Why did you get married?

Options
13567…15

Replies

  • Cassandraw3
    Cassandraw3 Posts: 1,214 Member
    Options
    We had a son before we were married. Paperwork had to be filed later for him to be placed on the birth certificate because of that. Certain legal things like that become more complicated when you are together but not married. Plus, the tax benefits and health insurance savings from joining his health insurance.

    Also, for me, a little bit societal too. As a woman, I did like the idea of wearing the wedding dress and walking down the isle.
  • ssurvivor
    ssurvivor Posts: 142 Member
    Options
    nooshi713 wrote: »
    vm007 wrote: »
    nooshi713 wrote: »
    I would like to get married. I want to have that life partner and have kids

    What's stopping you from not being able to do all these things without being "married"?
    Does getting married "unlocks" some special powers or features in life? Why is being "married" a prerequisite?

    P.S- I'm not trying to offend you -i'm sorry if I come that way- I'm just asking and curious.

    I believe it would be best for children to have two parents. Also, I don't want to have kids with some random guy. I believe in the institute of marriage.

    I don't think you answered @vm007 's question. It sounds like you're simply reciting something that you've been told over the years. The institution of marriage is actually quite fluid. You don't need a legal document to have all the things you want. There are many people in committed decades long relationships who never officially married. That's why Common Law Marriage laws are still on the books.

    Maybe you needed it 50 years ago, but today, people get married and divorced almost as quickly as they change their clothes. Whose to say that the person you marry won't turn into "some random guy." A friend's husband filed for divorce when she was eight months pregnant with their second child. He moved from NYC to Seattle with his new wife and she hasn't heard from him since. Finding the right person is far more important than getting married.
  • cinnabondelights
    cinnabondelights Posts: 121 Member
    Options
    Because we were talking about it and then he proposed to me and I said yes.

    Also he was PCSing to Guam a few months after we got married.

    Will be 5 years this year. c:
  • ssurvivor
    ssurvivor Posts: 142 Member
    Options
    BrSpiritus wrote: »
    ssurvivor wrote: »
    So I can get seriously paid if he turns into a toad.

    Just kidding (mostly).

    Unless you're in Saudi Arabia, most divorce courts rule heavily in favor of women these days. I had a friend of mine and his wife cheated on him, when he found out she had him Baker Acted and after he came back she was gone. During the divorce she lied about abuse, etc and he got taken to the cleaners financially. 2 Days after the divorce was finalized he hung himself in his business. So yes, you could get paid but at what cost?

    PS - The Baker Act is a Florida thing. In short you can call the police on anyone and claim they are insane, suicidal, what have you and the police have to take the person away for psychiatric evaluation for 2 days.

    You've got quite a bit going on in your head :smile:

    Thank goodness for prenups and the fact that I'm not a narcissistic a-hole like your friend's ex-wife.
  • k8eekins
    k8eekins Posts: 2,264 Member
    edited July 2018
    Options
    vm007 wrote: »
    Hi,

    Just wondering why does one NOT get married? So why did you NOT get married? What am I not understanding? What am I missing?

    In my case, from my life experience, having never married but engaged a few times from birth (tribal) and at the age of 16 ++, I've had to learn to rise from my disappointments, for having trouble-shot facets of my relationships, I'd recognised would be cause for divorce for me - terminating what should/could have been that early on, to evade humiliation - an unsuccessful marriage.
    vm007 wrote: »
    "Life partner" - well , that one can be without married as well

    How he'd interpreted what being a life partner is, to how I invest all of myself in a life partner didn't match up. The difference between the wife and the consort can not be confused. For me - either position isn't a negative. I've been everything but the wife.
    vm007 wrote: »
    "Someone with you in thick and thin" - if you are good friends with someone it'll be same

    When the thin eventuated (even slightly) as life often does, he'd proved to not have the sturdiness to remain standing, which completely changed the tides, understandably. Not all friends stick around either, when the harshest climes do unimaginable damage, even in marriages.
    vm007 wrote: »
    "It shows how much you love someone" - really now?

    Love is respect. When the overreach exceeds the blurred lines, complicating love, why keep what is already lost to you, directed to someone else.
    vm007 wrote: »
    "For love" - umm ok- but do you really need to be married to them?

    Marriage = Commitment (holding themselves accountable to each other and their community), however it is defined within the confines of what each couple deem fitting for the starter to the evolving phases of their marital life. Additionally, the children are born protected by both parents.
    vm007 wrote: »
    "Societal" - yes that I can some what understand but people will talk for a while then they will forget and accept as it is

    Today with societal stigmas, the ideal result of being married and staying married or remarrying, has not dimmed demonised single-parenting, when other family make-ups perceived as extreme are rolling concurrently.
    vm007 wrote: »
    "Family pressure" - I think same as society- will talk for a while then shut off

    Family pressure and the Voice of Decency will favour marriage, however reality plays its cards and for some (like me), the commonsensical thing to do - is to carry on, ridding myself of expectations, open to alternative approaches to starting and building my new family.
    vm007 wrote: »
    "Kids"- Sure, but if you aren't married and have a kid out of wedlock- that doesn't mean you can't raise the child in a wholesome environment.

    Children are gifts and responsibilities, who will need parental stewardship and provisions for decades from conception. In this day and age where some are single parents, the access to balance any child's upbringing is doable through one's community - Family - Friends - Church.
    vm007 wrote: »
    "Gives meaning to life" - what does being married have to do with it?

    Marriage is about permanence akin to the > 50 meter pilings of any structure. It is about the integral facets necessitated to build one family life from the 2 stabilisers - it essentially breathes life into the build, its surety.
    vm007 wrote: »
    "Friends come and go-life partner is for life" - marriages end too

    How you stay connected determines the quality of ALL your relationships, be they family or friends. Your choice. We all know the essentials of how to maintain and how to repel. It is the very same with marriage. Either you're an all-in or you're an opt out, depending on deal-breakers, for we all have our limits. We choose to love = connect. We choose to opt out = disconnect. We should take full responsibility for how we determine our happiness (deal-makers/deal-breakers).
    vm007 wrote: »
    "To carry my legacy" - isn't this just ego and what if the child is a total screw up?

    Essentially we all have what we're comfortable acknowledging as our purpose and responsibilities, called to roles of parenting or not. Neither is wrong. Children deserve involved parental commitment 100%, for they're neither trophies or an inconvenience, even the screw-ups, have potential to do good, if given the chance, the trust and love, with the proper support system.
    vm007 wrote: »
    This is me just having a conversation with myself. There is a divide between me versus myself.
    Just wondering because one can surely have a wholesome relationship for life without being married, right? Movies and all have made "hippies" or "that culture" look bad but didn't they have it right in the first place? Some tribes did that too- one can have multiple partners and still live a happy , wholesome life.

    Yes some can manage multiple relationships and are happy. Yes, some cultures do permit what is referred to as "hall pass" liberties, only with more permanence in their marriages. Yes, other cultures do allow multiple spouses and lovers, but to be fair, not all are happy with these arrangements either. Some get terribly jealous. Some become inappropriately territorial.
  • deweese7717
    deweese7717 Posts: 43 Member
    Options
    mustacheU2Lift wrote: »
    BrSpiritus wrote: »
    ssurvivor wrote: »
    So I can get seriously paid if he turns into a toad.

    Just kidding (mostly).

    Unless you're in Saudi Arabia, most divorce courts rule heavily in favor of women these days. I had a friend of mine and his wife cheated on him, when he found out she had him Baker Acted and after he came back she was gone. During the divorce she lied about abuse, etc and he got taken to the cleaners financially. 2 Days after the divorce was finalized he hung himself in his business. So yes, you could get paid but at what cost?

    PS - The Baker Act is a Florida thing. In short you can call the police on anyone and claim they are insane, suicidal, what have you and the police have to take the person away for psychiatric evaluation for 2 days.

    Oh wow :|

    Horrible. Happens more often than talked about.
  • ChaelAZ
    ChaelAZ Posts: 2,240 Member
    Options
    Honestly, I didn’t know better at the time. What it has been wasn’t what I would want bow, but it has grown to much more. Long story really.
  • vm007
    vm007 Posts: 241 Member
    Options
    ssurvivor wrote: »
    nooshi713 wrote: »
    vm007 wrote: »
    nooshi713 wrote: »
    I would like to get married. I want to have that life partner and have kids

    What's stopping you from not being able to do all these things without being "married"?
    Does getting married "unlocks" some special powers or features in life? Why is being "married" a prerequisite?

    P.S- I'm not trying to offend you -i'm sorry if I come that way- I'm just asking and curious.

    I believe it would be best for children to have two parents. Also, I don't want to have kids with some random guy. I believe in the institute of marriage.

    I don't think you answered @vm007 's question. It sounds like you're simply reciting something that you've been told over the years. The institution of marriage is actually quite fluid. You don't need a legal document to have all the things you want. There are many people in committed decades long relationships who never officially married. That's why Common Law Marriage laws are still on the books.

    Maybe you needed it 50 years ago, but today, people get married and divorced almost as quickly as they change their clothes. Whose to say that the person you marry won't turn into "some random guy." A friend's husband filed for divorce when she was eight months pregnant with their second child. He moved from NYC to Seattle with his new wife and she hasn't heard from him since. Finding the right person is far more important than getting married.

    Thank you for posting that in a much more polite and clear manner than I did.
  • vm007
    vm007 Posts: 241 Member
    Options
    Like I've stated before- I grew up around people who have had been married for 25-50 years. My grandparents few years back celebrated their 75th year together since then my grand-dad has passed away but this is to just give an example.

    I've seen holistic relationships which include all spectrum of emotions not just the ones we see in movies. Anger, happiness, sadness, disappointment,excitement etc - but they stay together because they know love is just one of the emotion like others.

    I, meditate here and there but recently I had increased the duration and this question just popped in my head. We get to learn and realize that if you want to be happy-then you can be happy right now -if you state that "I'd be happy IF or WHEN" then happiness will always be a destination.

    Marriage is a big phase of life. Once you are in-you stay together, so I thought I'd ask fellow beings- why they got married?
  • mustacheU2Lift
    mustacheU2Lift Posts: 5,844 Member
    Options
    Trendline15 wrote: »
    Because she makes me laugh. . .

    This is amazing. I want this.
  • BrSpiritus
    BrSpiritus Posts: 190 Member
    Options
    ssurvivor wrote: »
    You've got quite a bit going on in your head :smile:
    Yes, yes I do
    ssurvivor wrote: »
    Thank goodness for prenups and the fact that I'm not a narcissistic a-hole like your friend's ex-wife.
    I'm sorry if you took it that way, wasn't accusing you of being so. Prenups are toilet paper and regularly get thrown out of court... unless you're somebody famous than flip a coin if it's honored or not.
  • BrSpiritus
    BrSpiritus Posts: 190 Member
    edited July 2018
    Options
    ssurvivor wrote: »
    I don't think you answered @vm007 's question. It sounds like you're simply reciting something that you've been told over the years. The institution of marriage is actually quite fluid. You don't need a legal document to have all the things you want. There are many people in committed decades long relationships who never officially married. That's why Common Law Marriage laws are still on the books.
    What is so wrong about what she said? I grew up in a single parent household and I'm sure @CaptainFantastic01 would agree with me, it sucks. Marriage is fluid to some degree over time but it's core remains the same, a lifelong commitment between 2 people. Common Law marriage started as a way for government to stick their oar in. Before it existed there were heavy estate taxes in England for married couples so people started getting around it by not getting married officially, enter common law marriage. England removed the law in the 1750's but America has been quite slow to catch up. Not all states have the law anymore (Florida doesn't) but most states still recognize validity existing from other states. Marriage would have been much better off if the government would have taken their nose out of it. Soon as it became a taxation thing the snowball started
    ssurvivor wrote: »
    Maybe you needed it 50 years ago, but today, people get married and divorced almost as quickly as they change their clothes. Whose to say that the person you marry won't turn into "some random guy." A friend's husband filed for divorce when she was eight months pregnant with their second child. He moved from NYC to Seattle with his new wife and she hasn't heard from him since. Finding the right person is far more important than getting married.

    I'm curious, how does that first sentence make you feel? Are you apathetic? Numb? Or do you weep for the loss of honour? Because a wedding vow is a pledge and to break them is to be a liar and have no honour. Yes the Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde guy, soon as you're married he changes. Happened with my stepfather but before my mother was married there were plenty of tells and I was begging her not to marry him. I'm sorry for your friend but I have to ask, did this guy really do a complete 180? Mr nice guy before marriage to cheating d after? Or is it more likely he was a "bad boy" to begin with that she thought she could change. Failed marriages mean failed choices and failed choices happen because the couple is interested in superficial things as their bond and reason for getting married. You know the main reason I knew my wife was the one? 2 weeks after arriving in the Philippines I got sick. I thought it was a cold but it got progressively worse and I started spiking fevers up to 105. Finally was lucid enough to go to the hospital and was diagnosed with Dengue Fever, a mosquito borne hemorrhagic fever. I was in the hospital for 2 weeks I can tell you Philippine hospitals are much different than American. It's cash only everything, you have to have a family member there because when the dr writes a scrip it's your family member that has to go to the pharmacy and pay for it then bring it to the nurses station. Anyhow, my wife stayed with me through all of that, taking care of me even though we had only met in person a couple weeks ago and had been talking online for a couple months before that. I new she was a person who would truly honour the "For better or for worse, through sickness and in health" part of the vows.
  • vm007
    vm007 Posts: 241 Member
    Options
    BrSpiritus wrote: »
    ssurvivor wrote: »
    I don't think you answered @vm007 's question. It sounds like you're simply reciting something that you've been told over the years. The institution of marriage is actually quite fluid. You don't need a legal document to have all the things you want. There are many people in committed decades long relationships who never officially married. That's why Common Law Marriage laws are still on the books.
    What is so wrong about what she said? I grew up in a single parent household and I'm sure @CaptainFantastic01 would agree with me, it sucks. Marriage is fluid to some degree over time but it's core remains the same, a lifelong commitment between 2 people. Common Law marriage started as a way for government to stick their oar in. Before it existed there were heavy estate taxes in England for married couples so people started getting around it by not getting married officially, enter common law marriage. England removed the law in the 1750's but America has been quite slow to catch up. Not all states have the law anymore (Florida doesn't) but most states still recognize validity existing from other states. Marriage would have been much better off if the government would have taken their nose out of it. Soon as it became a taxation thing the snowball started
    ssurvivor wrote: »
    Maybe you needed it 50 years ago, but today, people get married and divorced almost as quickly as they change their clothes. Whose to say that the person you marry won't turn into "some random guy." A friend's husband filed for divorce when she was eight months pregnant with their second child. He moved from NYC to Seattle with his new wife and she hasn't heard from him since. Finding the right person is far more important than getting married.

    I'm curious, how does that first sentence make you feel? Are you apathetic? Numb? Or do you weep for the loss of honour? Because a wedding vow is a pledge and to break them is to be a liar and have no honour. Yes the Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde guy, soon as you're married he changes. Happened with my stepfather but before my mother was married there were plenty of tells and I was begging her not to marry him. I'm sorry for your friend but I have to ask, did this guy really do a complete 180? Mr nice guy before marriage to cheating d after? Or is it more likely he was a "bad boy" to begin with that she thought she could change. Failed marriages mean failed choices and failed choices happen because the couple is interested in superficial things as their bond and reason for getting married. You know the main reason I knew my wife was the one? 2 weeks after arriving in the Philippines I got sick. I thought it was a cold but it got progressively worse and I started spiking fevers up to 105. Finally was lucid enough to go to the hospital and was diagnosed with Dengue Fever, a mosquito borne hemorrhagic fever. I was in the hospital for 2 weeks I can tell you Philippine hospitals are much different than American. It's cash only everything, you have to have a family member there because when the dr writes a scrip it's your family member that has to go to the pharmacy and pay for it then bring it to the nurses station. Anyhow, my wife stayed with me through all of that, taking care of me even though we had only met in person a couple weeks ago and had been talking online for a couple months before that. I new she was a person who would truly honour the "For better or for worse, through sickness and in health" part of the vows.

    So she helped you out even though you weren't married. She was a nice person irrespective of married to you or not. You are like "oh dang! before she runs away might as well get married". Basically married her because you saw how nice she is to you as a "date" -the insane benefits once you get married-and Asian countries as I've seen growing up- once you are in- you are in for life. You are like YAY! hit the jackpot. I ain't saying marrying for self serving purpose is wrong or looking out for ourselves is wrong (the old saying God helps those who helps themselves)-i'm just saying that's why you married her, right?

    Also, I'm sorry if that comes out rude or impolite -that is not my intention, maybe that @ssurvivor will fix my sentence again in a polite manner lol .

  • jgnatca
    jgnatca Posts: 14,464 Member
    Options
    Contracts remove ambiguity. If you think that you can achieve all the commitment you desire without a contract, good luck with that.

    Vows are a very old form of promise-keeping. They add security to our communities and our relationships. If you have a blood-brother, you have a better idea who your friends and who your enemies are. You can focus your efforts.

    Marriage vows, even stripped of the religious trappings, add security.

Categories