Let it GO! Decluttering (simplifying) your life of (people, places or things) success stories?
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Today's task is to clean out the kitchen junk drawer. Since I did this a couple months ago, I'm gonna pull everything out, wipe it down, and the scrub the drawer front. Then I'm sure I'll be motivated to get after something else. 😆2
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These are a different designer than I usually wear. There is a LOT of stretch in these and they fit and feel absolutely tremendous, with actually a quite of bit of room in them--YAY, my beloved husband is THRILLED and said they look so GOOD on me. It's official, I'm a size 8 now, period.
This is 6-7 WHOLE pant size SMALLER than when I first RE-started this journey (December 2017) from almost 7 years ago on Mfp (started Mfp February 2012)--from my highest weight...size 22w
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NewLIFEstyle4ME wrote: »These are a different designer than I usually wear. There is a LOT of stretch in these and they fit and feel absolutely tremendous, with actually a quite of bit of room in them--YAY, my beloved husband is THRILLED and said they look so GOOD on me. It's official, I'm a size 8 now, period.
Size 8, wow! Great work!
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IdLikeToLoseItLoseIt wrote: »NewLIFEstyle4ME wrote: »These are a different designer than I usually wear. There is a LOT of stretch in these and they fit and feel absolutely tremendous, with actually a quite of bit of room in them--YAY, my beloved husband is THRILLED and said they look so GOOD on me. It's official, I'm a size 8 now, period.
Size 8, wow! Great work!
{{{{
HUGS }}}}} 1 -
@NewLIFEstyle4ME those pants look great on you! you look THIN!1
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Today's task is to clean out the kitchen junk drawer. Since I did this a couple months ago, I'm gonna pull everything out, wipe it down, and the scrub the drawer front. Then I'm sure I'll be motivated to get after something else. 😆
Hmmmmm..."scrubbed the drawers" ya say. I LOVE your attitude and progress Snoo, so diligent&inspiring you're CHOOSING to be more and more each day. You've inspired me to scrub down the shelves (not merely dust) in my laundry room and just "attack" the laundry room a with a bit more diligence (like cleaning/mopping behind the washer and dryer and more). Thanks friend!2 -
@NewLIFEstyle4ME those pants look great on you! you look THIN!
WOW and mega ultra YAY! {{{{ HUGS }}}} How very exciting this "LET IT GO and DON'T LOOK BACK" is.
They are super mega wrinkled and in need of some ironing for sure, but I LOVE the I haven't arrived/super better NOT perfect and kinda flawed look these pics show (backside
)...keeps ya "little" friend over here humble and I need/want/LOVE that in my heart/mind/life! I'm ALWAYS aiming at better, it's so much more thrilling than perfect to/for me 
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NewLIFEstyle4ME wrote: »Today's task is to clean out the kitchen junk drawer. Since I did this a couple months ago, I'm gonna pull everything out, wipe it down, and the scrub the drawer front. Then I'm sure I'll be motivated to get after something else. 😆
Hmmmmm..."scrubbed the drawers" ya say. I LOVE your attitude and progress Snoo, so diligent&inspiring you're CHOOSING to be more and more each day. You've inspired me to scrub down the shelves (not merely dust) in my laundry room and just "attack" the laundry room a with a bit more diligence (like cleaning/mopping behind the washer and dryer and more). Thanks friend!
A few months ago, the belt that tumbles the drum broke in our dryer. My dh, who thankfully is handy, opened it up. There were PILES and PILES of lint and dust throughout and on top of everything in there!! It was actually a blessing in disguise that that belt broke, as otherwise just a matter of time before that lint caught on fire and burned the house down.4 -
NewLIFEstyle4ME wrote: »Today's task is to clean out the kitchen junk drawer. Since I did this a couple months ago, I'm gonna pull everything out, wipe it down, and the scrub the drawer front. Then I'm sure I'll be motivated to get after something else. 😆
Hmmmmm..."scrubbed the drawers" ya say. I LOVE your attitude and progress Snoo, so diligent&inspiring you're CHOOSING to be more and more each day. You've inspired me to scrub down the shelves (not merely dust) in my laundry room and just "attack" the laundry room a with a bit more diligence (like cleaning/mopping behind the washer and dryer and more). Thanks friend!
A few months ago, the belt that tumbles the drum broke in our dryer. My dh, who thankfully is handy, opened it up. There were PILES and PILES of lint and dust throughout and on top of everything in there!! It was actually a blessing in disguise that that belt broke, as otherwise just a matter of time before that lint caught on fire and burned the house down.
Yep, it's truly amazing how so-called "bad" or broken stuff can/ofen does work out for our super good. Cause stuff like that does indeed catch on fire (when you LEAST expect it)--SCARY--cause it happens ALL the time--yikes! Thanks for posting this. Who knows how many people reading this thread will begin to clean their filters and lint traps out more, starting today.4 -
NewLIFEstyle4ME wrote: »Today's task is to clean out the kitchen junk drawer. Since I did this a couple months ago, I'm gonna pull everything out, wipe it down, and the scrub the drawer front. Then I'm sure I'll be motivated to get after something else. 😆
Hmmmmm..."scrubbed the drawers" ya say. I LOVE your attitude and progress Snoo, so diligent&inspiring you're CHOOSING to be more and more each day. You've inspired me to scrub down the shelves (not merely dust) in my laundry room and just "attack" the laundry room a with a bit more diligence (like cleaning/mopping behind the washer and dryer and more). Thanks friend!
I haven't scrubbed the cupboard doors or drawer fronts in almost 15 years. Its way beyond time to. As I declutter one, I'm scrubbing it! Thanks for the encouragement, good luck with your laundry room!3 -
NewLIFEstyle4ME wrote: »Today's task is to clean out the kitchen junk drawer. Since I did this a couple months ago, I'm gonna pull everything out, wipe it down, and the scrub the drawer front. Then I'm sure I'll be motivated to get after something else. 😆
Hmmmmm..."scrubbed the drawers" ya say. I LOVE your attitude and progress Snoo, so diligent&inspiring you're CHOOSING to be more and more each day. You've inspired me to scrub down the shelves (not merely dust) in my laundry room and just "attack" the laundry room a with a bit more diligence (like cleaning/mopping behind the washer and dryer and more). Thanks friend!
I haven't scrubbed the cupboard doors or drawer fronts in almost 15 years. Its way beyond time to. As I declutter one, I'm scrubbing it! Thanks for the encouragement, good luck with your laundry room!
See, this is ONLY one reason I admire you so. You are so REAL, and that gives me and others that read your posts so much HOPE and, ummmmm, encouragement. For you to openly admit that you haven't scrubbed your cabinets in 15 years us let us all reading this thread KNOW we're so NOT alone and that in itself makes for inspiration, relief of sorts and induces the COURAGE to tackle stuff we've all been neglecting and/or missing for way too long of a time. YAY YOU my friend. Operation clean that laundry room up "mo better"=mission accomplished and it looks so much better and makes me feel utter delight to see it looking terrific...not perfect, but wayyyy more CUTER/better=BOOM! 2 -
Snowflake1968 wrote: »RubyRed427 wrote: »I havent had time to read this thread this weekend, but I love it so. I will catch up soon.
I just watched an episode on Netflix. New show by Marie Kondo of the organizing technique of “Does this spark joy?” If you have netflix, you will enjoy it. I have to go to bed now but wish I watched this on Friday when I had all weekend to organize. LOL
My daughter who has been terrible at throwing things out her whole life just watched this series last week. She bought the book on iTunes and has started her purge. She has gone through her clothes and has gotten rid of 5 bags of clothes.
Let me tell you what a huge step this is for her. My daughter will be 30 in a couple of weeks. She was given a tshirt by my best friend when she was 3. The shirt was a bit too big so she was able to wear it for a couple of years. Guys, she still had this shirt! She got rid of it. Also about 20 years ago a coworker of mine found out how much my daughter loved Garth Brooks and gave her a concert tshirt of his. This shirt was an adult men’s large, but my 10 year old daughter wore it faithfully. It faded and had rips, but she wouldn’t dispose of it. She texted me night before last to tell me it’s gone!
I am going to watch this show, and probably download the book so that I can encourage her. I have promised to help her in anyway I can. She is moving onto her sons clothes today, he is 7 so she will help him decide what Brings him joy.
I am so incredibly proud of her.
I’m so happy for you and her. That is awesome. And I am sure she feels emotionally lighter. Today I got rid of about 100 or more books (donated) and filled three big bags of junk from our loft in my house where the family just dumps things they don’t want in their bedrooms. I also got rid of a bunch of scrapbook papers ( I will take to school and give to my students to use as crafts). I have these huge pads of decorative paper that someone bought me once that I just don’t like the colors on them.
I think Marie Kondo will inspire a million people to purge and donate with her simple philosophy “Does this spark joy?” I also went to TJMaxx today with my daughter. I bought socks, a workout shirt and workout tights. I walked all around the store but nothing sparked joy. And I certainly don’t want to buy more stuff for the house. I think we will all save a lot of money by not buying junk on a whim.6 -
RubyRed427 wrote: »Snowflake1968 wrote: »RubyRed427 wrote: »I havent had time to read this thread this weekend, but I love it so. I will catch up soon.
I just watched an episode on Netflix. New show by Marie Kondo of the organizing technique of “Does this spark joy?” If you have netflix, you will enjoy it. I have to go to bed now but wish I watched this on Friday when I had all weekend to organize. LOL
My daughter who has been terrible at throwing things out her whole life just watched this series last week. She bought the book on iTunes and has started her purge. She has gone through her clothes and has gotten rid of 5 bags of clothes.
Let me tell you what a huge step this is for her. My daughter will be 30 in a couple of weeks. She was given a tshirt by my best friend when she was 3. The shirt was a bit too big so she was able to wear it for a couple of years. Guys, she still had this shirt! She got rid of it. Also about 20 years ago a coworker of mine found out how much my daughter loved Garth Brooks and gave her a concert tshirt of his. This shirt was an adult men’s large, but my 10 year old daughter wore it faithfully. It faded and had rips, but she wouldn’t dispose of it. She texted me night before last to tell me it’s gone!
I am going to watch this show, and probably download the book so that I can encourage her. I have promised to help her in anyway I can. She is moving onto her sons clothes today, he is 7 so she will help him decide what Brings him joy.
I am so incredibly proud of her.
I’m so happy for you and her. That is awesome. And I am sure she feels emotionally lighter. Today I got rid of about 100 or more books (donated) and filled three big bags of junk from our loft in my house where the family just dumps things they don’t want in their bedrooms. I also got rid of a bunch of scrapbook papers ( I will take to school and give to my students to use as crafts). I have these huge pads of decorative paper that someone bought me once that I just don’t like the colors on them.
I think Marie Kondo will inspire a million people to purge and donate with her simple philosophy “Does this spark joy?” I also went to TJMaxx today with my daughter. I bought socks, a workout shirt and workout tights. I walked all around the store but nothing sparked joy. And I certainly don’t want to buy more stuff for the house. I think we will all save a lot of money by not buying junk on a whim.
Girlllll...BOOM! You first class winner and ALL time champion. What you've accomplished today (including your shopping trip) is nothing less than awesome. YAY YOU and {{{Hugs and the highest of fives}}}}2 -
I had to let go of the cloths that were too small (from before the birth of my youngest child who is three) to even start my weight loss journey.
I moved so many cloths a year ago when we moved into our new house. My husband would ask what was in a box or suitcase, and I would respond: “cloths that don’t fit”. Plus the cloths I didn’t even take off the hangers would barely fit in the spare room closet.
Every time I looked at them,I kept thinking I was going to wear them again — I was gonna be that size again. And it is my goal to be that size again, but not wearing those cloths. One night I realized that every time I looked at them, they made me feel like a failure instead of motivated like I thought they should.
By the end of the week I had went through almost everything. I started by purging anything that was too small with the exception of a few pieces that were sentimental. Anything that was just on the cusp of fitting into (or growing out of as the case actually was at that time) I saved at first. But then I even purged those by asking myself: Would I buy this same piece if I saw it in the store today? What I kept was mostly dress slacks and tops and two dresses.
Three boxes of winter cloths were consigned. I have two boxes of summer cloths to consign. I donated four boxes. And I made approximately $120 on my consignment items.
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NewLIFEstyle4ME wrote: »NewLIFEstyle4ME wrote: »Today's task is to clean out the kitchen junk drawer. Since I did this a couple months ago, I'm gonna pull everything out, wipe it down, and the scrub the drawer front. Then I'm sure I'll be motivated to get after something else. 😆
Hmmmmm..."scrubbed the drawers" ya say. I LOVE your attitude and progress Snoo, so diligent&inspiring you're CHOOSING to be more and more each day. You've inspired me to scrub down the shelves (not merely dust) in my laundry room and just "attack" the laundry room a with a bit more diligence (like cleaning/mopping behind the washer and dryer and more). Thanks friend!
I haven't scrubbed the cupboard doors or drawer fronts in almost 15 years. Its way beyond time to. As I declutter one, I'm scrubbing it! Thanks for the encouragement, good luck with your laundry room!
See, this is ONLY one reason I admire you so. You are so REAL, and that gives me and others that read your posts so much HOPE and, ummmmm, encouragement. For you to openly admit that you haven't scrubbed your cabinets in 15 years us let us all reading this thread KNOW we're so NOT alone and that in itself makes for inspiration, relief of sorts and induces the COURAGE to tackle stuff we've all been neglecting and/or missing for way too long of a time. YAY YOU my friend. Operation clean that laundry room up "mo better"=mission accomplished and it looks so much better and makes me feel utter delight to see it looking terrific...not perfect, but wayyyy more CUTER/better=BOOM!
Well now I'm blushing! 😆 Thank you my friend.
The reality is that I've always been bad about housework. If I can't say( type) it out loud, I will continue to delude myself. I'm so much happier now that I'm actually making progress!
Also, congratulations on your laundry room! Better is perfect, most times!1 -
I had to let go of the cloths that were too small (from before the birth of my youngest child who is three) to even start my weight loss journey.
I moved so many cloths a year ago when we moved into our new house. My husband would ask what was in a box or suitcase, and I would respond: “cloths that don’t fit”. Plus the cloths I didn’t even take off the hangers would barely fit in the spare room closet.
Every time I looked at them,I kept thinking I was going to wear them again — I was gonna be that size again. And it is my goal to be that size again, but not wearing those cloths. One night I realized that every time I looked at them, they made me feel like a failure instead of motivated like I thought they should.
By the end of the week I had went through almost everything. I started by purging anything that was too small with the exception of a few pieces that were sentimental. Anything that was just on the cusp of fitting into (or growing out of as the case actually was at that time) I saved at first. But then I even purged those by asking myself: Would I buy this same piece if I saw it in the store today? What I kept was mostly dress slacks and tops and two dresses.
Three boxes of winter cloths were consigned. I have two boxes of summer cloths to consign. I donated four boxes. And I made approximately $120 on my consignment items.
Congratulations! Good for you, realizing that when you get back to that size, you'll want new and stylish clothes.
You will have earned them!1 -
I had to let go of the cloths that were too small (from before the birth of my youngest child who is three) to even start my weight loss journey.
I moved so many cloths a year ago when we moved into our new house. My husband would ask what was in a box or suitcase, and I would respond: “cloths that don’t fit”. Plus the cloths I didn’t even take off the hangers would barely fit in the spare room closet.
Every time I looked at them,I kept thinking I was going to wear them again — I was gonna be that size again. And it is my goal to be that size again, but not wearing those cloths. One night I realized that every time I looked at them, they made me feel like a failure instead of motivated like I thought they should.
By the end of the week I had went through almost everything. I started by purging anything that was too small with the exception of a few pieces that were sentimental. Anything that was just on the cusp of fitting into (or growing out of as the case actually was at that time) I saved at first. But then I even purged those by asking myself: Would I buy this same piece if I saw it in the store today? What I kept was mostly dress slacks and tops and two dresses.
Three boxes of winter cloths were consigned. I have two boxes of summer cloths to consign. I donated four boxes. And I made approximately $120 on my consignment items.
Thank you so much for contributing to this thread...You ROCK, period. 1 -
NewLIFEstyle4ME wrote: »NewLIFEstyle4ME wrote: »Today's task is to clean out the kitchen junk drawer. Since I did this a couple months ago, I'm gonna pull everything out, wipe it down, and the scrub the drawer front. Then I'm sure I'll be motivated to get after something else. 😆
Hmmmmm..."scrubbed the drawers" ya say. I LOVE your attitude and progress Snoo, so diligent&inspiring you're CHOOSING to be more and more each day. You've inspired me to scrub down the shelves (not merely dust) in my laundry room and just "attack" the laundry room a with a bit more diligence (like cleaning/mopping behind the washer and dryer and more). Thanks friend!
I haven't scrubbed the cupboard doors or drawer fronts in almost 15 years. Its way beyond time to. As I declutter one, I'm scrubbing it! Thanks for the encouragement, good luck with your laundry room!
See, this is ONLY one reason I admire you so. You are so REAL, and that gives me and others that read your posts so much HOPE and, ummmmm, encouragement. For you to openly admit that you haven't scrubbed your cabinets in 15 years us let us all reading this thread KNOW we're so NOT alone and that in itself makes for inspiration, relief of sorts and induces the COURAGE to tackle stuff we've all been neglecting and/or missing for way too long of a time. YAY YOU my friend. Operation clean that laundry room up "mo better"=mission accomplished and it looks so much better and makes me feel utter delight to see it looking terrific...not perfect, but wayyyy more CUTER/better=BOOM!
Well now I'm blushing! 😆 Thank you my friend.
The reality is that I've always been bad about housework. If I can't say( type) it out loud, I will continue to delude myself. I'm so much happier now that I'm actually making progress!
Also, congratulations on your laundry room! Better is perfect, most times!
My pleasure sistergirl! Thanks for giving me a new saying/new way of thinking too:
Better is perfect, most times! 2 -
Today's task was to declutter the food storage dishes, I threw some things out. There's a cute little Tupperware container that was my mom's, I've never used it. I put it in the dishwasher, so I have time to talk myself into giving it up.3
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I’ve started getting rid of things that don’t bring me joy any more. As as result I have clothes I like wearing vs clothes just hanging in my closet year after year. More to come. Stay tuned.3
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I’ve started getting rid of things that don’t bring me joy any more. As as result I have clothes I like wearing vs clothes just hanging in my closet year after year. More to come. Stay tuned.
Isn't it gratifying? I keep a garbage bag in my laundry basket now. When I fold something I don't want, or doesn't fit, I put it in the bag for donation.
Congratulations!4 -
I'm trying to get my MIL to move out. As I mentioned she's a hoarder and lives in squalor if left to her own devices and also has control issues, and I'm done with it. I went into her room today and it was worse than I thought. One of the closets is packed floor to ceiling full of bins of papers that my husband brought from her abandoned hoarder house that he's been cleaning out over the past year. He brought them months ago and she has not even touched them. She has literally nothing else that she has to do, yet she can't even do that for herself. My husband said he would get her to go through them. I said, "That's exactly the problem, that YOU have to do it. That is what keeps happening over and over again where you have to clean up her messes and she has no consequences for her actions and learns nothing. Why can't she, at 70 years old, take responsibility for herself and do it her own damn self without prompting? Because she likes you doing things for her and she likes being surrounded by crap." He gets it but says that this is the easiest way to deal with it.
I told him when she moved in that if left to her own devices, she would likely leave us with 80-90% of her crap when she moved out. She has done this multiple times before with multiple people. I said that some conditions of her moving in were that she could not hoard and she could not leave ANY items behind when she moved out. He swore up and down that it would work out. Now I see that it is playing out exactly as I thought it would. There's no way she will be able to take all this crap with her especially as she is too cheap to hire a moving truck to move the 1000 miles that she will likely be moving. She's already most likely going to leave her bed and we have no use for it. She bought an exercise bike (which I was told was a mandatory part of her physical therapy for her disability) and now that thing is taking up space in the living room and she barely uses it. But you just know that she will also leave all the papers and dollar store crap and empty takeout and oatmeal containers that she saved for some reason and all that to us too, and try to convince us that we want them. My husband doesn't believe me on things like this but I always turn out to be right.
It's just amazing to me how much crap she has managed to acquire in just a year and a half, even with limited mobility and no ability to drive. She had almost nothing when she came here. She had no furniture and we had to buy her a bed. She had only a few clothes because she lost weight during her illness and none of her old clothes fit anymore. And even when she was housebound she STILL hoarded, because she hoarded empty oatmeal and nut containers! Now the room is packed full of things piled a foot high on every available surface and I don't even know where half of it came from. Imagine how much crap she would have acquired in that time with full mobility. Or if she was allowed to hoard in the rest of the house. She tried to do that when she first moved here by putting all her papers covering the entire dining table so nobody else could use it for eating, and when I shut her down and moved all her stuff she threw a fit. Now she acts like I'm some kind of tyrant enforcing a gestapo of cleanliness when really this is just a normal, somewhat minimalist apartment and I don't clean an excessive amount.
This is the last time I ever deal with a hoarder. I told my husband I don't care how disabled she becomes in the future, she is NEVER living with us again unless she successfully gets treatment. If anyone else becomes a hoarder (my brother has some risk factors and my maternal grandparents and two great-uncles already were hoarders) I am not doing a thing to help them. I am done.11 -
This thread is making me want to do something with the disaster in my house. I have sold on ebay for 20 years, so always have "ebay stuff" sitting around on every flat surface. We have 3 long-haired housecats, who are our children, but do they shed.... My husband and I own the tavern in our small town. I work a minimum of 13 hours a day. On top of all these factors, my husband and I are both "collectors". I won't use the word "hoarders", as I don't think we are quite there. Yet. So, needless to say, my house is a freaking mess. I don't even know where to start. When I do try to start, I get overwhelmed and give up or get a bad case of the "squirrels" and don't accomplish anything. Any suggestions where or what to start with so my head doesn't just blow up????3
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laurenq1991 wrote: »I'm trying to get my MIL to move out. As I mentioned she's a hoarder and lives in squalor if left to her own devices and also has control issues, and I'm done with it. I went into her room today and it was worse than I thought. One of the closets is packed floor to ceiling full of bins of papers that my husband brought from her abandoned hoarder house that he's been cleaning out over the past year. He brought them months ago and she has not even touched them. She has literally nothing else that she has to do, yet she can't even do that for herself. My husband said he would get her to go through them. I said, "That's exactly the problem, that YOU have to do it. That is what keeps happening over and over again where you have to clean up her messes and she has no consequences for her actions and learns nothing. Why can't she, at 70 years old, take responsibility for herself and do it her own damn self without prompting? Because she likes you doing things for her and she likes being surrounded by crap." He gets it but says that this is the easiest way to deal with it.
I told him when she moved in that if left to her own devices, she would likely leave us with 80-90% of her crap when she moved out. She has done this multiple times before with multiple people. I said that some conditions of her moving in were that she could not hoard and she could not leave ANY items behind when she moved out. He swore up and down that it would work out. Now I see that it is playing out exactly as I thought it would. There's no way she will be able to take all this crap with her especially as she is too cheap to hire a moving truck to move the 1000 miles that she will likely be moving. She's already most likely going to leave her bed and we have no use for it. She bought an exercise bike (which I was told was a mandatory part of her physical therapy for her disability) and now that thing is taking up space in the living room and she barely uses it. But you just know that she will also leave all the papers and dollar store crap and empty takeout and oatmeal containers that she saved for some reason and all that to us too, and try to convince us that we want them. My husband doesn't believe me on things like this but I always turn out to be right.
It's just amazing to me how much crap she has managed to acquire in just a year and a half, even with limited mobility and no ability to drive. She had almost nothing when she came here. She had no furniture and we had to buy her a bed. She had only a few clothes because she lost weight during her illness and none of her old clothes fit anymore. And even when she was housebound she STILL hoarded, because she hoarded empty oatmeal and nut containers! Now the room is packed full of things piled a foot high on every available surface and I don't even know where half of it came from. Imagine how much crap she would have acquired in that time with full mobility. Or if she was allowed to hoard in the rest of the house. She tried to do that when she first moved here by putting all her papers covering the entire dining table so nobody else could use it for eating, and when I shut her down and moved all her stuff she threw a fit. Now she acts like I'm some kind of tyrant enforcing a gestapo of cleanliness when really this is just a normal, somewhat minimalist apartment and I don't clean an excessive amount.
This is the last time I ever deal with a hoarder. I told my husband I don't care how disabled she becomes in the future, she is NEVER living with us again unless she successfully gets treatment. If anyone else becomes a hoarder (my brother has some risk factors and my maternal grandparents and two great-uncles already were hoarders) I am not doing a thing to help them. I am done.
I know this must be very stressful for you, but also try to understand your MIL. Hoarding is very often not laziness but mental disorder. I mean, you don't say to a depressive person to just be cheerful, an anorexic one to just eat, someone with anxiety to just get over it, right? A hoarder also needs professional help. So while I fully understand your frustration I would think a bit of empathy is also needed.8 -
I know this must be very stressful for you, but also try to understand your MIL. Hoarding is very often not laziness but mental disorder. I mean, you don't say to a depressive person to just be cheerful, an anorexic one to just eat, someone with anxiety to just get over it, right? A hoarder also needs professional help. So while I fully understand your frustration I would think a bit of empathy is also needed.
LOL. Maybe if she had empathy for me. I have C-PTSD and OCD and it has caused some limitations on what I can do and caused me to have panic attacks and so on, and she has been VERY unsympathetic about that and instead accused me of being lazy and not trying hard enough. She got offended when I told her anxiety is a disability. BTW living in a clean and organized environment without excessive noise (like her very loud pet parrot that she forced us to live with) is a help to my symptoms. And my problems don't have any effect on her life, while her problems do have a major effect on my life.
Not only that but even before she moved in, she had a long history of trying to control our lives. She tried to take over our wedding and make it the way she wanted and make 90% of the guests her relatives that we didn't even know. She tried to guilt-trip us into moving 1000 miles away to another state back when she lived there. She wanted us to move into the hoarder house and live there while it was still full of her crap. Plus all kinds of other unreasonable and insane demands. She always makes my husband do things for her even if she is perfectly capable of doing them herself. Including the hundreds of hours he spent cleaning out her hoarder house (and he has to put it up for sale too), with no compensation or percentage of the money from the house sale. If he doesn't do things for her, they never get done until it becomes a huge problem (actually that's how she got the illness that led to her disability, she didn't get a medical problem taken care of for years).
And if she doesn't get what she wants she throws a fit. About 75% of the arguments my husband and I have had during our relationship have something to do with her. It has almost ended our relationship on multiple occasions. She has had a huge net negative impact on my life. She also openly hates me and has made comments about how I'm trash because I don't have a "real family" (my family is dysfunctional) and she wishes my husband never married me. He is just now realizing the burden that was put on me by him not telling her to f*** off years ago, and I am realizing how much being forced repeatedly to capitulate to her and being told I'm wrong or unkind (or unsympathetic) whenever I don't want to put her needs first destroyed my self-confidence and independence.
And yet I have to live with her, a person who hates me. And her stupid pet bird. Not because she doesn't have the money to live somewhere else, because she does. She only had severe mobility problems for a few months and while she has some disabilities, now she definitely has the ability to live independently. She is choosing to live here because she has always wanted to live with my husband and depend on him for everything (and she's probably hoping she can drive me out). And then I have to "sympathize" with her on top of that? How is that fair at all?
I have problems, and so do a lot of people. But if my problems had a massive net effect on other peoples' lives, like if I was a financial or time burden or abusing people, I would not expect them to put up with me forever. I definitely would not try to control someone who I barely even know (me at the time when I first met her) or force someone to live with me when I have an acrimonious history with that person. And even though I have problems I am working every day to improve myself. She has not done anything to improve herself or to make herself less of a burden, and that is the difference. She thinks she is never wrong so what is there to improve?
It can be all well and good to judge and say "have sympathy" but there is a limit to how much BS someone can take from someone who they have never even liked, has never done a damn thing for them (I can't think of one thing she has EVER done for me that improved my life), and who has been a thorn in their side for years. You wouldn't let a random mentally ill or drug addicted homeless person into your home to live with you and put up with the effects of their illness out of "sympathy."10 -
LeslieHuggins wrote: »This thread is making me want to do something with the disaster in my house. I have sold on ebay for 20 years, so always have "ebay stuff" sitting around on every flat surface. We have 3 long-haired housecats, who are our children, but do they shed.... My husband and I own the tavern in our small town. I work a minimum of 13 hours a day. On top of all these factors, my husband and I are both "collectors". I won't use the word "hoarders", as I don't think we are quite there. Yet. So, needless to say, my house is a freaking mess. I don't even know where to start. When I do try to start, I get overwhelmed and give up or get a bad case of the "squirrels" and don't accomplish anything. Any suggestions where or what to start with so my head doesn't just blow up????
I started with 1 drawer. I'm nowhere near finished, but I do at least 15 minutes a day. I'm following a declutter calendar from Home Solutions 101. It gives a task a day that takes no more than 15 minutes. Clothes are another good place to start.
Have fun!
1 -
@laurenq1991 I think @yirana meant well, but it sounds like there is way more going on in this relationship than just hoarding. Fortunately, sounds like her living with you is a temporary situation. Until it is over, can you just shut her door and refuse to think about it unless it impacts you in the moment (like rotting food smells). Leave the future worrying (like how you suspect she'll leave behind mess/belongings when she moves out) out of your headspace for now. It doesn't really help YOU, right?
Also, given the complexity and toxicity of this, can you and your partner do couples therapy together until MIL moves? If he won't, you could just go yourself. You need a safe place to vent but also a strong supporter who can help you keep from ruminating yourself into an anxiety attack or PTSD incident. A few good sessions with a cognitive behavioral therapist may give you some new coping techniques to see you through the end of this horror show.
FWIW, given your experience here, I think it is totally reasonable to tell your partner that you refuse to live with your MIL again. It's really for the best for all three of you to set clear boundaries.6 -
Yes, I meant well. I could not know there was so much else going on, hun. Maybe you want to delete this answer if it's too private I hope everything works out for you. You know, as someone who has to work hard on herself to not clutter this triggered something in me. My case is mild as I am able to control it, but there's a feeling of desperation if there's stuff accumulating and the urge to just run away and not think of it anymore. 3
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@laurenq1991 I think @yirana meant well, but it sounds like there is way more going on in this relationship than just hoarding. Fortunately, sounds like her living with you is a temporary situation. Until it is over, can you just shut her door and refuse to think about it unless it impacts you in the moment (like rotting food smells). Leave the future worrying (like how you suspect she'll leave behind mess/belongings when she moves out) out of your headspace for now. It doesn't really help YOU, right?
Also, given the complexity and toxicity of this, can you and your partner do couples therapy together until MIL moves? If he won't, you could just go yourself. You need a safe place to vent but also a strong supporter who can help you keep from ruminating yourself into an anxiety attack or PTSD incident. A few good sessions with a cognitive behavioral therapist may give you some new coping techniques to see you through the end of this horror show.
FWIW, given your experience here, I think it is totally reasonable to tell your partner that you refuse to live with your MIL again. It's really for the best for all three of you to set clear boundaries.
It was supposed to be a temporary emergency situation until she was no longer housebound and could cook and take public transportation/taxis and so on independently. She stopped being housebound and was able to do those other things over a year ago. I guess the two of them somehow assumed without consulting me that this should be a permanent situation when I said many times that it was temporary. Now she's acting all pissy at me that I want her out. I asked my husband if we can set a date that she has to be out by and now he's all silent and upset.
I'm not going to refuse to think about it. If she leaves a pile of her crap behind for us to deal with, it is not going to end well for her. I don't know what I will do but it won't be good for her. I told both of them so many times that she was not to leave a single item behind when she moved out or expect either of us to deal with cleaning up her hoarding *kitten*.
She's the one who needs counseling, not me.
Sure I can refuse until I'm blue in the face but if she forces us into an emergency situation again it's possible we could have no choice. In this situation I was never asked if I was ok with it by either her or the hospital. There was simply nowhere else for her to go. She could not live independently, was not covered by insurance for assisted living, and none of her other relatives live in our area and she could not move to another state to live with them since she needed to see her doctors nearby. If we had left her to her own devices we could have been held legally liable if anything happened to her (my husband didn't have POA at the time although he does now, but the hospital always acted like he did and asked him to make decisions for her not only when she was in a coma but also when she was conscious, violating HIPAA). Plus my husband would have felt terrible guilt (personally at this point I don't give much of a *kitten* whether she lives or dies due to her own poor life decisions but I don't want him to be sad). I had to rush around on very short notice to find an apartment that accommodated her disability and allowed the stupid bird (95% of apartments don't allow pets). I never got a word of thanks from her and in fact all she did was complain about how she wanted to go back to the hoarder house and accuse us of "elder abuse" because we "forced" her to live with us and wouldn't let her leave her crap all over the apartment. If she has nowhere else to go and is unable to live on her own he is not going to let her be in a bad situation.3 -
LeslieHuggins wrote: »This thread is making me want to do something with the disaster in my house. I have sold on ebay for 20 years, so always have "ebay stuff" sitting around on every flat surface. We have 3 long-haired housecats, who are our children, but do they shed.... My husband and I own the tavern in our small town. I work a minimum of 13 hours a day. On top of all these factors, my husband and I are both "collectors". I won't use the word "hoarders", as I don't think we are quite there. Yet. So, needless to say, my house is a freaking mess. I don't even know where to start. When I do try to start, I get overwhelmed and give up or get a bad case of the "squirrels" and don't accomplish anything. Any suggestions where or what to start with so my head doesn't just blow up????
{{{{{{{{ HUGS Leslie }}}}}}}}}}} First and foremost, THANK you for contributing to this thread! Girl...you are so NOT alone, none of us have totally arrived, but many of us have LEFT that place of mess/stress/ugh and enough is enough. For me personally, it's NEVER/NOT an okay, all done for good--NOPE, it's an everyday MAINTENANCE thing, again a lot like maintaining our new weight/size--it's a new LIFESTYLE, this LET IT GO and DON'T LOOK BACK is--for real--a WONDERFUL new life style. Also, I so am NOT naturally organized nor loved/cared about everything looking clutter-free and neat and pretty...I AM NOW (Thank you Jesus), but that took TIME and a lot of it. I wish it were an "I got this or I'm done now, but nope...once we get to the place of it's all nice and neat, pretty and organize, we have to maintain that. As we do, we do get used to it and it's NOT AS HARD as when we first started. Most of us started right where you are--at least beginning to really "L@@K" around us and admit that it's just too much "stuff" around us and is negatively affecting us inside (our mind/thoughts/heart). So mega YAY YOU for even thinking about changing and doing something about it. Girl...I REMEMBER that feeling of being so overwhelmed and not knowing what to do or where to start. Snoo gave a most excellent example of how to start. Here's some links that may help and encourage you:
How to Declutter Your Home When You Don’t Know Where to Begin
http://www.thesimplyorganizedhome.com/howtodeclutter/
How to Clean Your House When You Feel Paralyzed by “The Mess”
https://mommyonpurpose.com/how-to-clean-your-house-when-its-messy/
7 Strategies For Clearing Clutter When You Don't Know Where To Start
https://www.home-storage-solutions-101.com/clearing-clutter.html
Leslie, very much like out weight blastification/getting down to size...we didn't get to the weight we are/were at overnight and it's going to also time TIME to LET IT GO and DON'T LOOK BACK (living a simpler, (more) clutter-free home. It's going to take time, period. Also, hurry/fear/anxiety is our ENEMY in this struggle/battle, so when (not if, but WHEN) these d#mnable feeling/thoughts rise up in us, we MUST fight them and no longer embrace them and/or allow the dastardly and yuck "pity-party, poor me/woe is me" attitudes get even a foothold on us. Once we enter into that "poor-me" attitude and "feed it"...UGH, it's like fighting a losing battle. INSTEAD, put on a "ruthless" attitude towards the "stuff" and that ruthlessness will help you throw away, give away and get rid of a lot of stuff--the "poor me spirit" will paralyze you--for real!
One way to fight these self-destructive and yuck feelings (poor me, it's too much, etc.) disappear is by immediately MAKING y/ourselves do something, even if it's just a wee bit of something, like making the bed, cleaning the bathroom, sweeping the steps, doing some dusting and stuff like that. Also, putting on some JAMMING/uplifting LOUD music that you love will encourage you too. If you don't have access to some jamming music, you can always MAKE yourself whistle or hum something you love that brings you sheer joy and delight--something that reminds you of "good times" stuff like that.
Lastly, PLEASE KNOW YOU ARE NOT ALONE. I'm/we're cheering you on and have been where you are too!
{{{{ Hugs again }}}} 2
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