry that mess happened to you but it really doesn't make sense to assume that the whole world of married people share your experience, or will if they just wait long enough. Life is much more complicated than that. I support men's rights. I support women's rights. Either we can work together for mutual benefit or we can continue this no-benefit battle of the sexes until everyone has a heart attack.
Husband and I are a team. Had I not found a true teammate, then it would be me and the cats, which is not exactly a death sentence. If you think marriage bl0ws you needn't get married, but trying to poison it for those who are happy is less than a positive thing to do.
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peckchris3267 wrote: »
It has nothing to do with that. Marriage is a financial liability.clicketykeys wrote: »peckchris3267 wrote: »Why get married at all? There is more liability to marriage than benefits.
Depends on the kind of person you marry... and the kind of person you ARE.
One example; my daughter starts college in the fall. Since I am a single father with full custody of my two daughters, financial aid is based solely upon my income. If I married my girlfriend her income would be added to the equation and I would get less financial aid so either I would have to pay more for my daughters college of my girlfriend would have to pay also even though they aren't her children.
Since my ex wife isn't the custodial parent she was free to re marry without consequence. ( my ex also refuses to help pay for our daughters college and legally doesn't have to).
That is just one of the many liabilities to marriage.
I'll definitely agree that marriage is a financial liability - though in this case it could be argued that raising children is the liability more so than the marriage. Where I disagreed was that the liability was greater than the benefits. I was quite happy to be single. I enjoyed it. And when I met someone I also enjoyed being with, I weighed the possible advantages and disadvantages, and decided that the benefits more than compensated for the risk.0 -
Hitler got married and was dead in less than 24 hours.
The Russians, British and American armies combined couldn't take him out, but Eva Braun accomplished it in less than a day.
.... what more proof do you need?3
This discussion has been closed.
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