Marriage Issue...Thoughts??

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Replies

  • Carillon_Campanello
    Carillon_Campanello Posts: 726 Member
    pinuplove wrote: »
    MrStabbems wrote: »
    My fiance and I got engaged 6 months ago. At that time, we both agreed that we would wait to get married until we moved.

    We recently moved into a new house (rental) a little over a month ago. Last week I asked him if he he'd like to talk about wedding dates. I told him i was not in a rush to get married we could even plan for a year or so from now, but just wanted his thoughts. He said that he doesn't want to get married until we buy a house. That's not what he said 6 months ago although he maintains that it is.

    I told him that I was not comfortable buying a house together if we are not married. I was married for 15 years, had 3 kids, and was left with nothing after the divorce because I stupidly let my ex-husband put everything in his name only. Due to my divorce, my credit is not good enough to be on the loan and will stay that way for quite some time. I just don't want to put my money into something again that I have no rights to.

    Now my fiance is pissed and thinks that I am trying to back him into a corner with the whole marriage thing, but I am really not. I'm just trying to be smarter about things this time around.

    He says he shouldn't have to pay for another person's mistakes. Sometimes I feel like a house is the only thing that is important to him. I feel that he should not have ever asked me if he was going to put stipulations on it. He says he just wants a forever home first.

    Now I don't want to discuss a wedding or a house any time soon. What's the compromise? Am I being unrealistic?

    Thoughts?

    Marriage is a losing proposition for men. You ARE in fact (not opinion) backing him into a corner if you realize it or not.

    I always considered mine an equal partnership. We're a family and we do the best for our family. if you're considering the prospect of winning or losing in a marriage (even relationships) then I don't think it's the concept that's wrong...it's you.

    That's fine and well as long as your PARTNER considers it a partnership too. But let me assure you...no part of the law or societal standards as they relate to marriages are equitable towards men. It's ok to take the red pill. I promise.

    Oh, this again. :huh: It's really not ok. There are plenty of male PARTNERS who failed to hold up their side of the marriage vows as well.

    Accurate and undisputed. But the law does not favor them now does it?
  • crushingitdaily12345
    crushingitdaily12345 Posts: 577 Member
    Marriage sucks. Don't do it is my best advice. Best way to ruin perfectly great friendships.
  • Carillon_Campanello
    Carillon_Campanello Posts: 726 Member
    MrStabbems wrote: »
    MrStabbems wrote: »
    MrStabbems wrote: »
    My fiance and I got engaged 6 months ago. At that time, we both agreed that we would wait to get married until we moved.

    We recently moved into a new house (rental) a little over a month ago. Last week I asked him if he he'd like to talk about wedding dates. I told him i was not in a rush to get married we could even plan for a year or so from now, but just wanted his thoughts. He said that he doesn't want to get married until we buy a house. That's not what he said 6 months ago although he maintains that it is.

    I told him that I was not comfortable buying a house together if we are not married. I was married for 15 years, had 3 kids, and was left with nothing after the divorce because I stupidly let my ex-husband put everything in his name only. Due to my divorce, my credit is not good enough to be on the loan and will stay that way for quite some time. I just don't want to put my money into something again that I have no rights to.

    Now my fiance is pissed and thinks that I am trying to back him into a corner with the whole marriage thing, but I am really not. I'm just trying to be smarter about things this time around.

    He says he shouldn't have to pay for another person's mistakes. Sometimes I feel like a house is the only thing that is important to him. I feel that he should not have ever asked me if he was going to put stipulations on it. He says he just wants a forever home first.

    Now I don't want to discuss a wedding or a house any time soon. What's the compromise? Am I being unrealistic?

    Thoughts?

    Marriage is a losing proposition for men. You ARE in fact (not opinion) backing him into a corner if you realize it or not.

    I always considered mine an equal partnership. We're a family and we do the best for our family. if you're considering the prospect of winning or losing in a marriage (even relationships) then I don't think it's the concept that's wrong...it's you.

    That's fine and well as long as your PARTNER considers it a partnership too. But let me assure you...no part of the law or societal standards as they relate to marriages are equitable towards men. It's ok to take the red pill. I promise.

    Well I am assured! thank you kind sir. you used lots of big words and seem to have a good crasp on English law.

    P.s. No one forced me to marry her, I chose to do so. I didn't pick a *kitten* that's going to try hamstring me because I'm not a moron.

    Well I guess you won the prize (or she did....WAIT this is an equitable marriage). Congratulations big feller.

    [Anxiously awaiting the blockbuster summer movie starring Owen Wilson and Emily Blunt featuring zany antics and heartwarming shenanigans based on your picture book marriage].

    Lol Wow the bitterness is strong in this one.

    Truth is, a lot of folks have decent marriages. Just because yours (I assume) *kitten* up don't try brand all marriage a one sided woman love fest. Let others be happy even if you can't.

    Roger that Stabbems.
  • Carillon_Campanello
    Carillon_Campanello Posts: 726 Member
    edited June 2017
    pinuplove wrote: »
    pinuplove wrote: »
    MrStabbems wrote: »
    My fiance and I got engaged 6 months ago. At that time, we both agreed that we would wait to get married until we moved.

    We recently moved into a new house (rental) a little over a month ago. Last week I asked him if he he'd like to talk about wedding dates. I told him i was not in a rush to get married we could even plan for a year or so from now, but just wanted his thoughts. He said that he doesn't want to get married until we buy a house. That's not what he said 6 months ago although he maintains that it is.

    I told him that I was not comfortable buying a house together if we are not married. I was married for 15 years, had 3 kids, and was left with nothing after the divorce because I stupidly let my ex-husband put everything in his name only. Due to my divorce, my credit is not good enough to be on the loan and will stay that way for quite some time. I just don't want to put my money into something again that I have no rights to.

    Now my fiance is pissed and thinks that I am trying to back him into a corner with the whole marriage thing, but I am really not. I'm just trying to be smarter about things this time around.

    He says he shouldn't have to pay for another person's mistakes. Sometimes I feel like a house is the only thing that is important to him. I feel that he should not have ever asked me if he was going to put stipulations on it. He says he just wants a forever home first.

    Now I don't want to discuss a wedding or a house any time soon. What's the compromise? Am I being unrealistic?

    Thoughts?

    Marriage is a losing proposition for men. You ARE in fact (not opinion) backing him into a corner if you realize it or not.

    I always considered mine an equal partnership. We're a family and we do the best for our family. if you're considering the prospect of winning or losing in a marriage (even relationships) then I don't think it's the concept that's wrong...it's you.

    That's fine and well as long as your PARTNER considers it a partnership too. But let me assure you...no part of the law or societal standards as they relate to marriages are equitable towards men. It's ok to take the red pill. I promise.

    Oh, this again. :huh: It's really not ok. There are plenty of male PARTNERS who failed to hold up their side of the marriage vows as well.

    Accurate and undisputed. But the law does not favor them now does it?

    In my (second-hand, never divorced) experience, the law favors those who can afford the highest-priced lawyer. That is not usually the one who was the primary caregiver to small children (mutually agreed upon to bring into the world, mind you) at the expense of their career.

    Inaccurate.
    And western culture puts undue pressure on men to work but allows women the option to either choose to "have a career" or be a "stay at home mom." The occupation of "caregiver" is hardly mutually agreed upon.

    You should really check out prominent feminist Cassie Jay's most recent documentary.
  • MrStabbems
    MrStabbems Posts: 3,110 Member
    lol this guy is funny as *kitten*
  • Dr__Girlfriend
    Dr__Girlfriend Posts: 100 Member
    edited June 2017
    Is it because he thinks you guys can't afford a wedding (or that a wedding will be expensive)..... or is it because he doesn't want to marry you? I really don't get it? My husband and I got married for less than $500 and we eloped. A house never came into the question, we just wanted to be together? But if your idea of a wedding is $90,000 later, then I would understand why a house had entered the realm of discussion.
  • Carillon_Campanello
    Carillon_Campanello Posts: 726 Member
    MrStabbems wrote: »
    lol this guy is funny as *kitten*

    I'm a fan of yours too.
  • Soccermavrick
    Soccermavrick Posts: 405 Member
    This is my opinion and my interpretation. And honestly this is not the place for this, nor do we have enough information.

    This is tough on multiple levels. Is it love or money. Baggage you both have. Dreams you both have different are different. Though honestly I am wondering if both of you understand what you really want, because I would think that you could meet in the middle if you are on the same page.

    It sounds like you got screwed last time, but if being married last time did not protect you because his name was on everything, then how is it going to protect you this time, because if your Credit sucks, then it sounds like your name would not be on anything this time either. (State laws vary in protection, and I am not an attorney, so I will not try to figure out what protections you have there.) Of course if he needs your income, can he really qualify without you? So what is marriage protecting, and what exactly is it preventing?

    I will simply wish you luck at figuring out where you are going, because that seems to be the question, and leave it there.
  • pinuplove
    pinuplove Posts: 12,903 Member
    pinuplove wrote: »
    pinuplove wrote: »
    MrStabbems wrote: »
    My fiance and I got engaged 6 months ago. At that time, we both agreed that we would wait to get married until we moved.

    We recently moved into a new house (rental) a little over a month ago. Last week I asked him if he he'd like to talk about wedding dates. I told him i was not in a rush to get married we could even plan for a year or so from now, but just wanted his thoughts. He said that he doesn't want to get married until we buy a house. That's not what he said 6 months ago although he maintains that it is.

    I told him that I was not comfortable buying a house together if we are not married. I was married for 15 years, had 3 kids, and was left with nothing after the divorce because I stupidly let my ex-husband put everything in his name only. Due to my divorce, my credit is not good enough to be on the loan and will stay that way for quite some time. I just don't want to put my money into something again that I have no rights to.

    Now my fiance is pissed and thinks that I am trying to back him into a corner with the whole marriage thing, but I am really not. I'm just trying to be smarter about things this time around.

    He says he shouldn't have to pay for another person's mistakes. Sometimes I feel like a house is the only thing that is important to him. I feel that he should not have ever asked me if he was going to put stipulations on it. He says he just wants a forever home first.

    Now I don't want to discuss a wedding or a house any time soon. What's the compromise? Am I being unrealistic?

    Thoughts?

    Marriage is a losing proposition for men. You ARE in fact (not opinion) backing him into a corner if you realize it or not.

    I always considered mine an equal partnership. We're a family and we do the best for our family. if you're considering the prospect of winning or losing in a marriage (even relationships) then I don't think it's the concept that's wrong...it's you.

    That's fine and well as long as your PARTNER considers it a partnership too. But let me assure you...no part of the law or societal standards as they relate to marriages are equitable towards men. It's ok to take the red pill. I promise.

    Oh, this again. :huh: It's really not ok. There are plenty of male PARTNERS who failed to hold up their side of the marriage vows as well.

    Accurate and undisputed. But the law does not favor them now does it?

    In my (second-hand, never divorced) experience, the law favors those who can afford the highest-priced lawyer. That is not usually the one who was the primary caregiver to small children (mutually agreed upon to bring into the world, mind you) at the expense of their career.

    Inaccurate.
    And western culture puts undue pressure on men to work but allows women the option to either choose to "have a career" or be a "stay at home mom." The occupation of "caregiver" is hardly mutually agreed upon.

    You should really check out prominent feminist Cassie Jay's most recent documentary.

    I love it when that argument gets thrown around. My husband's a SAHD. If anything within marriage is not mutually agreed upon, there is a fundamental imbalance in the relationship that needs to be addressed by both parties.

    You mean The Red Pill? Maybe when I'm ready to lose that tiny sliver of faith in humanity I'm clinging so desperately to.
  • Carillon_Campanello
    Carillon_Campanello Posts: 726 Member
    edited June 2017
    ....whispers "marriage"

    A WILD MRA APPEARS

    Wild? I'm triggered. Oh so triggered. (In my largest boldest most italicized sarcasm font)
  • nevadavis1
    nevadavis1 Posts: 339 Member
    kclewis416 wrote: »
    don't get married - its a waste of money - and money is what you need to buy a house!

    I was married for about 400.00. That includes rings. You don't pay for a house you have no legal rights to.

    I got married for $100 for the license... No rings, wore a dress I already had. And the $100 felt steep at the time. Plus the going to the courthouse and finding out we had to apply for the license and then wait 24 hours. All well in the end though.

    I wouldn't buy a house with someone I'm not married to honestly. And you got burned before, so your concerns seem reasonable.

    It does sound like he's dragging his feet on the marriage.
  • Carillon_Campanello
    Carillon_Campanello Posts: 726 Member
    nevadavis1 wrote: »
    Marriage is a losing proposition for men. You ARE in fact (not opinion) backing him into a corner if you realize it or not.

    Actually most studies show that married men are healthier and financially better off than single men. Divorced men though... not as healthy or as wealthy. Getting married and staying married IS a winning proposition for men.

    Most studies show ice cream is good for you.
  • barefoot_xoxo
    barefoot_xoxo Posts: 10 Member
    nevadavis1 wrote: »
    Marriage is a losing proposition for men. You ARE in fact (not opinion) backing him into a corner if you realize it or not.

    Actually most studies show that married men are healthier and financially better off than single men. Divorced men though... not as healthy or as wealthy. Getting married and staying married IS a winning proposition for men.


    If that is true why is it woman live longer then men ?
  • Motorsheen
    Motorsheen Posts: 20,406 Member
    My fiance and I got engaged 6 months ago. At that time, we both agreed that we would wait to get married until we moved.

    We recently moved into a new house (rental) a little over a month ago. Last week I asked him if he he'd like to talk about wedding dates. I told him i was not in a rush to get married we could even plan for a year or so from now, but just wanted his thoughts. He said that he doesn't want to get married until we buy a house. That's not what he said 6 months ago although he maintains that it is.

    I told him that I was not comfortable buying a house together if we are not married. I was married for 15 years, had 3 kids, and was left with nothing after the divorce because I stupidly let my ex-husband put everything in his name only. Due to my divorce, my credit is not good enough to be on the loan and will stay that way for quite some time. I just don't want to put my money into something again that I have no rights to.

    Now my fiance is pissed and thinks that I am trying to back him into a corner with the whole marriage thing, but I am really not. I'm just trying to be smarter about things this time around.

    He says he shouldn't have to pay for another person's mistakes. Sometimes I feel like a house is the only thing that is important to him. I feel that he should not have ever asked me if he was going to put stipulations on it. He says he just wants a forever home first.

    Now I don't want to discuss a wedding or a house any time soon. What's the compromise? Am I being unrealistic?

    Thoughts?

    Marriage is a losing proposition for men. You ARE in fact (not opinion) backing him into a corner if you realize it or not.

    ut oh....