Why did you get married?

vm007

Hi,

Just wondering why does one get married?

"Life partner" - well , that one can be without married as well

"Someone with you in thick and thin" - if you are good friends with someone it'll be same

"It shows how much you love someone" - really now?

"For love" - umm ok- but do you really need to be married to them?

"Societal" - yes that I can some what understand but people will talk for a while then they will forget and accept as it is

"Family pressure" - I think same as society- will talk for a while then shut off

"Kids"- Sure, but if you aren't married and have a kid out of wedlock- that doesn't mean you can't raise the child in a wholesome environment.

"Gives meaning to life" - what does being married have to do with it?

"Friends come and go-life partner is for life" - marriages end too

"To carry my legacy" - isn't this just ego and what if the child is a total screw up?

This is me just having a conversation with myself. There is a divide between me versus myself.

Just wondering because one can surely have a wholesome relationship for life without being married, right?

Movies and all have made "hippies" or "that culture" look bad but didn't they have it right in the first place? Some tribes

did that too- one can have multiple partners and still live a happy , wholesome life.

So why did you get married? What am I not understanding? What am I missing?

Motorsheen

So I could use the Freeway's Carpool Lane.

vm007

Motorsheen wrote: »

So I could use the Freeway's Carpool Lane.

haha- do ride share .

sardelsa

Because I wanted to

bojack5

To have sex and not be a sinner

Motorsheen

CoffeeAndContour wrote: »

Citizenship

sorta changes the meaning of: "Ohhh! Canada!!!" , Eh?

jgnatca

I was going to say, “It’s a contract.” Before formal marriage an oath under a tree was sufficient. But then there were too many young men claiming they never promised.....

Now we have signatures, witnesses, and a DVD.

SpartanRunner1978

She had a couple of kids...us top 1%’ers need all the tax write-offs we can get!


Please know I am joking!

BrSpiritus

Because my wife and I are Catholics and wanted to spend the rest of our lives together without extramarital sin. Also I wanted to give her the opportunity to move to the US and become a citizen.

Beaster_Bunny

I lost a bet.

RoxieDawn

Because he asked me.

Motorsheen

VegHeadGettingFit wrote: »

I lost a bet.

best answer


.... and probably applies to 99.9% of us



(whether we know it or not)

Dootzy1

Because I couldn't imagine life unfolding in the future without him in it. And because I believe that our marriage is a sacrament. (The relationship has not disappointed us for 36 years.)

BrSpiritus

Motorsheen wrote: »

VegHeadGettingFit wrote: »

I lost a bet.

best answer


.... and probably applies to 99.9% of us



(whether we know it or not)

The only betting I remember is my mother's side of the family betting I would be divorced within a year.

BrSpiritus

changeconsumeme

For the health benefits, initially.

I’m committed to him, he’s committed to me, and now we have a piece of paper that also wins us some sweet benefits to show for it going on 10 years now.

We aren’t interested in procreating. We just want to build our life up together.

bluets2011

Because I didn’t know better :-(

vm007

I get fingers pointed at -that I only ask this question because I've never been in a relationship. The "encounters" I've had were meaningless and pointless. However, tbt -I have good memories from them. Yes, there were awkward moments, rejections, drama but also joyous moments, fun the whole spectrum.

Some of them are married and happy now. I have lost touch with all of them after they got married and even with my male friends who got married our friendships waned as well and is basically limited to barbecues and what not.

I get told, you've never been in "love"- I do not understand this one. If you love someone- marrying them -isn't this selfish on both ends as in saying that we don't trust each other enough to stay together without a piece of paper saying so? -if a person is going to cheat and one thinks they can stop that behavior because of marriage isn't that delusion?

I , also get told -you are talking about all this because you aren't married yet -well DUH! isn't it good I'm thinking like this right now rather after getting married.

mustacheU2Lift

VegHeadGettingFit wrote: »

I lost a bet.

Misty_1375

Can I plead the 5th? Don’t want anything to come back and haunt me 😑

Misty_1375

bluets2011 wrote: »

Because I didn’t know better :-(

I can relate

ssssanaaaa

The tax break

(jk I'm not married)

BrSpiritus

vm007 wrote: »

I get fingers pointed at -that I only ask this question because I've never been in a relationship. The "encounters" I've had were meaningless and pointless. However, tbt -I have good memories from them. Yes, there were awkward moments, rejections, drama but also joyous moments, fun the whole spectrum.

Some of them are married and happy now. I have lost touch with all of them after they got married and even with my male friends who got married our friendships waned as well and is basically limited to barbecues and what not.

I get told, you've never been in "love"- I do not understand this one. If you love someone- marrying them -isn't this selfish on both ends as in saying that we don't trust each other enough to stay together without a piece of paper saying so? -if a person is going to cheat and one thinks they can stop that behavior because of marriage isn't that delusion?

I , also get told -you are talking about all this because you aren't married yet -well DUH! isn't it good I'm thinking like this right now rather after getting married.

I don't know what age you are but it sounds like you're pretty young still. I thought like you do when I was in my 20s and pretty much went MGTOW before it was a thing because all I had seen around me were a string of failed marriages. I was 32 when I met my wife and I just knew she was the one, and yes there is a deeper love at work than just living together. When you meet that person, you will know as well.

jenilla1

Why worry about it? You don't have to get married. It's not for everyone.

I personally love it, though. For me, it's a permanent commitment that I made to my best friend/lover. We have a lot of fun and are really proud of one another. We don't have kids, so it's not for anybody else or for any kind of show for the community. It's just for us. We're coming up on 20 years soon, and it hasn't lost it's appeal. We stay married not because "we have to" but because we want to. Not being together would suck.

I think it comes down to personality types. Some personalities tend toward permanent partnerships and some don't. Why be miserable? If a marriage partnership meshes with your personality, then do it. If you're not the type, then don't do it just because you think you have to. You really don't.

vm007

LouisTamsi wrote: »

vm007 wrote: »

I get fingers pointed at -that I only ask this question because I've never been in a relationship. The "encounters" I've had were meaningless and pointless. However, tbt -I have good memories from them. Yes, there were awkward moments, rejections, drama but also joyous moments, fun the whole spectrum.

Some of them are married and happy now. I have lost touch with all of them after they got married and even with my male friends who got married our friendships waned as well and is basically limited to barbecues and what not.

I get told, you've never been in "love"- I do not understand this one. If you love someone- marrying them -isn't this selfish on both ends as in saying that we don't trust each other enough to stay together without a piece of paper saying so? -if a person is going to cheat and one thinks they can stop that behavior because of marriage isn't that delusion?

I , also get told -you are talking about all this because you aren't married yet -well DUH! isn't it good I'm thinking like this right now rather after getting married.

I don't know what age you are but it sounds like you're pretty young still. I thought like you do when I was in my 20s and pretty much went MGTOW before it was a thing because all I had seen around me were a string of failed marriages. I was 32 when I met my wife and I just knew she was the one, and yes there is a deeper love at work than just living together. When you meet that person, you will know as well.

You are correct about my age bro. However, I was ok with marriage when I was younger and now I'm a little older and now my mind has started to question the whole concept. Everyone around me has been married and I have seen zero separations around me. That's why the divide between me is harsher. Me versus myself is hardcore because of that very reason.

Also what does MGTOW mean?

vm007

btw big family reunion coming up. I will have relatives there who have been married for 30,40-50 years. They may have something to drink and then I'll pose this question. Muahhha

BrSpiritus

vm007 wrote: »

Also what does MGTOW mean?

Men Going Their Own Way, basically unplugging from marriage and sometimes women altogether. At it's best, it's a realization you have to take care of yourself before you can take care of someone else. At it's worse it's anti feminisim and a hatred of all women. For me I got tired of the lies, deceit and greed I was finding in the dating scene up in Maryland so I just opted out and figured I'd meet someone when the time was right. Just never figured she would be in the Philippines but God moves in mysterious ways.

81Katz

It felt like a good day to make a terrible decision.

jgnatca

Mom did not marry her second husband. At his death I found out why. He never divorced his first wife. Let me tell you, splitting his pension between the two wives was a pain in the tushie. For one thing mom had to provide significant documentation to prove the duration of their relationship. The Canadian military did not provide final settlement until several months after her death. Awkward. A contract would have prevented that humiliation.

Lounmoun

I don't know. I did not think deeply about it. I loved him and marriage was what you usually did at some point among our family and friends when you loved someone. I was 25 and he was 19. I was pregnant. I suppose we wanted to be a family unit.
We have been married 18 years and are happy together.
A piece of paper did not make us more in love or anything I guess. We did not have religious reasons or family pressure.

In many places in the world society is set up to value the symbol of marriage as a serious commitment/contract. There are legal benefits and rights to being married that are different from being unmarried partners where I live and probably in many places that continue to make marriage desirable.

https://www.nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia/marriage-rights-benefits-30190.html

justinewillcutyou

For everything you listed but also the legal benefits. If something happens to me and I am incapacitated, my husband knows what I want done and will make sure it’s done. Tax benefits. Ease of paperwork and what it with us sharing the same last name. I have the same last name as my children. We were together for six years, had a son and owned two homes together before we got married, at that point there was nothing really romantic about it.. it was a business transaction. The love and commitment was already there.