Is it appropriate for my boyfriend to ask me to pay him to live with him?

silkmouse
silkmouse Posts: 53 Member
in Chit-Chat
My boyfriend has said he wants to marry me and has asked me to live with him. He is looking for a place right now. The first many times he brought it up, he said I wouldn't have to pay but now he is saying I need to pay him to live there. This makes me hesitate because it feels like a business transaction. If we have kids, will the kids have to pay to live there too? Plus in the past when he wasn't working I would pay for his ticket to museums or transportation and didn't ask him to pay me.

At this point if he views the relationship as a business deal I am thinking I may have to break it off even though everything has been great so far and he has been a great partner. If he is only with me in hopes of getting paid, it seems really inappropriate. I don't want to be mean, maybe I understood him wrong, but after he finds a place if he again voices that I have to pay him to live there, I'll tell him this is not the relationship I'm looking for and that I have enough self-respect to stay single.

My father for instance took care of the whole family and my mother volunteers. He never charged her anything!
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Replies

  • RunHardBeStrong
    RunHardBeStrong Posts: 33,069 Member
    caco_ethes wrote: »
    How do you think he feels letting you move in rent-free? If I was living with someone, even a boyfriend, I would insist on splitting things unless we shared a checking account. It’s absurd to assume he should pay for everything.

    Agreed. I have never lived anywhere without paying something, except with my parents. Even then once I was 16 and had a job, I paid my gas, clothing, etc. It's always been 50/50 on rent/now mortgage, utilities, groceries, cars/ins, all that stuff with my husband, even when were just dating and living in sin.
  • silkmouse
    silkmouse Posts: 53 Member
    TeacupsAndToning wrote: »
    Have you never paid rent before?

    It's not rent, he said the words "you need to pay me to live with me" which makes it sound like he wants to be paid to be in a relationship with me. That made me uneasy. Also I already have my own place right now so why should I pay him even more? :( I'm pretty broke and the place would just be sitting empty, he does not want to live here.
  • eccomi_qui
    eccomi_qui Posts: 1,831 Member
    All I can picture right now is op as a very sexy mouse who dresses exclusively in silk
  • NewlifeinNW
    NewlifeinNW Posts: 3,866 Member
    Does the rent come with cake?
  • emjay6x3
    emjay6x3 Posts: 213 Member
    csbnga wrote: »
    Does the rent come with cake?

    It's not rent, apparently. But maybe if there's cake involved, everything would change!
  • tinak33
    tinak33 Posts: 9,883 Member
    silkmouse wrote: »
    TeacupsAndToning wrote: »
    Have you never paid rent before?

    It's not rent, he said the words "you need to pay me to live with me" which makes it sound like he wants to be paid to be in a relationship with me. That made me uneasy. Also I already have my own place right now so why should I pay him even more? :( I'm pretty broke and the place would just be sitting empty, he does not want to live here.

    If he uses the words "You need to pay me to live with me"... then no.
    That's a red flag in my opinion. if he said, lets get a place and split it and live together, that is a whole other and totally acceptable story.
    But "You need to pay me to live with me"? The hell I do. Pay me and move into my place, damn it.
  • aeloine
    aeloine Posts: 2,163 Member
    silkmouse wrote: »
    TeacupsAndToning wrote: »
    Have you never paid rent before?

    It's not rent, he said the words "you need to pay me to live with me" which makes it sound like he wants to be paid to be in a relationship with me. That made me uneasy. Also I already have my own place right now so why should I pay him even more? :( I'm pretty broke and the place would just be sitting empty, he does not want to live here.

    So do it when your rent is up. Why would you not try to time it to then?

    I'd suggest that you write out your half on a check to the apartment complex and he write out his half and that way you don't have to go through him but can go through the actual office.
  • W8WarI
    W8WarI Posts: 567 Member
    edited January 2018
    Considering that, he's within; the searching stage & doesn't have a place yet, I believe that you both; should be searching & agreeing upon a place together, instead of just him; since you'd be contributing towards the bills!
  • silkmouse
    silkmouse Posts: 53 Member
    tinak33 wrote: »
    silkmouse wrote: »
    TeacupsAndToning wrote: »
    Have you never paid rent before?

    It's not rent, he said the words "you need to pay me to live with me" which makes it sound like he wants to be paid to be in a relationship with me. That made me uneasy. Also I already have my own place right now so why should I pay him even more? :( I'm pretty broke and the place would just be sitting empty, he does not want to live here.

    If he uses the words "You need to pay me to live with me"... then no.
    That's a red flag in my opinion. if he said, lets get a place and split it and live together, that is a whole other and totally acceptable story.
    But "You need to pay me to live with me"? The hell I do. Pay me and move into my place, damn it.

    That's what I'm saying he used the words I need to pay him. If he would have said okay so the rent is X and you can pay half, that would be fine but when he said I need to pay him, it sounded as if it was a transaction. Maybe I'm overreacting. I'm going to wait and see but at this point I'd rather be single than pay to be in a relationship with someone.
  • eccomi_qui
    eccomi_qui Posts: 1,831 Member
    WhereIsPJSoles wrote: »
    Can you just have kids to lower your share of the rent some? If they each pony up, your part will be pretty small

    If they get some pets this could be genius. A tank full of goldfish and they’re all paying pennies.
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