Misfortune Cookies

RoxieDawn

You don't need luck you need a miracle

kam26001

When there is a will, there is a way (to sleep with 90 year olds).

RunHardBeStrong

Your problem just got bigger.

kam26001

Go walk into the ocean sometime. It's beautiful.

YearOfTheDragonLeo

The mirror lied.

kam26001

A change is gonna come! When you break that $5 bill tonight at Taco Bell, you broke *kitten* *kitten*.

alicebhsia

mine would read, "You will get hungry again in an hour."

Momepro

Hahahahahaha! Yeah, you're screwed.

Momepro

Duck!
Wait you did it? Seriously you believed a friggin cookie knew something would hit you? Haha! Loser.
Oh sorry, my bad, I guess something WAS coming.

Motorsheen

you don't have premium, do you?

Motorsheen

Your Body, I'd 'Hit It' !




.... with a Buick

Momepro

You will soon meet a tall dark and okayish stranger. He just wants your money. Don't give it to him, he's not worth it.
Oh wait, it's you, never mind, he's probably the best you're gonna manage.

Caporegiem

You probably can't read this anyways.

YearOfTheDragonLeo

I can smell you

RunHardBeStrong

Your sister kisses better than you.

RoxieDawn

You should get tested