Age = less attractiveness?
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When i was in my 20's i thought 40+ year olds were sooooo old. Now that I'm 45 I love it, and I'm still waiting to feel like a grown up
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QUEENxo1992 wrote: »This is a question that is running through my mind lately. It's probably my own insecurities eating me alive so I wanted to know your opinions. I know losing weight will not only help me look better but also feel better about myself too. But does age play any part in this?
As I get older, I worry I won't be attractive enough to meet new friends or find love from the opposite sex. Does anyone else feel this way?
I know confidence is sexy, of course but as I get older, I worry that my weightloss won't be the same as when I was 20 trying to lose weight(and successfully lost 137lbs in a year!). After regaining that weight though and way more than I bargained for, I am really scared.
I know beauty isn't important and it's society that makes us feel that it is, but will my age, affect my level of attractiveness to others or is this all just in my head?
How old are you exactly? When you were 20 you probably had friends around 20 years old. If you're 40 now, are you still trying to be attractive to new 20 year old friends, or to persons in your own age group? If you're 50, are you looking to find love from the opposite sex in the 25 year old age range, or a bit nearer to your own age?
Don't let your mind harbor negative thoughts about yourself. Work on your weight, but this time don't make it a temporary diet. let it be a lifestyle change, so that you don't have to go back through this process a third or fourth time again.2 -
Tacklewasher wrote: »VeronicaA76 wrote: »Tacklewasher wrote: »Need2Exerc1se wrote: »But Raquel Welch is still pretty smoking hot at 76.
I guess I'll disagree, in that while she is hot for 76, she was hotter in Barbarella.
Yeah, it sucks, but people get less attractive as they age and, in general, it is worse for women (in the eyes of most men). Looking around the gym, I see older ladies who are fit and in better shape than I am (not difficult to be) but they are not as attractive as the younger women. Somehow (and it may just be the straight guy in me talking here) I don't see as much of a difference between younger and older guys if they are in shape.
It's not right, it's not fair and it is no reason to not improve your health.
Hope I man'splained that well.
Don't worry. And guess what, we find the 25 year old guy working out at the gym a lot more attractive than the 45 yr old guy. But then I am sexually attracted to men, and I'm assuming you're not - so I can better see the difference. Also, there is a difference between finding someone incredibly attractive and being willing to be with them in a relationship. Sure the 20yr old is smoking hot, wouldn't actually date him though.
For the record, been married to the same person for 26 years. She has always been better looking than me. But, yeah. She did look better then. But I was also skinny when we got married and she still is, not like me.
I couldn't deal with a 20 yr old. I've sat behind them in movie theaters. Nope. Don't care what they look like.
Great. Now I've offended the 20 yrs olds here. I'm doing well today.
@Tacklewasher Congrats on your 26 years of marriage. It's 29 for me, and it doesn't matter if there's been a few changes of appearance over those years. I don't look at other people in the same way as I look at my wife, so the physical attractiveness is incidental, and of no consequence.2 -
My parents divorced at age 50. Both of them are now in committed relationships and have great social lives.
Don't be afraid to have confidence in yourself! Try something new- join an activity group, MeetUp.com or go on Match.com. I know multiple people who have had success with online dating.1 -
The way I view ageing is with the mind set that at least I'm fit and healthy enough to age.
Not everyone is so lucky.5 -
What an enligtening discussion, thank you everyone!1
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I met my wife 27 years ago, I think she looks better now than she did at 19, I know I look better as well, but guys do get better looking with age. But my wife... she was cute, now she is smoking hot.4
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I'm 37. I have a streak of grey, lines on my eyes, and to me, I look old.. all I get is compliments on my skin and how young I look. I get stopped on the store by strange guys who feel the need to yabber on about who knows what.
You will look in the mirror and see imperfection. It's a woman's curse to worry I guess. Guys see something different. The difference in me is that, I see the age creeping on, but I don't give a flying carpet about trying to attract a mate. I'm antisocial and this comes off as confidence to some.. (cnt to others)..
Don't try and attract them and they will want to attract you. In your case it's a plus. In mine, it's a "please stop talking.. I'm a mean, scary person. Trust me, I'm saving you a lifetime of misery!"5 -
I think it's all up to you. The older you get you have the choice how u want to be perceived as.
I'm 36 I'm not gonna dress as if I'm 18. I dress up to look good for my age and my lifestyle choices are healthy so I can help my body feel better.2 -
If you don't know it, the highest STD rate per capita is in "senior living" homes.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
Can confirm. You would not believe the amount of sex going on in "retirement homes." I was a nurse at a CCRC and was invited to "join in" literally more times than I can count. They don't use condoms as a general rule because -- I quite directly-- "None of us are getting pregnant."
Think about that the next time you visit Granny and Gramps.3 -
Christine_72 wrote: »When i was in my 20's i thought 40+ year olds were sooooo old. Now that I'm 45 I love it, and I'm still waiting to feel like a grown up
Don't those 20 years old seem like babies to you now? So young!
I'm another who think we become less attractive as we age; that seems to start in middle to just after middle age. There are definitely people out there who peak in attractiveness in middle age (40s-50s) but they are a minority. Once middle age and after hits, it seems more common to get the statement, "that person is attractive" followed by the disclaimer, "for their age".
I'm also another who thinks, "who cares?". I know in my final years I will never regret not having fussed over my appearance more. I'm not unattractive. I am less physically attractive then I was at 25, but I don't really care. I'm aging. It beats the alternative. 5 -
QUEENxo1992 wrote: »
Try to remember something I read a while ago - that many times, "Even the girl in the picture doesn't really look like the girl in the picture". There is so much 'touching up' done to photos of models, some of it outrageous, that I find it hard to believe anyone really looks the way you see them in a magazine these days!
As many other people have said, "beauty" and "attractiveness" are not the same thing, and you don't need one to have the other. (Nor is either attribute limited to the young and slim!) In your life there will always be people who find you attractive and/or beautiful and people who won't, so try not to worry about looking a certain way. Concentrate on being yourself and developing your own look, style and confidence (regardless of your age or size), and people who want to be around you will be attracted to you for who you are, not how you look.
*hugs* I wish you all the best - it's hard not to feel like you need to look a certain way to be acceptable when we're constantly bombarded with images in the media, but try to say "F- it!" and do what makes you feel good and happy.
(For the record, I'm almost 52 and currently working on the "develop your own style" thing! I don't think I've ever really had a "style", and now that I can fit into regular-sized clothing I want to find a look that I can identify with to help me with shopping... ) 1 -
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I'm 37 and could easily pass for 25 (ppl incorrectly guess my age by 10+ years all of the time). Funny thing is...I definitely look better (objectively) at 37 than I did at 25.
Take care of your skin now! Wear sunblock and moisturize!2 -
I suppose I was physically attractive for a while, in that fresh-faced, gazelle-like phase of girl-youth. Beyond that, even leaving aside the fat question, it's never been my long suit.
The gift of age is that I Do. Not. Care. Sure, at 61, I'm thin, strong, lively, healthy looking, sharp witted (and sharp-tongued ) compared to many of my age peers. But not pretty. So what? There are no merit badges in real life, for that or anything else.
If it affects friendships, I can't see it. Friendships are about shared interests or attitudes, not looks. So, be interested in interesting things, and reach out to like-minded people around you in an open-hearted way, and friendships will go fine.
Romance? No clue; not looking. (I already had one happy marriage, which is one more than most people around me seem to get. (I was widowed at 43)). I tend to be sapiosexual, so the acceptable herd is a little thin in any case.
But I know women my age and older who are not remotely movie-star beautiful who find love, including a woman in her 70s who was dating men in their 50s, before settling down at 80 with someone her own age. She's pretty, but not stunning, and doesn't look exceptionally youthful. He seems like a nice guy, not a "settle for". As others have said, pretty is not the same as attractive. The latter allows for more idiosyncrasy.
At this point, I'm finding that my main goal is to let go of all sorts of optional preferences and expectations - not to mention insecurities and anxieties - and enjoy the good in whatever happens to come my way. It's going well. I wish I'd thought of it 20 or 40 years ago.
Your mileage may vary.
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Christine_72 wrote: »When i was in my 20's i thought 40+ year olds were sooooo old. Now that I'm 45 I love it, and I'm still waiting to feel like a grown up
Don't those 20 years old seem like babies to you now? So young!
I'm another who think we become less attractive as we age; that seems to start in middle to just after middle age. There are definitely people out there who peak in attractiveness in middle age (40s-50s) but they are a minority. Once middle age and after hits, it seems more common to get the statement, "that person is attractive" followed by the disclaimer, "for their age".
I'm also another who thinks, "who cares?". I know in my final years I will never regret not having fussed over my appearance more. I'm not unattractive. I am less physically attractive then I was at 25, but I don't really care. I'm aging. It beats the alternative.
@nvmomketo, when I was 20 years old, other 20 year olds seemed like children to me.. now that I'm in my 30's, 30 year olds seem like children and 20 year olds are down right infantile. But to be fair, everyone in highschool thought I was a substitute teacher. Guess I'm to boring to hang with the hip crowd.
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Hopefully, when you've lost the weight you want to lose, you'll feel so fantastic about yourself you won't give a *kitten* if you look attractive to anyone or not.QUEENxo1992 wrote: »I try not to "follow the masses" but it's hard to do as you say when every girl on every poster is not flawed at all.
The girls in the magazines don't even look like the girls in the magazines.3 -
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I just wanted to drop in here and recount a conversation I had with a lady customer at Wal-Mart today.
She said she was 81 and didn't have any make-up on. I said, "You do look nice and I'm not saying that to be nice."2 -
I've been told I clean up nice, but in my daily life, I don't bother.
I need make up and messing with my hair and clothing to look good. I don't care enough to devote the effort that takes. I have never thought I'm pretty, but other people tell me I am. I think I can't see it because I resemble my father, and I don't much like him. That, and we're all critical of our own flaws.
I know I look older since I've lost weight, but as @AnnPT77 said, one of the benefits of being older is simply not caring about this sort of thing.6 -
Lets not forget that these older celebrities/models/fashionistas are also wealthy, so they can afford plastic surgery/botox/nips and tucks etc etc I don't think they exemplify the average woman of their age..6
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What a fantastic question!
This is definitely a curious topic as there are so many differing opinions.
Age is not the only factor when it comes to how we see attractiveness, so fortunately, it should be no end-all for most of us. If it is someones "end all" simply age, then they're not open enough to be worth experiencing life with.
I find that with age comes experience, and there is a certain charm and sexiness in a knowledge and understanding that comes along with experience. Now it isn't always "age=experience" because experiences come to all ages, shapes and sizes, but as more years get added onto our lives more opportunity for experience exists.
I have always found myself attracted to older men, and I enjoy the salt and pepper, the age lines, the life I see in that person.
Age = More Attractive
for me.
Thanks for a thought provoking question,3 -
GlassAngyl wrote: »Christine_72 wrote: »When i was in my 20's i thought 40+ year olds were sooooo old. Now that I'm 45 I love it, and I'm still waiting to feel like a grown up
Don't those 20 years old seem like babies to you now? So young!
I'm another who think we become less attractive as we age; that seems to start in middle to just after middle age. There are definitely people out there who peak in attractiveness in middle age (40s-50s) but they are a minority. Once middle age and after hits, it seems more common to get the statement, "that person is attractive" followed by the disclaimer, "for their age".
I'm also another who thinks, "who cares?". I know in my final years I will never regret not having fussed over my appearance more. I'm not unattractive. I am less physically attractive then I was at 25, but I don't really care. I'm aging. It beats the alternative.
@nvmomketo, when I was 20 years old, other 20 year olds seemed like children to me.. now that I'm in my 30's, 30 year olds seem like children and 20 year olds are down right infantile. But to be fair, everyone in highschool thought I was a substitute teacher. Guess I'm to boring to hang with the hip crowd.
LOL
I do miss that 20 year old body though. It hurt a lot less. I'm paying for my active youth 1 -
I'm kind of lucky cuz I've never been "beautiful" teens and 20's I was too busy raising kids and being totally self conscious about weight,skin issues etc,now at 44(!!) On Thursday! I can honestly say that I feel more attractive now than in my youth,I get hit in by all ages but I think they sense my confidence and smart *kitten* personality and it's appealing, who knows, who cares cuz I've been married my hubs for 27 years so I don't pay much notice,I think being the best YOU is more attractive than just youth in general, the number does still bug me a bit though but as others have said,at least I'm alive haha3
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GlassAngyl wrote: »Christine_72 wrote: »When i was in my 20's i thought 40+ year olds were sooooo old. Now that I'm 45 I love it, and I'm still waiting to feel like a grown up
Don't those 20 years old seem like babies to you now? So young!
I'm another who think we become less attractive as we age; that seems to start in middle to just after middle age. There are definitely people out there who peak in attractiveness in middle age (40s-50s) but they are a minority. Once middle age and after hits, it seems more common to get the statement, "that person is attractive" followed by the disclaimer, "for their age".
I'm also another who thinks, "who cares?". I know in my final years I will never regret not having fussed over my appearance more. I'm not unattractive. I am less physically attractive then I was at 25, but I don't really care. I'm aging. It beats the alternative.
@nvmomketo, when I was 20 years old, other 20 year olds seemed like children to me.. now that I'm in my 30's, 30 year olds seem like children and 20 year olds are down right infantile. But to be fair, everyone in highschool thought I was a substitute teacher. Guess I'm to boring to hang with the hip crowd.
LOL
I do miss that 20 year old body though. It hurt a lot less. I'm paying for my active youth
Yeah.. I was in better shape when I was pregnant in high school. Probably why I grew up so fast and had little tolerance for made up drama. ... nope, I hated drama even as a preteen.
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Apparently women become invisible after 50. I'm 50 in 2 weeks and can't wait. I've achieved so much and feel well loved and successful. I'm celebrating big time.
I couldn't care less if I'm invisible to the opposite sex or anyone else. I like me and I'm proud of myself. I wear nice clothes, makeup and perfume entirely for my own pleasure. I even spray perfume on my wrists right before bed because I love smelling it while I sleep.
I'm single and love it.
Forget trying to be attractive to others, just be attractive to yourself.14 -
I'm kind of lucky cuz I've never been "beautiful" teens and 20's I was too busy raising kids and being totally self conscious about weight,skin issues etc,now at 44(!!) On Thursday! I can honestly say that I feel more attractive now than in my youth,I get hit in by all ages but I think they sense my confidence and smart *kitten* personality and it's appealing, who knows, who cares cuz I've been married my hubs for 27 years so I don't pay much notice,I think being the best YOU is more attractive than just youth in general, the number does still bug me a bit though but as others have said,at least I'm alive haha
I think that's pretty cool too. I don't have kids, was always overweight, and have always been pretty confident but I always knew I wasn't "the pretty one" and was fine with that. I liked being the funny one, smart one, nice one, whatever. My mom and her four sisters were GORGEOUS when they were in their teens, twenties and thirties. Like movie stars. My mom legit looked like the actress Andie MacDowell. While she's still a beautiful almost-67 year old, she's not dropping jaws in the same way and it kills her and she feels devastated by that loss of attention and constant praise for her looks. I feel like I'll never have those same types of issues, having never been given excessive attention based on looks - and while at 25 I may have felt jealous of it, now at 40, I'm really, really glad.8 -
June 25, 1745
My dear Friend,
I know of no Medicine fit to diminish the violent natural Inclinations you mention; and if I did, I think I should not communicate it to you. Marriage is the proper Remedy. It is the most natural State of Man, and therefore the State in which you are most likely to find solid Happiness. Your Reasons against entering into it at present, appear to me not well-founded. The circumstantial Advantages you have in View by postponing it, are not only uncertain, but they are small in comparison with that of the Thing itself, the being married and settled. It is the Man and Woman united that make the compleat human Being. Separate, she wants his Force of Body and Strength of Reason; he, her Softness, Sensibility and acute Discernment. Together they are more likely to succeed in the World. A single Man has not nearly the Value he would have in that State of Union. He is an incomplete Animal. He resembles the odd Half of a Pair of Scissars. If you get a prudent healthy Wife, your Industry in your Profession, with her good Economy, will be a Fortune sufficient.
But if you will not take this Counsel, and persist in thinking a Commerce with the Sex inevitable, then I repeat my former Advice, that in all your Amours you should prefer old Women to young ones. You call this a Paradox, and demand my Reasons. They are these:
1. Because as they have more Knowledge of the World and their Minds are better stor'd with Observations, their Conversation is more improving and more lastingly agreable.
2. Because when Women cease to be handsome, they study to be good. To maintain their Influence over Men, they supply the Diminution of Beauty by an Augmentation of Utility. They learn to do a 1000 Services small and great, and are the most tender and useful of all Friends when you are sick. Thus they continue amiable. And hence there is hardly such a thing to be found as an old Woman who is not a good Woman.
3. Because there is no hazard of Children, which irregularly produc'd may be attended with much Inconvenience.
4. Because thro' more Experience, they are more prudent and discreet in conducting an Intrigue to prevent Suspicion. The Commerce with them is therefore safer with regard to your Reputation. And with regard to theirs, if the Affair should happen to be known, considerate People might be rather inclin'd to excuse an old Woman who would kindly take care of a young Man, form his Manners by her good Counsels, and prevent his ruining his Health and Fortune among mercenary Prostitutes.
5. Because in every Animal that walks upright, the Deficiency of the Fluids that fill the Muscles appears first in the highest Part: The Face first grows lank and wrinkled; then the Neck; then the Breast and Arms; the lower Parts continuing to the last as plump as ever: So that covering all above with a Basket, and regarding2 only what is below the Girdle, it is impossible of two Women to know an old from a young one. And as in the dark all Cats are grey, the Pleasure of corporal Enjoyment with an old Woman is at least equal, and frequently superior, every Knack being by Practice capable of Improvement.
6. Because the Sin is less. The debauching a Virgin may be her Ruin, and make her for Life unhappy.
7. Because the Compunction is less. The having made a young Girl miserable may give you frequent bitter Reflections; none of which can attend the making an old Woman happy.
8thly and Lastly They are so grateful!!
Thus much for my Paradox. But still I advise you to marry directly; being sincerely Your affectionate Friend.
-Benjamin Franklin8 -
One of my favorite things about getting older, I just passed 31, is seeing a great range of women as truly attractive. Fresh faced 18 year old women are still attractive, but now I'm seeing more than more women in their 50s and beyond for their beauty. It's marvelous. My world just keeps getting prettier and prettier!10
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seltzermint555 wrote: »I'm kind of lucky cuz I've never been "beautiful" teens and 20's I was too busy raising kids and being totally self conscious about weight,skin issues etc,now at 44(!!) On Thursday! I can honestly say that I feel more attractive now than in my youth,I get hit in by all ages but I think they sense my confidence and smart *kitten* personality and it's appealing, who knows, who cares cuz I've been married my hubs for 27 years so I don't pay much notice,I think being the best YOU is more attractive than just youth in general, the number does still bug me a bit though but as others have said,at least I'm alive haha
I think that's pretty cool too. I don't have kids, was always overweight, and have always been pretty confident but I always knew I wasn't "the pretty one" and was fine with that. I liked being the funny one, smart one, nice one, whatever. My mom and her four sisters were GORGEOUS when they were in their teens, twenties and thirties. Like movie stars. My mom legit looked like the actress Andie MacDowell. While she's still a beautiful almost-67 year old, she's not dropping jaws in the same way and it kills her and she feels devastated by that loss of attention and constant praise for her looks. I feel like I'll never have those same types of issues, having never been given excessive attention based on looks - and while at 25 I may have felt jealous of it, now at 40, I'm really, really glad.
This is exactly what I was thinking, you worded it better haha,I can't imagine not being able to age gracefully and mourning my youth and vanishing looks,my mom does that and it's made her act out throughout the years by trying to be younger than she is plus being depressed cuz she's aging3
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