Is it appropriate for my boyfriend to ask me to pay him to live with him?
Options
My boyfriend has said he wants to marry me and has asked me to live with him. He is looking for a place right now. The first many times he brought it up, he said I wouldn't have to pay but now he is saying I need to pay him to live there. This makes me hesitate because it feels like a business transaction. If we have kids, will the kids have to pay to live there too? Plus in the past when he wasn't working I would pay for his ticket to museums or transportation and didn't ask him to pay me.
At this point if he views the relationship as a business deal I am thinking I may have to break it off even though everything has been great so far and he has been a great partner. If he is only with me in hopes of getting paid, it seems really inappropriate. I don't want to be mean, maybe I understood him wrong, but after he finds a place if he again voices that I have to pay him to live there, I'll tell him this is not the relationship I'm looking for and that I have enough self-respect to stay single.
My father for instance took care of the whole family and my mother volunteers. He never charged her anything!
At this point if he views the relationship as a business deal I am thinking I may have to break it off even though everything has been great so far and he has been a great partner. If he is only with me in hopes of getting paid, it seems really inappropriate. I don't want to be mean, maybe I understood him wrong, but after he finds a place if he again voices that I have to pay him to live there, I'll tell him this is not the relationship I'm looking for and that I have enough self-respect to stay single.
My father for instance took care of the whole family and my mother volunteers. He never charged her anything!
10
Replies
-
The American dream7
-
How do you think he feels letting you move in rent-free? If I was living with someone, even a boyfriend, I would insist on splitting things unless we shared a checking account. It’s absurd to assume he should pay for everything.25
-
Is he tallish? Is the rent $20?15
-
caco_ethes wrote: »How do you think he feels letting you move in rent-free? If I was living with someone, even a boyfriend, I would insist on splitting things unless we shared a checking account. It’s absurd to assume he should pay for everything.
I was thinking the same thing.
If you're planning on getting married, you might as well start getting used to sharing now.13 -
Pay him or share paying the bills??? I think there is a difference23
-
TeacupsAndToning wrote: »Have you never paid rent before?
Uhhh... yeah... This is usually how life works. Partners, you know, partner up in regards to household expenses, chores, etc. I would never move in with someone with the expectation of not contributing. That isn't "paying to be in a relationship." It's not a "business transaction." It's part of being an adult.17 -
My boyfriend has said he wants to marry me and has asked me to live with him. He is looking for a place right now. The first many times he brought it up, he said I wouldn't have to pay but now he is saying I need to pay him to live there. This makes me hesitate because it feels like a business transaction. If we have kids, will the kids have to pay to live there too? Plus in the past when he wasn't working I would pay for his ticket to museums or transportation and didn't ask him to pay me.
At this point if he views the relationship as a business deal I am thinking I may have to break it off even though everything has been great so far and he has been a great partner. If he is only with me in hopes of getting paid, it seems really inappropriate. I don't want to be mean, maybe I understood him wrong, but after he finds a place if he again voices that I have to pay him to live there, I'll tell him this is not the relationship I'm looking for and that I have enough self-respect to stay single.
My father for instance took care of the whole family and my mother volunteers. He never charged her anything!
Why do you think you would get to live anywhere free of rent or contributing to bills?12 -
Op I want to live with you. We can pay zero dollars together and live like Bonnie and Clyde17
-
caco_ethes wrote: »How do you think he feels letting you move in rent-free? If I was living with someone, even a boyfriend, I would insist on splitting things unless we shared a checking account. It’s absurd to assume he should pay for everything.
Agreed. I have never lived anywhere without paying something, except with my parents. Even then once I was 16 and had a job, I paid my gas, clothing, etc. It's always been 50/50 on rent/now mortgage, utilities, groceries, cars/ins, all that stuff with my husband, even when were just dating and living in sin.4 -
I totally fell for it again. I really need to start looking at when OPs created their accounts compared to when they post provocative threads...7
-
TeacupsAndToning wrote: »Have you never paid rent before?
It's not rent, he said the words "you need to pay me to live with me" which makes it sound like he wants to be paid to be in a relationship with me. That made me uneasy. Also I already have my own place right now so why should I pay him even more?
I'm pretty broke and the place would just be sitting empty, he does not want to live here. 3 -
Op, your boyfriend is probably handsome as hell. If I was handsome I’d make women pay to live with me too17
-
Ditch him, marry your dad.9
-
TeacupsAndToning wrote: »Have you never paid rent before?
It's not rent, he said the words "you need to pay me to live with me" which makes it sound like he wants to be paid to be in a relationship with me. That made me uneasy. Also I already have my own place right now so why should I pay him even more? I'm pretty broke and the place would just be sitting empty, he does not want to live here.
Are you sure your not confusing your boyfriend with your pimp?6 -
All I can picture right now is op as a very sexy mouse who dresses exclusively in silk4
-
TeacupsAndToning wrote: »Have you never paid rent before?
It's not rent, he said the words "you need to pay me to live with me" which makes it sound like he wants to be paid to be in a relationship with me. That made me uneasy. Also I already have my own place right now so why should I pay him even more? I'm pretty broke and the place would just be sitting empty, he does not want to live here.
So don't move in with him and stay broke in your own place. Easy solution!13 -
Does the rent come with cake?4
-
He's asking you to split the rent or mortgage...I think that's pretty normal. When my wife and I moved in together, we split the rent...when we got married and bought a house, we bought it together and we split the mortgage and the utilities. I think that's all pretty normal in modern society...I don't personally know any "kept" women.12
This discussion has been closed.
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 391.6K Introduce Yourself
- 43.5K Getting Started
- 259.7K Health and Weight Loss
- 175.6K Food and Nutrition
- 47.3K Recipes
- 232.3K Fitness and Exercise
- 393 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.4K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.5K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 152.7K Motivation and Support
- 7.8K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.3K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.3K MyFitnessPal Information
- 23 News and Announcements
- 937 Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.3K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions