Less Alcohol- June 2018- One Day at a Time
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I was a very heavy drinker who was dry for nearly 4 months. I even managed to get off my BP meds by not drinking - so stoked! So last weekend I thought I could start drinking casually again. So I tried one beer on Friday...OK. Then I tried 2 shots of bourbon on Saturday...OK. Then another beer on Sunday...still OK. Bammo - I have this under control!
Last night I had a little more since I was so "under control" and ...- I woke up on the couch at 3 AM - TV blasting.
- Felt like crap in the morning shower - again.
- Disappointed my wife again.
- Etc.
BTW - I never liked sweets much when I was drinking all the time - probably because I didn't want to use up my bourbon calories. When I quit drinking, I found that ice cream is so freaking awesome ;-)
It is a slippery slope and one must not get complacent, stay vigilant6 -
@NovusDies Thanks so much!! I will copy and past link when I get back to my home computer by the end of the week on our new thread. Thank you and your wife, and Orphic , and everyone for the organization of our tips and tricks. I know it took many hours to create this amazing document!3
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@Ed_Zilla I was totally sober for 2.5 months and felt terrific. Now, I have slid back down. Not nearly as much as pre-January 1st. But I can see the writing on the wall. This month, I've drank more than I have since Jan. 1st. Each month, I drink a little bit more. And I feel heavy, bloated, wrinkly and older. My birthday is in a month. I plan to get it together.
I feel for you. You can do it again! I know you can. And I know I can as well.
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@NovusDies I am so thankful for you!!! I am looking at the resources on this thread we have all contributed to. I am so grateful you have put it all together. To everyone who posts, please keep it going. I know we have all learned from each other what works and what may not work. We also have each other as a safe space to be honest about our thoughts.4
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I would like to apologize in advance for those sick of seeing me post this resource list over and over again. Hopefully this is the last 2 times. One to show how it should look and the other to make it easy to copy and paste for @julieal1969 in future threads.
Never apologize for helping, its appreciated.5 -
With respect to moderation, I read something in Clare Pooley's excellent sobriety blog, Mummy Was A Secret Drinker, quoting Caroline Knapp from Drinking, A Love Story.Knapp uses the best analogy I've heard to explain why alcohol addicts can't drink 'normally' again - that of cucumbers and pickles. She says that you can stop a cucumber turning into a pickle, but once it is a pickle it can never be a cucumber again.
If you're reading this thinking 'am I a cucumber still, or am I already a pickle?' have a look at 'Am I an alcoholic? Part 2' and try Bill Wilson's moderation test. If you find it impossible, over a decent length of time, to stick to drinking just one small drink a day then it is probable that your brain chemistry has already gone haywire. You have, in effect, pickled it.
I think I'm still a cucumber, but the next time I drink, I'll be thinking of this.6 -
I saw an interesting Craig Beck video on whether it is necessary to count the days of sobriety & he doesn't recommend it. He makes some good points, but I won't relay any, other than he makes the point of the importance of focusing on "this day only." It's worth watching.
I had dinner with friends last eve at their place & wine & other "drinks" were served. They are definitely moderate drinkers. It was ok just having water. There was a wee "wishing I could moderate." BUT I keep hearing Craig Beck talking about moderation & alcohol being an actual poison. Would I drink "poison" in moderation? Of course not. PLUS, wishing is just empty. Not reality. MY reality is that I CANNOT drink in moderation. End of story. So I just need to keep focusing on the many benefits of being AF. Just for today I can be grateful I am AF!!9 -
JulieAL1969 wrote: »@Ed_Zilla I was totally sober for 2.5 months and felt terrific. Now, I have slid back down. Not nearly as much as pre-January 1st. But I can see the writing on the wall. This month, I've drank more than I have since Jan. 1st. Each month, I drink a little bit more. And I feel heavy, bloated, wrinkly and older. My birthday is in a month. I plan to get it together.
I feel for you. You can do it again! I know you can. And I know I can as well.JulieAL1969 wrote: »@Ed_Zilla I was totally sober for 2.5 months and felt terrific. Now, I have slid back down. Not nearly as much as pre-January 1st. But I can see the writing on the wall. This month, I've drank more than I have since Jan. 1st. Each month, I drink a little bit more. And I feel heavy, bloated, wrinkly and older. My birthday is in a month. I plan to get it together.
I feel for you. You can do it again! I know you can. And I know I can as well.
It's kind of reassuring to know I wasn't the only one fell off the wagon. We can do it5 -
@NormInv I imagine that many of us who follow this thread can easily fall off the wagon. We teeter on being a pickle, I think. At least , I do. I like that analogy in the previous post. I also imagine some of the friends we haven't heard from in awhile, may have fallen off as well. Let's just keep it simple, one day at a time. I get overwhelmed thinking about long term goals sometimes.8
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https://thesoberschool.com/
The Sober School just started a free summer workshop and it started today. It's doesn't seem like it will be every day videos like the Alcohol Experiment and there is downloadable workbook pages for the lessons. Not all of her stuff is free so this seems like a great resource.
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Hi Everyone! I am wanting a glass of wine pretty bad right now but I am just going to read some stuff on line and power though. I agree with Julie. One day at a time and keep it simple.8
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Thanks @islandbeez. I am going to do that sober school workshop starting right now. Thanks so much for sharing this. I was debating going to get a bottle of wine but thought I would check in with my pit crew here first for some support and that was exactly what I needed to see. Making some tea and watching first video now. XXOO8
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Thanks @islandbeez. I am going to do that sober school workshop starting right now. Thanks so much for sharing this. I was debating going to get a bottle of wine but thought I would check in with my pit crew here first for some support and that was exactly what I needed to see. Making some tea and watching first video now. XXOO
Good Plan!! You CAN do this...
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@erikNJ, I think it’s key that you’ve “never been a problem drinker [your] whole life”. The folks Annie Grace addresses when she says moderation doesn’t work are those who have been problem drinkers. That includes me. I would SO love to be a moderate drinker. Yes, alcohol is a poison but I refuse to deny that a lovely wine can be a genuine and worthwhile pleasure (See Wedding at Cana). However, in this 7-month journey I’ve had to face the fact that I am not able to enjoy that pleasure without nasty consequences. I enjoyed the complimentary champagne delivered to our hotel room last Friday on our anniversary. Then I had too much alcohol Saturday, yesterday, and today. It will take an effort to go AF once again.
@JulieAL1969, thanks for articulating the downsides of the slippery slope. I miss feeling and looking my best.6 -
@erikNJ, I think it’s key that you’ve “never been a problem drinker [your] whole life”. The folks Annie Grace addresses when she says moderation doesn’t work are those who have been problem drinkers. That includes me. I would SO love to be a moderate drinker. Yes, alcohol is a poison but I refuse to deny that a lovely wine can be a genuine and worthwhile pleasure (See Wedding at Cana). However, in this 7-month journey I’ve had to face the fact that I am not able to enjoy that pleasure without nasty consequences. I enjoyed the complimentary champagne delivered to our hotel room last Friday on our anniversary. Then I had too much alcohol Saturday, yesterday, and today. It will take an effort to go AF once again.
@JulieAL1969, thanks for articulating the downsides of the slippery slope. I miss feeling and looking my best.
In my case this is how the slippery slope worked...I went on vacation and allowed myself to drink, it was a great time and i would do it all over again....so I get back and I was like ok, lets drink through the weekend and then I will be back on....then abstained for 4 days...then i was like, dayum i look so good and am so thin, whats one more drink gonna do....so i get another....then it was like, well its the weekend and i am already so handsome so why not.....then it was like....holy crap I am fat, high BP, high pulse, my girlfriend left me, my dog avoids me, all my money is gone....so ima like.....take me back my MFPals!!!!9 -
@NormInv Ahhhh I completely get it. Wishing you the best - even in your honest explanation, you make me smile. And I am sure many others smile. Love your honesty.6
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@donimfp I'm just like you. One harmless drink turned into a few every day.
On my trip, I pretended I was a moderate drinker like my friend who really is one. I must admit, I had a few occasions where I thought, I'll just sneak to the pool and have a drink or two and tell her I am going for a walk. (I felt like a person who was starving after skipping two meals. I had that desperate hunger for a drink because I let my brain feel that dopamine rush yet again.)
One day, I had a drink at lunchtime, and then I wanted to have ten more and it took a lot of unnecessary energy to stop at two drinks. Big difference between my thought pattern regarding drinking and my friend who truly is a moderate drinker. Big difference:(
I had a weekend like you had on your anniversary. And today, I'm back to square one. Time to put in the hard work again. It is so worth it. We felt soooooo good those few months AF. Xo8 -
@NormInv also I'm sorry your going through tough times - I didn't mean to minimize that in my response.2
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JulieAL1969 wrote: »@NormInv also I'm sorry your going through tough times - I didn't mean to minimize that in my response.
Hmmm Julie, lest you forget, I amplify my plight with exaggerated irony.....I am doing quite well thank you
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JulieAL1969 wrote: »@NormInv also I'm sorry your going through tough times - I didn't mean to minimize that in my response.
Hmmm Julie, lest you forget, I amplify my plight with exaggerated irony.....I am doing quite well thank you
Oh, Normy! There are words for handsome devils like you...and the words are not "handsome devils". ;-)
On another note, my 22 yo daughter has been the DD for her friends so far this summer and I mentioned that must be kind of a drag. But she said, "Momma, I don't mind, I feel like crap after I drink, but dealing with their obnoxious drunk antics is getting old." So that made me feel good. Hope they never have to go down this road.....8 -
islandbeez wrote: »JulieAL1969 wrote: »@NormInv also I'm sorry your going through tough times - I didn't mean to minimize that in my response.
Hmmm Julie, lest you forget, I amplify my plight with exaggerated irony.....I am doing quite well thank you
Oh, Normy! There are words for handsome devils like you...and the words are not "handsome devils". ;-)
On another note, my 22 yo daughter has been the DD for her friends so far this summer and I mentioned that must be kind of a drag. But she said, "Momma, I don't mind, I feel like crap after I drink, but dealing with their obnoxious drunk antics is getting old." So that made me feel good. Hope they never have to go down this road.....
You set a great example for her, Momma!5 -
islandbeez wrote: »JulieAL1969 wrote: »@NormInv also I'm sorry your going through tough times - I didn't mean to minimize that in my response.
Hmmm Julie, lest you forget, I amplify my plight with exaggerated irony.....I am doing quite well thank you
Oh, Normy! There are words for handsome devils like you...and the words are not "handsome devils". ;-)
On another note, my 22 yo daughter has been the DD for her friends so far this summer and I mentioned that must be kind of a drag. But she said, "Momma, I don't mind, I feel like crap after I drink, but dealing with their obnoxious drunk antics is getting old." So that made me feel good. Hope they never have to go down this road.....
You set a great example for her, Momma!
I always say if you can't be a good example be a horrible warning! But thank you, Norm. She is seeing the positives and it makes me happy. 4 -
@erikNJ, I think it’s key that you’ve “never been a problem drinker [your] whole life”. The folks Annie Grace addresses when she says moderation doesn’t work are those who have been problem drinkers. That includes me. I would SO love to be a moderate drinker. Yes, alcohol is a poison but I refuse to deny that a lovely wine can be a genuine and worthwhile pleasure (See Wedding at Cana). However, in this 7-month journey I’ve had to face the fact that I am not able to enjoy that pleasure without nasty consequences. I enjoyed the complimentary champagne delivered to our hotel room last Friday on our anniversary. Then I had too much alcohol Saturday, yesterday, and today. It will take an effort to go AF once again.
@JulieAL1969, thanks for articulating the downsides of the slippery slope. I miss feeling and looking my best.
In my case this is how the slippery slope worked...I went on vacation and allowed myself to drink, it was a great time and i would do it all over again....so I get back and I was like ok, lets drink through the weekend and then I will be back on....then abstained for 4 days...then i was like, dayum i look so good and am so thin, whats one more drink gonna do....so i get another....then it was like, well its the weekend and i am already so handsome so why not.....then it was like....holy crap I am fat, high BP, high pulse, my girlfriend left me, my dog avoids me, all my money is gone....so ima like.....take me back my MFPals!!!!
Thanks for the smile. Your MFPal are here for you. I am sure your dog will take you back too.
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You guys NEED to read the book: Kick the Drink. Really recommend it to change your mindset about alcohol.4
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Yep, that's exactly me. I can really get carried away. I'm moderating, I guess, but have gone back to the carefully measured 4 oz of wine every night. Just don't know what to think about that. Haven't had any social occasions lately, which is where I tend to go a little crazy, so haven't been drinking anymore than just my little half a cup every night. We'll see how things go . . .JulieAL1969 wrote: »One day, I had a drink at lunchtime, and then I wanted to have ten more and it took a lot of unnecessary energy to stop at two drinks.
Wanted to share with the group that I ran across this book recently and downloaded the first section: The Here-and-Now Habit, How Mindfulness Can Help You Break Unhealthy Habits Once and for All by Hugh G. Byrne.
My Kindle version said you can go here for his free meditations: harbinger.com/32370. You have to sign up, but they're pretty interesting. Also, don't know if any of you have the app Insight Timer? Most of their content is free, but they're starting to sell their courses for a pretty moderate amount of $. His is $4.99 - called How to Change Unwanted Habits with Hugh Byrne. I'm pretty drawn to the idea of mindfulness helping us surf through urges and overcome bad habits, so this is right up my alley.
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