Help! Dates, eating out, non-trackable food!
PoppyFlower1
Posts: 62 Member
So I started 2018 determined to find Mr right! I have three dates this week and they are all going out to eat dates. One date is taking me to a small family owned Italian style place, another to a fancy French restaurant, and one to a Vietnamese place.
Only one of the restaurants has nutritional information available.
It kills me inside to think I might forego a steak and choose a salad which ends up being as fattening/calorific!
What should I choose?
Only one of the restaurants has nutritional information available.
It kills me inside to think I might forego a steak and choose a salad which ends up being as fattening/calorific!
What should I choose?
3
Replies
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We have no idea what's on the menu, but if you want a steak I don't see why you should order a salad instead. Just order a portion that matches your calorie goals (or only eat part of it) and be thoughtful about your calorie goals when choosing your sides.6
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Steaks are necessarily that high in calories. The bread, booze, sides, and dessert are far higher.
PS Think twice before discussing your diet on your date.9 -
Is it a bad idea to say I need to order a salad because I’m trying to diet?2
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PoppyFlower1 wrote: »Is it a bad idea to say I need to order a salad because I’m trying to diet?
It's not "bad," it's just behavior that some people find very unappealing on dates. That said, I don't think you should hide who you really are just to appeal to someone on a date. If you like salads and want to talk about dieting, then you should do that because anyone who doesn't genuinely doesn't like who you are won't be a good fit for a relationship.
But you don't sound like you *want* a salad. It sounds like you would prefer to have something else. So why pretend to be a salad-eating person if you really aren't that person?9 -
As a guy, I would rather know ahead of time that you are on a diet. That way I can pick a spot that fits within your diet. That way your focus is on me and you're not sweating in panic at the number of calories you are ingesting.
Also, you don't want the guy assuming that the reason why you haven't eaten half of your plate is because you're not having fun and enjoying yourself. First dates are full of Awkward thoughts like that.8 -
PoppyFlower1 wrote: »Is it a bad idea to say I need to order a salad because I’m trying to diet?
Don't say that...7 -
I personally would order what you want and if you want to try to track it try to find something similar in the database. I usually pick the highest calorie amount of the closest thing similar to what I ate.
Last year when I started dating more I didn't really discuss my weightloss much. I obviously ended up talking about it with my GF now because we have been dating for quite a while and she now knows I watch what I eat. But at the time I didn't do that. Another person I had started seeing and I realized we are much better suited as friends and are now friends and she's now aware of my fitness goals but at the time she wasn't.
For me it wasn't about hiding part of myself it was about sharing what I was comfortable with sharing with those people when I was ready to share it.5 -
I'd just use a little common sense and steer clear of things that would naturally be high calorie like things smothered in cheese or gravy or dressing, anything breaded and deep fried, fatty cuts of meat. Grilled meats or fish and veggie sides that aren't covered with cheese will often be lower in calories than a dinner salad.6
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There are database entries for steaks. Choose the entries that are similar to the food you order; it’s usually best to pick higher estimates for restaurant food, as they may add oil, butter, etc. that you wouldn’t add at home. Don’t force yourself to eat food you don’t want. That isn’t a sustainable way of living.
If you don’t want to go out to eat on all your dates, maybe suggest a different activity that doesn’t involve food?3 -
This is just a suggestion, how about doing an activity such as playing pool, or bowling, paint night or something that doesn't necessarily involve eating out?5
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at most restaurants a steak with veggies on the side is one of the most calorie conscious choices
they might have some sort of indicator on the menu for low calorie optionsThere are database entries for steaks. Choose the entries that are similar to the food you order; it’s usually best to pick higher estimates for restaurant food, as they may add oil, butter, etc. that you wouldn’t add at home. Don’t force yourself to eat food you don’t want. That isn’t a sustainable way of living.
If you don’t want to go out to eat on all your dates, maybe suggest a different activity that doesn’t involve food?
and all this!4 -
Is it a good idea to say I’m dieting so the guy knows I’m working on my weight? I feel really self conscious about my size at the mo. I met all of the dates online, so haven’t seen any in real life yet and I’m worried in case they think I’m huge. They have seen my pics and I’ve FaceTimed but still..... if I say I’m getting a salad as I’m trying to lose weight maybe that would give me plus points?2
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PoppyFlower1 wrote: »Is it a good idea to say I’m dieting so the guy knows I’m working on my weight? I feel really self conscious about my size at the mo. I met all of the dates online, so haven’t seen any in real life yet and I’m worried in case they think I’m huge. They have seen my pics and I’ve FaceTimed but still..... if I say I’m getting a salad as I’m trying to lose weight maybe that would give me plus points?
My guess is if they've seen photos of you and Facetimed with you they aren't that concerned about it. And if a guy is concerned about it and cares about your weight then he's probably not worth your time.
I lost weight for me. I would hope my SO would still want to be with me whether I'm 130 lbs 170 lbs or 280 lbs where I started out.7 -
Entree salads at restaurants are often just as many, if not more, calories than regular entrees and sandwiches. I'd check the menus before you go and find a comparable chain restaurant entry - order what you like and want to eat within reason.
You can also practice portion control - eat slowly, sip water, and commit to only eating half of an entree. Focus on the conversation and the date instead of the meal.
When I had an online dating profile, I actually put in the favorite food section 1. what I liked, and 2. that I was successfully losing weight and didn't plan on dining out multiple times a week. I actually got a good response from that, and it didn't come up much when I went out for dinners or drink.
I also planned a lot of coffee/non-food first dates to see if we clicked. That way we didn't have to spend tons of money or two hours together if it wasn't a good match (there were LOTS of not good matches).3 -
PoppyFlower1 wrote: »Is it a good idea to say I’m dieting so the guy knows I’m working on my weight? I feel really self conscious about my size at the mo. I met all of the dates online, so haven’t seen any in real life yet and I’m worried in case they think I’m huge. They have seen my pics and I’ve FaceTimed but still..... if I say I’m getting a salad as I’m trying to lose weight maybe that would give me plus points?
Just my two cents: I'm a big believer that people should date to find someone that they like *now* not someone that they're hoping to like once they finish one changes or a series of changes. This doesn't mean that you can't be working on goals while you date, but if you're hoping a guy will like a future version of you more than he likes you now. . . I don't know. I wouldn't share that on a first date.8 -
janejellyroll wrote: »PoppyFlower1 wrote: »Is it a good idea to say I’m dieting so the guy knows I’m working on my weight? I feel really self conscious about my size at the mo. I met all of the dates online, so haven’t seen any in real life yet and I’m worried in case they think I’m huge. They have seen my pics and I’ve FaceTimed but still..... if I say I’m getting a salad as I’m trying to lose weight maybe that would give me plus points?
Just my two cents: I'm a big believer that people should date to find someone that they like *now* not someone that they're hoping to like once they finish one changes or a series of changes. This doesn't mean that you can't be working on goals while you date, but if you're hoping a guy will like a future version of you more than he likes you now. . . I don't know. I wouldn't share that on a first date.
I agree.2 -
I'd avoid telling your dates you're "dieting" as such. Maybe frame it as trying to make healthier choices in 2018. That way they aren't as aware that you're insecure about your weight. If they're a nice guy it might make you both feel a bit awkward if you mention a "diet", and if they're not a nice guy then you don't want them learning about any insecurities.
I would get straight outta their if they are put off by your weight or choice to prioritise your health, to be honest.
Just use some common sense with your food choices, like others have said. If it's a big portion, leave some. Offer it to them to finish if they hoover theirs up and seem interested. Or order what you fancy and ask for any obvious extras to be left off (like a fatty sauce, or cheese, etc).
By the third date you might not fancy the most delicious calorific thing anyway I imagine!5 -
Two points: First, if the restaurant doesn't have calorie information online, I would pick a similar entry from another restaurant. I eat at a lot of mom and pop places and usually use similar entries from Perkins or Applebees or something like that. It has worked out fine, although eating out often (as I do) may mean more discipline in other parts of your diet. Also, I find it useful to look at the menu ahead of time and pick out what I want then (or at least narrow it down). That way you can do the nutrition research as you go, can be comfortable that what you're eating roughly fits your goals for the day, and won't be stressing about calories as much on your date.
And (2) going forward, why don't you suggest the restaurants? That way you can pick ones you're comfortable with and/or that have nutrition info available (if you don't want to seem too demanding, offer a selection of three and have them pick the finalist). Just take that info with a big grain of salt - there may not be meticulous measuring and weighing going on in that kitchen!
Good luck with your 2018 goals!
Also, I strongly agree with @janejellyroll on the talking about your diet question. I don't think it's horrible to mention that you're trying to eat healthier if it comes up, but if you think someone won't want to date you without an assurance that you'll be skinnier in six months, that person may not be a good match.4 -
PoppyFlower1 wrote: »Is it a bad idea to say I need to order a salad because I’m trying to diet?
To say to yourself? Yes. Why? Because you don't "need" to order a salad. That sounds like punishment. Order a salad if you want it, order steak if you want it, just budget your calories. Order a lean steak like a filet mignon or eat only half of the NY (and offer the other half for him if you want!). Eyeball the ounces and enter it to MFP later. Forgo bread the potato and get veggies.
To say to him? Yes. I find men don't want to really hear about your dieting. Plus it is boring. Just order what you want and make no excuses. You want what you want! There are better topics to explore!
Have fun and good luck on your dates!7 -
PoppyFlower1 wrote: »Is it a good idea to say I’m dieting so the guy knows I’m working on my weight? I feel really self conscious about my size at the mo. I met all of the dates online, so haven’t seen any in real life yet and I’m worried in case they think I’m huge. They have seen my pics and I’ve FaceTimed but still..... if I say I’m getting a salad as I’m trying to lose weight maybe that would give me plus points?
Poppy Flower, are you going to require they show proof of their self improvement? How would you feel if the guy said, "Hey, you can see here that I am fat, but I am trying to do something about it so if you see me eating a salad, know that is part of my plan"? You may be chubby, but he has seen you and he wants YOU not future you. Go in with that (realistic) attitude. You will have more fun and so will he. Make no excuses or downgrade yourself to him. You are fine. We all have stuff. You are just wearing yours!6 -
Unless you plan on getting a salad without dressing, croutons, and cheese, that salad will probably have more calories than a meal would. Try and stick with proteins (steaks, chickens, fishes) that aren't deep fried. Get veggies as your side and you'll be fine.
If a guy isn't attracted to you because of your weight, he's not going to think "I'm not attracted to her now because she's too big, but she's trying to lose weight so i'll give her a shot". It really doesn't work that way. If he's not attracted to your body type, saying you're trying to lose weight wont make a difference. If that's the case he'll just ghost you and pop into your DMs when you're thinner. In which case you'll realize he wasn't worth your time since he couldn't accept you for who you were.
However, it is probably a good idea to mention your healthy lifestyle because if he sits around and eats Mcdonald's all day, that wont work for YOU.7 -
Honestly salads are often calorie bombs too... if you want one, get one, but really, you're better off with steak and veggies if it's what you want (just ask for light or no butter on the veggies).
I wouldn't mention your diet at all though. A lot of overweight people say that 'they're on a diet' to impress someone then don't follow through... so it's not even worth mentioning (not saying it's you, but that your date might think that). It's not your date's business anyway if you want salad or steak.
The fancy French restaurant will probably have smaller portions so I wouldn't even worry about it. The vietnamese place, avoid fried food and don't fill up on rice.1 -
my dating profiles say im into fitness. I want to be my best healthiest me. I think id be into a girl whose focus is to be fit and healthy making good choices vs a girl saying shes dieting, One comes from self love and confidence, The other self hate and not liking themselves.
I realize they are the same thing, And weight loss isnt self hate. Its the best form of self love for most of us. BUT. Its all in the wording and what im hearing behind your reasons for saying these things.
That said, If i went out on food dates with every guy who wants to take me out id be huge. I made it clear to anyone wanting to meet up id like a nice quick first meeting, Coffee or a walk or something simple. Keeps me from wasting my dinner dates on guys not worth it, And honestly helps me weed out the pervy morons lol. Committing to a big ordeal right off the bat was just stressful and not worth it to me. Dinner dates are like 2nd-3rd date things, When i know im into you.
Edit to add: Id never order the salad, Iv worked in restaurants i know they are stupidly high calorie. I also dont like salad. Which as a mainly plant based eater makes me giggle lol. Lifes to short to eat because of a date or something that stresses you out and makes you feel you have to, Or to eat things that you dont find amazingly yummy4 -
shannonprovenzano2812 wrote: »Unless you plan on getting a salad without dressing, croutons, and cheese, that salad will probably have more calories than a meal would. Try and stick with proteins (steaks, chickens, fishes) that aren't deep fried. Get veggies as your side and you'll be fine.
If a guy isn't attracted to you because of your weight, he's not going to think "I'm not attracted to her now because she's too big, but she's trying to lose weight so i'll give her a shot". It really doesn't work that way. If he's not attracted to your body type, saying you're trying to lose weight wont make a difference. If that's the case he'll just ghost you and pop into your DMs when you're thinner. In which case you'll realize he wasn't worth your time since he couldn't accept you for who you were.
However, it is probably a good idea to mention your healthy lifestyle because if he sits around and eats Mcdonald's all day, that wont work for YOU.
Very good point i failed at making in my post lol. Saying your into fitness draws in others into fitness. I want to surround myself with good influences. Let the men who can cook amazing healthy meals at home come to me, Not the ones who order pizza and drink every night. Where i do find talking about dieting for weight loss counter productive, Talking about fitness gets me the people i need around me
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Don't order a steak on a first date unless you're paying.5
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Iwantahealthierme30 wrote: »Don't order a steak on a first date unless you're paying.
I see no reason why someone shouldn't order something appealing off the menu when someone invites them to dinner. It's a jerk move to deliberately order the most expensive thing or something that one doesn't really want. But if I was buying someone dinner, I'd want them to have what they genuinely wanted and I'd feel like I was wasting money out of the mistaken belief that it was more polite to order something they didn't really want.4 -
janejellyroll wrote: »Iwantahealthierme30 wrote: »Don't order a steak on a first date unless you're paying.
I see no reason why someone shouldn't order something appealing off the menu when someone invites them to dinner. It's a jerk move to deliberately order the most expensive thing or something that one doesn't really want. But if I was buying someone dinner, I'd want them to have what they genuinely wanted and I'd feel like I was wasting money out of the mistaken belief that it was more polite to order something they didn't really want.
iv never ever let someone pay ut if i did id go middle ground. I have no problem with chicken and its generally pretty cheap compared to rest. just makes me super uncomfortable in general lol0 -
Find Mr. Right? You ought to change your goal to "Eat only on dates". Then you'll be hunting.1
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There’s nothing wrong with steak... I don’t see why you couldn’t get a small 6 oz steak with a side of veggies and a side salad. Anyway. Just make a little bit wiser decisions but don’t let your diet get in the way of your dating life. Enjoy yourself1
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If they don’t want to be with you the way you are now then they probably aren’t worth your time anyway. Mr. Right will love you any way you come.PoppyFlower1 wrote: »Is it a good idea to say I’m dieting so the guy knows I’m working on my weight? I feel really self conscious about my size at the mo. I met all of the dates online, so haven’t seen any in real life yet and I’m worried in case they think I’m huge. They have seen my pics and I’ve FaceTimed but still..... if I say I’m getting a salad as I’m trying to lose weight maybe that would give me plus points?
1
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