Misfortune Cookies

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mybfisred

Oooohhhh ...ya...your bad

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kam26001

Your intelligence is something to be admired. By an ironing board.

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RoxieDawn

All of your hard work will be for absolutely nothing.

kam26001

You will become great if you believe in your imagination.

kam26001

Looking yourself in the mirror is the greatest risk of all.

RoxieDawn

You will never amount to be anything, but your Mom still loves you.

mybfisred

You are just fluffy

THeADHDTurnip

You just ate 3.5 grams of trans fat.

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RoxieDawn

Meh, you're just meh!

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NewlifeinNW

I have some really good advice for you, but let's be honest. You'll still find a way to *kitten* it up

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kam26001

You will find that special someone thanks to robot technology.

RoxieDawn

You were voted most likely to succeed. So why are you still living in Mom's basement?

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NewlifeinNW

Please...like you won't eat that whole large pizza tonight.

THeADHDTurnip

You have the body to leg ratio of a turkey.

NewlifeinNW

Yeah,those pants "shrunk in the wash"

RoxieDawn

Bad luck and misfortune will follow you and your pathetic life till you die.

NewlifeinNW

Soon you will have thick, lustrous...nostrils full of hair

RoxieDawn

If your're looking for a happy ending, don't you won't find it EVER.

THeADHDTurnip

2 of hearts is your lucky card and the number of transplants you'll have before the age of 40.

81Katz

No, it won't grow back.